Dark Harbour: The Tale of the Soul Searcher

by Joseph Kiel

  Corrupted. Busted. Broken.

  Nothing would ever lift him again. No book he read could ever inspire him, no optimistic dreams of the future would ever find a place in his mind. That’s how it seemed, until he received the letter.

  Danny had just returned home from college and saw it on the doormat. He knew immediately whom it was from. Not that he’d ever seen her handwriting before but somehow he could feel her energy emanating from the white envelope, from the five letters that spelled out D-a-n-n-y along with the dainty little squiggle beneath his name. As he looked at it he breathed in deeply, filling every last corner of his lungs like they’d never been filled before, as though the moment had just given him the breath of life.

  He quickly scooped up the envelope, a twinge of paranoiac guilt soon jabbing him in the guts, making him gasp. He looked back towards the street to see if anyone had noticed him. What scandal! Someone may have seen Danny pick up an envelope!

  It wasn’t just any random letter though. It was a letter from Samuel Allington’s fiancée, the man who would kill someone for having impure thoughts about his love.

  Danny tore off his scarf, kicked off his shoes and rushed up to his room, shutting his door behind him. Nervously he tore open the envelope and took out the letter.

  Dear Danny,

  I’ve been looking all over for you! Where have you been, my lost one? Sam has been acting weird recently. I need to speak to you. Can you meet me tonight? Please. I’ll be at The Waggon waiting for you. I just want a little chat. Sam’s out of town so there’s no worries about getting caught this time!

  Yours

  Stella x

  Reading her words set the fires within him combusting once more. At the same time, his hands felt cold, like they were covered in blood. Here was his death warrant.

  Weeks of repressed emotion erupted inside him again, that bastard goblin going berserk on some concupiscent inspired conniption fit; she’d taken control of him once more. He could have ignored the letter, could have set fire to it and thrown it away but no. He’d opened it, had read the words which were really an incantation, and now he was helplessly trapped in her spell. There was no way he was going to resist seeing her this evening.

  He just hoped to hell that Samuel really was away. He didn’t want to die, although it felt like he’d already trod on the trapdoor and was now falling helplessly back into that world of revenge-seeking angels.

  He had a shower, he brushed his teeth, and he put on his best shirt, a grey and black chequered Ben Sherman, one of the few things he hadn’t bought from a charity shop. After then standing in front of the mirror for ten minutes making sure his hair was tamed and immaculate, Danny put on some aftershave. It seemed at this point that the evil goblin had also found a voice:

  Not just going for a little chat, are you? Making all the efforts you would for a date, aren’t you?

  The goblin was absolutely right. This was all so he could make an impression on her. He was wondering if she’d meant to imply anything more when she’d said about not getting caught this time. How far would she go behind his back? She’d already planned to meet him so would she go even further than that?

  Of course not!

  Why would she have agreed to marry Samuel if she was going to have adulterous thoughts about Danny, some nobody student who worked in a chip shop? Even so, as Danny set off for the pub, it felt like he was walking to his own funeral. The black clouds had blown in from the ocean and were crying all over the town. Step by step his feet splashed through the puddles on the pavement, mechanically making his way to that temptress, like a ship drawn to the call of the destructive siren.

  With his head to the ground, Danny could see his legs moving but it was almost as though he was watching someone else’s legs. He wasn’t aware that he was making that thought process to the brain to lift his knees and arch his legs. It felt like something else was doing it, as though a malevolent spirit had attached strings to his limbs and was now controlling him like a puppet, manipulating him to his doom.

  When he walked into the pub he ran the back of his hand over his forehead. The rain had mixed with the hair gel and trickled into his eyes, making them sting, blurring his vision. He coolly went to the bar and ordered a drink.

  He knew that she was already there. He could feel her.

  The rain had evidently kept many people at home this evening as there weren’t many punters present, just a few students and a few regulars. Rainy days were a way of finding the true alcoholics. The emptiness was good in a sense because there was less chance of anyone seeing him, but also bad because then he would stand out more.

  After paying for his drink he then glanced over to her. He could swear her eyes weren’t real. Eyes just weren’t that colour. It was as though they’d been replaced by two sparkling amethyst gemstones. She sat on a beige leather settee in the corner of the pub by the fire which was roaring away nicely.

  Hoping the rain hadn’t disturbed his delicately arranged hair too much, Danny made his way over to her. There was a space next to her on the settee, or there was a stool on the other side of her table. Which one to sit at? Which seat would she expect him to sit in? He could sit right next to her, but then that really would look like he was out on a date with her. As the goblin had made it clear to him, that wasn’t the nature of this meeting this evening. Yet he’d sat right next to her on the beach that day. And sitting right next to her would increase the chances of their bodies accidentally, or not so accidentally, coming into contact…

  He sat on the stool opposite. He’d have his back to the rest of the pub sitting there. Less chance of anyone catching sight of his face. It was the most sensible option, and making that decision gave Danny some relief in that he was able to have at least some control over his actions. Besides, sitting opposite her he was able to hold her fully within his eyes.

