TERRA (The Elements Series Book 2)

by Tracy Korn

  How long have you been awake? I ask, trying again to sit up, but I can't move without feeling like my insides are igniting.

  How do you know you're not just dreaming about me? Liddick thinks, and I can hear the grin in his voice.

  Because I don't ever dream about my veins being filled with acid, I reply with a silent laugh, which I instantly regret when pain stabs through my torso. Crite, how long does this last?

  The more you move around, the easier it gets. Hang on, I'll help you take a walk.

  I clench my fists and try to swing my legs down from my blanket stack without waking up Arco, whose bedding is still pulled close to mine.

  I'm OK, I reply, finally managing to brace against my knees and push myself up, but I lose my balance until an arm slips around my hips and steadies me. I stop the startled breath in my throat from turning into a shriek, and the muscles in my stomach rip with searing pain all over again.

  It's me, relax, Liddick thinks, chuckling for a second, then suddenly wincing next to my ear. Crite, sorry. I didn't mean to scare you, he adds. Didn't you get a drink from your tube?

  What?

  You're still thirsty…he thinks.

  My suit is empty—how did you know I was thirsty? I ask, squinting to see the dark, uneven path to the fissure opening in the far stone wall.

  I felt it…that's what woke me up, he answers, then pulls up a small red flame in the center of his palm as we walk, which lights our path a little better.

  What do you mean you felt it? I look up and find him smiling as the dim red light flickers in his eyes. He clears his throat.

  I'll explain once we get through the corridor. My suit is empty too—we can refill them by the stream…come on, he thinks, tightening his arm around my waist to help me walk. This close, he smells like fire smoke and leather, the latter of which I don't understand until I feel the wide strap across his back.

  Are you wearing a Badlander bag? I think, desperately trying to find footing that doesn't feel like I've stepped into a hornets' nest.

  It's Zoe's, he answers with a quiet laugh. Azeris made it for her. She gave it to me to wear tonight in case I get another message—she wants him to see that we found her. I told her I didn't even think he saw me during the last message, but I guess she put the bag on me when I was sleeping anyway. I smile, forgetting about the pain shooting through me like fireworks for a second as I imagine Zoe tiptoeing through the darkness just to drop off her bag, then tiptoeing back to her bed all satisfied with herself and full of hope. The thought falls apart, though, when Liddick lets out a low whistle at the descending path on the other side of the fissure. "That's going to hurt," he says out loud, then moves in front of me. "Your legs won't handle this decline yet—just lean on me."

  He walks down sideways with one arm posting against the smooth stone wall at his side. I brace against his shoulder as I find the wall with my other hand too, but after a few steps, the pain of descending the short, narrow corridor is almost unbearable…like it's somehow echoing in my muscles.

  My heart is racing by the time we step into the opening of the little cave where we first saw Zoe and the others, and I can hear the stream rushing past just outside of it. I stumble in my excitement, and pain paralyzes every nerve in my legs and stomach when Liddick catches my arms. A prickling itch starts immediately in the center of my palms, and I'm terrified that fire will light in my hands.

  "Rip, focus on your heartbeat," he says out loud again as he squares himself in front of me. "You have to slow it down…are you OK?" he adds, gripping my hands in his and holding them just under my chin.

  "How did you…?" I start to ask, but then see red flames slipping between our fingers.

  Just breathe when I do, and don't look at the fire, Liddick thinks, tightening his fingers with mine so our palms seal in the flames. You just have to get ahead of it, he thinks again as he lowers his chin to meet my eyes, and another flame snaps from our hands.

  "It's not working!" I say out loud, then try to move toward the water so I can douse the fire, but Liddick shakes his head.

  "That won't work either," he says, then closes the remaining space between us by pressing both my hands flat against his chest, which finally smothers most of the flames. He wraps his arms around me to stop the rest, and in the same second, the pain in my muscles starts to give way to a warm feeling that compounds the longer we stay still. "Can you feel this…what I feel?" Liddick whispers next to my ear as his arms tighten around me. "Can you physically feel it?"

