The Bride of Lammermoor

by Walter Scott

  CHAPTER XIII.

  Should I take aught of you? 'Tis true I begged now; And what is worse than that, I stole a kindness; And, what is worst of all, I lost my way in't.

  Wit Without Money.

  THE face of the little boy, sole witness of Caleb's infringement uponthe laws at once of property and hospitality, would have made a goodpicture. He sat motionless, as if he had witnessed some of the spectralappearances which he had heard told of in a winter's evening; and as heforgot his own duty, and allowed his spit to stand still, he added tothe misfortunes of the evening by suffering the mutton to burn as blackas a coal. He was first recalled from his trance of astonishment bya hearty cuff administered by Dame Lightbody, who, in whatever otherrespects she might conform to her name, was a woman strong of person,and expert in the use of her hands, as some say her deceased husband hadknown to his cost.

  "What garr'd ye let the roast burn, ye ill-clerkit gude-for-nought?"

  "I dinna ken," said the boy.

  "And where's that ill-deedy gett, Giles?"

  "I dinna ken," blubbered the astonished declarant.

  "And where's Mr. Balderstone?--and abune a', and in the name of counciland kirk-session, that I suld say sae, where's the broche wi' thewild-fowl?" As Mrs. Girder here entered, and joined her mother'sexclamations, screaming into one ear while the old lady deafened theother, they succeeded in so utterly confounding the unhappy urchin, thathe could not for some time tell his story at all, and it was only whenthe elder boy returned that the truth began to dawn on their minds.

  "Weel, sirs!" said Mrs. Lightbody, "wha wad hae thought o' CalebBalderstone playing an auld acquaintance sic a pliskie!"

  "Oh, weary on him!" said the spouse of Mr. Girder; "and what am I tosay to the gudeman? He'll brain me, if there wasna anither woman in a'Wolf''s Hope."

  "Hout tout, silly quean," said the mother; "na, na, it's come to muckle,but it's no come to that neither; for an he brain you he maun brain me,and I have garr'd his betters stand back. Hands aff is fair play; wemaunna heed a bit flyting."

  The tramp of horses now announced the arrival of the cooper, with theminister. They had no sooner dismounted than they made for the kitchenfire, for the evening was cool after the thunderstorm, and the woods wetand dirty. The young gudewife, strong in the charms of her Sunday gownand biggonets, threw herself in the way of receiving the first attack,while her mother, like the veteran division of the Roman legion,remained in the rear, ready to support her in case of necessity. Bothhoped to protract the discovery of what had happened--the mother, byinterposing her bustling person betwixt Mr. Girder and the fire, and thedaughter, by the extreme cordiality with which she received the ministerand her husband, and the anxious fears which she expressed lest theyshould have "gotten cauld." "Cauld!" quoted the husband, surlily, for hewas not of that class of lords and masters whose wives are viceroysover them, "we'll be cauld eneugh, I think, if ye dinna let us in to thefire."

  And so saying, he burst his way through both lines of defence; and, ashe had a careful eye over his property of every kind, he perceived atone glance the absence of the spit with its savoury burden. "What thedeil, woman----"

  "Fie for shame!" exclaimed both the women; "and before Mr.Bide-the-Bent!"

  "I stand reproved," said the cooper; "but--"

  "The taking in our mouths the name of the great enemy of our souls,"said Mr. Bide-the-Bent--

  "I stand reproved," said the cooper.

  "--Is an exposing ourselves to his temptations," continued the reverendmonitor, "and in inviting, or, in some sort, a compelling, of him to layaside his other trafficking with unhappy persons, and wait upon those inwhose speech his name is frequent."

  "Weel, weel, Mr. Bide-the-Bent, can a man do mair than stand reproved?"said the cooper; "but jest let me ask the women what for they hae dishedthe wild-fowl before we came."

  "They arena dished, Gilbert," said his wife; "but--but an accident----"

  "What accident?" said Girder, with flashing eyes. "Nae ill come owerthem, I trust? Uh?"

  His wife, who stood much in awe of him, durst not reply, but her motherbustled up to her support, with arms disposed as if they were about tobe a-kimbo at the next reply.--"I gied them to an acquaintance of mine,Gibbie Girder; and what about it now?"

  Her excess of assurance struck Girder mute for an instant. "And YE giedthe wild-fowl, the best end of our christening dinner, to a friend ofyours, ye auld rudas! And what might HIS name be, I pray ye?"

  "Just worthy Mr. Caleb Balderstone--frae Wolf's Crag," answered Marion,prompt and prepared for battle.