  Her damp and tasselled hair clung to the side of her face, her cheeks still glowing from the whip of the wild weather. She wore a black velvet jacket with a puce coloured vest underneath. It was tightly fitting and low cut against her ripely shaped breasts, as Danny could not help but notice.

  Her ruffled appearance gave her a different edge this evening. She didn’t seem as soft and buttery as during their previous liaison. She was more spice and zing, the wind and the rain having invigorated her, stirring up her senses as she seemingly oozed a celestial pheromone. She looked like postcoitus lovemaking, heat and passion tangibly simmering on the surface of her skin. Danny imagined it was a sight that Samuel saw often.

  All her wild orchid beauty was there, but this evening she was more like nightshade, dangerously tempting and ready to destroy.

  ‘Lovely weather,’ she said to him, her sweet voice infused with a slight huskiness.

  ‘We’re supposed to be getting a lot more rain this week. There’s some low pressure sitting over us right now,’ Danny replied.

  He internally cursed himself for sounding like an old woman on a bus.

  Ben Sherman, Danny? Might as well have come in cardigan and slippers.

  When he was nervous he often struggled to find good things to say. Repeating weather forecasts was a crutch he over-relied on.

  Stella nodded in reply.

  Nice. She’s loving this, Danny. You got her really turned on now.

  ‘I got us a seat by the fire so we can dry off, as much as I would like to get out of these wet clothes,’ she said as she opened her velvet jacket apart a little as if it needed demonstrating.

  The action inevitably drew Danny’s eyes to her body and he felt a fluttering of excitement as he looked down into her cleavage.

  She wrapped her jacket round her once more as Danny felt a cold trickle of rain-gel down the side of his face. He looked to the fire for warmth.

  ‘Where have you been, Danny? Busy reading your Dickens? I missed you!’

  Danny sat up.

  She missed me? What exactly does she want me here for?

  ‘Yeah, I’ve been busy.
Exams coming up and stuff,’ he replied. He immediately realised that his answer was as cold as the rain that continued to pound against the window. It seemed to be falling so frantically as though it would soon break the glass. ‘Would have liked to…’ he carried on, ‘you know, sit on the beach again. If it was the weather for it.’

  ‘Yes. That would have been lovely. I’ve wanted to talk to you again.’

  He so wished that Samuel Allington didn’t exist. If only that flash-boy and Stella weren’t together, if only he could feel free to tell her that he’d missed her like hell.

  ‘Why?’ he asked her. ‘Why did you want to talk?’

  She continued to hold his gaze for a few moments, and Danny noticed a sadness welling in her eyes. She leaned forward.

  ‘Sam’s been a little troubled recently. I know what happened. I know that he saw us and I know what he did to you. I tried to explain to him that there was nothing going on but he just wasn’t having any of it.’

  There it was spelt out for Danny.

  There’s nothing going on with you two. She said it! Nothing going on because she’s not interested in you!

  Danny replayed her words in her head. Nothing was going on? She didn’t say that nothing is going on. Of course there was nothing going on that day. They’d only talked then. She’d only pecked him on the cheek. What relation does that have to what is going on right now?

  ‘I’m so sorry about that,’ she went on. ‘So sorry I got you into trouble. I missed you, Danny, because I know that you’re someone who could understand me. I know that, because when I look into your eyes, I know what you are.’

  She fell silent and Danny could not help but prompt her. ‘What do you…’

  ‘I’m thinking of leaving him,’ she said, before he could get out the rest of his sentence. ‘He’s like a weight that I’m carrying around. All the time.’

  ‘But don’t you… Aren’t you in love with him?’

  She sat back again and looked through the streaming raindrops on the window. Through a gap in the seafront hotels she could see a violent ebullition of waves flurrying along the beach.

  ‘It’s easy to say you love someone. But some you love more than others. Some you can love as though they were the missing part of yourself. And when you find that other half you know that it isn’t possible to love anyone else more.’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘But I know that leaving him will destroy him,’ she said as she brought her attention away from the storm outside.

  ‘You have to do what you feel is right,’ Danny said with an inevitable hint of disappointment in his voice.

  ‘I know you know what it’s like. To feel lost. Not being able to touch the one you desire. You feel consumed by it, like it’s taken you over. But that frustration burns so much because there’s nothing you can do about it.’

  ‘You… know that, do you?’

  ‘I can see that you’ve been searching. What can we do?’

  ‘Maybe there’s something.’

  ‘Okay, Danny. You name it. Tell me what you want me to do. Anything you want. Anything to help you.’

  ‘Anything?’

  ‘Yes, my lost one. What would help? What do you want?’

  ‘I would like…’

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘I would like… to know what it feels…’

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘To kiss you.’

  It had slipped helplessly from his tongue like a tear would fall from the eye of a bereaver.

  ‘I see. So that’s what you were thinking, is it?’

  ‘I’m sorry.’

  ‘Want me to describe it to you? Not that I would know what it’s like to kiss me, exactly! Something like that you’d have to experience for yourself, I’m afraid. And I don’t think that would be a great idea.’

