Chef

by Throsby, Lynda

  I tighten my hold on his head, at least I thought I had tightened my hold on him, but I haven't. I start to feel a little lightheaded and weak. He's gotten loose from me. I look at him, furrowing my brow. How did he get out of my hold? I’m stronger than he is. I look at my hands, my vision is blurry, but they feel weird, but I don't know why. Why am I feeling like I want to be sick? Fuck, my side hurts. I look at him and see the smug look on his face. It's then I notice the knife in his hand. It's covered in blood. I see blood on his hand, and then I see droplets on the floor. I follow the blood trail, which gets heavier, the closer it gets to me. Fuck, I grab my side, and it's soaking wet. I lift my hand and see it's covered in blood. He got me — the bastard fucking got me. He must have had the knife up his sleeve, and he fucking got me.

  “What’s up, chef, got nothing to say now, huh? You fucking pussy. I told you, she’s mine. One way or another, she’s mine.”

  I stumble back onto the elevator doors, gripping my side tightly, trying to staunch the flow of blood, but it’s no good, I feel faint, and I feel sick. I want to lie down. I feel the doors open behind me, and I start to fall back. “You fuc...”

  Macen

  I'VE BEEN STUCK in this box for what seems like ages. I have the card in my hand that Caspian gave me, ready to get into his apartment, but the elevator won't move. I press the penthouse button, but nothing. I try my cell to call the police, but there's no service in here. What do I do? If I go back out there, who knows what will happen, but I can't leave Caspian to fight Reid alone. I know he wants to keep me safe, but I need to help him. I feel so helpless stuck in here. My hands are shaking so badly. I can hear noises on the other side of the doors, I press the button to open them. I've pressed it so many times and they won't open god damn it, fucking open. Suddenly there's a loud thump on the doors. I jump back, then panic. “Caspian!” I shout. I need to open the doors, I look at the panel and it's then I realise I've been pressing the close doors button and not the open doors button. I press the correct one and they start to slide open.

  I scream as the doors open, and Caspian falls backward into the elevator. He lands with a thud to the floor, covered in blood. So much blood. I fall to my knees next to his head and lift it onto my lap. I'm cradling his head. “Caspian, baby, wake up, Caspian,” I whimper out to him. He won't wake up. His breaths are very shallow — I can see the trail of blood out of the door, and I meet feet with my eyes. I follow up the body to his face. Reid is standing there, smiling down at me, with his head cocked to the side. He has a mad look on his face, and he's holding a knife smothered in blood in his hand. “What did you do?” I whisper, holding Caspian’s head, I look down at him then back to Reid, “WHAT DID YOU DO!” I scream at him. “You crazy fucking bastard. He's dying. Why, Reid? Why?”

  He stands there, cockily wiping his bottom lip with his thumb. He slowly moves his arm and points the knife in my direction. “I fucking told you, Macen. I told you that you were mine, and no one could have you. I told you we would be a family.”

  I cradle Caspian's head, stroking his hair. “Caspian, come on, wake up for me, come on,” I whisper into his ear between sobs. I move his hair from his face. He's so cold now, and his lips are getting blue. I have tears streaming down my face. I try to get my cell out of my pocket, but just as I get it out, it's snatched from my hand and thrown across the marble floor. “Leave us alone, Reid,” I scream. “I need to call for an ambulance. He's dying. He needs help,” I shout at him.

  “No, you’re coming with me, you’re mine now.” He tries to grab my hand to pull me up. He's stronger than I am, and I try to bat his hand away, but he grabs my wrist. He starts to pull, and I can’t fight him, I need to move Caspian's head so it doesn't fall hard onto the floor. I manage to lower it with my other hand as gently as I can, all the while being dragged away by my wrist. He's hurting me.

  He manages to pull me out of the elevator. I knocked Caspian, and I swear I heard him murmur something. I try to watch his lips, his chest — anything for movement.

  Reid drags me across the marble floor by the hair, away from Caspian. I scream, “Stop, Reid, leave me alone. I need to help him. STOP.”

