Expedition to the Mountains of the Moon bas-3

by Mark Hodder

  “Weak, but improving, and the ophthalmia has cleared up. I was halfblind when I regained consciousness in the hospital. That confounded ailment has plagued me on and off ever since India.”

  “You were in India?”

  Baker frowned and rubbed his chin. “I don't know. That just popped into my head. Yes, I feel I may have been.”

  “India, by crikey! You should have stayed there. It might turn out to be the last bastion of civilisation on the whole bloody planet! Is that where you joined the Corps?”

  “I suppose so.”

  There came a distant boom, then another, and another. The ground shook. The journalist glanced at the ceiling.

  “Artillery. Peashooters. Firing from the outskirts of Dar es Salaam.”

  Baker muttered to himself, “Derived from bandar es-salaam, I should think. Ironic. It means harbour of peace.” Aloud, he said: “The landscape and climate feel familiar to me. Are we south of Zanzibar? Is there a village in the area called Mzizima?”

  “Hah! Mzizima and Dar es Salaam are one and the same, Baker! Incredible, isn't it, that the death of the British Empire had its origins in such an insignificant little place, and now we're back here.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “It's generally believed that this is where the Great War began. Have you forgotten even that?”

  “Yes, I fear I have. It began in Mzizima? How is that possible? As you say, it's an insignificant little place!”

  “So you recall what Dar es Salaam used to be, at least?”

  “I remember that it was once nothing more than a huddle of beehive huts.”

  “Quite so. But that huddle was visited by a group of German surveyors a little over fifty years ago. No one knows why they came, or what occurred, but for some reason, fighting broke out between them and Al-Manat.”

  “The pre-Islamic goddess of fate?”

  “Is she, by gum! Not the same one, old chap. Al-Manat was the leader of a band of female guerrilla fighters. It's rumoured she was British but her true identity is shrouded in mystery. She's one of history's great enigmas. Anyway, the fighting escalated, Britain and Germany both sent more troops here, and Mzizima became the German East Africa Company's stronghold. The Schutztruppe-the Protection Force-formed there some forty years ago and rapidly expanded the settlement. It was renamed Dar es Salaam and the place has been thriving ever since. A situation our lads will reverse this weekend.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, my friend, that on Saturday, HMA Pegasus and HMA Astraea are going to bomb the city to smithereens.”

  More explosions thumped outside. They were increasing in frequency. Everything shook. Baker glanced around nervously.

  “Green peas,” his companion noted.

  “You can tell just from the noise?”

  “Yes. Straightforward impact strikes, like big cannonballs. The yellow variety explode when they hit and send poisonous shrapnel flying everywhere. They annihilated millions of our lads in Europe, but, fortunately, the plants don't thrive in Africa.”

  Baker's fingers were gripping the edge of the table. The other man noticed, and reassured him: “We'll be all right. They take an age to get the range. Plus, of course, we're noncombatants, which means we're permitted to shelter in here, unlike the enlisted men. We'll be safe unless one of the blighters lands right on top of us, and the chances of that happening are very slim indeed.”

  He got the kettle going and they sat wordlessly, listening to the barrage until the water boiled, then he spooned tea leaves into a metal pot and grumbled, “Rations are low.”

  Baker noticed that his companion kept glancing back at him. He felt an inexplicable urge to duck out of the light, but there was no refuge from it. He looked on helplessly as the other man's face suddenly displayed a range of emotions in sequence: curiosity, perplexity, realisation, incredulity, shock.

  The smaller man remained silent until the tea had brewed, then filled two tin mugs, added milk and sugar, handed one to Baker, sat down, blew the steam from his drink, and, raising his voice above the sound of pounding shells, asked: “I say, old chap, when did you last shave?”

  Baker sighed. He murmured, “I wish I had a cigar,” put a hand into his pocket, and pulled out the poppy. He stared at it and said, absently, “What?”

  “Your most recent shave. When was it?”

  “I don't know. Maybe three days ago? Why do you ask?”

  “Because, my dear fellow, that stubble entirely ruins your disguise. Once bearded or moustachioed, your features become instantly recognisable. They are every bit as forceful as reported, every bit as ruthless and masterful! By golly, those sullen eyes! That iron jaw! The savage scar on your cheek!”

