by S M Mala
What? She’s supposed to be away. Oh shit, that’s all I need. I can hear something at the door.
‘Mummy!’ Beth shouts through the letterbox.
Calm.
I walk to the door, open it and look at my cherub.
‘Hello Beth, did you have a good time?’ I bend down to kiss her and give her a hug.
‘Oh yes, it was really bad.’ I know what she means. Hanging around with older kids is really helping to develop her language for a street urchin. ‘Do you like my bling?’ She’s pointing to her fake plastic jewellery. Beth runs off and Joan smiles, puts her finger under my chin, then says,
‘I want to have a little word with you, my lovely.’ The skinny cow walks past and goes into the kitchen. I’m left standing at the door. I don’t like this. I check to see what Beth is doing and she’s running up to her room, no doubt to kiss her teddies.
‘How comes you’ve brought her back from my mum’s?’
‘Questions, questions, I’ve got some for you.’ She’s smiling at me and this is making the hairs on my neck stand up.
‘Want a drink?’ I go to the fridge and make sure she doesn’t see the lack of supplies. I pull out a bottle of water and now she’s sitting at the table.
‘Oh my Belle what have you been up to?’ She’s laughing now and that’s making me very nervous. My Belle! This is such a bad sign, I dread to think what she’s going to say next.
‘Whatever you’ve got to say just spit it out.’ My voice is now high-pitched. I watch her open a bag and pull out a cigarette. ‘No smoking household,’ I point out.
‘Bullshit, Beth’s upstairs and I fancy one, all right.’ You see, Joan has no respect for my rules or me. 'I called Meena today.’
‘Why are you contacting my best friend?’
‘You didn’t pick up your phone last night so I wanted to see if you were there,’ she says. ’Meena told me a fried of Dev’s rung you up from the party and you agreed to meet him last night.’ Where’s this going? What is she up to? Why did Meena tell her, of all people? ‘And I wanted to know how it went.’
‘It’s none of your business!’ That’ll shut her up. She’s smiling at me and this is really scary. Can I tell you, she rarely smiles; it’s more like a sneer.
‘Well, we’ll soon find out.’ Yes, another smirk from her collagen lips.
‘What are you on about?’ I sound tense, so she’s winning.
‘What happened last night or shall I guess?’
‘Guess what?’ My burning, hot, ashamed face, please don’t give the game away.
‘I suspect you were rolling pissed with Lucy and when Tony turned up, you were a bit more inebriated than usual. Though how that can be with your intake of booze. Anyway, you went back to his flat and you screwed the poor man, leaving him within an inch of his life and in need of some counselling. Am I right or am I right?’ This woman really takes the biscuit. Now should I lie?
‘You’re right!’ That’ll shut her up.
‘Bravo, at long last you get laid!’ Did she just say what I think she did?
‘Aren’t you going to tell me I’m now a slut mother and unfit to look after your granddaughter?’ My comment only encourages her laughter. She gets up and strokes my face. My skin has gone into shock.
‘Poor Belle, you’ve no idea what you’ve done, have you?’ I obviously don’t because her comment has flown over my head.
‘Get off me woman.’ I push her hand away.
‘Just for doing that, I’m not going to be nice to you.’ This is intriguing.
‘How are you going to ‘be nice to me’?’ See, I’ve bitten the bait.
‘I’ll baby sit when you decide to see Tony again.’
‘Are you sure someone hasn’t whacked you over the head with something really hard?’ I had to ask.
Damn them if they have, as I’ve dreamt about that moment for years.
Five
Tony called me the following Wednesday and I arranged to meet him today, Saturday afternoon. Joan is throwing a party tonight. I have no idea what it’s in aid of. I’ve arranged it for her to look after Beth then I can turn up, join in the fun and go home. She’s always having parties and, on rare occasions, Beth and I are drafted in to help (Beth to look cute, me to clean up).
I drop Beth off round Joan’s. I’m being given the once over by the queen of glam.
‘Don’t you think a red dress is a ‘little’ bit obvious, Belle?’
‘What do you mean? Red suits me.’ She’s making me feel bad.
