[Gideon Johann 01.0] Last Stand

by Duane Boehm

  “Oh, my God, that is good,” he said.

  “Starvation probably has a way of improving the taste,” Sarah said.

  “So, I see Ethan didn’t settle for any of these rough old cowgirls from these here parts.”

  Sarah smiled. “No, I am a Denver import.”

  “So, did you rope him in or did he rope you?” he asked.

  “Now, Gideon, you have lived long enough to know that us women always let the man think he roped us,” Sarah joked.

  Gideon chuckled after swallowing another spoonful of soup that Sarah was shoving at him as if she were drowning out a fire. He was already starting to like her. “I bet you keep him on his toes. Ethan always did like a challenge,” he said.

  Changing tone, Sarah said, “Gideon, I am glad that you are here no matter the circumstance. You have been an open wound ever since I met Ethan and I have no idea how all this will play out, but please remember that there is a lot of hurt bottled up in Ethan. You were like a brother that disappeared and there has never been closure. I ask that you be mindful of that when the anger comes, because it surely will,”

  Gideon looked out the window and did not speak for a moment. When he spoke, his voice sounded as sad as a lone wolf howling at the moon. “I will try, but Ethan should have figured out a long time ago that some things and some people are best forgotten.”

  “I don’t think that applies to you. Whatever your story, I know character when I see it. We all make mistakes. Now I have to go start supper. I am glad you are getting well,” Sarah said as she left Gideon.

  ∞

  Ethan and Benjamin rode in silence, reaching their pond without a word. Ethan was taking in the view when Benjamin blurted, “Mr. Gideon is running from something, isn’t he, Pa?”

  “No, he was chasing some cattle rustlers when they shot him,” Ethan explained.

  “That’s not what I mean. He is running from something we can’t see,” Benjamin said.

  Ethan looked at Benjamin as if had been replaced by a miniature sage. He was not sure if he had ever realized that himself. “I expect you are right, but I doubt we will ever know what it is/”

  “I think it was something bad that happened in the war,” Benjamin said.

  Ethan was impressed that his eight–year–old son had put so much thought into Gideon. Perception was a completely new side to his developing personality. “Could be. Soldiers saw more evil in one day than most men see in a lifetime. That can be hard to live with,” he said.

  “I’m going to try and help him,” Benjamin said.

  Ethan smiled at Benjamin and said, “That would be a good thing. I wouldn’t ask him a lot of questions though. I don’t think he would like that. Maybe just being a friend to him will help.”

  “Do you think I can really help him?”

  “Son, I am a preacher and I believe all things are possible with God’s help. Now if we don’t get home for supper, we might also learn about Hell,” Ethan said with a wink and then took off in a lope, leaving Benjamin giggling so hard that he had to collect himself before following after his father.

  As Ethan came into view of the cabin, he could see a rider headed for their place. He recognized the gray horse as Sheriff Fuller’s mount. He had been expecting him. With Doc Abram running his mouth all over town, it was just a matter of time before the sheriff showed up to check out things.

  Sheriff Fuller was even older than Doc Abram. He had been around so long that he was as much a fixture of the community as the mountains. In his prime, when the territory was rough, he had held his own against the numerous outlaws and ruffians until Last Stand became a much safer place to live. This legacy gave him cache to hold onto office even though for the good of the town and his own safety, he should have hung the badge up years ago.

  Putting his horse into an easy gallop, Ethan caught up with the sheriff. “Good evening, Sheriff. I been expecting you to pay us a visit,” Ethan said.

  “Hello, Ethan. I hear Benjamin found Gideon all shot up,” the sheriff said.

  “Yes, he did. Gideon is conscious now.”

  “I never thought I would ever lay eyes on him again,” Sheriff Fuller said.

  “Me either. He didn’t plan for it to happen. Misfortune intervened.”

  Smiling, the sheriff said, “You two were full of piss and vinegar in your youth. It’s a good thing I liked you boys, cause you weren’t half as sneaky as you thought you were.”

