Rich People Problems

by Kevin Kwan

  Yep, you heard that right. SHOCKER NUMBER ONE: Daily Dish can now confirm that that other woman is none other than Astrid Leong Teo, the model-pretty wife of hunkalicious Singaporean Venture Capitalist Michael Teo (who I think missed his calling as a Calvin Klein underwear model) and mother to a seven-year-old boy, Cassius. Yes, Charlie and Astrid have been having a torrid, secret affair for the past five years, and in fact, SHOCKER NUMBER TWO: that incredible Tom Kundig–designed house currently under construction in Shek O that everyone thought was Leo Ming’s new private museum is actually going to be Charlie and Astrid’s love pad once they can legally shack up! (Astrid and Michael Teo are apparently headed to divorce court too.)

  The stunning seductress Astrid may be an unfamiliar name to Hong Kong readers, but she has an extraordinary backstory: According to my trusted Singapore insider, Astrid is the only daughter of Harry Leong, who officially is the chairman emeritus of the Institute of ASEAN Affairs. Unofficially, he’s one of Singapore’s most influential political power brokers who—my sources tell me—also happens to head S. K. Leong Holdings Pte Ltd, the secretive corporate behemoth that is rumored to own the Bank of Borneo, Selangor Mining, New Malaysia Post, and Palmcore Berhad, one of the world’s largest commodity traders. And that’s not all—Astrid’s mother, Felicity Young, hails from one of Singapore’s most pedigreed families. “The Youngs are in their own stratosphere. Cousins to the T’siens, the Tans, and the Shangs—they are related to practically everybody who’s anybody, and Felicity’s mother, Shang Su Yi, owns Tyersall Park, the largest private estate in Singapore,” my insider reports.

  Schooled in London and Paris, Astrid moves in the most rarefied circles and counts among her friends deposed European royals, A-list fashion designers, and celebrity artists. “How can Isabel compete with that? Izzie isn’t some filthy-rich heiress—she has an important career as a legal advocate for Hong Kong’s poor and downtrodden and is busy raising her two daughters, not jet-setting around the world, sitting in the front rows of fashion shows. No wonder she would suffer a breakdown! Of course Charlie would be swept up by the ultra-glamorous life of Astrid—he was seduced by her once before.”

  Which leads us to SHOCKER NUMBER THREE: Back in their college days, Astrid and Charlie were actually engaged, but the union was broken off by her family because the Hong Kong Wus weren’t deemed worthy enough by those snooty Singaporeans! It seems like the star-crossed lovers have never gotten over each other, which has led to this big ugly mess. Stay tuned to Daily Dish for more shockers to come!

  Astrid sank into a chair, trying to collect herself after reading the incendiary column. She was so upset, she didn’t even know where to begin. “Who sent you this?”

  “What does it matter who sent it? The news is everywhere now. Everyone knows your marriage is on the rocks, and that you are at fault!” Felicity moaned.

  “Come on, Mum. You know it wasn’t my fault. You know how careful and discreet I’ve been for the past couple of years as we’ve been working out the divorce. This article is nothing but a stream of inaccuracies and lies. When have I ever sat in the front row of any fashion shows? I’m always backstage helping out. Look, they even got Cassian’s name wrong.”

  Her mother looked at her accusingly. “So you’re denying everything? You’re not having an affair with Charlie Wu?”

  Astrid let out a deep sigh. “Not for the past five years! Charlie and I have only been together for about a year and a half—and this was after I left Michael and Charlie filed for divorce from Isabel.”

  “Then it is true! That’s why Isabel Wu would go berserk and try to attack you! You broke up her marriage…you broke up her family!” Felicity muttered through her tears.

  “Mum, Isabel Wu’s marriage to Charlie has never been a happy one. I had nothing to do with their breakup. If you want to know the truth, she has been cheating on him for many years, with numerous men—”

  “That still doesn’t give you any excuse to be Anna Karenina! You’re still being unfaithful! You’re both still married to other people under the eyes of the law and God! Goodness me, what will Bishop See think when he gets wind of all this?”

  Astrid rolled her eyes. She didn’t give a rat’s ass what Bishop See thought.

