Promises, Promises

by Patricia Scanlan

  Around eleven-thirty, he reluctantly eased himself out of her arms.

  ‘I’d want to be going. I don’t want to be too late getting home.’

  ‘I wish you could stay the night.’ Ellen sighed.

  ‘I wish I could too, love.’ Chris hated getting out of the snug bed. ‘I’d better have a quick shower.’

  She watched him walk naked from the room, into the bathroom. Her body felt cold, incomplete, without him lying against her. Would it always be like this? Would she ever have him to herself and not have to worry about him going home? she wondered sadly. Once it had been she who’d had to get dressed and leave, now it was he who had to do it. Would they, could they, ever be together? Or was it a dream that could never come true? It would cause a huge scandal if he left his wife for her. Would he even consider it?

  Stop thinking like that, she thought angrily. Be content for the moment.

  She lay curled up in bed and watched him dress. He was heavier than before, thicker around the waist, with the beginnings of flab on his stomach and shoulders. His skin was pasty white and she realized with a little shock that he wasn’t as sexy in the flesh as he was in her dreams. He wasn’t lean and fit and tanned like Doug.

  Why on earth was she thinking such thoughts, she wondered irritably as she watched him knot his tie.

  ‘When will I see you again?’ How many times had she asked that question in the past?

  ‘I’ll have to wait and see how things go next week. I’ll phone you.’ Chris sat down on the bed and tied his shoelaces.

  ‘Promise,’ she said, suddenly unsure.

  ‘I promise,’ he said. ‘Ellen, I don’t want us to be parted ever again.’

  ‘I don’t either.’ They kissed and then reluctantly drew apart.

  ‘You stay in bed. I’ll switch off the lights and pull the door behind me.’ Chris tucked the quilt up around her. It made her feel cherished.

  ‘I love you,’ she said.

  ‘I love you too. See you soon.’ Chris grinned happily at her. Ellen grinned back. She was happier than she’d ever expected to be again.

  She heard him move around downstairs and then the front door closed behind him. She stretched luxuriantly in the bed. Her body smelt of him. She loved it. She knew she should go down and wash the dinner dishes, and clip the latch on the door, but she was too relaxed and comfortable. Her body tingled, her face felt prickly from beard rash. It was so long since she’d felt like this, she wanted to savour every moment. If only she could hold on to the happiness she felt. It was such a rare and joyful feeling. She could count on the fingers of one hand the times she’d felt like this. Once or twice with Chris, and once when Stephanie was born. She switched out the light and lay in the dark, remembering every precious second, until her eyes began to droop and she could stay awake no longer.

  Ellen slept like a baby.

  Suzy glanced at the luminous dial on the alarm clock beside the bed. It was nearly half-twelve. Chris must have taken his new clients to a club on Leeson Street. Right this minute he could be dancing with some sexy siren who was single and free. She hated when Chris had to take clients to dinner. It was often the early hours when he got home and, though he swore he hated having to entertain people, and that it was work, Suzy knew he enjoyed it. Grumpily she thumped her pillow just as the beam of headlights pierced the darkness of the bedroom. She heard the sound of tyres on gravel and felt guilty for thinking mean thoughts about Chris. Here she was thinking he was dancing the night away in Leeson Street and he had just arrived home. He was probably exhausted. It had been a long week.

  ‘Hello hon,’ she whispered when he slipped quietly into the bedroom. ‘Are you tired?’

  ‘I’m whacked.’ Chris yawned. ‘Thank God I got away without having to go clubbing. But at least I got the account. It’s an important one. It will bring other clients to us so I’ll probably be wining and dining clients a lot more. I’d better join a gym or something. All this eating and drinking will give me a paunch.’

  ‘Maybe we should join a gym,’ Suzy suggested. ‘It would be nice to do something together.’

  ‘Good idea.’ Chris yawned.

  He didn’t sound too enthusiastic, Suzy thought glumly. She’d have to think of something else he’d like. She liked the idea of joining a gym though. Maybe she would. At least he was home, where he belonged. With her. She could put her niggling suspicions to the back of her mind for another night.

