Hard to Let Go

by Laura Kaye

  This big, strong man on his knees¸ undressing her with his hands and his teeth and his hungry eyes . . . It was one of the sexiest things she’d ever seen.

  When she was completely naked, Beckett smoothed his hands over her legs, her sides, her belly, her breasts. He looked at her like she was precious, priceless, flawless, and it reached into her chest and swelled her heart. “Almost too beautiful for words, Kat.” He rose to his feet, his hands carding into her hair as he claimed her mouth on a warm, wet kiss. “Lay down on the bed for me.”

  With her heart flying into a sprint, Kat climbed onto the bed, crawled into the middle, and laid down on her back. Beckett walked to the bottom of the bed and stroked the tops of her feet with his big hands. His gaze ran over her until she at once broke out into shivers and flushed hot. She held out a hand. “Come be with me.”

  One corner of his mouth lifted in a small grin. “I won’t be rushed, Katherine. Not tonight. No matter how damn much I want to cover your body and bury myself deep.”

  Holy crap. The low grumble of his voice combined with the words and the images they evoked to make her wet and achy. Because she wanted exactly what he’d just described. She wanted him. And the fact that he couldn’t figure out why she would want or care about him without her having to spell it out made her heart thud even harder in her chest. Because she did care about him. Maybe even more than she should given the depths of the wounds he so obviously nursed. But sometimes your heart had a mind of its own.

  Finally, Beckett yanked his shirt over his head and dropped it to the floor. He removed the gun she hadn’t realized he carried from a holster at the small of his back and placed it on her dresser. Then he undid his boots and jeans, until he finally stood impressively naked at the foot of the bed. The breadth of his shoulders, the mounds of his cut muscles, the length and girth of that freaking amazing cock—Kat wanted all of it, all of him, on top of her, inside of her, surrounding her.

  He climbed onto the mattress while he simultaneously pushed her legs apart, making room for himself to kneel between her thighs. Spreading her wide, he massaged her inner thighs from knee to groin, his hands maddeningly brushing the outside of her core. And then, in one swift movement, he hooked her legs over his shoulders, used a big flat hand to hold her hips still, and licked her slowly from aching opening to clit.

  “Oh, God, Beckett,” she moaned, her hands going to his hair and her breath cutting off as he sucked her clit in deep. Beckett ate her with the same laser-focused intensity with which he did everything. He was relentless and demanding and so damn intent on giving her pleasure that she was quickly panting and grasping at his hair and hanging on the edge of what promised to be an absolutely mind-blowing orgasm.

  Blazing blue eyes peered up her body as he slipped one finger, then two, into her core. He curled his fingers inside her and stroked a spot so sensitive she almost came up off the bed. His big hand held her down harder, forcing her to yield to the pleasure he gave as his fingers fucked and stroked her and his lips and tongue and teeth tormented her clit.

  Her body detonated in wave after wave of pulsing, clenching, drenching ecstasy. Beckett groaned and sucked harder until Kat was clawing at his head and pleading for relief from the overwhelming pleasure.

  Finally, he released her from his mouth and eased his fingers free of her. “That won’t be the last time you come down my throat,” he said, crawling up her body. He kissed her belly, her breasts, her neck. “And this won’t be the only time you come on my cock.” He took himself in hand, dragged his thick head through her wet, sensitive folds, and sank deep.

  “Yes, yes,” Kat said, loving that glorious fullness that only he could give. When he bottomed out inside her, he stretched his massive body on top of her until he was the only thing she could see or smell or feel. Kat had always loved the weight of a man atop her, and never more than with Beckett. “Love this,” she said as she wrapped her legs around his hips and her arms around his neck.

  “Yeah?” he rasped as he used his hand under her shoulder for leverage. He held himself off of her with his other hand against the mattress, just enough to kiss her and look her in the eyes and gaze down at where his cock penetrated her in a slow, deep in and out. “You look so fucking gorgeous underneath me, Angel. Don’t think I could ever get enough.”