‘Oh well! Where are you meeting him?’ she says, sighing deeply.
‘At a bar near his,’ I say, waiting for a snide comment. ‘What?’ I glance at her as she bends to give Beth a sweet.
‘Thanks Joanie!’ Beth says.
‘Child, call me nana tonight,’ she scolds before turning around to point a finger at me. 'And you’re due back at 7.30 latest.’ I kiss Beth goodbye and tell her to be as naughty as possible. She knows I’m telling fibs and laughs.
I arrive at the bar and there’s Tony. For a split second I couldn’t remember what he looked like then it all comes rushing back.
Why am I here? He stands up and I see he’s already started on a bottle of wine.
‘Would you like to join me?’ he asks.
‘That would be lovely.’ I’m trying to sound like a delicate flower and I elegantly park my backside on the chair, scraping it across the floor. I need some Dutch courage.
‘Cheers!’ he says looking at me with one of those ‘knowing’ smiles. You know the one people have when they’ve swapped fluids, so to speak.
‘How’ve you been Tony, did you have a good week?’ I ask. He lets out a slight laugh. Stupid question, I guess.
‘I had a lovely week but my weekend was exceptionally good.’ Yes, I catch the gist of this.
‘Good.’ My conversation techniques are no better than last time.
‘And you Belle, did you have a good week?’ Is he purposely being dull or is this a game?
‘Yes it was a bit busy but good.’ I’m sounding like flaky pastry. Sorry about the reference to food but you know that’s my job.
He’s looking mighty fine and to think I left his company last week because. . . he was crap in the sack. Should I give him another try? I could have been too tense. I hope so for his sake and maybe he could push a few buttons this time.
Or at least one.
‘I’ve got to leave about seven to go to a dinner party. I’d ask you but Joan never lets me invite anyone.’
‘Why don’t we finish this wine and I can show you some plans for a new restaurant I’m working on.’ I know exactly what ‘plans’ he has on his mind. I swear he necked the rest of the bottle at top speed before we leave.
‘Follow me,’ he says, as I walk into his massive workroom. ‘Do you want to see the plans for my next project? It’s a new place opening in Brentford.’
Brentford?
Even I know ‘trendy’ and ‘Brentford’ don’t go hand in hand but I sigh and nod, like the good girl I am. I stand by the board and look down. He’s behind me and talks into my ear, while pointing at the plan.
‘This is …’ I can feel his breath on my neck and ear while his erection prods my back. His arms are around my waist and he subtly tries clasping my breast.
Oh, he’s kissing my back and I can feel his hand pull up my dress. He quickly gets to my knickers. I’m not stopping him as I wiggle my hips trying to avoid his incapable delving. I hear him groan and a zip unfastens. He’s lowering himself now. He better not…
‘Make sure you’re safe…’ I say. Talk about quick off the mark!
‘Don’t worry,’ he says while fumbling around behind me putting on a condom. I feel him push me up as he enters from behind. I’m leaning on the board trying not to get my mucky paws on his plans. This is all rather odd. He obviously gets turned on by his own work.
‘Don’t worry make yourself comfy.’ I pull myself up over the board as he continues to play stud
muffin.
Should I tell him he needs to get something ribbed or with baubles of some sort, to make a bit of an impact? Oh good. He comes… very quickly.
‘Belle come to bed, I want to pleasure you.’ The only pleasure I could get is if he had a bloody massive vibrator.
He grabs my waist and heaven knows how he does this, he’s partially carrying me up to his bedroom. Tony must be used to women’s clothing because I’m naked in a few seconds and he wants me to bend over with my legs splayed apart.
‘Um… this is a bit odd, don’t you think?’ I ask, feeling a rise of embarrassment in my cheeks, all four.
‘Try it, you’ll see what fun it can be,’ he says, stripping off quickly.
I don’t know this man, it’s a Saturday afternoon and he wants to see my ‘secrets’ in the cold light of day. From my reflection I see I’ve got this stupid smile on my face or is it a grimace? I’ll do it… just don’t think about it, Belle. Be more open minded! I do as I’m told and he parts my thighs until I think I’m going to do the splits. I feel him ‘playing’ with me again.