  “So now what? You’re going to move in to that ‘love pad’ with Charlie after the divorce and live in sin?”

  “That’s the other lie…it’s not our love pad. Charlie started building that house long before we ever got together. He bought the land after his first separation from Isabel—four years ago!” Astrid took in a deep breath and steeled herself—it was the time to come completely clean with her parents. “But I suppose you should know that Charlie and I do intend to get married when our divorces are finalized, and I will likely be spending more of my time in Hong Kong.”

  Felicity looked at her husband in horror, waiting for him to react. “You suppose we should know? You’re planning to get married this year and you only tell us now? I cannot believe you would actually marry Charlie after all this. Disgraceful…so disgraceful!”

  “I really don’t see what’s so disgraceful about this, Mum. Charlie and I are in love. We’ve both acted entirely honorably throughout a very difficult time. It’s just unfortunate that Isabel had another breakdown, that’s all.”

  “That breakdown! Those obscene things she said about you in front of the whole world—I have never felt so humiliated in all my life! And those poor ladies! How can I ever look the Sultan of Perawak in the face again? We almost killed his poor mother.”

  “Auntie Zarah is just fine, Mum. You saw it yourself—her hijab was so encrusted with diamonds, hardly anything got through. She was more in shock because the laksa wasn’t halal.”

  “That Charlie Wu—this is all his fault that our names are being dragged through the mud!” Felicity continued to rage.

  Astrid sighed in frustration. “I know you’ve never liked Charlie or his family—that’s why you broke us up in the first place all those years ago. But things have changed now, Mum. No one cares about their lineage and all that nonsense anymore. The Wus are no longer considered nouveau riche. They are an establishment family now.”

  “Establishment my foot! Wu Hao Lian’s father used to sell soy sauce on a bicycle!”

  “That may be how they started out, but they’ve come a long way since Charlie’s grandfather’s time. Charlie has created one of the most admired companies in the world. Look at your new phone—the screen, the casing, I’m sure at least half the components are manufactured by Wu Microsystems!”

  “I detest this phone! I never know how to use this stupid thing! I swipe and swipe and instead of making a phone call, some silly video of an Indian granny singing ‘Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star’ keeps appearing on my screen. I have to ask Lakshmi or Padme to make every damn call for me!” Felicity was seething.

  “Well, I’m sorry you still don’t know how to use your smartphone. But that has nothing to do with how the Wus are perceived these days. Look how much money Mrs. Wu gives to that church on Barker Road—”

  “Those Wus are frightfully common, and they prove it all the more by giving an obscene amount of money to that church. They think their dirty money can buy their way into heaven!”

  Astrid just shook her head. “Stop being unreasonable, Mum—”

  “Your mother is not being unreasonable,” Astrid’s father cut in, speaking up for the first time that morning. “Look at what’s happened. Until today our family was able to enjoy the privileges of total privacy and anonymity. The Leong name has never appeared in the gossip columns, much less something as silly as this…this…I don’t even know what to call this idiotic Internet thing.”

  “And you’re blaming Charlie for this?” Astrid shook her head, not seeing her father’s logic.

  “No. I am blaming you. Your actions, however unconsciously, have led to this. If you had never gotten entangled with these people, our lives would not now be under the spotlight.”

  “Come
on, Dad, you’re making a mountain out of a mole—”

  “SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND DON’T INTERRUPT ME WHEN I’M TALKING!” Harry banged his fist on the table, startling both Astrid and her mother. Neither of them could recall the last time he had raised his voice like this.

  “You have completely exposed yourself! And you have exposed and compromised your family! For more than two hundred years our business interests have never been scrutinized, but now they will be. Don’t you see how this affects you? I don’t think you truly realize how much damage has been done, not just to us but to your mother’s side. The Shangs were mentioned. Tyersall Park was mentioned. And all at the most inopportune time possible, when your grandmother is so ill. Tell me how you plan to face Uncle Alfred when he arrives this afternoon?”

  Astrid was momentarily dumbfounded. She hadn’t thought about the repercussions of this gossip site, but she finally said, “I will face Uncle Alfred myself if that’s what you want me to do. I’ll explain everything that happened.”