  Her heart squeezed, and Kat shook her head. “I hope you don’t. Not ever.” She bit her lip then, not wanting the pleasure he gave her and the way her heart swelled in her chest to make her say things he might not be ready to hear.

  Things it seemed crazy that she might actually want to say. So she determined to show him instead. Grasping the back of his head, she found his mouth with hers and poured every bit of affection she felt into the kiss. She sucked on his tongue, plundered his mouth with hers, and moaned as his hips moved faster, harder, with more incredible urgency.

  “You’re so good, Beckett,” she said, her head falling back against the pillow.

  Beckett licked and nibbled at her neck, and then he lowered his whole weight onto her, wrapped his arms under her until his hands tangled in her hair, and hammered his cock into her until all she could do was moan.

  Her orgasm was nearly blinding, and hit her so hard that she screamed as muscle spasms shuddered throughout her whole body. She raked at Beckett’s shoulders as she rode out the storm, and then she went limp against the bed.

  Beckett’s little grin was so damn smug. “You still with me?”

  Kat rolled her eyes and tried to calm her breathing. “It wasn’t . . . all . . . that,” she lied, knowing there wasn’t a chance in hell he’d believe it.

  He barked out a little laugh, withdrew his cock from insider her and rolled her onto her stomach. Then he smacked her ass, crawled on top of her and rasped in her ear, “You can’t scream ‘love your cock’ in the middle of an orgasm and have me believe that weak-ass bullshit,” he said, guiding himself inside of her again.

  Had she said that? She couldn’t remember, but given how much she loved the feeling of his dick sliding deep while his big body pinned her down, she couldn’t deny the truth of it. And, God, he felt so much fucking bigger this way, his strong thighs holding hers tight together.

  Smiling, she said, “I do love it, Beckett. Love the way you fuck me. Love the way you fill me.”

  He forced his arms under her shoulders and held her in a tight embrace, one that made him hunch his body around her. Lips against her ear, his hips flew against her ass as he panted and rasped. “Feel so fucking good when I’m inside you. Never want it to stop.”

  The comment whipped butterflies through her belly. Both because she wanted him to feel good and because she didn’t want it to stop either. Not just the amazing sex, but them. Long delicious moments passed with him moving inside her and whispering the most amazing admissions into her ear. “Need you so damn bad, Angel . . . So fucking lucky to find you . . . Want you to be mine . . .”

  “Yes, Beckett, yes,” she cried, her heart and her body never more full or more satisfied in her entire life.

  “Christ, I can’t hold back,” Beckett groaned.

  “Don’t,” Kat said. “Come in me. I want to feel it.”

  “Shit,” he grunted, his teeth audibly grinding together.

  “Let go, Beckett. Give me everything you’ve got,” she said, her hands clawing against the plum comforter as she peered over her shoulder at him.

  His cry was almost anguished, and then his grip tightened, his face crumpled, and his thrusts quickened until he was pulsing inside her, bathing her in his essence, claiming her and making her his.

  Exactly what she wanted to be.

  “Kat,” he rasped, heaving a deep breath as his body calmed. “Holy fuck.” He kissed her cheek.

  “Yeah,” she said, his words luring a smile to her face and making her chuckle. “Holy fuck, indeed.”

  Beckett gave a small laugh in her ear, and it was the sexiest freakin’ thing. “So . . . like a god, huh?”

  Kat elbowed a
nd wriggled out from under him. “I knew that was gonna be a mistake,” she said, humor making her bite her bottom lip to hide her smile.

  He banded his arms around her chest and hauled her on top of him, her back to his stomach. “Where do you think you’re going?” He nibbled on her neck. “Who said I was done with you?”

  “But—”

  “Told you that wasn’t going to be the only time. I’m going to indulge in your sweet fucking body until neither of us can walk.” He sucked on the sloping tendon that led to her shoulder.

  A ripple of excitement ran through Kat’s belly and her head fell back in surrender, her cheek resting against his. “Might not survive it but I’m game to try.”