  Baker snapped, “What the devil are you blathering about?”

  “I'm talking of the completely impossible and utterly incredible-but also of the perfectly obvious and indisputable!” The journalist grinned. He had to shout now-the barrage was battering violently at their ears. “Come come! I'll brook no denial, sir! I'm no fool. It's out of the question that you could be anyone else, even though it makes no sense at all that you are who you are.”

  Baker glowered at him.

  The other shouted, “Perhaps you'd care to explain? I assure you, I'm unusually open-minded, and I can keep a secret, if you want to impose that as a condition. My editor would never believe me anyway.”

  There was a detonation just outside. The room jerked. The tea slopped. Baker started, recovered himself, and said loudly, “I really don't know what you're talking about.”

  “Then allow me to make it clear. Frank Baker is most assuredly not your name.”

  “Isn't it?”

  “Ha-ha! So you admit that you may not be who you say you are?”

  “The name occurred to me when I was asked, but I'm by no means certain that it's correct.”

  Baker flinched as another impact rocked the room.

  “Fair enough,” the journalist shouted. “Well then, let us make proper introductions. I was presented to you as Mr. Wells. Drop it. No need for such formality. My name is Herbert. Herbert George. War Correspondent for the Tabora Times. Most people call me Bertie, so please feel free to do the same. And, believe me, I am both astonished and very happy to meet you.” He held out his hand and it was duly clasped and shaken. “Really, don't worry about the shelling, we are much safer in here than it feels. The Hun artillery is trying for the support trenches rather than the front line. They'll gain more by destroying our supplies than by knocking off a few of the Askaris.”

  Baker gave a curt nod. His mouth worked silently for a moment. He kept glancing at the poppy in his hand, then he cleared his throat and said, “You know me, then? My actual name?”

  “Yes, I know you,” Wells replied. “I've read the biographies. I've seen the photographs. I know all about you. You are Sir Richard Francis Burton, the famous explorer and scholar. I cannot be mistaken.” He took a sip of his tea. “It makes no sense, though.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because, my dear fellow, you appear to be in your mid-forties, this is 1914, and I happen to know that you died of old age in 1890!”

  Baker-Burton-shook his head. “Then I can't be who you think I am,” he said, “for I'm neither old nor dead.”

  At which point, with a terrible blast, the world came to an end.

  The world came to an end for Thomas Bendyshe on New Year's Day, 1863. He was dressed as the Grim Reaper when he died. A committed and outspoken atheist, his final words were: “Oh God! Oh, sweet Jesus! Please, Mary mother of God, save me!”

  His fellow members of the Cannibal Club later blamed this uncharacteristic outburst on the fact that strychnine poisoning is an extremely painful way to go.

  They were gathered at Fryston-Richard Monckton Milnes's Yorkshire manor house-for a combined New Year and farewell fancy dress party. The farewell wasn't intended for Bendyshe-his demise was utterly unforeseen-but for Sir Richard Francis Burton and his expediti
on, which was leaving en route for Africa later in the week.

  Fryston, which dated from the Elizabethan Age, lacked a ballroom but behind its stone-mullioned windows there were many spacious oak-panelled chambers, warmed by inglenook fireplaces, and these were filled with costumed guests. They included the Pre-Raphaelite artists, leading Technologists, authors and poets and actors, government ministers, Scotland Yard officials, and members of the Royal Geographical Society. A number of high-ranking officers from His Majesty's Airship Orpheus were in attendance, and among the female notables were Miss Isabella Mayson, Sister Sadhvi Raghavendra, Mrs. Iris Angell, and the famous Eugenicist-now Geneticist-Nurse Florence Nightingale, making for a very well-attended soiree, such as Monckton Milnes was famous for.

  In the smoking room, Bendyshe, in a black hooded cloak and a skull mask, spent the minutes leading up to his death happily pranking the Greek god Apollo. The diminutive flame-haired Olympian, actually the poet Algernon Charles Swinburne, dressed in a toga, with a laurel wreath upon his head and the gold-tipped arrow of Eros pushed through his waistband, was standing near a bay window with the Persian King Shahryar, Oliver Cromwell, Harlequin, and a cavalier; otherwise Sir Richard Francis Burton, the Secretary for War Sir George Cornewall Lewis, Monckton Milnes, and the Technologist captain of the Orpheus, Nathaniel Lawless.