  I can't find my voice to answer him when I realize that his heart is beating in rhythm with mine, slowing it down, and everything else falls away—all the pain, even being thirsty. How are you doing that? I think, but I don't know if I care about the answer.

  I don't know, he thinks as he moves back to meet my eyes. When Vita injected you, I just felt the treatment all over again. I felt when you were thirsty a little while ago, your fear about lighting up just now…I even felt the itch starting in your palms right here in mine, he adds, covering my hands at his chest again with his. The heartbeat in my ears starts pounding harder and faster, and right now, I don't know where I end and where he begins. "You're just…what I feel," he whispers, and we are so intertwined that I don't realize he's leaning in until his lips brush mine.

  I jump back from him when flames shoot out from under my hands, not even sure what has happened until I stumble into the hard rock wall.

  "Sorry!" I startle, then try to smother the fire until everything seizes with the pain pouring back into my muscles like scalding water from a tap.

  "Hey, hey, it's all right…" Liddick says over the sound of the rushing stream. "It's all right, just breathe, remember?"

  I squeeze my eyes closed and force myself to take a deep breath, then let it out as slowly as I can. The itch in my palms eventually subsides, and when I open my eyes again, the only red fire is from the torches that line the stone ceiling.

  "Liddick, what is happening?" I say with the last of the breath I'd just taken, then see that my hands are shaking as he helps me off the wall and through the opening on the other side of the cave that leads to the water.

  "It must be the treatment…I didn't understand either when I first felt it—when I first felt you…like this," he answers in a low voice, closer to my ear now as we walk.

  Can hear and feel everyone like this now? I think, blindsided by my own words and their accompanying panic. I don't mean for him to hear them…for him to feel that in me, and my stomach crashes in embarrassment the instant I realize he has. We slow down when my whole body floods with adrenaline, but then he leans his head against mine.

  "No. It's just you, Riptide…" he whispers. "There's only you."

  We kneel carefully next to the rock ledge of the stream as my heart pushes into my throat, making it even harder to swallow the handfuls of water that I wind up splashing over my face. I start to feel dizzy with all the thoughts and feelings now swirling everywhere inside me, so I rest my forehead on the wet rock, letting my arm collapse over the short barrier wall. I feel Liddick flip the intake valve of my desalinator tube, then submerge my hand in the cold water, which helps clear my head a little.

  "Did you push those feelings for me? The pain? And…the rest?" I finally say, keeping my head down and my eyes closed to stop the room from spinning.

  "I don't know," Liddick answers. "I just wanted to help you focus, but then there was…more," he adds from somewhere in front of me, and my head spins again in reaction to the sudden swell in my chest.

  Is this you now…is this what you feel? I think, lifting my freezing hand from the stream and bringing it to my cheek to help my mind stop swimming. I lift my head off my forearms so the cool mist can spray my face and neck, but it doesn't help the heaviness from building in the back of my skull. Liddick, where are you… I think, reaching out to reestablish which way is up and which is down. He quickly lays his hand over my shoulder and then I hear his quiet, gentle voice.

  "Th
at nausea will be a lot worse soon—don't drink any more," he says, then secures my desalinator tube and guides my arm over his shoulder. "Maybe you can sleep through the rest of this…come on. I'll help you get back."

  A million hot needles push up through my legs with each step I take, especially when we get to the short rise that connects the first small cave with Center Hall, and wave after wave of dizziness echoes through me. I have to stop for a second and swallow hard when we come through at the top, positive that I am going to pass out until Liddick pulls me closer to him.

  We're so close now…count your steps, he thinks, but all I can think about is how he managed to stay vertical when he went through this after his treatment.

  How could you have felt like this when we were eating earlier? I think, closing my eyes as we start walking again.

  It wasn't this bad, he answers. Take shallow breaths, Rip…we're almost there, he adds, pulling me in even closer as I hear him take in a few short breaths of his own.

  Crite, you can feel this, can't you? What I feel now? I think with a pang of regret that he's suffering again.

  Small price to pay, he thinks after a long pause, and I feel the warm rush from earlier rising in my chest. I want to reply, to ask him what he means, but the room starts spinning again as the haze thickens in my mind, and I can't find the words. Here, hold on to me, he thinks again just before I feel something soft under my head, and then everything finally stops moving.

