Rich People Problems

by Kevin Kwan

  “Mummy, what on earth are you talking about? What is a Jane? Are you confused and talking about your friend Jane Wrightsman?” Victoria asked, looking up at the IV machine to make sure her mother wasn’t being overdosed with some crazy opiate.

  “Jainism is an ancient religion that is an offshoot of Hinduism—”*3 Bishop See began to explain.

  Victoria stared at her mother in horror. “Hinduism? You can’t possibly be Hindu. My goodness, our laundry maids are Hindu! Don’t say you are a Hindu, Mummy—it would absolutely break my heart!”

  Su Yi shook her head wearily and pressed the buzzer in her right hand. Moments later, her lady’s maids entered the room. “Madri, Patravadee, please show Victoria out,” she ordered.

  “Victoria, come, we can say a prayer together outside,” the bishop urged, glancing up at Su Yi’s heart rate monitor nervously.

  “Mother, you can’t just order me out of your room like this. Your soul is in peril!” Victoria shrieked, as Alix entered the bedroom amid all the commotion.

  Su Yi glanced up at Alix pleadingly. “Please tell Victoria to leave. She is irritating me to death!”

  “All right then,” Victoria said in a quiet voice, as she turned swiftly and stormed out of the bedroom.

  Patravadee turned to Su Yi with an attentive smile. “Madame, your usual porridge this morning?”

  “Yes. And tell them to put an egg in it today,” Su Yi instructed. As soon as her lady’s maids left, Su Yi let out a long sigh.

  “She means well, Mummy,” Alix said diplomatically.

  “Why does she always have to be such a nuisance? And I can’t stand that fat little lan jiau bin*4 See Bei Sien. You know he only wants money for his cathedral building fund. Victoria writes him so many checks every month her account is always going into overdraft.”

  “Victoria may have her irritating ways, but she has a good heart. She is the most generous person out of anyone I know.”

  Su Yi smiled at Alix. “And you are always the peacemaker. Even when you were a little girl, you were always the one to heal the rifts between your sisters. Will you be sure to keep the peace after I’m gone?”

  “Of course, Mummy. But don’t worry—Prof Oon assures me your heart is improving every day. Even Malcolm said he’s so pleased with your progress.”

  “That may be the case, but I know I can’t live forever.”

  Alix didn’t know what to say. She simply busied herself by straightening her mother’s bedsheets and smoothing them out.

  “Alix, you don’t have to be afraid for me. I have no fear of death—you have no idea how many times I’ve stared it in the face. I just don’t wish to be in any pain, that’s all.”

  “Prof Oon is making sure of that,” Alix said matter-of-factly.

  “Alix, will you do me a favor? Will you call Freddie Tan and tell him to come over?”

  “Er…Freddie Tan, your lawyer?” Alix asked, unnerved by the request.

  “Yes. It’s very important that I see him as soon as possible. His number is in the address book on my dressing table.”

  “Of course. I’ll go and call him right now,” Alix said.

  Su Yi closed her eyes, attempting to relax for a moment. She was still trying to forget the look of hurt she had seen on Victoria’s face after she had snapped at her. Stupid girl! The words came echoing back to her, from a memory far back in time…

  “You stupid, stupid girl!”

  Her father had snarled angrily when Su Yi had appeared in the basement of the shop house at Telok Ayer Street. “Do you know the fortune I spent, the number of favors I had to call in, just to get you safely out of Singapore? Why are you here?”

  “Did you think I could just sit in the Taj Mahal Palace Hotel while I got news every day about all the terrible things that were happening back here? All the bombings, all the people being tortured and killed?”

  “Which is exactly why I got you out of Singapore! On the last frigate out!”

  “I didn’t know what was happening here, Pa. I got news about everyone else—Tan Kah Kee, Uncle SQ, Uncle Tsai Kuen, but there was never any news of you. When Chin Tuan came to India, he said he hadn’t heard any news about you. That’s when I thought you had been captured or maybe even killed somewhere!”

  “I told you you weren’t going to hear from me. I told you I would be fine!”

  “Fine? Look at you—hiding in a hole in the ground, dressed in rags!” Su Yi said, tears in her eyes as she looked at her father in his stained singlet and trousers full of cigar ash. She had never seen her father out of his three-piece suit before. With his head shaved and his face smeared with dirt, he looked almost unrecognizable.

