by Sandi Lynn
“Yeah.”
“Isn’t that some form or harassment or something? I think it smells nice.”
“It’s the same perfume Emily wears and I never liked it.”
“You’re lying. You’re just trying to forget her.”
“Maybe I am.” I leaned back in my chair and put my hands behind my head.
“Is this worth it, man? You feeling this way when all you simply have to do is call her.”
“It would be much harder down the road, Sam.”
“What you and Emily had was really good and don’t tell me it was because of that damn contract. You were happy when you were with her and now look at you. You’re miserable as all fuck.”
“She broke the rules and she knew the consequences.”
“Fuck the rules, Jackson. Like I said before, rules were made to be broken, whether you’re the great Jackson Caine or not.”
“Are you finished?” I asked. “I have to get going.”
“Yeah. I guess I am. Want to grab some dinner later?”
“Maybe tomorrow. I need to go see my dad.”
“I hate seeing you like this, bro. I’ve never seen you like this. What does that tell you?” He walked out of my office.
I left the office for a meeting with a client who was interested in renting a space I owned over on East Twelfth Street.
“Ms. Goodman?”
“Yes. You must be Mr. Caine.”
“I am.” I smiled as I extended my hand to her. “It’s nice to meet you.”
“And you as well.” She smiled back.
“Shall we have a look inside?” I stuck the key in the lock and opened the door. “May I ask what business you’re planning on opening?”
“A cupcake shop.” She brightly smiled.
“Ah. Those are nice.”
“It’s always been a dream of mine and it’s what my husband would have wanted.”
“Would have?” I asked.
“He passed away about six months ago. We were married for ten wonderful years.”
“I’m sorry for your loss.”
“Thank you. My husband and I saved practically everything we earned to open a shop. Then he got sick and the medical bills started pouring in. He made me promise that I would use his life insurance money to open up my business.”
“He sounds like he was a great man.”
“He was.” She smiled. “And I wouldn’t have traded the last ten years with him for anything. He was the love of my life and he made me very happy. I’m doing it as much for him as for me.”
“It sounds like you had a wonderful marriage.”
“It was. Don’t get me wrong, we did have our ups and downs like any couples does, but our love was strong enough to work through them. We never gave up on each other, and when he died, I felt like a piece of me died with him. I’m a forty-year-old widow and I’m starting over, putting all my focus into our dream.”
I gave her a smile as she continued to look around.
“This is perfect. You said the rent was five thousand a month?”
“I was mistaken. It’s thirty-five hundred.”
After setting up a meeting to sign the lease agreement later in the week, she left, and I stayed back to turn off the lights and lock up. As I approached the door and was just about to walk out, I stopped when I saw Emily walk by. My heart starting pounding at the sight of her in her long black coat and black knit hat. She looked beautiful and an overwhelming sadness consumed me. More so than what I already felt. Was this feeling worth it? This misery that overtook me. No matter how hard I tried to fight it and get my life back to normal, it didn’t matter. Walking away from women had always been easy, but not with her. I figured a couple of days at the most and she’d be out of my mind, but she wasn’t. She had a hold on me that was too strong to fight.
Something Ms. Goodman said stuck with me. How she wouldn’t trade the past ten years with her husband for anything. I wouldn’t have traded the past few months with Emily. What we had, what we shared, and the things we did were phenomenal. I hurt her in a way that I would never be able to forgive myself for. I was angry she broke the rules and I wanted to punish her for doing so. But I was only punishing myself because I did feel things I’d never felt before, and I knew it the whole time we were together, but I pushed it aside out of fear. Fear that things would change between us.
I stepped outside the building and locked the door. Looking down the street, I saw she turned the corner, so I decided to follow her. Why? I had no idea. Seeing her again stirred up more than just feelings. It stirred up memories we had made, and a time that made me the happiest I’d ever been. I needed to reach out to her, but I was scared at what her reaction would be. Was she okay? Had she already forgotten about me and moved on, not giving what we had another thought? She was out of sight, so I hailed a cab and, instead of going back to the office, I went home.
Chapter 40
One Week Later
Emily
I needed to get away for a few days and do some soul searching and self-reflecting. My life had been forever changed and I needed some time alone to think. Gregory and his wife had rented a place in Montauk for the week and invited me to join them. Despite the fact that fall had settled in and the temperatures were getting cooler, it would be a great place for me to escape for a few days and spend some time with my dad.
It was eight o’clock p.m. when I threw my suitcase in the back of my rental car and started my journey. I got a late start because I needed to make sure everything was in order before I left. I wasn’t worried about the store because I knew Katie would look after things while I was gone. This trip was something I needed to do for my own sake and well-being. I needed to put my relationship and all thoughts of Jackson out of my head and begin healing my broken heart. When I returned, things would be different, and I needed to prepare for that.
Jackson
It was nine o’clock in the evening and I was out for a late dinner with Samuel when my phone rang, and I saw Jules was calling.
“Hello.”