  “Aw, you’ll survive it, Angel.” His right hand skimmed down her belly until his fingers found the top of her sex. Kat moaned as he circled his fingers there. Being on top of him, her legs to the outside of his, forced her to thrust her hips forward, allowing his swirling touch to bring her body roaring back to life.

  As Kat lifted her hips into his touch and moaned and writhed against him, Beckett’s cock became hard beneath her. He hiked her up a little higher, reached between her legs and guided himself inside her. And then his fingers returned to her clit.

  “Oh God, Beckett,” she whispered as he began to move. The blunt head of his cock hit that crazy place inside her, the one that made her wet and weak and lose control.

  “That’s right,” he gritted out. “Want you to come again.”

  It took about two minutes until she went rigid atop him, her breath whooshing out as her orgasm hit.

  “Again,” he rasped, his hips moving under her, his cock impaling her, his hands helping her move exactly how she needed to.

  “Beckett, Beckett, Beckett.” She cried his name over and over again. Because he was going to get her there. With his body and his words and his desire, he was going to send her impossibly and irrevocably over the edge.

  When it finally hit, the orgasm washed over her like an ocean wave, the kind that tumbled you head over heels until you didn’t know which way was up.

  And then Beckett planted his feet into the mattress and used those massive thighs to hammer deep inside of her. “Fuck, fuck, coming,” he groaned. He buried himself deep, his hands holding tight to her hips as he spilled himself inside her.

  By the time his grip loosened, Kat didn’t have a single muscle left, she was sure of it. But she’d never felt better in her life. Her eyelids grew heavy. “Cuddle me,” she said, the basic act of speaking taking effort.

  He chuckled behind her as he rolled them to one side and pulled her back taut against his chest. “Bossy little thing, aren’t you?”

  She tucked their hands under her breast. “Says the man who demanded I come twice in five minutes.”

  He kissed her neck. “That a complaint?”

  “Not even close,” Kat slurred. “Like your arms around me.”

  “Me too, Angel. Now close your eyes for a while.”

  “So bossy,” she whispered, and then she did exactly what he said.

  BECKETT WASN’T SURE how long they’d been asleep when he woke up, but Kat didn’t stir at all when he got out of bed to use the bathroom. His stomach immediately made itself known, so he grabbed his clothing, got dressed out in the living room, and then went on a reconnaissance mission in Kat’s kitchen.

  What he found made him chuckle. A dearth of actual food and a plethora of take-out menus. And he thought he was bad. He sorted through the folded menus until he found an obviously well-used one for a Thai place. The restaurant was only two blocks away on Dupont Circle. Perfect. Beckett placed a phone order, then stuffed his feet into his boots, grabbed Kat’s keys, and scribbled a quick note on a Post-it in case she woke up.

  Outside, the city was a living being all around him. Movement. Sounds. Smells. It felt at once comforting to be back in the midst of D.C.’s busyness and strange to be by himself, doing something so normal as getting takeout, without one of the eight million members of his team or the other people at Hard Ink all around.

  While he appreciated the moment of solitude, the last thing Beckett truly wanted was for things to return to how they’d been before Nick’s call just over three weeks ago. His life before had been largely solo security gigs followed by time alone at his house followed by time alone working out. Sure, there were people he was friendly enough with, but no one he counted as a friend. Until now. Until being reunited with his teammates, the best friends he’d ever had.

  He’d thought all of that was gone, that the ambush had destroyed those relationships along with everything else. But he’d been wrong. Now, between Kat and his teammates, Beckett was finally feeling for the first time since returning stateside that he knew where he was supposed to be. Maybe that was fucked up, given the shit storm that swirled around them, but that didn’t make it any less true. And he couldn’t help but wonder what would happen once this mission was behind them.

  Beckett rounded Dupont Circle, one of the city’s huge traffic circles where five major roads met with what seemed to be the explicit purpose of confusing out-of-town drivers. In the center was a park known for chess-playing on a series of outdoor tables. A tall marble fountain stood at the center.