  “Silly girl! Don’t you see I’m dressed like this on purpose? The only way to survive is to be invisible. I made myself look like an illiterate dockworker. The Japanese soldiers don’t even bother to spit in my direction! Now how the hell did you get back into the country without getting yourself raped or killed?”

  Su Yi gestured at the Thai silk dress she was wearing. “I crossed from India to Burma on the train, and then came down through Bangkok as part of the Thai ambassador’s entourage—I’m disguised as a lady’s maid to Princess Narisara Bhanubhakdi.”

  Shang Loong Ma let out a phlegmy laugh as he looked over his daughter. On the one hand, he was furious at her for coming back to a war-ravaged island, but on the other hand, he had to admire her resourcefulness. She knew how to be invisible too, and she had proved herself braver than her brothers. “What are we going to do with you, now that you’re back? It’s too dangerous for you to go to Tyersall Park, you know.” He sighed.

  “I’m going back to Tyersall Park whether you like it or not! I’m going to stay there and do everything I can to help anyone who is suffering and in danger.”

  Su Yi’s father scoffed. “The Japanese control everything now. Where on earth did you get such an idea that you could actually be of help?”

  “A priest told me, Pa. A young priest at the most beautiful temple on earth.”

  * * *

  *1 Actually, there are 1,444 pillars in the temple, which also boasts 29 halls and 80 domes in a 48,000-square-foot area. Built by a wealthy Jain businessman named Dharma Shah, construction of the temple began in 1446 and took more than fifty years to complete. If you are ever in Jodhpur, please do yourself a favor and head to this amazing place instead of wasting your time and money buying cashmere throws from charming merchants who claim they were “handwoven exclusively for Hermès” (or Etro, or Kenzo) “in a nearby village that employs 800 women.” They really weren’t, and Richard Gere wasn’t just there last week buying a hundred scarves either.

  *2 Cantonese for “difficult, persnickety.”

  *3 Actually, Bishop See is wrong about that. While Jains and Hindus agree on the concept of karma, the cycle of life and death, and some other aspects of emancipation, liberation, and release, they are two distinct and separate religions.

  *4 Hokkien for “dick face.”

  CHAPTER THREE

  SINGAPORE

  In all his years of working for the Young family as the head of security, Captain Vikram Ghale never had to deal with a situation quite like the one he now faced. Standing before him at the gates of Tyersall Park was Philip Young, the only son of Shang Su Yi. This was the man who had interviewed and hired him for the job thirty-two years ago, and this was the man who should have been his future boss had he not foolishly incurred his mother’s wrath two decades ago by inexplicably moving to Australia and losing his rightful inheritance of the house he had grown up in.

  Normally, Philip Young’s hunter-green Jaguar Vanden Plas would have been waved through the gates without any hesitation, but the problem was the man sitting in the front passenger seat—Nicholas Young, whom Vikram had known since he was a little boy. Until about five years ago, Nicky was his grandmother’s favorite and the presumptive heir of Tyersall Park. He was, for all intents and purposes, the young lord of the manor. But now Vikram was under the stric
test of orders not to allow entry to Nicky.

  Vikram knew he had to handle the situation as diplomatically as possible. Knowing how mercurial his mistress, Shang Su Yi, could be, there was still a chance that she could change her mind at the last minute and reinstate Nicky or Philip as heir to the estate. For heaven’s sake, Philip’s initials formed the shape of the elaborate boxwood labyrinth in the gardens, and Nicky’s bedroom was still left unoccupied and untouched—exactly as it had been the last time he stayed there. Either of these men could very soon be his boss, and he mustn’t offend.

  “I’m so sorry, Mr. Young. You must see how my hands are tied. Please don’t take this personally,” Vikram said earnestly, casting an embarrassed smile at Nick.

  “I understand. Tell me, who gave the orders?” Philip’s tone was polite, but his irritation was apparent.

  Eleanor flung the car door open and climbed out angrily. “Vikram, what is all this nonsense? Don’t tell me we can’t go in!”

  “Mrs. Young, as I was just explaining to Mr. Young, you are both more than welcome to enter. But I am under strict orders not to allow entry to Nicky. I checked again after he first arrived the other night while I was off duty. They said no, absolutely not.”