“Jackson. I need you to get down to the ER as soon as possible. There’s been an accident,” she spoke in a panicked tone.
“What kind of accident? Are Mom and Dad okay?”
“It’s Emily. She’s been in a car accident and the paramedics are on their way in. I thought you would want to know.”
“What?!” I shouted. “I’m on my way.”
“What happened?” Samuel asked.
“Emily’s been in a car accident and I need to get to the hospital.” I flew out of my chair.
“Go, man. Go. Don’t worry about the bill. I got it.”
I raced outside the restaurant and climbed into the back of my limo.
“Edward, we need to get to the hospital now! Emily’s been in an accident.”
My heart was pounding, and horrible thoughts were racing inside my head. Why the hell was she driving? Where was she going? I laid my head back on the seat and closed my eyes, taking in several deep breaths to calm the panic that had risen inside me.
Edward pulled up to the curb of the ER, and I ran inside, stopping at the security desk.
“Dr. Jules Caine. There’s been an accident and I’m her brother. She just called me.”
The security guard opened the double doors and I saw Jules and Carter standing a few feet away with their arms folded.
“Jules!” I ran towards her. “Where is she?”
“They’ll be here in a minute.”
“What the hell happened? How do you know it’s Emily?”
“The paramedics found her license in her purse.”
“Jules, they’re here,” Carter spoke as he ran down the hall.
“Stay here!” Jules commanded.
But I didn’t listen. I couldn’t. I had to see her.
The paramedics quickly pushed her down the hallway and into the trauma room, where a team of nurses followed. I stood in the doorway and looked at her through all the chaos. Blood poured
from her head. Her face was swollen and bruised as if she had been beaten, and a neck brace was secured around her neck. A sick feeling rose in the pit of my stomach and I began to shake.
“She’s pregnant,” I heard Jules say to the team of doctors and nurses that were by her side.
I nearly lost my breath when I heard her say that.
“What?” I gasped.
She looked at me and told me to leave the room. But I was frozen, and it felt like my legs were paralyzed.
“We’re losing her!” Carter yelled. “Get the crash cart!”
“Jackson, you can’t be in here.” Jules ran over to me and grabbed hold of my arm.
Tears filled my eyes as I placed my hands firmly on my sister’s shoulders and stared at her.
“You have to save her, Jules. Don’t let her die! You have to save her.”
“We’re doing everything we can. Lisa, get my brother out of here!” she yelled as she went back over to attend to Emily.
I stood outside the room and watched through the window as they took the paddles and placed them on her chest. A tear ran down my cheek as I watched the monitor and held my breath waiting for some sign that she’d come back to me. After two shocks, the flat lines began to move up and down and my sister let out a sigh of relief as she placed her forehead on Emily’s and then walked out of the room and over to me.
“We have her stabilized, but she does have some internal bleeding and her arm is broken. Carter is taking her up to surgery in a few moments.”
“And the baby?” I looked at her.
“I’m sorry, Jackson, but we couldn’t find a heartbeat.”
I swallowed hard as my eyes wouldn’t stop filling with tears.
“How did you know she was pregnant?”
“She came to me because she was sick. She was going to tell you when she got back from Montauk.”
“Is that where she was going?”
“Yes.”
“Why didn’t you tell me about the baby?”
“Doctor-patient confidentiality. I couldn’t and you know that.”
Carter pushed Emily out of the room, stopped, and looked at me.
“Hang tight, Jackson. She’s in good hands,” he spoke.
“Take care of her, Carter.”
“I will.”
I went up to the surgical waiting room, put some money into the coffee machine, and leaned my forehead against it while the coffee poured into the cup. I couldn’t believe this had happened to her. I had planned on going to see her tomorrow to talk things out. I could no longer take her being out of my life and, now, she almost was forever. The thought sickened me to the point where I wanted to vomit.
“Hey, man.”
Lifting my head and looking over my shoulder, I saw Samuel standing there with his hands in his pockets.
“How is she?”
Grabbing the cup from the machine, I took a seat in the chair and he sat down next to me.
“Carter is in surgery right now with her. She has some internal bleeding.”
“I’m sorry, Jackson.” He placed his hand on my shoulder.
I leaned forward, placing my elbows on my knees while I took a sip of coffee.
“She was pregnant,” I spoke, staring straight ahead.
“Was?”
“They couldn’t find a heartbeat.”
“Gee. I’m sorry. She didn’t tell you?”
“She was going to when she got back from Montauk. I guess that’s where she was headed before the accident. Shit. I have a phone call to make.”
I pulled out my phone, called Katie, and told her to call Emily’s father. In an instant, she was panicked and told me she was on her way.
I sat there, in a daze, silently praying to God to let her be okay. A feeling of loss swept over me as I thought about our baby. A baby I didn’t even know about, and yet my heart ached for him.
Chapter 41
Jackson
Jules, Samuel, Katie, Alex, Evelyn, and I all sat and waited for some word about Emily’s condition.