Fine, relax, breathe deeply and let nature take its course. Oh, I feel something going on. I have to say something to help him out.
‘Can you just move up to the right a bit? No just a little bit higher and a bit harder… ahhhh!’ I’m faking it again, as this guy couldn’t throw a dart at a board if it was 10 centimetres away.
I have a little fake orgasm while feeling agitated, frustrated and uncomfortable by my position. He turns me over to get a better mouthful. I really think he must believe he’s some sort of fuck god.
Now I truly deserve to get some satisfaction from this but still I’m left agog by the lack of orgasm. He’s fiddling with my bits. Jesus a smear test is sexier than this. Why on earth did I bother to come round? The last time should have been warning enough. I take it back, one vibrator isn’t needed but two.
Whoopee, he has fallen for my faking and has collapsed on the bed. I look at the clock and it’s nearly seven. How can something so bad go past so quickly? Amazing!
Oh no! I jump up pushing his kissing head away from my neck. He doesn’t know when to stop this man.
‘I have to go!’ I look for my clothes and he seems annoyed.
‘Not again Belle, this is the second time you’ve walked away, I’m not used to being left like this.’ I shower and dress quickly. I’ll use Joan’s lotions when I get to hers. He’s lying face downwards on the bed, sulking.
Oh, this is just what I need.
‘Thanks Tony, I have to go.’ I try and touch him but he pulls away.
‘I’m not used to a woman being in control, you seem to have the upper hand in this relationship.’ What ‘relationship’ and what ‘upper hand’? Frankly, if I used my own digits on myself at least I would have got some satisfaction.
‘I told you I had to go to my mother in law’s.’
‘You’re being a bitch,’ he looks up accusingly. ‘I wanted to continue for the rest of the night.’ I bet you did sunshine but I’m not up for an evening of sheer boredom.
Stupid man.
‘Look if that’s what you think, fine. Then I’m a bitch and I’ve got to go.’ I run downstairs and find a taxi. How could he ruin a mediocre afternoon?
I get to Joan’s and it has gone seven thirty. She rushes to the door with a look of glee on her face that quickly turns to sourpuss. This is worrying.
‘Don’t you answer your bloody phone?’ she yells.
‘What’s wrong? Where’s Beth?’ I rush in feeling full of remorse and guilt after forgetting to turn my mobile on.
Snap! My phone and I have something in common this afternoon when it comes to being turned on.
‘She’s fine. Maggie has put her to bed. I’ve been trying to call you.’
‘Well what’s bloody well wrong?' My face is close to becoming the same colour as my dress.
‘Meena has been trying to get hold of you urgently,’ she smiles.
‘Is everything okay? What’s wrong?’ I’m panicking.
‘Tony’s married, Dev found out today.’ Joan gives me a knowing look. ‘Sorry Belle, well at least you met for an afternoon drink, nothing bad there then.’
‘Oh god!’ Why that sneaky little shit.
Joan walks across and drags me by the arm into the living room while still slightly stunned by the news.
Then I notice Josh with Meg, looking happy, and relaxed. I feel gutted. Joan didn’t tell me this.
‘Joan, can I use your bedroom for a moment. I need to freshen up a bit,’ I say, reeling from the shock.
‘Don’t use my creams or I’ll make you replace them.’ She pats me on the head and I run away.
She has a massive flat. This is because the woman is loaded. I go into her bathroom and shower again.
Tony! Married! How funny!
This is just turning out to be a theme of mine now. No wonder he was keen on me. The sad, desperate widow, gagging for it! I bet that’s what was said to make me more appealing.
Oh well!
But Josh with Meg is something else altogether. Joan, oh Joan, you really are a true bitch from hell without even knowing it. Or maybe she does?
‘How much did you use?’ she asks sniffing my face when I return to the room. ‘I’ll let you off this time and if you use it again, I’ll tell everyone what you’ve been up to.’ She grabs my arm and pulls me across the room.
‘Where’s my drink?’ I see Meg and Josh talking. He glances at me and looks uneasy. Good. I hope he has found out his genitals are going to fall off. Joan pulls me on to the balcony.
