by KERRY BARNES
‘Oh my God, Justin, our baby, our little boy. What are we going to do?’ she wailed and covered her face.
He sighed because he knew he should be comforting Lucy. Perhaps the shock had just hit her, and her solemnness throughout the journey home was disbelief, and now she was inconsolable. Yet for the life of him, he could not get the vision of Kara standing all alone in the court like a lost child out of his mind.
‘Come on, Lucy, let’s go inside. I’ll make us a hot drink and get you comfortable before I go out.’
‘What!’ she shrieked.
‘I need to go and see my mother. She wants to talk to me.’
‘But … I need you, Justin, I don’t want to be alone. I’ve had a really bad scare. Our baby could have something wrong with him … or worse, could die.’
He knew she was right, but he wanted to see his mother. He couldn’t talk it over with Lucy; she was too absorbed in her own pain.
‘I won’t be long, love. Look, let’s go inside, get the flat warmed up, and you settled down. It’s been a long day, and I’m sure you must be exhausted.’
For a second, she wanted to claw his face. His mother must have gone to the court, so now she would try and persuade him to get back with Kara. She didn’t have enough time to think of a plan to stop him from going to his mother’s. As soon as he turned on the heating, the lights, and the kettle, he was up the stairs and getting changed.
‘Justin, please stay!’ she called up to him.
* * *
Justin heard Lucy, but he didn’t answer; he had to get away, even for an hour, to think things over, out of Lucy’s way. He felt as if Lucy could read his thoughts. He pulled a cable-knit jumper over his head and smoothed back his hair.
Within a few minutes, he’d made a pot of tea and handed her a cup. ‘I won’t be long, Lucy, I promise. I just need to talk to my mother, tell her what’s going on.’
Lucy smirked. ‘And will you let her know that we’re married?’
Ouch! He felt his throat tighten. He looked at his wife, sitting with the cup of tea in her hands and a cold sneer on her face.
He didn’t bother to answer her sarcastic comment but headed for the door.
‘It’s wicked, Justin, what you’re doing to me and our baby!’ she spat back in anger.
Pausing at the door, he didn’t know whether to fly back into the living room and scream at her or walk away and face another kind of music from his mum. He had to start doing the right thing. He would tell his mother that he was now married and …
He stopped before he opened the car door. He should tell Lucy the truth too.
Lucy was crying and in a foul temper, when he burst back through the door. ‘Right, listen to me. I’m going to see my mother because …’ he paused ‘… you might as well know …’ He faltered, almost disbelieving what he was about to tell her.
Holding her breath, Lucy assumed he was going to tell her he was leaving her.
‘Kara is pregnant, with my child.’
As if someone had slapped her across her face, every emotion ran like a fast-flowing river through her head. Kara had won. She would have her life back with Justin in their big house and holidays abroad, the baby’s room all perfect for their newborn. Lucy, on the other hand, would be stuck in this poky flat, with a kid who could have special needs, restricting her freedom. She would be trapped.
‘But how could she be? She’s in prison. How do you even know it is your baby? You’ve been with me.’
Justin glared back with narrowed eyes. ‘Because, Lucy, she is about five or six months pregnant, so my mother informed me. That’s why I need to go and find out exactly what’s going on, and I don’t want to do it over the bloody phone.’
Her temper was rising, and Lucy was about to explode. She tried to keep a lid on it, but she couldn’t. ‘See, Justin, do you see what she’s really like? She never even let you know she was having a baby. How selfish is that? At least I told you right away. It’s wrong to keep you in the dark, the selfish bitch. Oh, Justin, you must feel awful, knowing she didn’t want you to know. She probably planned to bring the child up away from you, not even letting you have the pleasure of knowing your own child.’ She was on a roll, digging the knife deeper into his chest. But she wasn’t ready for what came next.
‘Shut up, Lucy, just shut the fuck up! You don’t know Kara, like I do. She would only have kept it a secret so as not to complicate matters. I went off with you because you are expecting my child. Kara is not the type of woman to use her child to get me back. She has a sense of values and class.’
