by Soranna O.
"Carlos is fine, don't worry.
I would tell you if anything were wrong."
Great, so everything is perfect.
We have the perfect marriage, don't we, Anny?"
I asked laughing.
This makes Anny laugh too.
We never would have thought this would be our life.
But here we are, two best friends married to each other.
"I want to tell you something but please don't get this the wrong way."
Anny said.
"What is it, Anny?
You know you can tell me anything."
I said.
"Well, last night I got drunk because I was jealous.
I know, I have no right to be and no, I don't want to change our relationship.
But even so, I am jealous knowing you are with another woman.
I want you to be happy with someone else but at the same time I don't want you to love any other woman more than you love me.
Does that make any sense?"
Anny said.
"Yes, it does make sense.
I feel the same way.
I was so jealous when you went on your date with Carlos.
And even now I am jealous knowing you are his girlfriend.
We have a lot of history, Anny.
I think it's normal.
Also, just because we can't have a normal relationship, it doesn't mean we stopped loving each other."
I said feeling relieved that we could finally talk about this.
She jumped into my arms and started kissing me.
I carried her to the bedroom and made love to her.
"This doesn’t change anything, you know."
Anny said.
"I know." I said.
Chapter 5
Suzanne is spending more and more time with me but I still can't say that I am in love.
She even told me one night that she loves me.
I didn’t say it back.
I see no reason to lie to her.
She just pretended nothing was wrong and changed the subject.
I really hope I didn't make her feel bad.
Now I feel like a jerk.
I don’t know how she can love me so fast.
We've only been dating for a couple of weeks but I guess we're different.
Then again, like Anny said, I fell in love really fast with her.
For that reason and because Suzanne started to pressure me to leave Anny, I've decided to break it off.
I took her out to a restaurant to have a grownup discussion.
"Suzanne, listen, I think we should end it."
I started.
"No… why, what have I done??"
Suzanne asked in tears.
"Suzanne, I told you I would never leave Anny and you keep pressuring me about it."
I said.
"Is that it?
Okay, I promise to never say a word again about it.
Just please don’t leave me."
Suzanne said sounding pathetic.
I felt sorry for her.
"It's not just that.
The other day you told me you love me and I didn’t say it back.
I don't want to hurt you, Suzanne.
What if I never feel the same about you?
You deserve to be with someone who loves you.
You deserve more."
I said.
"I understand, you don't have to love me.
I have enough love for both of us."
She said smiling.
It's strange how she can go from tears to smiling in the blink of an eye.
I start to think that Suzanne is not in her right mind.
I am not equipped to deal with this so I stand firm on my decision.
"I am sorry, I am sure you will find someone better soon.
Goodbye, Suzanne."
I left the money for the restaurant bill on the table and left her there, crying.
People were looking at me as if I were the biggest jerk around.
Maybe they were right.
However, I would be an even bigger jerk if I would not be honest with a woman.
If she really has feelings for me, I would break her hear.
Maybe I already did but there is nothing I can do about this now.
One week later I receive a text from Suzanne.
It's strange because it doesn’t have any text, just a picture.
At first I don't understand what it is but then I see it's a pregnancy test.
A positive pregnancy test.
I call her and she answers after the first ring.
"What is this supposed to mean. Suzanne, is that a joke?
Because if it is it's not a very good one."
I said.
"No, it's not a joke.
You are going to be a father.
Aren't you happy?
You have no other kids.
This is your chance to be a father."
Suzanne said.
These words made me feel something.
I was happy about it.
The only bad thing was that the mother wasn't Anny or someone I loved.
"I thought…weren’t you on the pill or something?"
I asked not knowing what else to say.
"No, I thought at my age I couldn’t get pregnant anymore.
I am in my 40s after all.
But it's a miracle, our miracle."
She said sounding ecstatic.
"Come by my office today, we have a lot to talk about."
I said.
"We sure do.
I will be there at noon."
Suzanne said ending the conversation.
After the initial shock, it hit me like a ton of bricks.
How am I going to tell Anny?
Anny and I talked about having kids but we never found the right time.
Our work always came first and we thought we had all the time in the world.
I know Anny would love to be a mother some day and
I also know this will break her heart into a million pieces.
Chapter 6
Suzanne arrives at my office just before noon. She looks very happy.