  Girder's wrath foamed over all restraint. If there was a circumstancewhich could have added to the resentment he felt, it was that thisextravagant donation had been made in favour of our friend Caleb,towards whom, for reasons to which the reader is no stranger, henourished a decided resentment. He raised his riding-wand against theelder matron, but she stood firm, collected in herself, and undauntedlybrandished the iron ladle with which she had just been "flambing"(Anglice, basting) the roast of mutton. Her weapon was certainly thebetter, and her arm not the weakest of the two; so that Gilbert thoughtit safest to turn short off upon his wife, who had by this time hatcheda sort of hysterical whine, which greatly moved the minister, who was infact as simple and kind-hearted a creature as ever breathed. "And you,ye thowless jade, to sit still and see my substance disponed upon toan idle, drunken, reprobate, worm-eaten serving-man, just because hekittles the lugs o' a silly auld wife wi' useless clavers, and every twawords a lee? I'll gar you as gude----"

  Here the minister interposed, both by voice and action, while DameLightbody threw herself in front of her daughter, and flourished herladle.

  "Am I no to chastise my ain wife?" exclaimed the cooper veryindignantly.

  "Ye may chastise your ain wife if ye like," answered Dame Lightbody;"but ye shall never lay finger on my daughter, and that ye may foundupon." "For shame, Mr. Girder!" said the clergyman; "this is what Ilittle expected to have seen of you, that you suld give rein to yoursinful passions against your nearest and your dearest, and this nighttoo, when ye are called to the most solemn duty of a Christian parent;and a' for what? For a redundancy of creature-comforts, as worthless asthey are unneedful."

  "Worthless!" exclaimed the cooper. "A better guse never walkit onstubble; two finer, dentier wild ducks never wat a feather."

  "Be it sae, neighbour," rejoined the minister; "but see whatsuperfluities are yet revolving before your fire. I have seen the daywhen ten of the bannocks which stand upon that board would have been anacceptable dainty to as many men, that were starving on hills and bogs,and in caves of the earth, for the Gospel's sake."

  "And that's what vexes me maist of a'," said the cooper, anxious to getsome one to sympathise with his not altogether causeless anger; "an thequean had gien it to ony suffering sant, or to ony body ava but thatreaving, lying, oppressing Tory villain, that rade in the wicked troopof militia when it was commanded out against the sants at Bothwell Brigby the auld tyrant Allan Ravenswood, that is gane to his place, I wadthe less hae minded it. But to gie the principal parts o' the feast tothe like o' him----!"

  "Aweel, Gilbert," said the minister, "and dinna ye see a high judgmentin this? The seed of the righteous are not seen begging their bread:think of the son of a powerful oppressor being brought to the pass ofsupporting his household from your fulness."

  "And, besides," said the wife, "it wasna for Lord Ravenswood neither,an he wad hear but a body speak: it was to help to entertain the LordKeeper, as they ca' him, that's up yonder at Wolf's Crag."

  "Sir William Ashton at Wolf's Crag!" ejaculated the astonished man ofhoops and staves.

  "And hand and glove wi' Lord Ravenswood," added Dame Lightbody.

  "Doited idiot! that auld, clavering sneckdrawer wad gar ye trow the moonis made of green cheese. The Lord Keeper and Ravenswood! they are catand dog, hare and hound."

  "I tell ye they are man and wife, and gree better than some others thatare
sae," retorted the mother-in-law; "forbye, Peter Puncheon, that'scooper the Queen's stores, is dead, and the place is to fill, and----"

  "Od guide us, wull ye haud your skirling tongues!" said Girder,--forwe are to remark, that this explanation was given like a catch for twovoices, the younger dame, much encouraged by the turn of the debate,taking up and repeating in a higher tone the words as fast as they wereuttered by her mother.

  "The gudewife says naething but what's true, maister," said Girder'sforeman, who had come in during the fray. "I saw the Lord Keeper'sservants drinking and driving ower at Luckie Sma'trash's, ower-byeyonder."

  "And is their maister up at Wolf's Crag?" said Girder.

  "Ay, troth is he," replied his man of confidence.

  "And friends wi' Ravenswood?"

  "It's like sae," answered the foreman, "since he is putting up wi' him."

  "And Peter Puncheon's dead?"

  "Ay, ay, Puncheon has leaked out at last, the auld carle," said theforeman; "mony a dribble o' brandy has gaen through him in his day. Butas for the broche and the wild-fowl, the saddle's no aff your mare yet,maister, and I could follow and bring it back, for Mr. Balderstone's nofar aff the town yet."

