She smiled, but it seemed a little forced. There was a rhythm to their communicationat certain times, they would settle for words; at others, they would share all of themselves. The last was so powerful it couldnt be borne continuously. The cycle was necessary, but sometimes it was frustrating not to know exactly what she was thinking.
Yet he would never violate their trust; he would wait for the invitation. It was like lovemakingit had to happen by mutual consent and in mutual delight, or not at all.
I was happy, Alfie. I am. Its just thatit bothers me that we had to check at all. That you felt we had to. This is us were talking about. Its our lives. Why should anyone else even have a say?
Its the way it is, he said. And, our feelings aside, its the way it ought to be. I love you, Liz, and you are the most important person in the world to me. But the world is bigger than we are, and there are things more important than the two of us. I know it in my heart, and you do, too.
I know you believe that, Alfie. I can feel it. And I respect it because I love you. But there are some things I just cant accept. This is one of them. Im happy we can get married when we want to and someday I do want to marry you, Alfred Bester, I do. You know I do. It just upsets me that it isnt our choice.
It is now. So why are you still upset about it?
She shrugged. I guess Im not. Maybe I cant believe that we were so lucky. Maybe, deep down, I was so worried I still dont believe it
I know that feeling, Al said. I have it every time you look at me. Every time I touch your hand.
Careful, Alfie. You have to stay the sensible one, remember? You are my axis. Without you, I think I would fly off into space.
And without you, I would be a cold, dead planet. No life, no heat
Lets get out of here. I want to go for a walk.
They paid their bill and left the restaurant. They had passes for the whole nighthard to getand they tripped up and down the streets and lanes of Geneva. They decided to go on an impromptu tour of churches and barsone church, one bar, one church, two bars. Al was careful; he had learned that drunkenness was not for him, even with Liz. Alcohol took his control. He felt out of control enough when he was with Liz, but in a giddy, wonderful way. Add too much strong drink, and it was like he was flying off into space. Liz was rightone of them had to keep one foot on the ground, and it was natural for it to be him.
But it was hard, so hard with her. He wanted to lose himself in her, enter the bright blaze that lived in her breast, even if it should consume them both.
They found themselves in a park, on a hill overlooking the lights of the city. Teeptown wasnt even visible, though the topaz immensity of EarthDome was. They sat on the hill and watched starships land at Port Thiessen. They talked about the universe.
Mars, thats where Id like to go, Liz said. And after that, Kalevala. They say the wind there smells like a thunderstorm all the time, that there is always lightning in the upper atmosphere, like burning spiderwebs. I want to see it all. Narn. Centauri Prime.
We will. Once were Psi Cops we can put in for transfers. If were married, they might even assign us together. Even if they dont, well be able to take our vacations together, with the jump-gate time we earn. We can go anywhere. Anywhere, as long as were together.
She wrapped her arms tighter about him, and their languid comfort suddenly grew more electric. She began kissing him, insistent.
Not here, he managed. This is a park
We dont have enough time as it is. Neither of us has any leave for three more months.
I can sneak in to your dorm, when your roommate is out
I hate doing it there, in Teeptown. People can hear
They wouldnt if you werent so loud
You like me loud.
Ha. It hurts my ears and what what are you
She was on top of him, her long, pleated skirt settled around them like a collapsed parachute. She was working at his pants.
Better cover your ears , she told him.
They stayed there until dawn, and he watched her sleep again, loving each angle of her face with his gaze, tracing her jawline with his finger. I love you , he cast, and in her sleep she smiled.
A week later, they found time again. His roommate had leave, and they lay together twisted in his sheets. He knew how she felt, but he liked having her in his room. When they were away, in Geneva or farther afield, it was like a strange dream. Here, she seemed part of his life. It was comfortable, real. It helped him imagine their future together and make that real, too.
Tonight she was restless, more restless than she had been a week before. Her unease felt like a rotten spot in his own chest.
Alfiehave you ever consideredhave you ever considered not joining the Corps?
Not joining? Im already in the Corps.
Only until you finish the academy. Then you can choose.
Choose what? The sleepers?
I know. Its just thatyou cant see it, Alfie. You remember that movie you showed me? Rashomon?
Sure.
You grew up in the Corps. I know you love it. Butyou know, you must knowthat they only showed you one side of the story, dont you? You know that theres a whole world out there that has nothing to do with the Corps.
What happened, Liz? Did one of the instructors
Nothing in particular happened, Alfie. Its just that I dont like being controlled , and the Corps is all about control. Its about
Its about being telepaths, Al said. Liz, thats what we are. There isnt any place out there for us. Nothing. The Corps is all there is, and I know there are some things about it you dont like, but
How do you know that theres nothing else? How would you know? All of your life youve been taught one thingthat the Corps is the only way. Dont you see how that serves them?
What them? There is no them. The Corps is us , Liz
Oh yeah? She sat up in bed. When did we ever get a vote about the breeding regulations? When did we get any say whatsoever? When did we get to decide that we can never be lawyers, or stockbrokers, or politicians
Thats EA law, Liz.