  Chris snuggled down into bed and put his arms around Suzy. He was very pleased with himself. It was a joy to be with Ellen again. He felt alive and vigorous. The sex had been mind-blowing. She was so responsive. He smiled in the dark thinking of their lovemaking. It had been really nice talking afterwards. Ellen was a great listener. He’d call her soon and make a date for midweek. Now that he’d told Suzy about the new clients, he’d have an excuse for the odd extra night out. He wished he was still with Ellen. He couldn’t wait to see her again.

  What was Ellen Munroe doing to herself? Emma thought enviously as she watched her sister-in-law stride jauntily into Miriam’s. She was glowing. She looked as fresh as a daisy. Beside her Emma felt pale and washed-out.

  It was Saturday morning and she’d called into Miriam’s to see if she’d mind Julie Ann while she and Vincent went into town to buy some new clothes for herself now that the ones she had were getting too tight.

  Emma felt utterly depressed. She hated the fullness of her breasts and the thickening of her waist. It was so unfair. She strove hard to keep her slim figure and now she was going to look like a whale. To think that Ellen Munroe was soon going to be slimmer than she was, was the pits. She was in such bad form, she decided not to wait for the tea Miriam was making.

  ‘I’ll go, Miriam, if you don’t mind. I want to get into town before the crowds,’ she fibbed.

  ‘Are you sure? The kettle’s just boiled.’ Miriam heated the teapot.

  ‘No I’ll go. Thanks a million for looking after Julie Ann for me.’

  ‘That’s OK.’

  Was it Emma’s imagination, or was Miriam not over-enthusiastic about minding Julie Ann? She saw a glance flash between her two sisters-in-law.

  ‘I’m going, bye,’ she said curtly and marched out the door. Bugger them! No doubt they’d have a good gossip about her when she was gone. Let them. What did she care, Emma thought grumpily as she got into the car and scorched off home.

  ‘That one is something else,’ Miriam said crossly as she poured the tea. ‘Imagine arriving with Julie Ann unannounced, expecting me to look after her on a Saturday morning? Then she says she’s having tea, and then she says she’s not and she goes off in a huff. It’s a bit much!’

  ‘She’s a moody wagon, she barely said hello to me. Why didn’t you say no and make up some excuse?’ Ellen picked a corner off Miriam’s freshly baked soda scone and ate it with relish.

  ‘It’s very hard when she’s standing there. I’ve three kids of my own, I’ve loads to do,’ Miriam moaned. ‘Where’s Stephanie?’

  ‘She stayed at Mam’s for the night. I’m on my way over to collect her.’

  ‘That’s nice. I know your mother really misses her.’ Miriam sat down at the kitchen table opposite Ellen. It was nice to have a few minutes peace and quiet. The children were out playing on the swings and Ben had gone over to Swords to get a new lawnmower before he went to work a late shift.

  ‘I was going to ask you if you’d like to come out to a few garden centres in Malahide. I want to get some spring bedding, and I thought we might have a cup of coffee afterwards. I suppose we could bring the kids, now that you’re stuck with Lady Jane.’

  ‘What time were you thinking of going?’

  ‘Maybe we should go early before the crowds,’ Ellen said wickedly and Miriam laughed.

  ‘Don’t be nasty. Emma’s not well. I feel sorry for her.’

  ‘So do I. But that’s not going to change the fact that she’s a stuck-up spoilt little madam,’ Ellen declared. She yawned and put her ha
nd up to cover her mouth. Miriam noticed she was wearing a very pretty ring.

  ‘That a lovely ring.’

  Ellen’s jaw dropped and, to Miriam’s surprise, she blushed.

  ‘Ooooh,’ she teased. ‘Did Doug give it to you?’

  Ellen looked flabbergasted. ‘Doug! No. Why would Doug give me a ring?’

  ‘Well he likes you.’ Miriam looked at her in surprise. If it wasn’t Doug, who was it? Ellen hardly had the money to spend it on treats like that for herself.

  ‘We’re friends, Miriam, that’s all,’ Ellen murmured. ‘It wasn’t Doug, it was someone else.’

  ‘Who?’ Miriam was agog.

  Ellen raised her chin and stared Miriam straight in the eye. ‘It was Chris.’

  Miriam couldn’t believe her ears. She was stunned. ‘Chris Wallace?’ she stuttered.

  ‘Yeah, Chris.’

