Kaleidoscope

by Ashley, Kristen

  She didn’t look speculative or angry. She was calmly sipping coffee.

  “I am too,” I agreed.

  She stopped sipping coffee and gave me a genuine smile then said, “Let’s just pray we keep that good fortune and don’t have snow while we’re here. Not real fond of the white stuff.”

  “Forecast is good for that,” I shared.

  She smiled again then took another sip of coffee.

  Everyone fell silent.

  It was not comfortable. What it was was surprising. This was because it was the kind of thing Jacob would normally forge into in order to make everyone comfortable, including, and maybe especially, me.

  I hadn’t been nervous about meeting the Deckers.

  Now, because I’d been an idiot, I was.

  Stupidly, I decided to break the silence.

  “Have you all had lunch?”

  “We’ve been waitin’ for you,” Rich informed me then his eyes lifted to his son. “Starved, boy.”

  At his words, I quickly jumped away from Jacob, headed to the fridge and announced, “Right. Lunch is my domain. I’m killer with cold cuts and Jacob’s always stocked up. He’ll have everything. I’ll take orders.”

  “Lunch is your domain?” Rich asked.

  I stopped with hand on the handle of the fridge and looked at him. “Jacob is a master with things that require pots, pans and broiling, so he gets dinner. I’ve got a mean hand with a spreader so I get cold cuts.”

  “Can’t you cook?” Rich asked.

  “Dad,” Jacob murmured.

  “Uh… yes, I can. It’s just that Jacob is better at it,” I told him.

  Although I thought this was a compliment to his son, it was clear by the look on Rich’s face this was not the right answer, seeing as his jaw got hard and his eyes went to his coffee mug on the counter.

  “Actually, if we’re just having sandwiches,” Karla waded in, moving toward me, “I can take care of that.” She caught my eyes. “Since you’ve been working on your house all morning, and all. I wouldn’t know but my guess is, that’s exhausting.”

  “And you’ve spent your morning journeying from southern California,” I reminded her. “I’m fine, Karla, I can make lunch.”

  “How ’bout someone slaps some meat between some bread so we can all eat?” Rich suggested, giving the impression sandwiches was not his chosen lunch but at this point he’d take what he could get.

  “Dad,” Jacob repeated but this wasn’t a murmur. It was a growl.

  One could say things were not going smoothly.

  Karla got close and said softly, “We’ll work together. Get these men fed.”

  I gave her a relieved smile and replied, “Good idea.”

  I pulled out the stuff from the fridge. Karla pulled out chips from the cupboards. And when I was at the counter, I chanced a look at Jacob.

  He was studying me but he seemed lost in thought. When he felt my eyes on him, he focused and I gave him a nervous smile.

  Then I mouthed, I’m so sorry.

  He watched my mouth then looked into my eyes.

  Finally, I watched the skin around his eyes go soft and his lips tip up. Better, he moved to me, leaned in and touched his mouth to mine.

  When he pulled back an inch, he murmured, “It’s all cool, baby. Yeah?”

  I nodded.

  He lifted a hand to my neck, swept his thumb along my jaw and moved away.

  I took in a breath, let it out and caught sight of Rich when I was looking to the packs of deli meats on the counter.

  His eyes were on me and they were still speculative. The good news was, now they didn’t seem annoyed. Just thoughtful.

  I tried another smile.

  It took him a second, but he smiled back.

  The problem was it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

  * * *

  Eight hours later…

  Sitting next to Jacob and opposite his parents on Jacob’s couches in the great room, Jacob tried to curl me into him with an arm around my shoulders.

  He failed because I stiffened.

  Therefore Jacob stiffened.

  Suffice it to say, the day had not gone great.

  Lunch seemed to appease his father and we hit a happy spell that made me somewhat relax.

  Things degenerated when we sat down at Jacob’s table for a game of euchre, boys against girls. This was when I discovered that Rich was highly competitive even though neither Jacob, Karla nor I were.

  Competitive people always rubbed me the wrong way and I usually extricated myself from those situations.

  This one, I had no hope of extricating myself from, so I did my best to ignore it.