Lucy jumped up from her seat. ‘Class? Class? She burned ya fucking house down, nearly killed the neighbour, and hid your own child from you! How the fucking hell is that classy?’
Justin looked her up and down and shook his head. ‘She wouldn’t have sworn like that or behaved the way you just did.’ He turned to leave.
‘Don’t you dare compare me to that stuck-up bitch!’
Spinning on his heels, Justin gave her a penetrating glare. ‘And how the hell would you know what she’s like, eh?’
Lucy recoiled, realising she’d just dropped a major bollock. ‘I, er, just get the impression she is like that, that’s all.’
‘Based on what?’
‘Well, the way you go on about her.’
‘That’s odd, Lucy, because I never talk to you about Kara, do I? I would never be so insensitive. I’m going to my mother’s. I suggest you calm yourself down and get some rest. We can talk about this tomorrow, when we’re both a little more clear-headed.’
She watched him walk away, thinking about those words: ‘I would never be so insensitive’. Did the man have no gumption?
* * *
The cold air bit at his face as he wandered up the garden path, but he couldn’t feel it; he was numb with shock.
Mollie saw him from the window and hurried to the door. ‘Oh, Jesus, Son, what the hell is going on? The phone went dead, and I never heard anything. I was worried to death.’
His face was worn down with anguish and Mollie didn’t have the heart to lay into him.
‘Get inside, you look awful.’ She ushered him into the living room. He flopped onto the sofa and leaned forward with his head in his hands.
Mollie sighed. ‘Right, my boy, we need to get this mess sorted out, so I’m not going to have a go at you. There’s no point. We need to move forward.’
Justin sat up straight and shook his head. Mollie noticed his eyes were moist with tears. He sniffed them back and took a deep breath. ‘Oh, Mum, what the hell have I done?’
‘I suppose you were doing what you thought was best. You weren’t to know Kara was expecting.’
He jumped up from the sofa and gripped his hair in frustration. ‘I married her, Mum. I got married three, no, four days ago. I thought I was doing the right thing, but now Kara …’
Mollie felt sick at the thought, but then she realised that Justin would probably be feeling a great deal worse. She clocked the worry lines on his forehead.
‘Justin, it now comes down to what you want from your life, and, of course, what Kara wants.’
He stopped pacing and scowled. ‘What do you mean what Kara wants? You said she was sentenced to four and half years. My baby can’t grow up in a prison – it’s not right. She will have to give the child to me. She can’t look after it in there!’
Mollie’s eyes widened; she’d never expected that reaction. ‘Are you that bloody cold-hearted, Justin? What about Kara? What the hell do you think she’s going through? And now you want to take away her baby too!’
He looked at his mother, as if she were mad.
‘I would have thought the first thing on your mind would be how you can get her out of prison with appeals and stuff, not taking the baby from her,’ spat Mollie. White-faced and fuming, she left the room to make tea, leaving Justin to think about what she’d said. It crossed her mind that her new daughter-in-law had cast some spell over him. It was either that or he was on
drugs because she was listening to a stranger. Her son was a kind-hearted man, who would give a homeless person his last pound. She stood staring at the kettle as it boiled, allowing a tear to run down her cheeks. Her son, her only child, had changed beyond recognition.
She returned with a tray of tea and biscuits in her hands and a look of grief on her face.
Justin was seated once more and watched his mother place the tray on the coffee table. ‘Mum, don’t you think Kara was wrong to deny me my child? She didn’t even let me know she was expecting, and she burned my house to the fucking ground. What sort of woman was she, really?’
With a piercing expression, Mollie replied, ‘I hate to hear your wife’s words out from your mouth.’
‘What?’ he snapped.
‘Justin, those are not your words, are they? You would never speak like that, or, for that matter, think like that. So, I can only assume your wife is egging you on.’
Justin had forgotten how well his mother knew him. His shoulders slumped; he didn’t want to argue.