  Swinburne had just received a full glass of brandy from a passing waiter, who, like all the staff, was dressed in a Venetian Medico Della Peste costume, complete with its long-beaked bird mask. The poet took a gulp, placed the glass on an occasional table at his side, and turned back to Captain Lawless, saying: “But isn't it rather a large crew? I was under the impression that rotorships are flown by seven or eight, not-how many?”

  “Counting myself,” the captain replied, “there are twenty-six, and that's not even a full complement.”

  “My hat! How on earth do you keep yourselves occupied?”

  Lawless laughed, his pale-grey eyes twinkling, his straight teeth whiter even than his snowy, tightly clipped beard. “I don't think you've quite grasped the size of the Orpheus,” he said. “She's Mr. Brunel's biggest flying machine. A veritable titan. When you see her tomorrow, I'll wager she'll take your breath away.”

  The Technologist Daniel Gooch joined the group. As always, he was wearing a harness from which two extra mechanical arms extended. Swinburne had already expressed the opinion that the engineer should have outfitted himself as a giant insect. As a matter of fact, though, Gooch was dressed as a Russian Cossack. He said, “She's magnificent, Mr. Swinburne. Luxurious, too. Designed for passenger cruises. She'll carry the expedition, the supplies, and both your vehicles, with plenty of room to spare.”

  Bendyshe, standing just behind the poet, with his back to him and conversing with Charles Bradlaugh-who was done up as Dick Turpin-surreptitiously took the brandy glass from the table. He slipped it beneath his mask, drained it in a single gulp, put it back, and winked at Bradlaugh through his mask's right eye socket.

  “Are all the crew positions filled, Captain?” Burton asked. “I hear you had some problems.”

  Lawless nodded. “The two funnel scrubbers supplied to us by the League of Chimney Sweeps proved rather too young and undisciplined for the job. They were playing silly beggars in the ventilation pipes and caused some considerable damage. I dismissed them at once.” He addressed Gooch, who was serving as chief engineer aboard the vessel: “I understand the replacements will join us at Battersea?”

  “Yes, sir, and they'll bring with them a new length of pipe from the League.” One of his mechanical hands dipped into his jacket pocket and withdrew a notebook. He consulted it and said, “Their names are William Cornish and Tobias Threadneedle.”

  “Nippers?”

  “Cornish is a youngster, sir. Apparently Mr. Threadneedle is considerably older, though I expect he'll prove childishly small in stature, like all his kind.”

  Unable to stop himself, Gooch glanced down at Swinburne, who poked out his tongue in response.

  “A master sweep, no doubt,” Burton offered. “I believe the Beetle is attempting to incorporate their Brotherhood into the League.” He paused, then said, “Where have I heard the name William Cornish before?”

  “From me,” Swinburne answered, in his high, piping voice. “I know him. And a fine young scamp he is, too, though rather too eager to spend his evenings setting traps in graveyards in the hope of catching a resurrectionist or two!” He reached for his glass, raised it to his lips, started, looked at it ruefully, and muttered, “Blast!” He signalled to a waiter.

  “Resurrectionists? The Beetle? Pipes? What in heaven's name are we talking about?” Cornewall Lewis exclaimed.

  Burton answered, “The Beetle is the rather mysterious head of the sweeps' organisation. A boy. Very intelligent and well read. He lives in a factory chimney.”

  “Good Lord!”

  Swinburne took another glass of brandy from the waiter, sipped it, and placed it on the table.

  “I never met the Beetle,” he said, “but I worked with Willy Cornish when I served under a master sweep named Vincent Sneed during Richard's investigation of the Spring Heeled Jack affair. Sneed was a vicious big-nosed lout whom I had the misfortune to bump into again during last summer's riots. I knocked the wind out of the swine.”

  “You fell on top of him,” Burton corrected.

  Unseen, Bendyshe took the poet's glass, swallowed almost all of its contents, and slid it back into position.

  Bradlaugh whispered to him, “Are you sure that's wise, old man? You'll end up sloshed if you're not careful!”