  It was difficult when Rich questioned nearly every card I threw even though I wasn’t his partner, finishing the fifth game they won (and thankfully the last game we played) by saying, “Thank Christ we didn’t switch it up, boy girl, boy girl.”

  His meaning was not lost on me.

  It was also not lost on Jacob.

  The good news was, at that, if Jacob was still upset with me for being late, he no longer was.

  The bad news was, he no longer was upset with me because he was all kinds of pissed at his dad.

  I knew this when he said, “Dad, got something to show you out back,” in a way that meant his father was going to go with him or Jacob was going to haul him there.

  Rich gave a look to his wife who was also looking at him like he was not her favorite person. Then he followed his son.

  When they got back, we slid into a somewhat comfortable spell, which was broken when we went to Rosalinda’s for dinner and conversation turned to our current president.

  Like his son, Rich and I didn’t see eye to eye in regard to the man who held that office.

  Unlike his son, it wasn’t fun debating it with him. This led to me getting more and more uncomfortable, Rich pushing more and more to force me to explain my clearly idiotic opinion (according to him) and me trying harder and harder to extricate myself from the discussion.

  Jacob was my wingman in that one. He didn’t agree with my opinion, but he did try in a polite way to move the conversation to a lighter tone.

  His father was having none of it.

  Therefore, Jacob started to get pissed. I saw it, felt it, and at one point, when a low, short rumble slid from his throat, heard it.

  I wasn’t pissed.

  I was freaked.

  The day was an utter disaster (partially due to me) and Jacob’s father totally hated me.

  It was Karla who cut into that by catching her husband’s eyes, stating quietly but firmly, “Enough, Richard,” then looking at me and just as firmly changing the subject.

  We had not recovered from that and were back at Jacob’s, his dad, Jacob and me enjoying a glass of Jacob’s beer, his mom finishing the night with a glass of wine.

  This was the only thing anyone enjoyed. Conversation was stilted and I was a nervous wreck.

  I caught Rich’s eyes narrowed on me stiffening away from his son, but fortunately, right after, he stood and announced, “Time for some shuteye.”

  I couldn’t tamp down a relieved sigh.

  I’d not finished sighing before I heard Jacob make an irritated noise low in his throat which told me he heard my exhalation, knew it was relieved and didn’t like it all that much.

  In order to cover, I popped up and pinned the three thousandth fake bright smile I’d affected on my face that day and lied, “Today has been great.” I didn’t lie when I went on to say, “I hope you sleep well.”

  “We will, honey,” Karla murmured, giving me a warm look, giving her husband a cold one, doing all this while getting up from the couch.

  Good nights were exchanged. Jacob got a hug from his mom. I got a cheek touch. Jacob got a slap on the arm from his dad. I got a distracted chin lift he threw my way when he was almost in the mouth to the hall.

  They disappeared.

  I closed my eyes.

  “Babe.”

  At J
acob’s call, I opened my eyes and announced in a quiet voice, “Time for me to be getting home.”

  It was then Jacob’s eyes narrowed.

  Not a good sign.

  Apparently, my bad day was not yet over.

  “What?” he asked.

  “I should get home. Like, now.” Then I added for effect, “I’m super tired.”

  “You’re sleepin’ here,” he stated, and I shook my head.

  “I think maybe your folks will want to have an Emme Free Zone when they get up in the morning.”

  He got closer and dipped his chin to hold my eyes. “Emme, you’re sleepin’ here.”

  I lifted my hand and put it on his chest, leaning into him.

  “It’s also important to me that they don’t think I’m a floozy.”

  Jacob’s head jerked even as he did a slow blink.

  Then he informed me, “They came into the twenty-first century right along with us, Emme. And I haven’t discussed it with either of them, hope to God I never will, but I still reckon they know I’m not a virgin.”

  That was funny so I smiled up at him, leaning in further.

  “Today hasn’t been good, honey,” I pointed out quietly. “My fault, but also, I think maybe they need some quality time with their son.”

  “They’ll get it and get it with their son’s woman.”