  “Well, you can thank your lucky stars you won’t have to. This column and this whole ridiculous website have been taken down.”

  Astrid looked at her father, momentarily surprised. “This article is really gone?”

  “Erased from the face of this planet! Although enough damage has been done—there’s no telling how many people must have read this rubbish before it was taken down.”

  “Well, hopefully the exposure will be minimal. Thanks, Dad—thank you for doing this,” Astrid muttered in relief.

  “Oh I had nothing to do with this—thank your husband.”

  “Michael had it taken down?”

  “Yes. He bought the company that owns this infernal website and put an end to all of the nonsense. It’s probably the first useful thing Michael has ever done to protect you. Which is far more than I can say for Charlie Wu!”

  Astrid sat back in her chair, feeling her face flush with anger. This was all Michael’s doing. He must have alerted her parents to this gossip column in the first place, and of course he was only too happy to alert them that he’d saved the day. Hell, he was probably Leonardo Lai’s “Singapore insider,” relishing his chance to sabotage Charlie, to sabotage her.

  * * *

  * Cathleen Kah Leong, the wife of Harry and Felicity Leong’s eldest son, Henry, takes great pride in her thrift. A partner at Singapore’s most esteemed law firm, she takes the public bus to work every day. A granddaughter of the late banking tycoon Kah Chin Kee, she uses a plastic bag from the local neighborhood gourmet grocers to transport her legal briefs when she could well afford to buy Goyard. (Not a nice Goyard leather tote bag—I mean Goyard, the company.)

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  19 WEST FOURTH STREET, NEW YORK

  Rachel was in her office suite at New York University, splitting a piece of German chocolate cake from Amy’s Bread with her suitemate, Sylvia Wong-Swartz, when her mother called.

  “Hey, Mom! How’s Panama?” Rachel answered in Mandarin. Her mother was on a Chu family reunion cruise through the Panama Canal.

  “I don’t know. I haven’t left the ship,” Kerry Chu replied.

  “You guys have been cruising for four days now and you haven’t docked once?”

  “No, no, the ship has docked but we’ve never gotten off. No one wants to leave the boat. Auntie Jin and Auntie Flora want to get their money’s worth, so they just sit and stuff their mouths at the all-you-can-eat buffet all day long, and of course Uncle Ray and Uncle Walt aren’t speaking to each other again. So they’re both at the casino, but at opposite ends. Walt is at the blackjack tables, and supposedly Ray is losing his shirt at baccarat but won’t stop playing.”

  “Well, Uncle Ray can afford it.” Rachel chuckled. She was so glad she decided to skip this family reunion.

  “Ha! Yes. You should see that wife of his! She changes outfits four times a day, and every night it’s a different ball gown and different jewelry. I don’t know where she thinks she is—this is a cruise ship, not the Oscars.”

  “Auntie Belinda is just doing what she loves, Mom.”

  “She’s trying to rub it in all our faces, that’s what she’s doing! And of course, your cousin Vivian has to ask her what she’s wearing every time, and Belinda always says something like, ‘Oh, this one I bought in Toronto at Holt Renfrew, or this is a Liberace—I bought it on sale. It was $7,500, marked down to $3,000.’ ”

  “Liberace? I don’t think he ever designed clothes, Mom.”

  “You know that Italian designer, the one that got shot in Miami.”

  “Oh, you mean Versace.”

  “Hiyah, Liberace, Versace, it’s all the same to me. If it’s not on sale at Ross Dress for Less, I don’t care what the brand is.”

  “Well, I’m sure Auntie Belinda appreciates Vivian’s attention. She’s clearly the only person on the cruise Auntie Belinda can talk to about high fashion.” Rachel took a bite from her share of the cake.

  “You and Nick should have come. All your cousins would have enjoyed spending time with you. You know this is the first holiday Vivian’s taken since Ollie was born?”

  “I would have loved to see everyone, Mom, but the dates just didn’t work with my teaching schedule. I couldn’t imagine Nick on a cruise ship, though—I think he’d jump overboard before the ship even left port.”