  “Who are they? Who gave you the orders? Su Yi is a living vegetable right now—she couldn’t have said a thing to you!”

  “Beg your pardon, Mrs. Young, but Mrs. Young is not a living vegetable!” Vikram sputtered.

  Nick rolled down the window. “Mum, Dad, why don’t you both just go in and I’ll—”

  “Shut up, lah!” Eleanor waved her hand in front of Nick’s face dismissively. “Vikram, how much money have you made on my stock tips over the years? Sino Land, Keppel Corp, Silverlake Axis. Hnh! I swear to God I am never going to give you a single tip again. I made you a rich man, and this is how you repay us? Mangkali kow sai!”*1

  Vikram sighed, as he tried to find a way out of this quagmire. “Why don’t I call up to the house again, and perhaps you can speak to Miss Victoria directly?”

  Philip had reached the end of his patience. “No, Vikram, I’ve had enough of this. This is my house too, and I will not take orders from my little sister! If my mother does not want to see Nicky, she can tell me herself. He won’t go into her room unless he’s asked for. But I will not have my son waiting by the gates like some sort of beggar. Call up to the house if you want to, but we are all going in.”

  Philip returned to the driver’s seat and revved the engine. Vikram stood in front of the gray wrought-iron gates with his arms crossed, as Philip inched the sedan slowly toward the gates until the front bumper was almost touching the imposing guard’s knees. The other guards stood by, not sure what to do.

  Five, four, three, two, one. Vikram counted in his head. Have I let this go on long enough? Philip was a decent fellow, and he knew he wouldn’t get in trouble with him. As far as he was concerned, there was no real security risk to letting the three of them in. It was just a family quarrel, and now that he had done his duty and put on a good show, he was going to get out of the way. He sidestepped the car in one easy stride and ordered his men, “Open the gates!”

  Philip jammed his foot on the pedal angrily and zoomed up the gravel driveway at top speed. As the road curved toward the main approach to the house, the most curious sight unfolded before them. Assembled on the front lawn were several rows of wrought-iron chairs shaded by colorful silk parasols. Most of the family members staying at Tyersall Park—Victoria Young, the Aakaras, and the Chengs—were seated watching a doubles badminton match along with a few invited guests like Bishop See Bei Sien, Rosemary T’sien, and the Thai ambassador. Behind the seats, an elaborate ice-cream bar had been set up alongside a table dominated by an immense crystal punch bowl brimming with icy fruit punch.

  Eleanor shook her head disparagingly. “So shameful! Your mother lies on her deathbed while everyone is outside having a garden party!”

  “What are they supposed to do? Kneel all day by her bedside and chant prayers?” Philip asked.

  “Well, the bishop is here! At the very least he should be inside praying for her instead of eating an ice-cream sundae.”

  “Mummy detests that man. The only reason he’s here is because Victoria is still infatuated with him. She’s been like this since their NUS*2 days.”

  “Oh my God…how come I never knew this? This explains why she’s always so bitchy toward Mrs. See.”

  “Mum, haven’t you noticed that Auntie Victoria is a bitch to anyone who doesn’t have a doctorate in divinity?” Nick chuckled.

  As the Jaguar pulled up to the circular driveway in front of the house, Nick could see Eddie Cheng and his brother, Alistair, battling it out with Uncle Taksin and Adam Aakara. Taksin, Adam, and Alistair were casually dressed in shorts and polo tees, but Eddie was dressed completely in white—from his long-sleeved white linen shirt and white linen pleated trousers to his white lace-up wing tips. Nick chuckled as he noticed that Eddie’s wife, Fiona, and their three children were also sweating away under the afternoon sun in white linen outfits with beige cashmere sweaters tied around their shoulders, no doubt at Eddie’s behest.

  As Philip, Eleanor, and Nick emerged from their car, the match came to an abrupt halt as the group assembled on the lawn stared at the new arrivals. For a moment, Nick wondered if his relatives were going to treat him differently now that he had been officially banished from Tyersall Park. His cousin Alistair dropped his racket and bounded over immediately. “So glad you’re here, man,” he said, giving Nick a big hug. Nick smiled in relief—he could always count on good ol’ Alistair.