  “Ja—”

  He interrupted me to declare, “Haven’t slept apart since that first night we got together. Not startin’ now.”

  I liked that that meant something to him and wanted to keep our roll going, just as much as it kind of freaked me out.

  But no way I was staying.

  “Okay, let me rephrase,” I began. “Today hasn’t been good for me. Your dad isn’t my biggest fan and—”

  He cut me off. “He’ll come around.”

  I felt my eyes get big and I leaned closer. “Jacob, he was totally pissed I was late. He didn’t get over it all day and let me know it.”

  I said that but what I didn’t say was that, even though it was rude to be late, it wasn’t like I breezed in having forgotten them because I was at home inserting razor blades into Easter candy I’d pass out at church to all Gnaw Bones’ children.

  I’d screwed up and people did that.

  I also apologized.

  Which meant his dad didn’t like me but I also was not a big fan of his dad.

  “Last woman I got serious about was Elsbeth,” he remarked.

  I shut my mouth and leaned a bit away.

  Jacob lifted a hand to curl around the side of my neck and he brought me back, dipping his face even closer.

  “You know how that ended. So do they,” he finished.

  “It’s been nine years and I’m not Elsbeth,” I replied.

  “I been hung up on her for nine years and you’re not Elsbeth but you knew her. You know she was notoriously late for every-fuckin’-thing. He probably got a flashback and if you wouldn’t pull away or act like my touch burns every time I get close, he’d get over it.”

  “I didn’t pull away or act like your touch burns,” I returned.

  “Babe,” he stated and said not another word but his mouth got tight after he was finished uttering it.

  Then again, for once, “babe” said it all. Jittery and freaking out, I did just that and we both knew it. Therefore I couldn’t argue that point.

  “Okay, how about this?” I asked. “I want to go home because I need a break. I need to regroup and maybe you can bring them around tomorrow for a tour of my house and I’ll try again.”

  “How about this?” Jacob responded immediately. “You sleep where you belong, beside me, and we all go over there tomorrow so you can give them a tour after lunch.”

  “Honey, can’t you understand where I’m coming from?” I pleaded.

  “Baby, I could if you hadn’t fuckin’ forgotten my fuckin’ parents were comin’ to town. Somethin’ you’ve known for weeks. Somethin’ we made concrete plans about days ago. Somethin’ you gotta know means somethin’ to all involved. Then you show and act not you, which, since we’re havin’ this conversation, I’ll point out, you been actin’ not you for a while.”

  I blinked at his words, not to mention his sneak attack, and pulled at his hand at my neck.

  It tightened so I stopped pulling and asked, “What?”

  “Since Faye had the baby, you’ve been off.”

  “I have not,” I replied. “I’ve been me. And, by the way, I acted not me today because Rich put me on edge.”

  He ignored my second statement and returned to his earlier theme.

  “You miss my calls, when you never missed my calls. You call back hours later, but only if I leave a message. You never call me, which you used to do just because. And you’re comin’ to my place later and later, or textin’ me to ask me to show at yours later and later ’cause you supposedly have shit to do.”

  “I’m one man down at the yard and in the middle of hiring a temporary replacement who actually won’t be a temporary replacement once Dane goes down, so he has to be the right guy for the job,” I reminded him.

  “You shiftin’ lumber?” he asked.

  “No,” I answered.

  “Then you gotta put an ad in the paper and sift through applications, Emme. It isn’t like you’re out in the yard workin’ shoulder to shoulder with your boys.”

  I felt my back get straight and my eyes get squinty. “You don’t know all the ins and outs of my job, honey.”

  “I know hirin’ one guy doesn’t take five extra hours of your day, babe.”

  “I didn’t say it was taking five extra hours,” I shot back.

  “Then why are you suddenly unavailable pretty much all fuckin’ day?” he asked. “Unavailable when before I always got you.”

  “We’re settling in, Jacob. Before, what we have was just starting. Fresh. New. Now it’s a part of life.”

  “Emmanuelle, we been seein’ each other not even two months. It’s still just starting. And, babe, just sayin’, that just starting feeling is the best one to have so maybe we might want to hold onto that for as long as we can.”