  He ignores me until I'm thrown against the wall near the outer doors. He punches me in the side of the face, then he gets right up into my face, sneering, before slamming my head into the wall hard. I feel dizzy, and my eyes roll back as he slams my head again, then again, laughing as he does it. I start to fall to the side, he lets go of me, and I go with a thud. “You're coming with me. We'll go home and get Dixon. Then we’ll leave this fucking city once and for all and start a new life, just the three of us. We can go anywhere we want to. How about Houston or Chicago? We can make a great life, maybe open our own restaurant together — you and me as it’s meant to be.” He's looking at me like all this is normal. Like stabbing someone and leaving them to die is normal. Like dragging me across the floor by my hair and slamming my head into a wall is normal. He looks almost happy. He's crazy.

  I try to shake my head at him, but it won't move. “I'm not…”

  I feel like my face is swollen, and my head is splitting. I'm slurring, or it feels like I am, and my tongue feels like it's enormous in my mouth. I try again. “I'm not going anywhere with y… y…ou. Look what you’ve do… done? You’re fucking crazzz...y… You hurt people, and you don’t give a shit.” I take a breath, struggling to get my words out. Why do I feel like this? “You’re not gett… getting anywhere near my s-son. Over my de..dead body,” I manage to get out.

  I feel the tears streaming down my face. I move my head slightly to look at where Caspian is. I can't tell if he's breathing. Just then I get kicked in the stomach, then I'm grabbed by the hair, and my head is yanked back hard, and he punches me in the side of the face again.

  “Now, look what you made me do to you, stupid bitch. Don't call me crazy. You hear me? Yes, we will go and get OUR son. Do you hear me, bitch? You will come with me now, and then once we get to yours, you tell the old lady we are friends, and we’ll go and get OUR son. If you don't, she gets it like him.” He points over to Caspian with his knife, then looks back at me. He strokes my cheek with edge of the cold blade. I take in a sharp breath. He's going to cut me. He pulls the knife back and sneers at me before he lets go of my head, and it falls with a thud to the floor again.

  I hear a noise and open my eyes — suddenly Reid is crumpling to the floor next to me. He's looking at me as he goes down, and he lands right beside me. I can't work out what's happening. I'm confused until I look up and see Derek, with a fire extinguisher in his hands.

  I need to get to Caspian. “Call the po..police and the ambu…” I think I shout to Derek. “Already on the way.”

  I try to crawl over to Caspian. I need to get to him. He's not far away, but it's taking everything I have to move. My head feels like it's going to explode. I can't see clearly. I wipe at my eyes, and my hands come up wet, and I see blood on them. I don't care, and I crawl to him, dragging myself along the floor with my hands. He's cold — his hands are cold as I grasp one of them, and I stroke his face and it's colder than it was. I can’t see him breathing as I watch his chest. I scream out, trying to get close enough to pull his head to me. “Caspian, ple…please don’t di…die, please co…come back to me. Ple…please don’t lea…leave me. I lov…love you, b.b.baby.”

  I can barely keep my head up as I collapse next to him, my head hitting the floor yet again. I'm facing him, trying to see him breathe, and watching as he turns blue. I try to keep my eyes open, but I lose that battle. The last thing I see is Caspian, dead next to me.

  I feel myself being moved. I'm with Caspian one minute, then the next, I'm on a stretcher. I look around, and I see lots of people: police, paramedics, other men and women. I don't know how much time has passed. I look at the floor where Caspian is and see him being lifted and put on a stretcher. He's so limp. They strap him in, but I'm having trouble seeing clearly. My vision is all blurry. I don't care. I close my eyes. He's
gone. He's dead. I don't know what I will do without him. I've only been with him for a week, but he's already become my rock, my life, along with Dixon. He's made me feel so special these last few days. I have Dixon, I know my life won't end now he's gone, but I will never love again.

  There is just so much going on around me. I hear so much noise, but it's distant like white noise in my head. I need to just rest. I close my eyes again.

  Macen

  I WAKE UP, with my head pounding. I try to look around to figure out where I am, but I can barely move my eyes. “Oh, Macen, love, thank goodness you’re awake. How are you feeling? I'm so glad you're awake. I've been so worried about you — we all have.” It's Grandma. Why can't I see clearly? One cheek hurts, and I raise my hand to feel my face.

  “Where am I, Grandma?” God my mouth is so dry, and my throat hurts.