I wish I could be as happy as she is.
I am glad that I will be a father, but I can't be completely happy thinking of Anny.
Also, how an earth am I supposed to do this?
I have a marriage which is not really a marriage anymore.
And now I am about to have a kid with another woman.
"I am so sorry if my news shocked you.
I just want you to know that I can raise this child by myself if you don't want to get involved."
She said.
"It's nice of you to say this but of course I want to get involved.
I want to help you raise him or her."
I said.
"I am sorry but if you don't leave Anny and move in with me I can't let you be a part of our child's life.
Think about it, he will be so confused.
You can't do that to a little child."
"I need to think about it.
I need to talk to Anny…"
I said.
"You know where to find me."
Suzanne said and left my office.
I should go home and tell Anny the big news but I can't.
I am frozen in my office, still in shock.
Suzanne is right, I can't do this to a child.
It's hard enough to ask this from a grownup woman.
I can't expect a child to understand this situation with my marriage.
I have no choice, I have to get a divorce and be with my child.
Even if that means losing Anny forever.
Even if it means spending the rest of my life with a woman I don't love.
Finally I found the strength to get up and walk to my car. I have no idea how I drove home.
I must have used my muscle memory.
Before I knew it, I was home.
/> "Finally you're home!
You won't guess what I did. I cooked!"
Anne said happy.
"I saved you a plate in the oven.
I hope you like it.
You know, cooking is not that bad.
I actually enjoyed it."
"I can't eat, Anny.
Take a sit, we need to talk."
I said.
"O o, this sounds serious.
What happened?"
Anny asked.
"Well, Suzanne just gave me some news today.
I don't know how to tell you this…"
I tried to finish but I couldn’t.
"What is it?
Now you're scaring me!"
She said.
"She's pregnant, Anny.
And she will not allow me to be part of the child's life if I don't leave you to be with her.
I am so sorry Anny, I have no choice."
I said in tears.
Anny doesn’t say anything for what seems like hours.
Then she jumps in my arms and we cry together.
"I can't believe this is the end."
She said.
"I know…"
I answer, not being able to say anything else.
Chapter 7
Anny doesn’t help me pack my bags.
She said she doesn’t have the strength to watch me leave.
It hurts so much to leave our home.
To leave Anny.
It's like I just realize now that our marriage is really over.
Up until now, I still had some hope that things would get back to normal.
That we would find our way back to each other.
I think Anny felt the same way.
She never said so but after so much time together, some things we just know.
There is no need for words.
We've been so stupid.
We could have worked things out and we could have had our baby now.
I have a moving company helping me and in no time,
I am out of there.
Suzanne is thrilled to have me in her home.
I don't feel at home at all in her huge mansion.
I guess this will change in time.
But for now I feel heartbroken.
I have to focus on that little baby though.
I can't keep crying and thinking about the past.
Whoever said that men never cry, haven't met me.
I've cried these days more than I've cried in my entire life.
If I know Anny, she's been crying too.
That makes me feel even worse.
I write a text to Anny with just 3 words: I love you.
She replies: I know, love you too.
This makes me feel a little better.
I expected Anny to blame me for Suzanne's pregnancy but she didn't.
I am grateful for that.
Although I feel stupid for not using any protection.
I just assumed she was using something.
Luckily, I still have to work with Anny and I get to spend time with her.
She is in as much pain as I am.
She said that she wants me back and I told her that I wish I could turn back time.
We should have fought more for what we had.
She left Carlos because she couldn't keep it going.
She didn't love him.
Her heart still belongs to me.
Just as mine belongs to her.
We ended up having sex in my office.
This repeated almost daily.
It was almost like we were on our honeymoon again.
Of course Suzanne didn’t know anything about this.
She was pressuring me to stop working with Anny.
She even offered to buy Anny off or to replace me in the company but this was not an option.
I didn’t work for so long just to give it all up for Suzanne.
Then it would all be for nothing.
I already lost Anny.
I couldn’t lose my business too.
It was not even about the money.
The only other person who could understand this was Anny.
Also, if I gave up working with Anny, it would be more difficult to meet and enjoy these magical moments.
It was almost like we were falling in love again.
Chapter 8
I want to be involved in my child's life and this starts with the pregnancy.
But for some reason, Suzanne is not allowing me to join her to any of her doctor's appointments.