  Ethan looked over his shoulder to see if Benjamin was in hearing distance yet. “No, sir, we probably weren’t. We might have been ornery, but a least we were not mean.”

  “No, you were good boys,” Sheriff Fuller said as they rode up to the cabin.

  Gideon saw the badge when Sheriff Fuller walked into the room and recognized the sheriff immediately. It seemed unbelievable to him that the man was still sheriff. He decided that the sheriff and Doc Abram must have had plans to work until they died. Sheriff Fuller had once been a strapping man, but the years had left him a shell of himself and he was a bit stooped now.

  “I see that I still get all classes of desperadoes showing up around here,” the sheriff said and extended his hand.

  Gideon shook it vigorously and said, “I don’t think there are any posters out for me and they have not hung me yet.”

  “Tell me what happened, son.”

  Gideon again gave the details that led him to being here. Once he was finished, the sheriff asked, “So you think these two characters are long gone then?”

  “Oh, yeah. I’m sure they are in Silverton by now,” Gideon replied.

  “Rumor has it that you done some deputying here and there over the years. That true?” the sheriff asked.

  “Yes, sir,” Gideon answered.

  “You ought to stick around this time. I may hang this badge up one of these days,” Sheriff Fuller said.

  “Thank you, sir. That means a lot coming from you, but I think I have rambling disease too bad to ever settle in one place now.”

  The sheriff waved his hand in resignation and then patted Gideon’s leg. “You get well, son. You hear?”

  Chapter 5

  “I think that I will take Gideon his breakfast this morning,” Ethan said as the family finished eating eggs, biscuits, and bacon.

  Grinning mischievously, Sarah said, “Help yourself, but he may be spoiled into expecting a little prettier server after these last couple of days.”

  “If I didn’t know better, I would think that you are trying to hurt my feelings. Besides, I guess until he can walk again, he will have to take whatever he gets,” Ethan said with a wink.

  “Pa, can I take him his supper tonight?” Benjamin asked.

  “Yes, you can. Now you had better go do your chores. You know how the boss gets when the work don’t suit her,” Ethan said.

  Gideon had improved enough to sit himself up in anticipation of breakfast. He felt more alive than dead for the first time since being shot and it lifted his spirits. “It’s about damn time someone showed up to feed me. My belly has been growling ever since I smelled the bacon and eggs. You need to eat a little faster if you are going to be my waiter or feed the infirm around here first, and I prefer the waitress that works at this establishment better anyway.”

  Responding wryly, Ethan said, “You know that you could still die unexpectedly.”

  Ethan had spent enough time with Gideon the last few days to realize that when Gideon was relaxed, he was still the same person that he had been years ago, but at other times, there was a dark edgy man that reeked of danger. It seemed as if the two sides of his personality were in a battle to win his soul and either side could dominate at any given time.

  “Yes, I could, but I feel pretty good this morning. It is kind of amazing what a little food can do for you,” Gideon said.

  Ethan watched as Gideon devoured the breakfast like a man starved. With his mouth full, he said, “My God, Sarah can cook. No wonder you married her.”

  “You should have been around here
when we were first married then. It got to the point where burned food tasted normal to me,” Ethan said.

  Gideon chuckled. “Well, she certainly got the hang of it.”

  Trying to sound offhanded, Ethan said, “What are your plans when you get recovered?”

  Pausing with a bite of food at his lips, Gideon said, “I have not given it any thought yet, but I suppose I will go track down Bug Eye and Pasty.”

  “How are you going to bring two men back to Cimarron by yourself?”

  Gideon looked at Ethan, pursing his lips a moment before speaking. “Ethan, I planned on making it a fight that I would win and not have to worry about bringing them back.”

  Ethan dropped his head and looked into his lap, contemplating Gideon’s disregard for life. “I see. I kind of figured that might be it.”

