Marry Me under the Mistletoe

by Rebecca Winters

She stayed where she was in the center of the room, rubbing her palms against womanly hips. “You sound like you must be feeling better.”

  “I feel reborn.”

  “I wish twelve hours’ sleep would do the same thing for me.”

  “Frankly it wasn’t the sleep that turned me around. Although I admit I needed it and appreciate you taking care of Tessa.”

  “She’s a joy. To be truthful, she took care of me.”

  “Tina and I often remarked she was going to make a good little mother one day.” He eyed her for a long moment. “You’re going to be a wonderful mother in the future, too. I can imagine your children decked out in little alpine outfits.” He’d almost said our children. “It’s no secret Tessa likes you more and more every day. What would it take to prevent you from going on that trip to Spain?”

  Maybe it was a trick of light, but he thought she paled a little. “Why do you ask?”

  “I thought the reason was obvious.”

  She clutched the back of the nearest chair. “I’ve already told you this little celebration outing has to be the end for me.”

  “I can’t accept that. The last thing I want is for you to leave Providence.” He moved closer. “If I had my way, we’d spend every moment together with no separations.”

  She lifted her chin. “Except for when you’re fighting fires, or recovering in the hospital, or sleeping twelve hours at a time to recuperate before you tempt death again. I care for you very much, Rick, and care what happens to you. In fact, there are no words to tell you what I really think of you.”

  “Then show me instead,” he begged as his mouth descended. He needed her kiss more than he needed breath.

  “Rick—” she cried against his lips before she began kissing him back with an urgency that set him on fire. He drew them over to the bed and followed her down, desperately hungry for her. They lay entwined, trying without success to subdue the desire exploding inside them.

  “I want you in my life, Andrea. Can’t you see I’ve fallen in love with you?” He looked down at her, cupping her hot cheeks. “Admit you’ve fallen in love with me, too.”

  A moan escaped her lips. “I don’t dare.”

  “That’s because you are in love. Don’t be cruel and shut me out. I couldn’t take it.”

  She rolled her head away from him. “But I couldn’t take living in fear again like I did throughout my childhood.”

  “You don’t have to.”

  Her head jerked back. With blazing eyes she looked up at him. “What are you saying?”

  He kissed her lips quiet. “I’ve made a decision that will put you and Tessa out of your misery.”

  She frowned. “I—I don’t understand,” she stammered. “Why do you mention Tessa in the same breath?”

  “Yesterday my daughter and I had a heart-to-heart. You told me she would notice my singed hair and lashes. You were right. Then she bared her soul to me. I learned she’s been living in fear of what I do for a living every time I walk out the door. I heard you in her, Andrea.”

  “Oh, no—”

  “It was a revelation. I saw and felt it, and I was devastated. One day I live in fear that she’ll accuse me of loving my work more than I love her.”

  Andrea caressed his cheek. “She would never do that, because she knows how much you love her. You’re devoted to her every second that you’re home. That wasn’t the case with my father. He didn’t like to be home and didn’t want me. Don’t ever compare yourself to him.”

  Pained, yet loving her for saying that, he pressed another kiss to her luscious mouth before he sat up. “But maybe love isn’t enough if her fear grows too great. I’ve thought about nothing else since she told me.”

  “Has she asked you to stop?”

  “Not in those words. What she did say was, ‘Please don’t die, Daddy.’”

  Andrea sat up and looped her arms around his neck. “That must have killed you.”

  He rubbed her back, pulling her closer. “It did. I always thought Tina was straight up with me. We got lined up on a blind date after I became a firefighter. She knew why I wanted to be one, but I think deep inside she must have hated it, too, and somehow Tessa picked up on it. All this time she has held back...until yesterday.”

  “The little darling.”

  “While I was outside walking earlier, I had an epiphany. You wouldn’t know, but for the last year Benton has been asking me to consider coming to work for the arson squad.”

  “That goes along with what he said,” she murmured.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Yesterday he told me you had remarkable, exceptional instincts for that kind of work. Does this mean you’d give up firefighting altogether?”

  Rick shouldn’t have been surprised at the wonder in her expression. “Yes, but it would still let me be a part of a world I love—just a different aspect of it.”

  “What would you actually do?”

  “As you found out with Chase, a fire that is caused deliberately with malicious intent to cover up another crime, or to collect insurance money on the property, is arson. I would become an arson investigator and inspect fire sites full-time to determine what exactly caused the fire, and if the fire was set intentionally. If it appears to be arson rather than an accident, my job will be to figure out where in the house or building the fire started and what was used to start it.”

  “Then there’s no danger involved?”

  “None at all. You gather evidence, communicate with law enforcement, write reports and testify in court as a witness.”

  “You’ll still be helping people.”

  “Yes.” He kissed her mouth again.

  “But it won’t be like fighting fires, something you’ve always wanted to do.” Her eyes bored deep into his soul. “Would it be hard for you to give it up? I know why you fight fires, and it might be asking too much of you.”