  Navigating his way around the busy circle, he found the Thai place hopping. Friday night in D.C., after all. His order wasn’t ready yet, so he found a corner behind the door where he wouldn’t be in the way and checked his phone while he waited.

  He shot a text to Marz. How are things there?

  Same, came back to him. Then, Feel bad Em couldn’t have been here sooner.

  Another casualty of this whole damn situation. I feel ya. And he really did. Because Beckett felt equally bad that Kat had been pulled away from her life by all of this. Not only that, but that she’d potentially risked her whole damn career for them. Much as he appreciated what she’d done, there’d been enough sacrifices made by too damn many people.

  As other diners entered to place take-out orders or be seated, Beckett checked his e-mail, both pleased and a bit concerned to find everything was quiet. He’d farmed out the security gig he’d been working, and everything seemed to be going well with that transition. But at some point his absence—now almost a month long—was going to result in fewer and fewer inquiries for new work. And who the hell knew how much longer this would go on?

  “Murda?” the woman at the register called.

  Beckett pushed off the wall and settled his bill, and then he was back out in the warm night again amid the crowds of people, the air and the walk helping to clear some of the bullshit from his thoughts.

  Tomorrow, they’d meet with Seneka and hopefully identify the best path forward for bringing this whole thing to a conclusion. What that would mean, exactly, wasn’t yet clear.

  His shoulder knocked into someone, slamming Beckett out of his thoughts so hard he nearly dropped the bag of food. He turned to see who he’d bumped into. A brown-haired man peered over his shoulder, his face set in a deep scowl. “Sorry,” Beckett called, but the man just hurried toward the doors of the hotel.

  Damn. He should be paying better attention. The thought immediately had him doing a one-eighty scan of the street and checking the faces of everyone he passed.

  Back at Kat’s apartment, Beckett found her still sound asleep. He unpacked the bag of food on the dining room table, gathered some plates, silverware, and drinks, and then returned to the bedroom to wake her. He knelt at the side of the bed and watched her sleep for a long moment. God, she was pretty. More of that odd achiness in his chest.

  “Kat?” he said, rubbing her bare back, stroking the curls off her face.

  She came awake with a smile. “Hey.” Her sleepy gaze ran over him. “You have clothes on.” Pushing up onto her elbows, she rubbed her eyes and yawned.

  He chuckled. “Sorta necessary for hunting and gathering.”

  “You got food?” Beckett nodded. “Aw, I love you so much right now. I mean—” She bolted uprigh
t. “I mean, you know, for getting dinner. I’m starving.”

  “Uh-huh,” he murmured, trying not to react to what she’d just said. Trying not to want her words to have been real. Trying not to be hurt or disappointed that they weren’t. For fuck’s sake. He rose to his feet, his gaze raking over her beautiful, warm, naked skin. “Better get dressed before I keep you in that bed, then. Wasn’t sure what you liked, so I got a few things.”

  Her smile was uncertain, like she was embarrassed. “ ’Kay. Be right there.”

  Out in the dining room, Beckett took a long pull from a glass of water, Kat’s words replaying in his ear. It was just an expression, Murda. Don’t get your panties in a bunch. Right.

  Or, if you have something you want to say, maybe you should man up and do some talking. How about that?

  He nearly broke the glass putting it back down on the table too hard. What the hell would he even say? Hard to figure that shit out when your head and your chest and your gut were a tangled mess.

  “Oh, my God, you got Thai,” Kat said from behind him. “Smells amazing.”

  Beckett scratched his head, hoping what he’d picked was really okay. “Something different from what we’ve been having lately.”

  Kat wrapped her arms around him from behind and burrowed against his back. “Yes, absolutely. Thank you so much. I can’t believe I didn’t hear you leave.”

  He pressed her hands tighter against him, loving her openness, her touch, her warmth. She always took all the bullshit away, or at least put it on mute for a while. “I wore you out.”