‘What happened this afternoon, Belle?’
‘This party is for Meg and Josh?’
‘What? Yes. Look, tell me.’
‘I took your advice and I thought I’d be liberated,’ I say hiding the fact I could push her over the railings at any moment. ‘Why didn’t you tell me you were throwing a party for them?’
‘So you actually slept with him?’
‘I only had a bit of slap and -.’ Joan puts her hand over my mouth and I turn to see Josh out on the balcony.
‘Josh darling how are you? Enjoying the party?’ She releases her hand. I rotate myself slowly and Joan kisses him while pulling him off the balcony.
‘Er, yes,’ he quietly replies avoiding looking at me.
‘I haven’t spoken to you and your darling wife,’ she says then turns to me and says loudly. ‘Don’t move I want to talk to you.’
I see her grab a napkin and wipe her hand. Bet she smudged my lipstick. I get the distinct impression Josh finds the idea of me rather repulsive. Kick a girl when she’s really down, why don’t you?
What a week! I’m not used to seeing Josh and my stomach is doing flips, plus my heart pounding so hard, it’s making me shake. I look at Meg and she’s stunning in a green dress while I’m looking dishevelled in my creased red one.
I’m no sex symbol but Josh. I’m not quite sure how I feel about seeing him. He looks gorgeous, really handsome. I go into my bag and turn on my mobile phone. How many messages are there? Three. Joan, Meena and Tony. I have to listen.
‘Hi Belle. Sorry for acting like a spoilt child but you’re my sweet shop.’ Yeah, I bet I am darling and your wife and kids are your meat and veg. ‘I want to see you again ‘cos I know we just click. Come and visit me after that party. I’ll have something big waiting for you.’ Ha, bloody ha! Big? He must be thinking of his ego. Well no time like the present. I return the phone call.
‘Hi Tony.’
‘Hey baby, how are you?’ I can hear the noise of a bar in the background.
‘I’m fantastic. Thanks for your message it’s really touching.’ Oh, the sarcasm in my voice is dripping.
‘Are you coming back to mine?’
‘May I ask you a question?’ I’m putting on my best cock tease voice now.
‘Anything.’
‘Why didn’t you tell me you were still married when you screwed me over your desk this afternoon
?’ Good, he’s choking.
‘Belle, I was going to-’
‘You told me you were divorced so keep your ‘big one’,’ I stop, to suppress my laughter, ‘on hold, okay!’ I hang up and walk out but in front of me is Joan and, shit, this gets worse, Josh.
I storm past, mortified and go into Joan’s study. I can’t believe this has happened, not Tony being married but my big mouth blurting out that I had sex and bloody awful one at that, this afternoon. I swear Josh looked like he was going to be sick.
The door opens and it’s Joan.
‘Well my darling, was that a statement or was that a statement?’
‘I don’t care!’
‘I have no idea what’s going on in that brain of yours but you’re not behaving rationally. You’ve shagged this Tony and now let it be a lesson to you, ask before you fuck.’
‘He told me he was divorced!’
‘Well fool you for believing him!’ She has a point. ‘Is this the first time you’ve slept with a married man?’ I’ll be honest as I can.
‘Yes.’
‘Are you sure?’ She asks narrowing her eyes.
‘Well there was this bloke once, ten years older, married with a couple of kids. It doesn’t really count though, I was young and he didn’t know where the clitoris was. Must be something about men who marry early, they don’t seem to know how to give satisfaction. Their poor wives!’
‘And that’s it?’ she says looking rather confused by my comment.
‘I would never shit on another woman again,’ I defiantly say. Considering what I’ve done, especially with Josh, that’s a statement and a half. Joan looks at me closely and then says,
‘Never say never!’
I walk around the party avoiding Josh. I can see Meg laughing like a hyena and everyone looks like they’re having a good time. Joan gestures I should smile from the other side of the room. So I push my shoulders back and do it. They soon slump forward and the smile leads to a feeling of despair. Then Meg corners me.
‘How are you?’ I cheerily ask. She’s looking stunning. It’s enough to make me want to be sick over my dress, there and then.