  “Not when in exchange I’m going to make you and my daughter happy. That means more to me than anything else.”

  She bowed her head. “When are you going to tell Tessa?”

  “After I’ve spoken to Benton and turned in my resignation.”

  “Your superiors are going to mourn their loss.”

  “My leaving will give some other guy a chance to do what he loves.”

  “How soon will you speak to them?”

  “I’ll phone Benton today to get the process started. I’m fully aware Tessa needs to hear my decision right away so she can stop worrying.”

  “Your news will change her whole life.”

  “And what about your life?” He smoothed the hair off her cheek. “I want to know how you feel about what I’ve just told you.”

  Andrea eased off the bed. The act itself caused him some consternation. “My feelings shouldn’t matter, Rick. I don’t want to be one of the reasons you’re considering making this huge career move. I feel so responsible already, I think I’m frightened.”

  Rick’s brows knit together. He got to his feet. “Something’s wrong. What aren’t you telling me?”

  She clasped her hands nervously. “If I weren’t in the picture—if I hadn’t told you about my fears because of my father—would you honestly be reading this much into Tessa’s fear? Maybe with some therapy she could go on handling what you do.”

  Her reaction was the last thing Rick had anticipated. Perplexed, he rubbed the back of his neck. “I thought you and I were in the same place emotionally, but I sense that we’re not. Even having told you what I’m prepared to do, your reaction leaves me baffled. What I’m concluding is that all along things have been sketchy with you and they still are. I can see our relationship has been too much for you this soon after Gunter.”

  “No, Rick—that’s not true.” She sounded panicked.

  “I
think it is. I went through my mourning for a long time while Tina was still alive and am evidently ready to move on. But you lost your husband in an accident and are still grieving because it happened so quickly. I’ve been trying to make something work between us you’re not ready for. Maybe you never will be.”

  She let out a sigh of exasperation. “If I didn’t feel something powerful for you, do you think I would have gone to the hospital to see if you were all right?”

  “I think you were acting on hormones that had suddenly kicked in. As you said, physical attraction can be very strong without involving the emotions. You’ve been missing your husband and wanted to feel alive again after so much pain. But it’s evident you can’t make a move that will constitute a commitment of any kind yet. You’re simply not there.”

  “Rick—please listen to me.”

  “It’s not your fault.” He bit out the words. “It’s mine for wanting something so badly. I’ll get over it, but let’s not drag this out.”

  “Don’t you know you’re going to meet other wom—”

  “Spare me the speech.” He cut her off. “I don’t want to hear about some fictitious female who’s going to come into my life and transform it and how we’ll be perfect for each other. I’ve had enough of that from friends and family. But I don’t want to hear it from you of all people.”

  Before he lost it completely, he moved past her to go wake up his daughter. Andrea hurried after him. When they reached the hall, she grasped his arm. “You’ve got things wrong.”

  Rick spun around, forcing her to let go. “No. Otherwise you’d be telling me what I want to hear. Let’s agree you’re taking this trip to Spain to get away from me. Though it isn’t necessary, because I don’t intend to be with you again after today. I can see that’s why you’re leaving. I should have known something this marvelous was too good to be true.”

  As he turned, he was shocked to discover Tessa standing in the doorway to her room, still in her nightgown. She was all eyes. “What’s wrong, Daddy?”

  “Nothing, sweetheart. We were just talking.” He gave her a kiss.

  “But you said Andrea was going away.”

  The truth, Jenner. “Not today. Later on she’s going to spend some time with her husband’s family.”

  “When are you going to leave?”

  “After Christmas,” he answered for her. “Come on. Let’s get you dressed. After we eat breakfast we’re going to go back and see the ice sculptures at the university on the way home. I understand they have some Disney characters you’ll love.”

  To his relief Andrea had disappeared for the moment to give them some private time. But Tessa wasn’t listening to him. She’d focused on Andrea and wouldn’t let go. “I don’t want her to go.”

  “I’m sorry.” He walked her into the room to help her get dressed. “But we’re going to have your grandma and grandpa at our house. And Uncle John’s family and your cousins Lizzy and Jake.”

  Her lower lip quivered, a dead giveaway she was on the verge of tears. After she put on her pants and top, he helped her on with her boots. “Listen to me, Tessa. She’s been our friend and we’ve been having a great time. But she misses her husband’s sister and this is her chance to visit her.”

  “What if she doesn’t come back?”

  Her question acted like a vise squeezing his lungs. “Of course she’ll come back. She works in the shop with her mother. Tessa, let’s just be happy she’s spending today with us. It won’t be long before I have to drop her off at work and take you to school.”

  “I don’t want to go to kindergarten today.”

  “But you missed yesterday.” He finished packing up her things. “Julie will be glad you’re back. No tears, now.” He picked her up. “If you’ll give me a kiss, I’ll tell you a secret.”

  Though his sweet little girl was unhappy, she gave him a big one on the cheek. “What is it?”

  This couldn’t wait. He was desperate to help her out of her pain. “I’m not going to be a firefighter anymore.”