  ‘Why did he give you a ring? When did you see him?’ Miriam felt as if she’d been hit with a cold codfish. She listened as Ellen told her a saga that left her open-mouthed with shock, especially when she heard that he’d been to see her the previous night.

  ‘Did you sleep with him?’ she asked, horrified.

  ‘Yes I did, Miriam. I love him.’ Ellen was defensive.

  ‘You love him!’ Miriam exploded. She just couldn’t figure Ellen out. ‘You love him! Are you crazy, Ellen? After what he did to you? How can you let that . . . that toad back into your life? Ellen, he’s a shit!’

  ‘He loves me, Miriam. He told me he did. That’s why he came back to me. He’s always loved me,’ Ellen explained.

  Miriam looked at her in amazement. How could she be so gullible?

  ‘How can you believe those lies? He does not love you. If he loved you, Ellen, come hell or high water, he’d have been there for you when you were having Stephanie. He wouldn’t have run away like the gutless creep he is. Do you remember how you cried your eyes out over him? The pain, the misery, you felt. How many nights did you sit in this kitchen, in bits? Where was he then? He was off having a ball, that’s where he was. Where was he when Stephanie had pneumonia and you were trotting backwards and forwards to the hospital? Where was he when she cut her first tooth, walked her first step, had her first day at school? How can he have the nerve to swan back into your life after all this time when he never got in touch with you once? How can you have so little respect for yourself, Ellen?’ Miriam was so angry her voice was shaking.

  ‘You don’t understand, Miriam,’ Ellen said heatedly. ‘You don’t know what it’s like. I love him with all my heart. I don’t want to love him. I know he treated me badly. But he came back to me after all this time. That has to mean something. And maybe I’m being given a second chance. I’ve lived a very lonely life, Miriam. You’ve always had Ben. You don’t know what it’s like not having someone to share with. Don’t judge me.’

  ‘And what about his wife?’ Miriam demanded furiously. ‘While you’re having a second chance, what about her and their children? What about the vows and the commitment he made to her? Were they just words? Did they mean nothing? He doesn’t love you. He doesn’t love them. There is only one person in this universe that Chris Wallace loves, and that’s himself. And if you can’t see that you’re thick!’

  ‘It’s really none of your business, Miriam.’ Ellen jumped up, enraged.

  ‘It is my business. You’re my friend and I had to listen to you when you were breaking your heart over that bastard. Well I won’t do it again, Ellen, I’m warning you. If you want to make a mess of your life, just when everything’s going right for you, go ahead and do it. But don’t come moaning to me when that skunk does the dirty on you again. He’s only using you. And you know it. The truth always hurts. But you’re going to get it from me, whether you like it or not. And don’t forget there’s someone else you have to think about. What are you going to tell Stephanie? How are you going to explain Chris to her? You’re not a love-struck young girl any more, Ellen. You’ve got responsibilities. You’re going into this with your eyes wide open. If you’re stupid enough to want to get hurt again . . . fine. But I think it’s really selfish of you to get involved with him again when you’ve got Stephanie to think about.’ Miriam’s voice rose an octave.

  ‘Don’t worry, Miriam. You’ll be the last one I’ll come running to if I have any problems. And don’t worry about Stephanie. I’ve never let her down yet and I’m not about to now,’ Ellen snapped furiously. ‘And you needn’t worry about minding her any more. For all I know you moan about looking after her behind my back the way you moan about Julie Ann. Well, you’ll have nothing to moan about from now on. We won’t burden you with our problems for another second. And all I can say is, it must be wonderful to be perfect. I hope you never make a mistake in your life. And if you do, I hope no-one ever rubs your nose in it the way you just rubbed mine in it. So butt out of my life and mind your own bloody business.’ Ellen grabbed her jacket and banged the kitchen door behind her.

  Miriam stood in shock staring after her. She had never felt so angry in her life. If Ellen Munroe thought she was going to take her back as a friend she had another thing coming. She had stuck by Ellen through thick and thin. No-one had been a better friend than Miriam. If Ellen thought more of Chris Wallace, let her, Miriam thought furiously as she gathered up the teacups and nearly flung them into the sink.

  She’d looked after Stephanie for years. Certainly Ellen had paid her well but that wasn’t the point. What thanks had she just got . . . None.