‘You and I are all Kara has because Joan is sick on the other side of the world. I assume poor Kara hasn’t even told her about what’s happened because she wouldn’t want her to worry. As I said to you earlier, that’s probably the same reason she hasn’t told you about the baby. Also, she probably assumed you wouldn’t want her now you have a hunky-dory life with your new wife, who, I might add, was the reason she burned the bloody house down.’ She noticed the uncomfortable expression on her son’s face; he looked to be squirming. So he should, she thought.
‘Mum, I also need to tell you that Joan died.’ He waited for a response.
Mollie stared in disbelief. ‘What! Oh my God, poor Kara! Dear me, can it get any worse?’
‘Yes, Mum, it is worse. Apparently, she died about six months ago now. Lucas told me he thinks it’s a bit fishy because Kara claimed she spoke with some carer who never let on she was dead.’
Stunned into silence, Mollie sat with her hands over her mouth.
‘How the hell did Kara not know?’
‘She didn’t phone her all the time, like you phone me.’ He realised that sounded sarcastic. ‘I’m so sorry, Mum, I know you were friends.’
‘I wasn’t really friends with her as such. I just stayed in contact for Kara’s sake. The truth be known, I didn’t much care for Joan. She had a selfish side …’ She paused, staring off into space, with something preying heavily on her mind.
‘What are you talking about?’
Mollie slowly turned to face him. ‘Oh, nothing, I just found her a bit self-centred. She couldn’t wait to go to the other side of the world. I mean, Kara hardly got her foot in your door when Joan had her plane ticket booked. She didn’t wait around to see if Kara was even settled. It wouldn’t surprise me if Joan had other intentions, like some bloke over there. Anyway, regardless of their relationship, she was still Kara’s mother and Kara will be out of her mind, if I know that girl.’ She drifted off, staring into space again.
‘I’m so sorry, Mum.’
Instantly jumping to her feet, Mollie’s shock turned to hurt. ‘Hang on a minute. You knew this, Justin, and yet you damn well came into my home having a go about Kara and wanting to take her baby. How could you be so flaming wicked, eh, how could you? I was trying to think of it from your point of view, but even knowing Joan is dead, your attitude still hasn’t changed.’
Justin was stunned to the bone; his mother had never spoken to him like that before, and it hurt, like a knife through his chest.
‘I’m going to write to that poor girl, and you will not dare to try to take that baby from her, because, Justin, if I get an inkling that you have tried to, I won’t stand back and do nothing. Do you understand me?’
Exhausted and angry, Justin, for the first time in his life, had a go back. ‘My wife has just been through a tough time finding out that there may be something wrong with our son.’
Mollie’s chest heaved up and down because her only child was winding her up. ‘Your son? How are you so sure he is yours? You don’t even know the woman. You ran out on Kara because you couldn’t keep it in your bloody pants, and then a stranger tells you this baby is yours. Oh, Jesus Christ, Son, are you really that bleeding stupid? All I can say is, once that baby is born, you should get a paternity test done.’
In defiance, he retorted, ‘Well, she is my wife now, and so whether the baby is mine or not, I will still bring him up as my son.’
‘She really has got her claws into you then, hasn’t she? Don’t slam the door on your way out, Justin.’
Mollie heard Justin rev up his engine and tear away. The house fell silent and a buzzing sound rang in her ears as she tried to calm her raging heart. Justin had never made her so angry, and to think she had been considering helping him to sort out his mess. She looked up at the large photo of Kara and her son, his face golden bronze, his eyes wide and fresh, and his beaming smile. They looked so happy and so well. A perfect couple, in every way.
To think only a few months ago, he was planning to marry Kara, and now her dream for them both had been blown apart. Not only had her son aged ten years, with a look that was dull, lifeless, and cold, but she wondered what her own future would hold for her now. Allowing the tears to stream down her face, she sat at the dining-room table and began to write a letter to Kara.
