Believe

by Lauren Dane

  She looked up, eyes glossy with emotion, her swollen bottom lip trembling just a bit. It came naturally to kiss her again, and so he did.

  She scrambled into his lap, facing him, wrapping herself around him. “Every day I wake up and you’re there. Your scent is on my skin. I have a moment when I am nearly overwhelmed by my blessings. You anchor me in a way I can’t really explain. It is unshakable and deep. Strong and it makes me feel not just loved and safe, but cherished. Adored.” She held him tighter. Neither of them speaking for several minutes.

  “You look at me and make me feel like a queen. Most people live their entire lives without feeling that way more than a handful of times and I feel it every single day.”

  He stood, holding her still. “It’s getting dark. Let’s go back.”

  She took his hand as they headed back up the trail. “Thank you,” he said, softly, as they made their way to the cabin.

  It was new to him, this sort of connection. Sure, they’d been friends most of their lives, and a brief romantic turn before he’d fucked up and lost her to the man she’d fallen for and married. But before Rori he’d not been totally out with his sexuality.

  He took his responsibility…his role as the top in their relationship seriously. And not in an ALL CAPS I’M YOUR MASTER way, but because she chose to submit and he should always be worthy of it. Which meant putting her needs first and being aware of what she was thinking and feeling on a whole new level.

  In truth, it made him a better man, though he wasn’t sure anyone but Zach would have understood it if he’d said it aloud.

  But he wanted to do right by them both. What they had was special and he’d die before he’d fuck it up. At least on purpose.

  “Dinner reservations in less than half an hour.” Not enough time to finish what he’d started earlier. “I did tell you they were bringing it here, didn’t I?”

  Her delight was clear in her features.

  “You didn’t.”

  He shrugged. “Thought you might like it.”

  “You spend a lot of time thinking about what I like.”

  She dropped to her knees.

  “Why don’t you let me think about what you like for a few minutes? We have enough time for me to suck your cock before they arrive. You know, just to take the edge off.”

  He sifted her hair through his fingers before tightening his fist around it and tugging her forward, reveling in her gasp of pleasure.

  Within moments her clever fingers had worked the belt and his pants open. Her breath against his cock sent shivers up his spine. She wasted no time, taking him into her mouth, hot and slick with just the right amount of suction.

  He would have closed his eyes, but that would have meant not being able to watch her with his cock in her mouth, on her knees in front of him. There was simply no contest there.

  Her hair slid forward and back as she moved, sucking him deep and pulling nearly completely off, giving him a peek-a-boo view, adding to the allure.

  The pleasure banked, building from his toes as she built him up, slowly, surely, knowing exactly what he liked and how he liked it.

  Being known so well was something he associated only with her. She got him all the way to the bone.

  Content, utterly and totally content, he continued to watch, continued to let himself fall into her until orgasm swallowed him, sucking him under as he held onto her shoulders.

  She cut her eyes to his as she pulled back and pressed a kiss to the head of his cock.

  “Better?”

  He laughed, helping her to her feet and pulling her in for a kiss. “You make just about everything better.”

  She sighed happily. “I love this place. No cell reception. My laptop is at home. A girl could get used to having Jude Callahan all to herself this way.”

  “You do have me all to yourself.” He snorted a laugh.

  She made a cute little harrumph sound, one he knew quite well since she’d been making it when she was displeased pretty much her whole life. In that moment he saw her as the young girl and then the teen she was.

  Blinking, she paused, surprise on her face. “What? Are you denying women still follow you around town like lost puppies?”

  “Ha! You’re just the she-bitch to smack ’em down. But no, I don’t notice because you’re in my bed. Who the hell wants to be looking at some chick at the grocery store when I’ve got you at home baking me cookies and making my life pleasant and filled with hot sex?”

  It was probably totally bad of him to get turned on by the fire in her eyes when any women got too close, but he did. She was fierce in her claim on him. As fierce as he was in return.

  “When does dinner arrive?” She peered past him to the clock on a far wall.

  “What I plan to do you later will take hours. But dinner will be here in twenty.”

  She hummed. “You say the best things.”

  He knew she’d think about it all through dinner now. Good. He found himself enjoying that part of their relationship—the slow build up to fiery, intense sex.

  Still, there were things he’d been thinking about and maybe with the glow of good sex and a nice walk, they could talk about stuff easier.

  “I think we should buy a new house.”

  There. He’d said it.

  She paused, taking his hand and looking him over carefully. “I brought some wine. I think this conversation might call for a glass or two. Plus, I like wine.” Her smile reassured him.

  “Sit and I’ll get your boots for you.”

  He peeled away his coat, already having tossed the gloves and his hat on the pegged bench at the entry. He sat, enjoying the way she moved to take his boots off, setting them to the side of the couch in an orderly fashion before she dug through the grocery bag and pulled out the wine.

  “This is nice, you know? The quiet. The pace.” She handed him the wine and the corkscrew. “Be back with glasses in a moment.”

  He poured them each a glass, waiting for her to snuggle into his side before he tossed his feet up on the low table and sat back with a satisfied sigh.