  “You know, me and you were friends a long time ago. I am not the person that you knew then. Things change,” Gideon said.

  “Things do change, but I doubt people with good hearts change to bad. I think they just lose their way. What happened, Gideon?”

  Gideon put the bite of food down on the plate and scanned the ceiling as if he were looking to find the right words to say written there. Clearing his throat, he said, “That war was hell. There were a lot of terrible things that I did just to survive and then there was a terrible thing that I did that should not have happened – by accident. I just quit caring about much of anything after that.”

  “Gideon, I’m a preacher now and one thing I know is that God forgives us of our sins if we are willing to accept it,” Ethan said.

  “You are a preacher now? Imagine that. With your conscience, I always thought that you would become one someday. I guess we really are different then.”

  “You always had one, too. In fact, I remember you feeling guiltier about some of our pranks than I did,” Ethan responded.

  “True, but I could always see the gray between good and bad, and you couldn’t.”

  “You obviously have a conscience about what you did or it wouldn’t have bothered you all these years.”

  “Ethan, some things are unforgiveable. The Gideon you knew, he died a long time ago. I could not resurrect him even if I wanted. I just live my life the best I know how. I don’t cause harm to anybody that don’t need it.”

  “You go through life feeling numb to everything?” Ethan asked.

  “I don’t think about that stuff. In fact, I don’t think about much of anything, I just live,” Gideon said.

  “I will pray for you, Gideon.”

  Gideon smiled sadly. “You do that, Ethan. I don’t think God has much use for me,” he said and then resumed devouring the food.

  “I suppose you think it was just coincidence that you ended up getting shot here and found by my son. I think God has a plan for you,” Ethan said.

  Gideon did not answer for a moment as he weighed Ethan’s words. “Ethan, you are the preacher and apparent philosopher, so maybe you understand the universe a whole lot better than me, but personally, I only believe in trying to live another day.”

  Ethan came out of the room with the empty plate and handed it to Sarah to wash. “I’m going to work on my sermon for Sunday,” was all he said.

  “How is our patient?” Sarah asked.

  Ethan was so lost in thought that he looked at her blankly before the question soaked in. “He ate like he was starved. I think he is going to get better quickly and I’m going to make him a crutch when I am done writing. I don’t expect he will want to stay in bed much longer,” he answered.

  “And how about you and him?” Sarah queried.

  “I guess good enough. Something happened in the war that he has been carrying around ever since then. That is the key to everything else. I don’t think he will let himself be helped, but I am going to try.”

  “And your sermon?” Sarah asked.

  Ethan rubbed his cheek and smiled. “Forgiving oneself,” he said as there was a knock on the door.

  They both looked up in surprise. Rare was the occasion when someone got to the door before they realized that company had arrived.

  Ethan opened the door to find Abigail Hanson. “Hello, Abby,” he said and then stood blocking the door, unable to think of anything else to say.

  From behind him, Sarah said, “Come on in, Abby. I have been expecting you.”

  Abigail darted in, speaking rapidly, she said, “I’m sorry to be bothering you again, but I had not heard anything new about Gideon and not knowing was making me crazy.”

  “He is doing much better and he is awake now,” Sarah said. “Go on in there and see him.”

  Abby searched both of their faces trying to get a feel for what they thought about her coming. She was already guilt ridden and wondered if they were judging her too, especially with Ethan being a preacher. It occurred to her that she was probably putting Ethan in a terrible moral quandary. “I know you probably think poorly of me for doing this, but I cannot help it,” she said.

  “We are not here to judge you, Abby. You are no different than Ethan in needing some closure after all these years,” Sarah said. “Now, go on in there.”

  Abby marched into the room, not allowing herself time to think or get nervous. Gideon was sitting up, looking out the window, and the light reflected in his eyes. She noticed that they had certainly not lost any of their deep blue hue. “Hello, Gideon,” she said.