I talk with Anny about everything and she told me she finds this strange.
It is indeed strange but I don't think this means her pregnancy is not real.
I will be honest, I am hoping she is not really pregnant but I should stop dreaming.
"You should at least ask for some kind of proof.
Something from the doctors that shows clearly if she is pregnant or not and in how many weeks.
Of course anyone can fake those papers but we have people who can check this."
Anny told me.
"You're right, I've never even seen any proof.
I just took her word for it.
I will ask her and see what she says."
I said.
"Don't ask, demand!"
Anny said.
"I love it when you're bossy."
I said just before I covered her lips with mine.
"Not now, we have an important meeting, remember?"
She said.
"Ah, I completely forgot."
I said disappointed.
Our meeting is a success and we get yet another big client.
I watch Anny speak with so much confidence during the meeting and I can't help but fall in love even more.
As we get out of the meeting room, we see Suzanne waiting for me.
"Hello love," she said and comes to give me a kiss on the lips.
I can't let her kiss me in front of Anny so I turn my head and let her kiss me on the cheek.
"What are you doing here?"
I asked annoyed.
The office is the only place where I can be with Anny without any worries.
"Can't I just stop by to see the father of my child?"
She asked.
"Of course you can, it's just that I am so busy.
Now that you are here, there is something I need to ask you."
I said.
"What is it?"
"Well, don't get this the wrong way but I would like to see some proof of this pregnancy.
You never even let me come with you to the doctor's appointments."
I said hoping she won't get angry.
"What are you insinuating?
I bet this is Anny's idea, isn't it?"
She starts screaming.
"Calm down, it's not her idea, it's mine."
I said.
Suzanne leaves without another word.
I am hoping that she will show me some kind of proof when I get home later that night.
She must have something from her doctor.
Chapter 9
When I get home, I find Suzanne crying on her bed. She must be crying for some time because her eyes are swollen and really red.
"Hey, what's wrong?
I am not sure if I've upset you but like I said, I really need proof."
I said.
"Well, now there is no more need for that.
The baby is gone.
Are you happy now?
The stress you caused me made me lose my baby.
I hate you!"
She said crying.
"Suzanne, what do you mean you lost the baby?
Let's go to the hospital."
I said, worried.
"I've already been to the hospital.
The doctor said I can go back home.
It was still really early and it's like a heavy period now.
I am in no danger but my heart is broken.
I blame
you for this!"
Suzanne said screaming.
"I am so sorry, I will leave now."
"I see, so now that there is no more baby, you will leave me."
"Suzanne, you knew that was the only reason I left Anny to be with you.
I never lied to you."
"Just LEAVE!!!"
I don’t even waste time to pack my things.
I will pick them up later, or not.
I feel sad and relieved at the same time.
I still wonder if she was ever even pregnant.
It doesn't matter anymore.
All that matters is that Anny and I have another chance and we won't be stupid this time.
"Anny,"
I said as soon as I saw her at home.
"What are you doing here?"
She asked surprised but happy.
"She said she lost the baby.
I am back home, sweetheart.
Let's not take each other for granted anymore."
Anny jumps into my arms and we make love right there, on the floor.
One More Time…
Most women are looking for the one, and then when they finally find him, they get married and live happily ever after.
Or, do they?
When I married my high school sweetheart I was innocent enough to believe that love was enough.
He was always one of the bad boys and this is what attracted me to him in the first place.
However, I've decided to try and change him after we got married.
Julian tells me this isn’t fair because I fell for him the way he is.
But what woman would accept for her man to cheat on her every chance he gets?
No matter how much I love him, I can't just sit back and watch him come back home smelling like cheap women's perfume.
At first, I thought I would change him with tears and emotional blackmail.
When that didn’t work, I changed my strategy.
I started to see other men too.
I never imagined I would do this as a married woman but it's my last attempt to save my marriage.
I guess you could say I am cheating on my husband to save our marriage.
The name of my new boyfriend is Sebastian.
He knows that I am a married woman and that we can never have more than sex.
I don’t have a lot of experience with men since my husband used to be the only man I ever slept with.
Sex with Sebastian was good enough but he doesn’t compare with my husband.
However, I don’t care too much abut having a good time.
My goal is to make my husband see that he could lose me.