  Smiling, she rested her head on his shoulder. “This feels good. Now, back to the house issue. Tell me.”

  “It’s a great house. That’s not really the issue. I know we decided to move the master suite to my room and to stay in the house because the economy is crap and we didn’t know if it would sell very fast. And I know you’ve lived there for several years so I wanted to really give it a try.”

  Filled with love for him, and with hurt on his behalf, she turned and pressed a finger to his lips. He’d done it all for her. How could he not know how much she cherished that? It made every day special. “Stop. You don’t have to make excuses for how you feel. Talk to me. You can tell me anything. I love you, Jude.”

  He nodded. “When I lived there after…after Zach died, I was a roommate. A friend who was there to help you pick up the pieces. And that was fine. You needed that and I needed it too. It gave us both time. Like I said, I like the house. But it wasn’t mine. And then in a beautiful turn, we got together and we shared my old room and I hoped it would feel like my house too. And it does, in most ways. But I still feel like I’m renting a room in your house sometimes.”

  How could she not have known he felt like that? “I’m so sorry. “

  “I don’t want you to be sorry. It’s not about you being sorry or me being mad or anything like that. It’s about us finding a way to move forward and to talk to each other around all this stuff. My goal in life is to not hurt you. I know this stuff hurts.”

  “What hurts is that you were hurting and I didn’t know. I want you and me to be able to talk about anything. I’m not made of glass and we both know I’m pretty high capacity.” She took a drink.

  “How much you can take when I’m wielding a flogger is not the same as talking about your dead husband. That’s real pain and I can’t help that.”

  What a lucky, lucky woman she was.

  “Don’t you see? I give my
self to you because I trust, without hesitation, that you will take care of me. That you will know my limits and push them farther than I could imagine. I trust you not just with my body and with what we do sexually, but with my heart. My submission is all of me. We need to be able to talk about anything. Even when it’s very emotional or sensitive. I don’t expect you to be uncomfortable or like a guest in your own house.” It would be silly to think they could get through the next few years without talking about Zach or issues involving him. She wanted Jude to realize she was his totally and that she’d moved on.

  “I don’t know that I’d characterize the situation in those terms, darlin’. I was absolutely genuine when I said we’d move bedrooms. I wanted to give it a try and waited to see if the house would feel more like mine the longer I lived there.” He paused and she touched his hand, wanting him to know she wanted to hear what he had to say. Knowing deep down it was about Zach and her marriage before.

  “It’s hard to find a way to talk about this because I know it upsets you and because well, you and I are still learning how to be a couple.”

  “It upsets me so much more that you felt like a stranger in your house and I didn’t know.”

  He laughed and kissed the top of her head. “Didn’t I just say I didn’t think that was it at all? I don’t feel like a stranger in my house. I feel like it’s still Zach’s house. I’ve lived there longer than he did, I know this, but he left his mark. I can share a house, but my everyday life? I don’t think I can.”

  Entirely reasonable. He had every right to be comfortable and happy in his home.

  “All right.”

  “That’s it? You don’t have anything more to say than all right?”

  “Zach died nearly two years ago. I’ve moved on. With you. To you. If you feel uncomfortable in any way that I can help with, especially a request as reasonable as moving to a house that will be ours, I can change that. Easily in fact. I don’t know about you, but the stuff easily fixed is stuff I celebrate.”

  “You won’t miss your house?” Your house. Man she was slacking to have missed this one.

  She took a deep breath and there was a knock on the door. “Not really, no.”

  Another knock.

  “We’ll shelve this for now.” Jude stood and kissed her again, just quickly, but enough to reconnect them and reassure her they were okay.

  She held him in place with her hand on his arm as she stood. “I want this. I have zero regrets.”

  She watched as he interacted with the staff in that friendly, easy way he had with people. Lazy and charming. He moved with confidence, taking on multiple tasks with such effortless efficiency.

  After the table had been prepared and their dinner ready to eat, she settled in, buttering his bread while he brought the wine over.

  “Do you know how much I admire you?” she asked, dishing up some asparagus.

  Pleasure and surprise brought a smile to his lips. “How so?”

  “You’re just good at everything.”

  He snorted as he cut into the beautifully cooked steak.

  “Don’t snort at me, mister. I got your number. See, you, Jude Callahan, are good at everything. You are spectacular at some of them, extraordinary in most. You can do general man stuff like deal with putting up shelves and the planter boxes you made this year.” She looked up, eyes dancing, a huge grin on her face.

  “Darlin, you please me a hell of a lot in general, but thank you. I’m flattered. And lucky.” She just kept smiling. “What is that smile for?” He knew he blushed and so he just pretended he didn’t know that and continued to eat.

  “I was just thinking how we’d get to make them at the new house, or maybe look for a house that has them? Maybe a lot with a lot of trees. Yes. I’d like a house surrounded by trees. I’m so excited for this.”

  And she truly was. He saw it in her face. And peace washed through him as he could let go of that worry. Gratitude that she felt the same way for him that he felt for her.

  “Trees sound very good. I want a yard with a deck. Obviously we’d want to stay close to our families but there’s a lot out there right now.”