  Thank you…for helping me, I say in my mind, feeling like my whole body is filling with sand and sinking into the ground.

  Just repaying the favor, he thinks, but his voice is getting quieter. Do you think a dose of my nanites would help you reset like yours did for me? he adds after a second. I feel his hand brush my cheek, and another rush of that warm current runs through me with the memory of him kissing me after his port-carnate accident back at Gaia. I could feel him, all of him—his clarity and determination, his clever mind and passion, but I can't let myself fall into that again because now everything is different, and I know I might not be able to find my way out this time.

  Liddick, we…I start to think, then feel his lips on my forehead, light and soft just before I hear his voice echo in my mind.

  Goodnight, Riptide.

  CHAPTER 33

  Waking Up

  I open my eyes and nearly bite my tongue when I see Zoe sitting cross-legged next to me with her chin propped on her fists. She raises her rusty eyebrows, and a smirk tacks the corner of her mouth.

  "Don't hurt yourself," she laughs, then gets to her feet. For a few seconds I am too afraid to find out how painful it will be to move, so I just stare at the toe scuffs on her black boots and the frayed ends of the laces. "Need a hand up?" she adds, then extends her arm down to me.

  I start to turn my head, expecting it to feel like someone is trying to saw it off, but to my surprise, my neck is only a little stiff. I hold my breath and try to sit up, bracing for the hundreds of imminent stabs to my torso, but the pain is actually dull in comparison to last night when Liddick had me walk to the stream. I reach up and grip Zoe's forearm, then smile when I realize I might just be over this part of the treatment.

  "Thanks," I say to her, then turn around when I hear Arco stirring. He shifts to his side and stops in place as his thick eyebrows crash together in a wince.

  "Crite…" he groans without opening his eyes, then takes in a shallow breath. Zoe giggles, and I laugh a little too.

  "Sore?" I say, kneeling down next to him, surprised again that it's so much easier to move.

  "Up and about," Zoe says, kicking the bottom of his sock feet with her boot. "Pain should only last a few minutes. Vita gave you all flint root before we stacked you out for the night."

  "Ow," he groans again, and now I can't help but laugh. Arco tries to sit up, but just manages to exhale a quick breath as he freezes again. Zoe rolls her eyes.

  "Boys are always wailers," she sighs. "You feel all right enough to tend to him?" she asks, tilting her head at Arco, who has finally managed to open his eyes a little. I smile and nod at her. "Then I'll go see about rousing the walrus and Fraya. I'll come back to take you all to training circle, wise?"

  "Thanks," I say, and Arco lifts up to his elbows as she walks away shaking her head. He starts to smirk, but then suddenly abandons it.

  "Hurts even to smile, doesn't it?" I laugh, then nod at him. He looks up at me, surprised.

  "You're not sore?" he answers as he sits the rest of the way up.

  "Not really any more…" I say. "I woke up last night dying of thirst, but my suit was empty. I had to go to the stream, and then it was really bad."

  "What did you do? I didn't hear you get up."

  "Liddick helped me," I say hesitantly, then scan quickly until I find him grinning over Ellis, who's pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes. Arco doesn't say anything after this, but I can feel my chest tighten with anxiety. "He was already up. My hands lit up too just like his did right after his treatment…" I add, and his eyes flash back to mine, waiting for the rest. "I mean, it was scary, but he told me how to get it under control. I still don't think I can completely do it, though," I try to smile casually, but thinking about this pulls me back into last night, into the way I felt with Liddick, which I can't seem to sort out. Arco must sense this because he moves himself to the edge of his blanket stacks, then pushes up to his feet all at once, swearing under his breath at the aftershock he must feel as his muscles protest.

  "Sorry," he says once he's completely upright.

  "I've heard worse," I smile, but Arco doesn't react. I sigh, then rub my hands over my face trying to decide if I should just tell him about Liddick—about us physically feeling what the other one feels now—but if I do that, it's just going to give Arco one more thing to worry about. Maybe it's only temporary anyway, I think, and if it's not, I'll just have to figure out how to compartmentalize it. Liddick seems to be able to censor what he thinks from me when he wants, right? There must be a dial for this new development too…there has to be.