“Jackson,” Carter spoke as he walked into the room and removed his scrub cap. “I stopped the bleeding and now she’s in recovery. She’ll be sleeping for a few more hours, but you can go in and see her if you’d like.”
“So she’s going to be okay?” I asked.
“As long as no other complications arise, she’ll be fine. She will be observed for the next twenty-four hours.”
“Thank you, Carter.”
“You’re welcome. She’s a fighter.” He smiled. “Come on; I’ll take you to her room.”
I stood inside the doorway and stared at her for a moment before going to her bedside. Her head was wrapped in a white bandage, her arm in a cast, and the wires that stuck out of the hospital gown she was wearing were hooked up to machines that made a soft beeping noise. She looked fragile but at peace.
Walking over to her bedside, I lightly took hold of her hand and took a seat in the chair that was next to the bed. Leaning over, I placed my head on her arm.
“I’m here with you, Emily, and I’m never leaving your side again. We have so much to talk about and I have so much to say to you. I almost lost you tonight and that would have destroyed me because I never got to tell you that I love you and that I’m sorry for being such an asshole. I wouldn’t blame you if you hated me and never wanted to see me again, but at least I got the chance to tell you.”
“She doesn’t hate you, Jackson,” Katie softly spoke as she walked into the room.
“Did you know about the baby?” I asked her.
“Yes. She just told me the other day and she was going to tell you after she got herself sorted out in Montauk. You have to believe that she wasn’t going to keep that from you.”
“I’m going to make it up to her, you know.” I looked over at Katie.
“I’m sure she’ll like that. She never stopped loving you.”
All of a sudden, Katie began to cry. I got up from my seat and wrapped my arms around her.
“Shh.”
“She could have died.”
“I know. But she’s here and she’ll be fine and that’s what we need to focus on. Not the ‘could haves’ and the ‘what ifs.’”
I held her for a few moments until she composed herself and then she walked over to Emily’s bedside and kissed her forehead.
“I’m so happy you’re going to be okay,” she spoke.
A few hours had passed, and Emily still wasn’t awake. As my head was lying on her arm, I felt a hand on my shoulder.
“Why don’t you go home and get some sleep?” Jules said. “I’ll call you when she wakes up.”
“No. I want to be here. I’m not leaving her again.”
“Can I get you anything?”
“No. I’m fine.”
“I’ll stop by in the morning.” She smiled as she kissed the top of my head and walked out of the room.
I lay my head back down beside her and felt her fingers move underneath my hand. When I lifted my head, she opened her eyes and looked at me.
“Jackson?” she whispered.
“I’m here.” I smiled.
“Where am I?”
“You’re in the hospital. You were in a bad accident.”
She placed her hands on her stomach.
“The baby.”
Tears filled my eyes as I looked into hers and saw nothing but fear. This was the moment I dreaded the most.
“I’m sorry, Emily. The baby didn’t make it.”
“NO!” she cried as she turned her head away from me.
I sat on the edge of the bed and carefully wrapped my arms around her, holding and comforting her the best I could while she sobbed until she fell asleep.
Emily
I was in so much pain. Not only physically, but mentally as well. My body hurt from the accident and my heart and mind hurt at the loss of my baby. I couldn’t cope very well, so I fell asleep to try and escape the pain I felt.
I opened my eyes to the sounds o
f voices in my room.
“Good morning, Emily.” Carter smiled. “How are you feeling?”
“Terrible.”
“That’s to be expected. You’ve been through quite an ordeal. I’m just going to check your incision. I used glue to close it, so you don’t have to worry about scarring or getting it wet. It looks good.” He winked.
Jules walked over to my side and held my hand.
“You had us so worried.” Tears filled her eyes.
“Sorry,” I whispered. “The baby.”
“I know, sweetie, and I’m so sorry.”
Carter and Jules left, and Jackson sat down on the edge of the bed.
“I’m sorry, Emily. I’m sorry I hurt you.”
My head was filled with so many thoughts that I couldn’t sort them all out. All I could remember was the pain and heartache I felt when he walked out of my apartment that night and never looked back. I was also angry that it took something like this for him to see me. The tremendous amount of guilt I felt over the loss of our baby overwhelmed me and I didn’t make for very good company. I didn’t want anything from Jackson because I was past that point. I was going to tell him about the baby when I got back because he had the right to know. But I was also going to tell him that I was relinquishing him of all parental duties and that I’d be raising the baby alone, just like my mother did with me. And now, he was here, apologizing and doing everything possible to make me believe that he was sorry. But what he didn’t know was that my shattered heart was once again surrounded by a protective wall so I would never experience that kind of pain again.
Jackson
Emily wouldn’t respond to my apology and she was distant. I knew she was upset about the baby and I didn’t want to bring it up to her. But I wasn’t going to stop trying. I loved her and I was going to get her back no matter what it took. She was my life and I realized that, and I would spend every single day letting her know whether she wanted me to or not. Emily Wade was going to be my girl. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not in a month. But we would be together as a couple in time.