  “Hahaha. Your husband only likes those private yachts!”

  “No, no—you got it all wrong. He’d much rather rough it than be on some luxury cruise—I could see him on some sort of expedition frigate going to Antarctica or on a fishing boat in Nova Scotia, but not on any kind of floating palace.”

  “A fishing boat! All these rich kids who grew up with everything just want to live like they are poor. How is Nick anyway?”

  “He’s fine. But you know what, his grandmother had a heart attack last week.”

  “Oh really? Is he going to go back to Singapore?”

  “I don’t know, Mom. You know how sensitive he gets about anything having to do with his grandmother.”

  “Nick should go back. You should convince him to go back—this might be his last chance to see the old lady.”

  Rachel’s radar suddenly went off. “Wait a minute…you’ve been talking to Nick’s mom, haven’t you?”

  Kerry Chu paused for a moment too long, before saying, “Noooo. We haven’t spoken in ages.”

  “Don’t lie to me, Mom. Only Eleanor calls Nick’s grandmother the ‘old lady’!”

  “Hiyah, I can’t lie to you, you know me too well! Yes, Eleanor called. She’s called a few times now and won’t leave me alone. She thinks only you can convince Nick to go home.”

  “I can’t talk Nick into doing anything he doesn’t want to do.”

  “Did you know that Nick was supposed to inherit that house?”

  “Yes, Mom—I know. I’m the whole reason she cut him out of her will. So don’t you see I’m the last person to tell him to go back?”

  “But his grandmother only has a few weeks to live. If he plays his cards right, he could still get the house.”

  “Jesus, Mom, stop parroting Eleanor Young!”

  “Hiyah, no Eleanor! I’m speaking as your mother—I am thinking of you! Think about how this house could benefit your life.”

  “Mom, we live in New York. That house has no benefit to us except as one gigantic cleaning nightmare!”

  “I’m not suggesting you should live there. You would sell it. Think of the windfall you’d have.”

  Rachel rolled her eyes. “Mom, we’re already so fortunate compared to the rest of the planet.”

  “I know, I know. But imagine how your life could change right now if Nick inherits that house. It’s worth hundreds of millions, so I’m told. That’s like winning the Powerball lottery. This is crazy money, life-changing money, enough money so your poor mother doesn’t have to work so hard anymore.”

  “Mom—you know you could have retired years ago, but you love what you do. You’ve been the top property agent i
n Cupertino three years running.”

  “I know, but I just wanted you to think about what it would be like to have that kind of fortune at your fingertips. I want to see all the good things that you and Nick can do with that money. Like that Chinese girl who’s married to that Facebook fellow—they’ve given away billions. Think of how proud her parents must be of her!”

  Rachel looked over at Sylvia, who was leaning back in her chair precariously as she stretched to reach for the cake on the coffee table.

  “I can’t talk about this now, Mom. Sylvia’s about to fall over and break her neck.”

  “Call me back! We need to—”

  Rachel hung up on her mother just as her friend had scraped a nice bit of chocolate-and-coconut frosting off with her finger and comfortably returned to her usual seated position.

  “Way to go. Using me as an excuse to get off the phone with your mom.” Sylvia cackled as she licked her finger clean.

  Rachel smiled. “Sometimes I forget you can speak Mandarin.”

  “A lot better than you, banana girl! Sounds like she was in turbo nagging mode.”

  “Yeah, she was fixating on something and wouldn’t let it go.”

  “If she’s anything like my mom, she’s going to call you back tonight and try the guilt angle.”

  “You’re probably right. Which is why I need to see what Nick is up to for lunch.”

  —

  A few hours later, Rachel and Nick were seated at their favorite window table at Tea & Sympathy. Nicky Perry, the owner, had been by to share a funny video of Cuthbert, her bulldog, and their lunches had just been placed on the table. It was a snowy January afternoon and the windows had fogged up inside the cozy restaurant, creating an even more inviting atmosphere for Rachel to enjoy the chicken-and-leek pie in front of her.

  “This was the perfect idea. How did you know I was craving T&S for lunch?” Nick asked as he tucked into his usual English bacon, avocado, and tomato sandwich.