  “Nonshence,” Bendyshe slurred. “I'm jober as a sudge.”

  Monckton Milnes turned to Lawless. “What exactly does a funnel scrubber do?”

  “Normally, he'll be based at a landing field,” the aeronaut answered, “and is responsible for keeping a ship's smoke and steam outlets clean and free of obstruction. However, in the bigger vessels, which fly at a higher altitude, extensive internal pipe systems circulate warm air to ensure that a comfortable temperature is maintained in every cabin. The pipes are wide enough for a nipper to crawl through, and it's a funnel scrubber's job to do just that, cleaning out the dust and moisture that accrues.”

  “That sounds like dashed hot and uncomfortable work!”

  “Indeed. But not compared to cleaning chimneys.” Lawless addressed Swinburne: “As you obviously know from personal experience, sweeps lead a dreadful existence. Those that get work as funnel scrubbers are considered the fortunate few.”

  “I hardly think that such a promotion completely justifies the word ‘fortunate,’” put in Burton. “Funnel scrubbers are still emotionally and physically scarred by their years of poverty and brutality. The Beetle does what he can to protect his lads but he can't change the social order. To improve the lives of sweeps, we'd need to instigate a fundamental shift in the way wealth is distributed. We'd have to raise the masses out of the sucking quagmire of poverty into which the Empire's foundations are sunk.”

  He looked at Cornewall Lewis, who shrugged and stated, “I'm the secretary for war, Sir Richard. My job is to protect the Empire, not right its wrongs.”

  “Protect it, or expand it, along with its iniquities, sir?”

  Monckton Milnes cleared his throat. “Now, now, Richard,” he said, softly. “This isn't really the occasion, is it?”

  Burton bit his lip and nodded. “My apologies, Sir George-I spoke out of turn. I've been rather sensitive to such matters since the Tichborne riots.”

  Cornewall Lewis opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by Swinburne, who suddenly screeched: “What? What? Has the world gone giddy? How can I possibly be guzzling my drinks at this rate? I swear I've barely tasted a drop!”

  Burton frowned down at his assistant. “Algy, please remember that you are Apollo, not Dionysus,” he advised. “Try to regulate your imbibing.”

  “Regulate? Regulate? What in blue blazes are you jabbering about, Richard? Nobody drinks
more regularly than me!”

  The poet gazed at his empty glass with an expression of bemusement, then signalled to another waiter. Behind him, Bendyshe and Bradlaugh smothered their chuckles.

  “Anyway,” said Gooch, “when the nippers arrive, the crew will be complete.” He produced a slip of paper from between the pages of his notebook. “I have the complete roster here, sir.”

  Lawless took the note, read it through, and nodded his approval.

  “May I see that, Captain?” Burton asked.

  “Certainly.”

  The king's agent took the list and scrutinised it. He read:

  Commanding Officer: Captain Nathaniel Lawless

  First Officer: William Samuel Henson

  Second Officer: Wordsworth Pryce

  Helmsman: Francis H. Wenham

  Assistant Helmsman: Walter D'Aubigny

  Navigator: Cedric Playfair

  Meteorologist: Arthur Bingham

  Chief Engineer: Daniel Gooch

  Engineer: Harold Bloodmann

  Engineer: Charles Henderson

  Engineer: Cyril Goodenough

  Engineer: James Bolling

  Chief Rigger: Gordon Champion

  Rigger: Alexander Priestley

  Rigger: Winford Doe

  Fireman: Walter Gerrard

  Fireman: Peter Etheridge

  Stoker: Thomas Beadle

  Stoker: Gwyn Reece-Jones

  Funnel Scrubber: Ronald Welbergen William Cornish

  Funnel Scrubber: Michael Drake Tobias Threadneedle

  Steward/Surgeon: Doctor Barnaby Quaint

  Assistant Steward/Surgeon: Sister Sadhvi Raghavendra

  Quartermaster: Frederick Butler

  Assistant Quartermaster: Isabella Mayson

  Cabin Boy: Oscar Wilde

  “I trust Quips is living up to my recommendation?” Burton asked the captain.

  “Quips?”

  “Young Master Wilde.”

  “Ah. An appropriate nickname-he's a very witty young man. How old is he? Twelve-ish?”