Chapter 17
Lucy was sleeping in their bed, so Justin crept into the spare room and fell asleep, still fully clothed. The morning traffic caused him to stir, but his eyes were too sore to open, and his body ached from stress. He sensed Lucy at the door; perhaps it was her breathing or sighing, but he kept his eyes closed and remained motionless, nevertheless. He didn’t want to talk just yet; really, he didn’t have the energy. Then he heard her go down the stairs. Ignoring the inevitable, though, would prove counterproductive.
He sneaked into the shower and allowed the hot spears of water to liven him up before he washed his hair; it felt wet and heavy, resting on his shoulders. He hadn’t been looking after himself lately. His locks needed a good cut, and as he ran his hands over his head, he thought perhaps with fatherhood rapidly approaching, he was too old for the surfer look. He knew the young girls liked it, although, apart from Lucy, he’d never flirted with another woman; he just enjoyed looking good.
It was different now. He’d let himself go, which was another worry to add to a very long list. The thought again overwhelmed him, and he shook his head to dismiss all the concerns circling like a pride of lions around in his head.
His body was still aching from tiredness, and so he slipped into a grey tracksuit and went to face Lucy. With her dark eyes and dishevelled hair, she was not looking so good herself this morning. She offered him a cup of coffee and nodded. ‘Here, Justin.’ Even her voice sounded deflated.
He took the drink and gave her an awkward smile.
‘Can we sit down and talk about all this?’
Lucy felt her throat tighten. Was he going to leave? ‘I’m sorry about yesterday. I didn’t mean …’
He held up his hand for her to stop, as he slid onto the kitchen chair. ‘No, forget yesterday. There is something I need to tell you, and to be honest, I don’t know myself what to think and for that matter what to do.’
Lucy held her breath and sat opposite. She was witnessing a new expression, one she’d never seen on Justin’s face. He looked serious rather than angry.
‘Kara got sentenced to four and a half years, and as I told you, she is pregnant, about five or six months, so my mother reckons.’
He waited for a response, but Lucy turned to stare out of the kitchen window.
After a few moments, she replied in a flat tone, ‘She will only serve two and bit years.’
‘What?’ asked Justin, seeming surprised at her reaction.
‘I said she will only serve two and a bit years. A non-violent crime – she will only serve half the sentence.’ Realising she’d said too much, she quickly said, ‘Excuse me, I need the b
athroom.’ In a flash, she was up and gone.
Justin didn’t know what to think or do. He remained seated and waited for her to return, but she didn’t appear. He knew it would be a shock, but she had to be told. He contemplated going out and leaving her alone to digest the information, but it was all his doing, and he had to face the music. Stupidly, he’d assumed that Lucy was on the same page as him, thinking about what was best for the child, and since he must be the father, then naturally, he would be the one to care for it.
* * *
Sitting on the cold bathroom floor, Lucy was silently screaming, and then racking her brains. Was Kara really pregnant? Was it a ploy to get him back? She got up from the floor, wiped her eyes, looked in the mirror, and snarled, ‘Kara Bannon, you will not win. I will make sure you don’t get your hands on what’s rightfully mine.’ Then an evil smile crept its way across her face. Two years inside, Kara would go insane, especially once the social services took her baby away from her, and then she would have nothing.
Justin wouldn’t go running back to her. She was in prison. What sort of absurd relationship was that? Her knock in confidence now having receded, she was on top again, and by hook or by crook, she would remain there. She took one last look in the mirror and sadistically grinned to herself.
Eventually, after washing her face, she reappeared in the kitchen with a sheepish smile, knowing he liked her when she was at her most vulnerable.
‘Sorry, Justin, I just needed a moment to process everything.’ She lowered her head and gracefully took a seat.
He reached for her hand. ‘I know, darling. I’ve been doing that too.’
‘Yes, of course, Justin. All those questions, and to think for this length of time you’ve been feeling guilty about us and she was at it with someone else.’
Angry and frustrated, he snatched his hand away. ‘What do you mean? No way was she. That baby has to be mine. I was with her six months ago.’
Lucy sighed. ‘Oh, babe, of course it’s not your baby. She would have told you right away, like I did. Let’s face it, she was probably planning to leave you, and because you got in there first, she burned the house down in spite.’