  “I have a life, Jacob. I have to live it and fit us in it.”

  This was the wrong thing to say.

  I knew it when he pulled away, dropping his hand from my neck, and said, “Sorry, babe. Had no idea it would be tough for you to fit me in. Fit in gettin’ to know my folks. Put a little effort into makin’ my dad like you. Shoulda had a mind to that.”

  He was taking this too far.

  “That’s not what I meant,” I snapped.

  “It’s what you said,” he fired back.

  I pulled in a ragged, annoyed breath.

  Then I said, “Maybe we should finish this after your folks go home, or at least when they’re not just down the hall.”

  He shook his head and stated bizarrely, “Told you, it started happening, Emme, I’d put a stop to it.”

  I felt my brows draw together and asked, “Stop what?”

  “You disconnecting.”

  Another sneak attack, one I responded to physically.

  I took a half step back and whispered, “I’m not disconnecting.”

  “You totally fuckin’ are.” His eyes on me grew intense and he went on, “Just don’t get what tripped it. But whatever tripped it, I’m putting a stop to it.”

  “Jacob—”

  “And I’m doin’ it by sayin’ you’re spending the night. You don’t, we got problems. And tomorrow, you’re gonna suck it up and give it another go with my dad. He knows you, my Emme, the Emme you give me when you aren’t pullin’ away, he’ll love you. Then, when they leave, we’re gonna sit down and talk about a variety of shit.”

  I wasn’t doing any of that and therefore informed him, “I’m not down with that plan, Jacob.”

  “I don’t give a fuck, Emmanuelle.”

  It was definitely time to lay it out but what I had to lay out could not be overheard.

  So I got close and whis
pered, “Okay, I was late. That was bad. I forgot. That was worse. I shouldn’t have done either, but I apologized. I know you love him and you’re close but it was your dad who was uncool with me, Jacob. All day. And if you’re so close with him and can’t see it, hark back to how your mom reacted to it. She was not pleased because she knows, like I know, it was uncool.”

  “He wants his son to be happy and a woman who doesn’t give a shit enough about a meet with his parents to remember it and then acts like she’d rather be anywhere else, say, nailed to a cross, is not gonna be the kind of woman who might make his son happy.”

  It kind of sucked that he could be funny when we were arguing.

  I powered through Jacob being funny.

  “Uh… pointing out, I did want to be somewhere else seeing as your dad wasn’t being cool with me. And now I want to be somewhere else seeing as you aren’t being cool with me.”

  Jacob held my eyes a moment, looked to his boots then he looked back at me and instigated yet another sneak attack.

  “I love you,” he whispered.

  I felt those words like a body blow and lost my breath.

  Like the first time he said them.

  Which was the only time he said them.

  “Love you, Emme. Said it once, haven’t said it again. You said it, haven’t heard it again. So I’m gonna make it clear. I love you, baby, and I feel you disconnecting from me. You love me and I hope me tellin’ you that’s what I’m feelin’ means something, enough of something for you to listen and help me put stop to it.”

  My voice was gentler when I said, “I’m not disconnecting, honey.”

  “Feel it, Emme.”

  I didn’t want that. I never wanted that. Not ever.

  To stop it, I whispered, “I love you too, Jacob.”

  His eyes closed, relief sweeping through his handsome face.

  Such relief, it rocked me.

  Such relief it made me ask myself, was I disconnecting?

  Before my mind could answer that question, he moved fast. Lifting both hands, he put them to my neck, sliding them up in my hair and he got close. But he brought his face closer.

  “You’re right. All day, my dad was a dick. You forgot, you were late, that was disappointing. I didn’t get it, but you apologized. I talked to him, didn’t help for long. Tomorrow, he pulls that shit again, I’ll take your back. But Emme,” his voice now held a warning, “we had our chat, he didn’t hear me. So tomorrow, if he makes me do it again, I’m not gonna take him outside to say what I gotta say. To make my point, I’m just gonna let fly. Today, I had a mind to you bein’ not yourself. Tomorrow, I’ll do what I gotta do. You need to be prepared for that.”