  “Good. Okay so back to what I was saying. You’re efficient with all sorts of manly deeds. You deal with car stuff and the filters in the heating system and you hang stuff and lug stuff.”

  Only Rori would tell this particular story in this particular way.

  “But you’re good at other things. You’re good at people. No matter their personality type you can, I don’t know, put people at ease. Unless you don’t want to and then you disturb them.” She sent him a raised brow, most likely referring to their rocky beginnings.

  “You’re ridiculously good in bed. Like whoa.” She fanned herself while waggling her brows, making him choke a laugh.

  “Physically you just have it going on. You’re all outdoorsy and athletic. You can assemble a tent in, like, no time flat. You don’t even get lost when we go new places. You have just an unfair sense of direction. All in all.” She paused to take another sip of wine and pointed her fork at him for emphasis. “All in all, you’re just peachy keen. You know? It’s got to be damned hard to be good at everything and not be a total jerk about it. I admire that.” She popped her fork into her mouth and sat back with a happy sigh.

  “Well, thank you. I don’t know that much of that is true. But I do know we’re magic together. And in bed? When you give to me and I take it? When your hair is wrapped around my fist and you’re making those soft whimpers and my cock is buried in you? That is extraordinary.”

  She blinked a few times. “You say the best stuff. Honestly.”

  That she felt that way about him mattered. He hadn’t known it would, but once she’d said it all to him, he realized it did.

  Once they’d reached the lemon tart and chocolate cake, he leaned back and rolled his shoulders.

  “I think we’re learning. You know?” Rori brought him from his thoughts.

  “I do, yes. It humbles me to admit this, but it’s not like I knew how to do this before you and I. I knew what I liked. I knew you and I had a spark in a big way. I knew D/s would be part of our relationship. But it’s not like you’re born a perfect top. And it feels douchey to even say that out loud.” He sighed.

  “Do you really think so?” She shrugged. “Seems to me you admitting you’re learning and that you’re working to be the best partner to me in every sense is pretty important.”

  “I’m not used to uncertainty.”

  “No.” She struggled not to smile and he rolled his eyes. “I’m serious. Even though it’s very cute and all, you like to be in charge. Hello. I mean sort of necessary to like to tie a girl up and flog her and to manage to get her to not only like it, but crave it. You own your sexuality, Jude. In a way…in a way that makes me wet just thinking about it. But you’re not used to not being automatically good at something, or to not necessarily knowing if you’re doing all you can and doing it right. It sucks, I’m sure. Lucky for you, you seem to have a natural aptitude for making my knees turn to rubber.”

  “One thing I’m always sure of is when it’s just us. Alone. When I’m topping you, I know every step, not always until I take it, but I’m sure of each step. It’s so easy and natural between us. I just want to do it all right.”

  “I’m not sure even you can do this without mistakes. We love each other. We’re two independent and strong willed people. We’re bound to screw up from time to time. So you know, we have to talk about stuff before it festers. I don’t want you not being happy and keeping quiet over it. That just gets me all het up.” She mock-glared his way.

  “I want to always do right by you. It’s my job.”

  He said it so matter-of-factly and she wondered at his confidence and commitment to her. Loved it.

  “Now.” He stood and she went all still inside, waiting. “I’m going to call to have this picked up. Why don’t you head on in and run a bath in that big giant bathtub? Hm? Be warm and wet for me.”
/>   She got up on shaky legs. The look on his face made her all swoony.

  Chapter Six

  She arched as he dragged his blunt, short nails up her sides. Her eyes were closed, but she didn’t need the pale light of early morning to know his touch. His lips skated down her throat, pausing at the corner of her jaw where her skin was so very sensitive.

  All it took was a deep breath and his scent, the warm, sexy Jude-just-woke-up smell rushed into her system. “Mmm. Good morning.”

  Beneath her hands his skin was toned, muscles bunched and played as he rolled her on top of his body. When her eyes opened she saw only him. Only Jude’s face with that disreputable scruff of beard and those half-lidded sexy green eyes.

  She didn’t want to wait. Needed him right then so she reared up as she guided the head of him to her gate and slid down, taking him as deeply into her pussy as she could in one agonizingly slow stroke down the length of his cock.

  The soreness from the session the night before, hell, the afternoon into the evening into the late night, only added to the pleasure.

  His rough groan vibrated up her spine as she rode him slowly, taking her time touching him as he looked up at her. The grip of his fingers into the muscles at her hip kept her anchored, a reminder of who held her, of where she belonged and to whom.

  With him deep inside her body, his hands on her, looking at her as if she was the finest thing he knew, the certainty of their connection sweetened everything.

  “Make yourself come.”

  She shivered, her breath catching at the low-pitched, slow command. No less an order for the delivery, in fact, the way he told her to do things really did it for her.

  Because it felt good and because she knew he liked the view, she slid a hand down her belly and spread herself open, exposing her clit and the ring in the hood, exposing the place where his cock slid in and out of her.

  He licked his lips, his gaze locked on her fingers and she felt it like a phantom tweak of her clit.

  “Draw it out. I want to see you tease yourself. Feels so good around my cock.”