  Zoe finds her way back to us with Joss and Myra in tow, and I see that Dell and Cal have rallied Tieg and the others, and are heading toward the Swim opening on the other side of Center Hall. Jesse meets Liddick, Ellis, and Avis at the lip, and just as soon as I make them all out, they disappear down the chute.

  "Ready to see what you can do?" Zoe asks with a dangerous look in her eye, and I'm not really sure if I am ready. "You got all your aches and gripes out of the way?" she asks, looking up at Arco over my shoulder. He stretches his neck to the side, then the other and nods.

  "I'll do," he answers. "Lead on."

  I slip my hand into his, and try to find something to say to help ease the tension that's starting to build all around me as we approach the opening to the Swim.

  "Seems like you're not going to have to deal with the nausea, and maybe not the itchy hands and random fire snaps…do you feel queazy at all?" I ask, looking up at Arco. He meets my eyes and shrugs.

  "Not really. I mean, eating is about the last thing I want to do right now, but I don't feel sick. Did you get sick last night?" he asks, and I immediately regret bringing this up.

  I nod, then Arco nods, and the tension dials up another notch between us. "Liddick helped you through that too?" he asks after a few more steps, and I sigh, feeling the struggle flare up in him again between his understanding of the way Liddick is connected to me in a way that he can't be, and his insecurity about it. He lets go of my hand to scratch the back of his head, but he doesn't take it again afterward.

  "Arco," I start, then slow down to create a little more distance between us and Zoe, who is already several feet ahead of us. "You know I don't want to be with him like that. Like this…with you," I say, reaching for his hand again to reassure him, then feel pressure in my chest like I'm impatiently waiting to say my peace in an argument, but I force it out.

  "I know you don't want him, Jazz," he finally says. "That's the hard part," he adds
with a small smile at the ground that is already wilting when he glances up at me again, squeezing my hand once before he lets it go again as we walk on.

  I understand what he means more than I can even begin to explain to him since my feelings about Liddick are just as unresolvable lately—I can't control feeling drawn to him just like Arco can't control feeling jealous or fearful that I am, even though we both know I don't want to be with Liddick. Last night was just…more getting caught up in the storm of him. It had to be because I know perfectly well that my draw to him is because he's a reminder that I'm not the only one who feels the way I do when I want to run, or when I want to rally and fight, or when I just want to stop the world for five seconds so I can make sense of it, and it's this reassurance that makes me feel less fractured and scattered and searching when I'm with him. This has to be right…

  I mean, until recently, I've needed to hold onto that security, but I can't believe that's love. It's camaraderie… it's friendship, and maybe those are forms of love, but it's not the same thing that draws me to Arco. I don't have to cling to him to feel like I'm secure because I already am secure with him. So, if love means being able to bring myself to a relationship like I'm starting to believe it is, I need to be self-sustaining like that, right? Otherwise, what am I really able to bring?

  My head starts pounding, which makes me realize I've been clenching my teeth. I relax my jaw and take a deep breath, and to my surprise, I actually feel a little better. Did I really just figure this out? It seems like it was too easy. It can't be that simple, but the certainty that falls over me makes me stand up straighter, breathe easier, and I can't help but feel like no matter what happens next, I'll be able to handle it because with Arco, I finally feel like I have…me. That's the missing piece in all of this with Arco and Liddick. That's the difference.

  I take another deep breath and watch Zoe sit on the edge of the Swim, then slow down until I'm almost stopped in place. Arco turns to me, and I study his face, which looks darker now, the yellow-green light casting shadows under his high cheekbones. I reach up and run my fingers over the rough stubble starting along his jaw, then trace the strangely curved S scar that looks like a three-inch fire just over his collarbone. We've come so far, and we have so far yet to go, but I can't imagine being here without him. I know it's impossible to plan everything ahead of time after all that has happened since we took the submarine to Gaia. Maybe we never see what's coming, but I know I can handle whatever that might be now, and so I'm not afraid of it any more.