  She takes my hand, “You’re in the hospital, love. Do you remember what happened?”

  I try to think. I gasp. Caspian. I feel the tears start to roll out of my eyes and pool at my ears. “Shhh, it's okay love. You're safe, and you're going to be fine now you're awake. You still have some swelling, and your cheekbone was fractured, but they got him, Macen. They took him away. He will be locked up for a long time. He can't hurt you anymore.”

  I take a deep breath. I remember Caspian wasn't breathing, just lying on the floor, dead. My head hurts badly, and crying is torture.

  I must have fallen asleep again. When I wake, I remember I’m in the hospital. Grandma has hold of my hand. She’s rubbing the back with her thumb, and it’s comforting, but reminds me of Caspian.

  Caspian, oh God, he’s gone. I don’t look towards Grandma. I close my eyes again and think back to him. It hurts. I know she said Reid would be locked up for a long time, but it’s all my fault. If I hadn’t have taken the job, then none of this would have happened. I can’t keep the sobs in. I need to leave. I need to be at home with Dixon. Grandma strokes my head.

  “Hey, Mace, baby. It’s okay. You will be fine.”

  My good eye flies open, and I turn my head slightly to face Caspian. He’s sitting there, stroking my head. But how? I must be dreaming. I must still be asleep. “How, how are you here. I saw you on the floor. You weren’t breathing, Caspian, you were dead.”

  He smiles at me and shakes his head, no. “I’m here, baby. I’m here for you, I will always be here for you.”

  He’s stroking my forehead. It’s soothing, and the tears are streaming down to my ears again.

  I wake with a start, déjà vu, and turn my head to the side to see who's there. It's Grandma. I sigh. I must have been dreaming that Caspian was here with me.

  “Hey, love, you keep falling asleep. The doctors say that's normal after being in a coma.”

  I frown at her. What is she talking about? “A coma?”

  She nods. “Yes, love. You've been in a coma for a week. You had us all terrified, Macen, but now you're awake, and the doctors say there’ll be no permanent damage. You’re going to be just fine, my sweet girl.” I can't speak. I've been in a coma for a week! I wasn’t that badly hurt, was I? I was still awake next to Caspian in the elevator. Grandma starts to stroke my forehead. It must have been her last time I woke up — not Caspian. A feeling of loss comes over me. I know he's gone.

  “Grandma, how have I been asleep for so long? What happened?”

  She tells me that I had a bleed on the brain, and they had to relieve that. They didn't know if I had sustained any kind of brain damage until I actually woke up. I've lost a week of my life. I can't comprehend that, and Dixon must be going out of his mind wondering where I am. Who has him now?

  “Where's Dixon?”

  “He's at school. I’ll be leaving soon to pick him up. I want to bring him to see you if you feel up to it?”

  “Yes, yes, please, Grandma.”

  I don't ask about Caspian. I don't want to know that I've missed his funeral. It hurts, and my heart feels shattered. I need Dixon. I need him close.

  I'm woken up sometime later, by the door being pushed open and it banging against the wall. I look, and I see Dixon running into the room, closely followed by Grandma, who is out of breath. He climbs up onto the bed, throws his arms around my neck, and he lands on me with a thud and winds me. “Dixon, Dixon, I told you, sweetie, you have to be very gentle with your momma. She's been very poorly, and she needs us to look after her. Can you do that?”

  He nods, smiling right into my face. “Momma, don't cry. I missed you so much. Grandma said you were very poorly, and you were sleeping a really long time. Did you miss me, Momma?”

  I'm crying. It's all I seem to do. I nod my head, which is painful, but I don't care. I wrap my arms around him and hug him tightly to me. I pour all my love into this little human of mine lying on my chest. I would never survive if I didn't have him and Grandma. She strokes my hand, looking at me in sympathy. She must see the sadness I feel for the loss of Caspian. She squeezes my hand, then sits in the chair next to the bed.

  They stay for a little while, but I struggle to stay awake, as much as I want to for Dixon. He is so excited, telling me all about school and what has been happening. I say goodbye to them. They’ll come to see me tomorrow. I lay awake for a little while, and all I can think about is that day and what Reid did to Caspian. I cry myself to sleep again.