Its all the same, Alfie. Its all control, and we just do what they say.
Are you saying that I dont have the brains to know Im being controlled? Al asked, suddenly feeling a little angry. That I believe the Corps is best only because Ive been told it is? Liz, Ive been out there. Ive seen what happens to our kind without the Corps. I saw
You still saw only what they wanted you to see.
No. I went after Brazg and Nielsson on my own. Nielsson was sick. He would have killed me. The whole underground is like that.
So much from a single example! You were trying to take his freedom. Of course he
Nielsson was a criminal. What freedom do you think a criminal should have?
She looked down at him, her eyes ablaze, and he was suddenly, terribly frightened. Not of her, but for her. But then she bent and kissed his forehead. Im sorry, Alfie. I upset you, and I didnt mean to do that. Its just that sometimes I want you to see more than you do, just for a moment.
And I want you to understand, Al said. I know its hard. They always told us in Cadre Prime that it was our job to make laters understand
Is that all youre doing with me? she said, flaring again. Making me understand? Doing your duty to integrate laters into good Corps members?
You know better than that, Elizabeth Montoya. You know how I feel about you.
Her face had hardened, but now it relaxed again. I do know. She sighed. Sometimes I wish I didnt. Youre the best thing thats ever happened to me, though. I love you. And she came back to him, and they spooned together perfectly. Soon she was asleep. It took Al longer. He felt a sort of breathlessness he never had before, a little like he had been punched in the solar plexus. Light-headed. And he didnt know what it meant.
Weeks passed, and Liz seemed to calm down. The final examinations were approaching, which meant that they saw less of each other, but when they did sneak an hour or most of a night, it was good. She
still seemed a bit distracted, but then, so was he. In less than a month, the long ordeal of the academy would be over, and they would finally be Psi Copsinterns, anyway.
A week before finals, he met with her for lunch, and she asked him to meet her in her room that night.
He went, a little after nine. Liaisons like this were ambiguous territoryessentially everyone knew that students went to each others rooms, and ostensibly it was forbidden. As long as you were careful, as long as appearances were maintained, no one really cared. Like a good parent, the Corps knew that sometimes it was best to be a little blind in one eye.
So sneaking in was just a ritual, though there were penalties for being caught. He might be forbidden to associate with Liz for a time; leave, always difficult to get, might be entirely restricted.
Al liked the window. It was traditional, and gave him a chance to hone his climbing skills.
He rapped on the pane. After an instant the curtain drew back, and there was Liz. She flashed him a halfhearted smile and let him in.
He saw immediately that something odd was going on. Clothes were folded neatly on the bed, and her backpack was out and already half full.
Whats up? Did you get leave?
She paused and bit her lip, and he suddenly knew what she was going to tell him. That she had met someone else. That they were taking leave together.
No , she cast. I dont have leave .
Why are you packing?
I dont have leave. I am leaving .
Thats not a good idea. I went AWOL once, remember
She rushed suddenly into his arms, wrapped him up so tight it actually restricted his breathing. Not AWOL, Al. Im leaving. Leaving the Corps . She pushed back a bit, so he could see her eyes, see that she was serious.
No you arent. Youre just upset about something. You arent thinking straight. Youre afraid of the exams
Yes. Im afraid Ill pass them. I checked, Al. No one who passed the exams ever left the Corps.
Of course not. Why would they?
Some tried. They were sent to the rehab centers. Im going now, before someone picks up on how I feel, before they send me there .
He could feel her heart ticking against him. He couldnt feel his own at all. It was very strange.
Liz, I love you.
And I love you, At. Thats why Im asking you Im begging you come with me. We can be together. Not when we get leave, but all the time. We can do everything we said we were going to do, and more. We can be free .
We would be criminals, Liz. The same criminals weve been trained to hunt.
Right. We know all of the tricks. Theyd never catch us. And we could go to the outer worlds, where they dont care, where the Corps doesnt reach.
My God, he whispered. He couldnt stand. He sat on the bed next to her.
Im doing it, Al. I have to, and I want you to understand. I want you with me. But if I stay here Ill wither. Ill suffocate. You are the only reason I have to stay, and if I do it, Ill end up hating you. I dont want to hate you.
He put his head in his hands. He couldnt think.
Justwait a few more days. Give me time to think.
No. Al, if I give you time to think, youll never go. Right now, deep down, you know this is right. I can feel it. You know this is the best thing for us. For you. What has the Corps ever given you but pain? You think you belong, but when have you ever belonged?
Only to you, he murmured. Only you and Bey ever made me feel that way.
You see? For once in your life, Al, act from your heart. From the passion I know you have in you.
You cant ask this of me. Its too much.
I know. But I have to. If I didnt love you so much, I would have just gone. But I do, so I had to see you. She took his chin in her fingers. I want you to go, now. I want you to meet me where we made love, in the park, at midnight. If you dont, Ill never see you again. Its the way it has to be.
He wandered, trying to think. Past the statue of William Karges, into the cadre quad, where he hadnt been in years. Without ever consciously deciding to, he found himself at the base of the oak, the one he had spent so much time trying to climb.