  She stared at him for the longest time. “You’re not?”

  “No. When we go home I’m telling Benton that I’m going to work with him on the arson squad. I won’t be riding a truck anymore, so you don’t ever have to worry about me again. But you can’t tell anyone yet. Not even Julie.”

  Tears of joy welled in her big green eyes. She wrapped her arms around his neck so hard she almost cut off his breathing. Andrea had done the same thing to him earlier, though not for the same reason.

  “Can I tell Andrea?”

  “She already knows.” But for some underlying reason he didn’t understand, his decision had made no difference to her.

  Once Rick had paid the bill and Andrea had thanked Carol for everything, they took off. Andrea offered to drive, but he told her he felt rested and wanted to do it, so she didn’t insist. Tessa asked a lot of questions about her upcoming trip to Spain until he turned on the radio to a station that played Christmas music.

  He drove them past the amazing sculptures and stopped for lunch, after which he headed for the shop. When he parked in the alley, Andrea got out and opened the back door to say goodbye to Tessa.

  “I hope you had as wonderful a time as I did. I’ll be thinking of you-know-what on Christmas morning.”

  In the rearview mirror he could see his daughter’s green eyes. They stayed dry. She was being the best little soldier in the world and he was proud of her. As for Rick, he was the one who was dying inside.

  “Do you promise Santa will bring me the gingerbread man?”

  “I know he will. Now, have a lovely day at school.” She leaned in to give her a kiss on the cheek. “Oh, I forgot.” She reached into her purse. “This is some candy my mother made for you and your daddy. It’s really good.” Andrea handed it to her. “Merry Christmas.”

  As she stood up, Rick was there with her overnight bag. She reached for the remote on her keys to open the back door. He followed her inside. Her mother was probably out on the floor. There was no sign of her. Andrea turned to him.

  She couldn’t look him in the eye. “Thank you for the outing. Thank you for everything...for saving my life,” she whispered.

  “Anytime. Have a safe flight to Spain.”

  He was out the door before he made the grave mistake of crushing her in his arms one more time.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  SEVERAL DAYS LATER Andrea got her sister-in-law on the phone. Please answer.

  “Marie?”

  “Andrea—it’s wonderful to hear your voice. I can’t wait for you to come to Spain with us so we can have a long talk.”

  She gripped her phone tighter. “That’s why I’m calling. I—I can’t come.” Her voice faltered.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I hope this won’t come as a shock to you, but I’ve met a man.”

  “It’s about time,” Marie responded without hesitation. “I hope you’re going to tell me you’re in love.”

  Tears welled in her eyes. “I am. Terribly.”

  “I’ve prayed this would happen to you.”

  “He’s not like Gunter. Rick’s a firefighter who lost his wife. His little daughter, Tessa, has captured my heart, but there’s one big problem.”

  “Has he asked you to marry him?”

  “Yes. He even said he was giving up firefighting for me and Tessa so we wouldn’t worry about him anymore. But just a little while ago I ended it with him.”

  “Why?”

  “He doesn’t know I can’t have children.”

  “If you truly love him, then you have to go to him and face your demons. Talk to him about what happened to you in the accident. It’s not up to you to decide how he’ll react and feel. You’re so certain he’ll reject you for being unable to have children. But d
on’t you see you’re denying him his agency to choose what he wants for himself? That’s wrong!”

  “Mother told me virtually the same thing.” You could be passing up a great love affair out of fear.

  “Let’s put this another way. What if Rick wouldn’t commit to you because he couldn’t give you a child? Consider how you feel about him right now. If he avoided being with you for the same reason, how would you react?”

  “But it’s not the same thing!”

  “Of course it is! How can you say that?”

  “Because he had plans to enlarge his family and deserves to find a woman who can give him another child.”

  “Just listen to yourself, Andrea. He may have had plans, but his wife died. You had plans, too, but Gunter died. It’s life! If both of you want children, then adoption would be the route to go. At least give him the chance to tell you whether it’s what he wants or not. He’s already told you he’s going to give up firefighting to win your love.”

  “But—”

  “But what? Are you really afraid he’ll reject you? He’s not your father, Andrea,” she inserted quietly.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Gunter once confided in me about him and how much damage he did to you. I can see you’re afraid that in the end, Rick won’t want you enough.”

  Andrea closed her eyes for a moment. Marie had hit on the crux of her greatest fear.

  “If I were you, I’d prove myself right or wrong. But if you can’t, then maybe you should get professional help. Otherwise you’ll go through this every time you meet a man who wants a relationship with you. If that happens, you’ll be single all your life. Is that what you really want—because that’s where you’re headed. Gunter would say the same thing, and you know it.”

  Marie was so right about everything, Andrea couldn’t find the words. “Thank you for being my dearest friend and setting me straight. I’ll love you forever. Take care of yourself. I promise I’ll call and let you know what happens.”

  “I’ll be waiting.”

  After Andrea hung up, she started rehearsing what she’d say to Rick. There was only one more call to make. The most important one of her life.