  He glanced quickly over at the unexpected visitor, not recognizing her. Nevertheless, something about her voice jolted his very core to the point that he could feel his scrotum drawing up. His mind raced trying to place her face.

  “Gideon Johann, you do not know who I am. I guess the years have changed me too much,” Abigail said.

  His eyes grew large in recognition and surprise. “Hello, Abby,” he said and then added by way of explanation, “When I left for the war, you were a cherub faced girl and now you are a grown woman. I guess in my mind you were still sixteen.”

  The thought that Abby would drop in for a visit had not occurred to him, though she had crossed his mind since being back. The surprise of her arrival did not give him time to decide how he even felt about it. He tried to take her appearance all in without being obvious. Even with knowing that the woman was Abby, he could not recognize the girl he had left all those years ago. Back then, she still had a little baby fat, but now the red dress that she was wearing showed off that she was a fine figured woman and pretty. Her hair had darkened to honey blond and she still had skin as smooth as a china doll. The rose had certainly blossomed and it smelled good too. Looking at her, he had a twinge of regret about what could have been.

  “Yes, I am certainly all grown up now. How are you feeling?” she asked as she sat down in the chair beside the bed.

  “Well, I have been better,” he said with a chuckle.

  She smiled and started to relax. “I guess so.”

  “Tell me about yourself. I figured that you headed to the big city years ago,” Gideon said in hopes of keeping the conversation about her.

  “No, I stayed here and married Marcus Hanson. We have a daughter named Winnie that is the same age as Benjamin. I am a ranch wife much like Sarah,” Abigail said.

  Gideon looked out the window, annoyed that the news that she had married Marcus irritated him for some reason. He never doubted that she was a married woman, just not married to Marcus. “Just because I didn’t come back didn’t mean you had to settle for Marcus. You probably came to see me just to have a decent conversation,” he said.

  Abigail’s face flushed and she said, “You conceited man. Marcus is a good man and a wonderful father. I almost became a spinster waiting around all those years for you to come back.”

  He already regretted shooting his mouth off and tried to lighten the mood, saying, “If my memory serves me well, what we did would disqualify you from being a true spinster.”

  Abigail’s face went from flushed to peaked so fast that he knew he had made matters worse. He fingered the scar on
his cheek, wishing that he could start over with the whole conversation.

  In a whisper, Abigail said, “Don’t you ever mention that again. I only gave myself to you because you were going off to war and I wanted us to share that together in case you went off and got yourself killed. It was wrong, very wrong, and I have had to live with it ever since then.”

  Gideon ran his hand through his mop of hair and then rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m sorry, Abby. Marcus always was a good guy. It just caught me off–guard that you married him. He would not strike me as your type. The other thing, I was just trying to make a joke. It was a long time ago and don’t matter anymore. I’ve never told a soul and I won’t ever mention it again.”

  Abby turned her head away from him and looked out the window. Tears were welling up, but she was determined not to cry. It cut like a knife when he had said it did not matter anymore, leaving her wondering how she ever thought seeing Gideon would somehow bring her some peace of mind. In the silence, the clock on Benjamin’s shelf that had once belonged to his grandfather, seemed to grow louder with each tick as if to remind her of the time that had past. With a touch of sarcasm, she asked, “Well, now that you know about me, tell me what you have been up to the last eighteen years?”

  “I’ve been pretty much drifting since the war. I was working on a ranch in New Mexico and was chasing a couple of rustlers for my boss when I got shot here. I’ve been a cowboy, deputy, and hired gun here and there until I start feeling closed in again and then I head somewhere else. Not much to tell really,” Gideon said.

  “I guess with all that drifting that you never had time to write me a letter to let me know that you weren’t coming back,” Abigail said.

  Gideon ran his hand through his hair again, silently cursing himself for getting shot around here. “Yes, Abigail, I should have written you. After the war, I did not really give a damn about anything. Still don’t for that matter. And I probably was too big a coward to write you anyway.”