  I feel my forehead being stroked again, and my hand being held. I slowly come around from my sleep and turn my head. Caspian is there, and he smiles at me. I close my eyes tightly. I'm dreaming again. I can't take this, and the tears squeeze out of my scrunched-up eyelids. I feel the tears being wiped away. It's all so real. Is it Grandma back? Is it the next day and Dixon is at school? I don't know. I only know I don't want the feeling to stop. I want to feel his touch so badly, but I know I will never feel it again. “Mace, baby, open your eyes. Look at me.”

  I shake my head, no. It's so real. Why is this happening? “Baby, look at me.”

  “It’s not real, and it hurts. I love you Caspian. I don’t know how to survive without you in my life. I want this to be real, but I know it’s not. I love you.”

  “Baby, please look at me.” I open my eyes, and I turn my face. I lift a hand and run it down his cheek. He grabs it and kisses my palm; he has tears streaming down his cheeks now. This is real — this is happening. Surely this can't be a dream, is it my mind playing tricks on me? I had a bleed on the brain — maybe it's something from that. I close my eyes, and I chant, “This is not real, this is not real, this is not real,” out loud.

  “Baby, it is real, it’s me. You scared the fucking crap out of me though. I thought I’d lost you, Mace, I thought you would never wake up. Baby, look at me? It’s me, I’m here — because of you and Derek. I’m here.”

  I suddenly sit bolt upright, ignoring the pain in my head and face. I turn and grab him, and I hug his head. I can't believe it's him. I lean back. “But how? You're dead, Caspian. You weren't breathing. I watched you turn blue. You died in front of me. I can’t do this. Am I in a coma again? Am I dreaming? Are you really here, maybe I do have brain damage?”

  He takes my face very gently in his hands. He leans in and kisses me on the lips, where he lingers, and our tears mingle on our lips. I sob. I can't believe he's here. We pull back, and I look him over. It's then I realize he’s in PJ's, and he's in a wheelchair. I gasp. “Caspian, how are you? Are you okay?”

  He nods. “Yes, I am now you’re awake. I will be fine. It was touch and go apparently. I lost so much blood. Thankfully, he didn't hit any vital organs, although the surgeon said a fraction of an inch to the side and he would have pierced my liver. He hit an artery, which is why there was so much blood loss. He also damaged a nerve, which has left me struggling to walk a little. I’ll be fine with a bit more rehab. I'm getting there now, the nurses just insist on wheeling me in here every day for now. They’re ready to discharge me. I'm going home tomorrow. I wasn’t going to leave until I knew you were on the mend. You scared the life out of me, Mace. If you ha
dn’t come round, I wouldn’t be able to live without you.” He kisses my hand and squeezes.

  I smile even though I’m still crying. I’m so happy right now. Not because he's going home but because he's here — he's alive. “What are you smiling at?”

  “Life, Caspian, life. I can't believe you're here. I woke up and saw you. You were stroking my hair and holding my hand, but then I fell asleep, and I was convinced I dreamt it. But you're here, Caspian — you're actually here. I thought I had lost you. I thought that was it. I thought…”

  He stops me by kissing me. “Never, baby. I'm here, and now I've found you, I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. I love you, Macen. You have me for as long as you want me.” “Forever,” I whisper, kissing him.

  Macen

  I CAN'T BELIEVE we are here. I'm standing with Grandma, just about to walk down the aisle to marry Caspian. Grandma is giving me away. Dixon is there, waiting with Caspian. He’s Caspian's best man and has the important job of holding the rings. He's almost nine now. Time has flown since Reid attacked us.

  I was discharged from the hospital three days after Caspian. Reid was in the hospital for a day with a concussion then arrested and transferred for questioning. The DA filed charges against him, and he was arraigned in court by a grand jury. There was no bail, the evidence against him was too strong — mainly thanks to Derek who had witnessed the whole attack and managed to phone the police without Reid noticing him — and he pleaded guilty in front of the Grand Jury. He pleaded guilty to raping me and nine other women and also the attempted murder of Caspian and the two attacks on me.

  He knew going to trial was futile with the DNA match, Derek’s testimony, and the video evidence. He was sent to Riker’s until a date was set for sentencing.