  Following behind him came Catherine. Of the four Young sisters, she was the one who had always been closest to Nick’s father, since they were barely two years apart in age and had been sent away to boarding school in England together.

  “Gor Gor,”*3 she said warmly, giving Philip a quick peck on the cheek. “Did you just get in?”

  “Hi, Cat! I arrived earlier this morning. Is the whole family here?”

  “Just Tak, Adam, and Piya for the time being. The other boys are making plans to come down.”

  “I see it’s Thailand versus Hong Kong. What’s the score?”

  “Five to two. Advantage Thailand. Eddie suggested the match, but he’s not carrying his own weight. Alistair’s admirably trying to hold up his end, but I don’t think he realizes that Tak used to play on the Thai Olympic team.”

  “Bloody hell! No wonder he’s kicking my ass!” Alistair groaned.

  Catherine gave Eleanor a kiss before glancing over at Nick. “It’s good to see you, Nicky. Been far too long. Is Rachel not here with you? I can’t believe I still haven’t met her.”

  “No, it’s just me,” Nick said, giving his aunt a hug. Catherine looked into his eyes, wanting to say something, but Victoria marched up to their little cluster before she could continue.

  “Gor Gor.” Victoria nodded curtly at her brother while fanning herself furiously with a carved wooden fan. Then she glanced at Nick and said, “I’m afraid you can’t come into the house. Please don’t take this personally.”

  “How am I supposed to take it, then?” Nick said with a wry smile.

  Eleanor spoke up. “This is ridiculous! Why can’t Nicky go into the house? He just wants a chance to say he’s sorry to Mummy.”

  Victoria winced visibly. Even after four decades, she had never gotten used to her sister-in-law calling her mother Mummy. “Eleanor, tell me what I’m supposed to do? You of all people should know what my mother is like. I’m just following her wishes.”

  Philip looked at his sister skeptically. “Mum specifically told you she didn’t want to see Nick?”

  “Actually, she told Eddie.”

  “Eddie! My goodness! You actually believe him? Eddie has been jealous of Nicky since they were children!” Eleanor scoffed.

  Hearing his name come up among the chatter, Eddie sauntered over to the group.

  “Uncle Philip, Auntie Elle, let me be very f
rank. Three days ago, when I was with Ah Ma in her bedroom, I told her that Nicky was on his way home. I thought it would soothe her to know that he was coming to make amends, but instead she got so upset that she went into cardiac arrest. Auntie Victoria was right there when it happened. We almost lost her that day.”

  “Well, that was three days ago. I’m going up to see my mother now. She can tell me to my face if she doesn’t wish to see Nicky,” Philip insisted.

  “You’re really going to put Ah Ma’s life at risk again?” Eddie said.

  Philip stared contemptuously at his nephew, who was drenched in sweat, his clammy skin showing through in large blotches on the most unflattering areas of his white outfit. What a ridiculous boy he was, all dressed up like he was playing in a cricket match at Lord’s. He didn’t trust him for one second. “Eddie, let me worry about my mother. Perhaps you should be more concerned about your own children at the moment.”

  “What do you mean?” Eddie swung around and saw his children standing by the ice-cream bar with their cousin Jake Moncur. Constantine, Augustine, and Kalliste were happily licking away at cones topped with double scoops of ice cream, oblivious to the ice cream melting down their hands and dripping all over their white linen outfits.

  Eddie broke into a sprint toward them as he began screaming, “FI! FIONA! LOOK WHAT THE KIDS ARE DOING! I TOLD THEM NO ICE CREAM IN THEIR BRUNELLO CUCINELLI LINENS!”

  Fiona Tung-Cheng, who was huddled in conversation with Piya Aakara and Cecilia Cheng Moncur, looked up for a brief moment. She rolled her eyes and went right back to talking with the ladies.

  With Eddie urgently marching his three children off in search of Ah Ling and the head laundress, Nick took his place in the badminton game while his parents went into the house with Victoria. “She’s really not supposed to have any more visitors today,” Victoria muttered as she led Philip and Eleanor down the corridor toward Su Yi’s bedroom-cum-hospital suite.

  “I’m not a visitor—I’m her son,” Philip shot back in annoyance.