  ‘No. Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.’

  ‘Why? I asked you what you wanted.’

  ‘Yeah…’

  ‘So if that’s what you want…’ Stella stood up. ‘We’d better go somewhere where no one can see us.’

  She stepped away from the table and floated across the room towards the ladies’ WC.

  Danny was numb with disbelief. Had that conversation really happened? He had to gather himself together but right now he felt like he was in a dream, like he had been breathing in too much oxygen.

  She was waiting for him. She was waiting for him to come and fulfil his ultimate fantasy. This would probably be the greatest moment of his life, but one that would also signal the end of his life. Samuel Allington had told him to stay away from her, that he would kill her if he didn’t, and he’d completely betrayed that.

  But he’d already betrayed his warning by seeing her. If he was to go and kiss her right now, it wouldn’t make his sentence any worse. It was better to die having kissed Stella Connoly than to die without having done that.

  He made his way over there, casually glancing around to see if anyone happened to be looking at him. Seeing that the small scattering of people in the pub were all caught up in their own conversations and were oblivious to the scandal that was about to take place under their noses, Danny nervously opened the door.

  The room appeared empty at first. He shifted inside and then saw her standing in one of the cubicles, casually leaning her head to one side, a soft smile on her lips.

  ‘Hey,’ she said to him.

  Danny walked into the cubicle with her and closed the door. For a few moments he stood watching her, waiting for the sting, the punch line, the candid camera, the alarm clock.

  The fuck-off-big-gun to blow a hole in your skull.

  ‘So… you said you wanted to do something to me.’

  His body edged closer to her with every breath and she swallowed in anticipation. His eyes wandered down her face, taking in the finest details of her velvet skin, every freckle, every mole, and every shimmer of light that bounced off her like moonlight on the paradise sands. He gazed into her perfection so closely as though he wanted to merge his body with hers and be within her very molecules.

  His attention was taken by the gentle rise and fall of her breasts against his chest, moving into him like mounds of warm dough. Oh how he would love to grab hold of those.

  So he did. With both hands. Grabbing, squeezing. Stella caught her breath and closed her eyes. Rubbing them in his palms, gently caressing, pushing them together. He felt them respond.

  ‘Now then, young Danny. I don’t remember that being what you asked for.’

  He smiled at her. His head was so close to hers that he could feel her sweet breath on his lips. Her mouth was open, in a silent Om, waiting for his connection.

  And so he kissed her. And in that moment he felt complete, like all that torturous longing had been the deepest trough before the greatest peak. All those months of yearning were a necessary journey for this one kiss.

  There was no tortuous past, no foreboding future. It felt like time had stopped, locking Danny within this moment of bliss. It seemed Stella was going to let him wallow in it for however long he wanted.

  He pressed his chest harder into hers. His hand slid over her hip and then he pulled her thigh up. His other hand slid through her damp hair. He needed to be closer. Within her. He pressed his tongue into her mouth and she took it in, swirling her soft muscle around his. By now Danny was in a complete state of arousal and he thrust his groin into her. He wanted her to know exactly what she was doing to him.

  He heard her softly moan, but it felt like it had come from deep within, like an aching cry of sadness, the trembling cry of the Earth as it shivered with the escape of cosmic energies, the release of tension as the fabric of the universe suddenly slipped into balance.

  Danny rested his forehead against hers, and panted. Her eyes remained closed, her breathing heavy.

  ‘So,’ Stella eventually said. ‘That’s what it’s like to kiss me.’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Danny, please know that I’m not going to tell Sam anything about any
of this. But, you know, I can’t stop what he does.’

  ‘I know.’

  ‘One kiss always leads to another…’

  She kissed him again, just on the neck this time.

  ‘And that leads me to my next question. What else can I do to help you? What else do you want?’

  ‘I want…’

  ‘I hope you’ve learnt now that you can come straight out with it.’

  ‘I want you.’

  ‘You want me? You want me to help you some more? Want me to take that loneliness away?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘I know that, Danny. And you know what? It might not seem that way, but I’m lonely too, you know.’

  ‘You are?’

  ‘How exactly do you want me to do that? Are you going to tell me?’

  It was one thing saying he wanted to kiss her, but his other desires were a little harder to deliver the words for.

  ‘You know what I think? I think you’d really love to know what it feels like to be inside me. Is that right, Danny? I mean, it’s not like there isn’t a big giveaway right now.’

  ‘Well, there you go.’

  ‘I would suggest that you don’t carry on being so reclusive, young Danny,’ she said as she opened the door and stepped out of the cubicle.

  Coarse, jarring voices suddenly flooded the room as a gaggle of young women came inside to check their make-up and exchange gossip. Danny had forgotten that there were still people like this in his world.

  Stella realised this was her cue to leave. As she beamed a warm smile of goodbye to him, Danny closed the door and sat down, waiting for the other women to leave so he would not cause a scene. For the next couple of minutes he endured listening to the gossiping Vicky Pollards talking about their single parent career plans and their disapproval of the apparent farmyard animals that they mixed with.