  "Do sae, Will; and come here, I'll tell ye what to do when ye owertakehim."

  He relieved the females of his presence, and gave Will his privateinstructions.

  "A bonny-like thing," said the mother-in-law, as the cooper re-enteredthe apartment, "to send the innocent lad after an armed man, when ye kenMr. Balderstone aye wears a rapier, and whiles a dirk into the bargain."

  "I trust," said the minister, "ye have reflected weel on what ye havedone, lest you should minister cause of strife, of which it is my dutyto say, he who affordeth matter, albeit he himself striketh not, is inno manner guiltless."

  "Never fash your beard, Mr. Bide-the-Bent," replied Girder; "ane cannaget their breath out here between wives and ministers. I ken best how toturn my ain cake. Jean, serve up the dinner, and nae mair about it."

  Nor did he again allude to the deficiency in the course of the evening.

  Meantime, the foreman, mounted on his master's steed, and charged withhis special orders, pricked swiftly forth in pursuit of the marauderCaleb. That personage, it may be imagined, did not linger by the way. Heintermitted even his dearly-beloved chatter, for the purpose of makingmore haste, only assuring Mr. Lockhard that he had made the purveyor'swife give the wild-fowl a few turns before the fire, in case thatMysie, who had been so much alarmed by the thunder, should not have herkitchen-grate in full splendour. Meanwhile, alleging the necessity ofbeing at Wolf's Crag as soon as possible, he pushed on so fast that hiscompanions could scarce keep up with him. He began already to think hewas safe from pursuit, having gained the summit of the swelling eminencewhich divides Wolf's Crag from the village, when he heard the distanttread of a horse, and a voice which shouted at intervals, "Mr.Caleb--Mr. Balderstone--Mr. Caleb Balderstone--hollo--bide a wee!"

  Caleb, it may be well believed, was in no hurry to acknowledge thesummons. First, he would not heart it, and faced his companions down,that it was the echo of the wind; then he said it was not worth stoppingfor; and, at length, halting reluctantly, as the figure of the horsemanappeared through the shades of the evening, he bent up his whole soulto the task of defending his prey, threw himself into an attitude ofdignity, advanced the spit, which is his grasp might with its burdenseem both spear and shield, and firmly resolved to die rather thansurrender it.

  What was his astonishment, when the cooper's foreman, riding up andaddressing him with respect, told him: "His master was very sorry he wasabsent when he came to his dwelling, and grieved that he could not tarrythe christening dinner; and that he had taen the freedom to send a sma'runlet of sack, and ane anker of brandy, as he understood there wereguests at the castle, and that they were short of preparation."

  I have heard somewhere a story of an elderly gentleman who was pursuedby a bear that had gotten loose from its muzzle, until completelyexhausted. In a fit of desperation, he faced round upon Bruin and liftedhis cane; at the sight of which the instinct of discipline prevailed,and the animal, instead of tearing him to pieces, rose up upon hishind-legs and instantly began to shuffle a saraband. Not less than thejoyful surprise of the senior, who had supposed himself in the extremityof peril from which he was thus unexpectedly relieved, was that of ourexcellent friend Caleb, when he found the pursuer intended to add tohis prize, instead of bereaving him of it. He recovered his latitude,however, instantly, so soon as the foreman, stooping from his nag, wherehe sate perched betwixt the two barrels, whispered in his ear: "Ifony thing about Peter Puncheon's place could be airted their way, John[Gibbie] Girder wad mak it better to the Master of Ravenswood thana pair of new gloves; and that he wad be blythe to speak wi' MaisterBalderstone on that head, and he wad find him as pliant as a hoop-willowin a' that he could wish of him."

  Caleb heard all this without rendering any answer, except that of allgreat men from Louis XIV. downwards, namely, "We will see about it"; andthen added aloud, for the edification of Mr. Lockhard: "Your master hasacted with becoming civility and attention in forwarding the liquors,and I will not fail to represent it properly to my Lord Ravenswood. And,my lad," he said, "you may ride on to the castle, and if none of theservants are returned, whilk is to be dreaded, as they make day andnight of it when they are out of sight, ye may put them into theporter's lodge, whilk is on the right hand of the great entry; theporter has got leave to go to see his friends, sae ye will met no ane tosteer ye."

  The foreman, having received his orders, rode on and having depositedthe casks in the deserted and ruinous porter's lodge, he returnedunquestioned by any one. Having thus executed his master's commission,and doffed his bonnet to Caleb and his company as he repassed them inhis way to the village, he returned to have his share of the christeningfestivity.