He could reach the lowest branch now. He didnt have to jump for it He leaned against the bark, feeling its familiar roughness, like an old friend.
In a way, when he had lived here, the tree had been his only friend. The kids and the cadre had never been, and the adults he had imagined as caring for him had been the same Grins who punished him so terribly. Only the tree had been the same, day in and day out, always challenging him to climb higher, never changing the rules. Like the Corps itself.
He swung himself up onto the branch and began to climb.
The rules had changed. He was bigger. The stretches and gaps in the branches that had once been such a problem werent impediments at all anymore. He kept going, effortlessly, past the high-water mark of his youth. Up and up, to where he had never been, to where the branches were narrow, to where he could feel the tree actually swaying with his weight, and the limbs themselves trembled with the effort of supporting him.
And he could see the stars above, those same stars in which he had seen the faces of his parents, the stars he and Liz had dreamed of seeing much closer, together.
Yes, the rules had changed, hadnt they? Bey, and now Liz. And he had changed.
He sat in those new and dangerous branches for a long while, thinking, playing futures in his mind, like vids. Dangerous, uncertain futures. Futures with rules yet to be defined.
She rushed into his arms with a gasp, crushed his lips with her own, and they swayed together on the hilltop like saplings twining together for strength.
I knew you would come, she said, breathlessly. Her face was shining, the fire in her burning brighter than he had ever seen it. In that instant, he loved her more than he ever had, more than he even knew he could.
And in that instant, too, she knew. He felt her body stiffen, and now he had to grip her harder, because if she ran it would only be worse. He expected her to fight. He wanted her to.
But she didnt. She just went dead in his arms. Her mind went away from him, shuttered behind bars and doors he hadnt felt since they had been together.
When the cops came out of the trees and took her away, she never even looked at him. She just stared at the ground.
He stayed where he was, rooted by the ghost of their last embrace, savoring it
Are you okay? He looked up to see one of the cops. It was Van Ark, the old fellow from the West End precinct. His dark face was gathered with concern. You did the right thing, Mr. Bester. I know it must have been hard for you.
Al nodded wordlessly.
Give you a lift back to the dorms?
Sure.
Dont worry about her. Shell be okay. They do a good job at the reeducation camps. Some day shell even thank you.
I know.
You did the right thing.
I know. The Corps is mother, the Corps is father. Al looked into the Psi Cops eyes. Its the only thing we really have, isnt it? The only permanent thing. The only thing that wont die or abandon us. He didnt know why he should explain this to Van Ark. Because the other would understand, he supposed.
Van Ark nodded and patted him on the shoulder. Lets go home, he said.
Al nodded. He did have exams to study for.
* * *
part iii
Synthesis
* * *
chapter 1
« » Thoughts slipped about him like eels through dark waters, mostly tail and fin, but here and there the occasional glimmer of an eye, the flash of moray teeth. He wasnt among friends, which meant he was surely in the right place, after all.
That was good, because coming here had been a big risk, and justifying it to the travel authority had been no easy matter, especially to follow a trail that had reached an official dead end three months ago.
Blips had gotten good at making the sorts of journeys most peoples had abandoned in their respective stone ages. Horse
back. Raft. In this case, a Polynesian double canoe. A reproduction, incorporating almost no metal. A satellite would have actually had to look for it in order to find it.
Three months ago, no one had thought to do that, himself included. Jonathan Stone, rogue telepath, had gone once again on the hunt lists with the designation whereabouts unknown. Most had more or less forgotten about him.
Alfred Bester had not. Alfred Bester hated to look foolish. Most of all, he hated to lose. It chilled him to think how close he had come, this time. Another day, and it would have been too late.
It might still be, he reminded himself.
He smiled pleasantly at the dark faces, often tattooed, watching him stroll up the beach. They did not smile back, made no attempt to hide their objection to his presence. Most had probably figured out why he was here. Some would act. Even now, someone was probably realizing that his tel-phone wasnt working, that the local system had been shut down. At the same time, they were also noticing that he was a lone Psi Cop, without backup.
Yes, he was the gardener, turning over the rock, and soon enough things would start to squirm out.
Soon enough they did, and in doing so did him a favor. All of their scuttling about, just beyond his sight, actually directed him to the right building. He knew for certain that it was the right place when six large men planted themselves on the porch, between him and the door.
Hello, he said, pleasantly. How are you gentlemen today?
They were all dark, dressed in sarongs or shorts. All but two had facial tattoos.
Pretty well, one of them answered, his New Zealander lilt melodic despite the subtle hint of danger built into it And you?
Im just great. Salt air, a beautiful beach
Private property, one of the men noted.
Government business, Al returned, pleasantly. Im looking for a fellow named Jonathan Stone.
I had a cousin named Jonathan Stone, one of the men volunteered. He went down at sea, some time ago. Kind of a crazy fellow, him.
Babylon 5 11 - Psi Corps 02 - Deadly Relations - Bester Ascendant (Keyes, Gregory) Page 15