  To hell with Ellen, she could find someone else to mind Stephanie because from now on, as far as Miriam was concerned, the friendship was over.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Ellen drove out of Miriam’s in a temper. She felt like bursting into tears. Miriam had just spoilt all the joy and happiness she’d been feeling over her reunion with Chris. She’d made it sound sordid and dirty, as if she was having some sort of sleazy affair or something.

  It was all right for Miriam to talk. She didn’t understand anything. She had Ben and she loved him and he loved her. It was a steady sort of love. She’d never had the highs and lows of a passionate tumultuous love like the love between Ellen and Chris.

  Ellen knew Chris was a shit. Miriam didn’t have to keep rubbing it in. Chris was selfish. He only thought about himself. That was the way he was. It didn’t stop Ellen from loving him. If you loved someone, you loved them faults and all. It wasn’t much of a love otherwise, she thought angrily as she drove at speed along the winding road.

  She pulled in by the gate at Blackbird’s Field to calm herself down before she went to her mother’s to collect Stephanie. She bitterly regretted calling into Miriam’s. What had hurt the most was the way Miriam talked about Ellen’s responsibility to Stephanie. It was almost as if she was saying that Ellen wasn’t a good mother. What did she think she was going to do, make love to Chris in front of Stephanie? Her daughter was her number one priority and always had been. That wasn’t going to change, it was mean of Miriam to suggest otherwise. She glanced down at her treasured ring. Should she take it off in case Sheila noticed it?

  Why couldn’t Chris have realized years ago that she was the woman he wanted? Then she could have worn his ring with pride. They could have married and been very happy. Now it was complicated. She had to be secretive and that was horrible.

  Reluctantly she slid her ring into her pocket and started up the car. What had started out as a wonderful day had been well and truly spoilt.

  ‘If I have to go in to you pair once more I’ll wallop you,’ Miriam shouted at Connie and Rebecca who were arguing loudly in their bedroom. It was ten p.m. and they still hadn’t gone asleep. She set a place for Ben at the table. He’d be home from work soon. She’d made macaroni cheese for his supper. It was in the oven. She always cooked him a light meal when he came off late shift.

  She went in to the sitting-room and tried to concentrate on The Late Late Show but her mind kept reliving the argument with Ellen. It was the first time they�
��d ever had a row. And to have it over that selfish, two-faced, womanizing rat was sickening.

  ‘Butt out of my life,’ Ellen had said. That was very hurtful, Miriam thought resentfully. If it wasn’t for her, Ellen might have had to give up work. She’d been a really good friend to her. That was why she’d said what she said, to try and make Ellen see sense. She should have known better. Ellen was obsessed by Chris Wallace.

  She heard Ben’s car in the drive and went out to put the kettle on.

  ‘Hiya, Miri.’ Ben gave her a hug and a kiss when he walked into the kitchen. She clung tightly to him.

  ‘Hey, what’s wrong?’ He looked at her in concern.

  Miriam burst into tears. ‘I had a row with Ellen.’

  ‘Why?’ Ben was mystified.

  Miriam poured out the whole sorry story.

  Ben looked grim. ‘She’s nuts. She’ll never have a minute’s happiness with him. He’ll use her and keep her dangling. I’d like to break his neck.’

  ‘What are you going to say to her?’ Miriam wiped her eyes.

  Ben was silent for a while. Then he said, ‘What can I say? She’s a grown woman, Miriam. She knows her own mind. She has to live her own life. If I start interfering, there’ll only be a worse row. I don’t want that. I don’t want bad feeling between the children. You know the way these things escalate.’

  ‘She said she’s going to get someone else to mind Stephanie.’

  ‘Who is she going to get? Mam!’ Ben scoffed. ‘She’ll be back when she’s cooled down. The two of you said things in the heat of the moment. Ellen needs you.’

  ‘Well she can bloody well apologize to me,’ Miriam said crossly as she began to serve up the supper.

  Ben threw his eyes up to heaven. Ellen was a fool. And now she and Miriam were fighting. That was a fine thing to hear when you came home from work, tired and hungry. Women! He’d never figure them out. He was staying out of it. Let the pair of them sort it out between them.

  It was Sunday evening, Chris hadn’t phoned and Ellen was so down in the dumps she felt like crying. Hadn’t Friday night meant anything to him? Surely he could have managed a quick phone call just to say hello and to let her know that he was thinking of her.