The Light Through the Leaves

by Vanderah, Glendy

  “A little.”

  “How about I read it to you? That poem always makes me feel better when things suck.”

  With his dark, melancholic eyes, Caleb was yet more intriguing. How could she say no to a lovely man reading poetry to her? And maybe more . . .

  But Caleb looked like he might be a bit grimy beneath his layers of clothes.

  “I’d love to hear you read,” she told him. “But now that it’s dark, I was going to take a quick bath in the stream. Do you want to come with me?”

  He grinned. Ellis had apparently thrown a dry log into his hot spot. His eyes were ablaze. “Yeah, sure,” he said. “I love a cold dip in a mountain river. Especially with a beautiful woman.”

  “And afterward, ‘Open Road.’”

  He clasped her hand in his. “Forever alive, forever forward.”

  Those words meant more to her than he knew. She had a feeling this night she’d been dreading wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe it would even be good.

  Caleb kept holding her hand as they walked toward the cascade. The rush of the water rose above all other sounds in the forest. For the first time in a year, Ellis felt like she was moving in the right direction.

  PART TWO

  DAUGHTER OF RAVEN

  1

  Mama would be home soon. Raven sensed it. But she couldn’t guess what Mama’s mood would be. Her temper changed as quickly as the spring weather recently, one day freezing cold, the next warm enough for bare feet.

  Mama had left the house in one of her silent, stormy moods. She looked like big billows of dark clouds when she was like that. Before she left for her walk, she’d told Raven she had to do her work. All of it.

  Raven finished the last math problem. 10 + 12 = 22. Easy. She set her lessons into neat piles in the order she had finished them: reading, science, social studies, and math.

  She looked out the window at the rainy gray afternoon. Yes, Mama would be home soon. She didn’t know what her mood would be, but she could try to guide it the way she wanted.

  She put on rubber boots and a raincoat and walked into the woods. For a moment, she stopped and closed her eyes, picturing what she wanted as Mama had taught her. She imagined Mama coming home smiling. Happy. Talking instead of silent. When the picture was strong, she opened her eyes. She walked slowly, waiting for the earth to show her how to make what she wanted to happen.

  That was how Mama had gotten her. She had wanted a baby, wanted one with all her heart and soul, so she asked the earth what she needed to do to bring her one. Mama was good at the Asking. She’d been doing it for many years. But a baby was a very big thing to ask for. Mama had to ask and ask and ask, until one day the earth gave her a dark-eyed daughter, exactly what she wanted. A raven delivered the baby to her. His spirit was Raven’s father. That was why she was called Daughter of Raven.

  Raven’s gaze fell on a stick that looked like a squashed letter M. It was a sign. M for Mama. She picked up the stick and searched for more signs. She found a greenish stone. Green, Mama’s favorite color. Then a tiny white feather. Mama loved birds.

  When she saw the little flower pushing through the ground, she knew she had found her Asking place. Mama said she would know when she’d found it if she paid close attention to how her body felt. The right place to ask would make her feel suddenly bright inside, like a fire sparking into life.

  Now she had to figure out the best way to ask for what she wanted. She would get better and better at doing that if she kept practicing. Again, she pictured what she wanted: Mama coming home happy.

  Raven let the earth guide her Asking. She laid the M stick next to the flower. She sensed the feather had to go next. But it was stuck to her skin from the rain. She scraped it off her finger with the green stone, and she liked how it looked when it adhered to the stone’s wet surface. She carefully laid stone and feather in a V-shaped space between the flower and the stick. She stayed squatted to study her Asking. It looked good. She felt it was right. Mama said she would know if she listened to her body.

  She stood and walked back to the house.

  Mama had returned from her walk. Her two braids dripped rain as she leaned over to take off her boots at the back door. When she saw Raven, she smiled, opened her arms, and said, “Come here, sweet Daughter.”

  2

  Raven and Mama were frying venison strips when the alarms went off. The loud beeping that signaled a person coming down their private road always made Raven’s heart pound. Mama said someday someone might try to take her away. Modern-day people didn’t understand miracles of the earth anymore. They would steal Raven from Mama and make her live with people who didn’t practice the ancient ways.

  Mama hurried away to look at the video screens, and Raven ran to her hiding place behind a metal grate that looked like a heating duct. She crawled into the little room and pulled the metal door closed.

  “Damn it!” Mama said when she looked at the video screens.

  Raven’s heart beat harder. Had the bad people come to take her?

  Mama turned off the alarms. There was loud knocking on the front door, then the sound of Mama’s footsteps coming toward the grating instead of going to the door. “Come out, Raven,” she said. “It’s your aunt.”

  Raven was relieved, but now she had to prepare for the arguing that always happened when Aunt Sondra visited. Raven hated it. But what she hated more was how Mama changed when her older sister was in their house. She never seemed as sure of herself with Aunt Sondra.

  Raven crawled out of the hiding space and carefully closed the grating door tight. Her aunt must never know about the hiding place. She must never know her sister’s child was the daughter of a raven’s spirit. She was one of the people who didn’t believe in the powers of the earth. People in the outer world had to believe Raven had come from her mother’s body as most children did. That was why Raven must tell others that she had Mama’s last name and was a girl called “Raven Lind.”

  “The doctor is with her,” Mama said.

  That meant more needles. Dr. Pat usually came with Aunt Sondra. She was a pediatrician, a person who studied children, Mama said. She always wanted to put medicine in Raven’s arms with needles. Mama would argue, but Aunt Sondra and Dr. Pat kept at her until she gave in.

  “You know the rules,” Mama said before she opened the front door.

  “Yes,” Raven said.

  Mama unbolted the three locks and opened the door.

  “Hello, Audrey,” Aunt Sondra said to Mama.

  “Why have you come?” Mama said.

  Aunt Sondra ignored her and pushed into the house with the doctor. She was a big woman with a soft body. Her face looked a little like Mama’s, and she had the same creamy skin and pale hair. But she wore her hair short, and Mama usually wore hers in two long braids. Aunt Sondra’s eyes were blue, but regular blue. Mama’s were white-blue. Raven liked to imagine Mama’s eyes had once been sky blue like her sister’s, but her time in the spirit world had changed them to look more like starlight.

  Aunt Sondra was carrying two paper bags with handles. The doctor had her black leather bag. That was where the needles were.

  Aunt Sondra and the doctor looked over Raven the way they always did. As if they expected to find something terribly wrong with her. “How are you, Raven?” Aunt Sondra asked.

  “I’m well,” Raven said.

  “You look well,” Dr. Pat said, smiling. “You’ve grown tall since I last saw you.”

  “Today is a school day,” Aunt Sondra said. “I’m surprised to see you home.”

  Mama’s storm clouds were gathering. Raven wanted to get it all over with fast. She lifted the right sleeve of her shirt all the way up to her shoulder. She turned her bare arm to the doctor and said, “Put the needles in now. Mama and I want to finish cooking, and you have to go.”

  Mama made a little laugh and put her hand over her mouth.

  “It’s not funny,” Aunt Sondra said. “Are you programming her to say things like that now?”


  Mama’s storm returned quickly. “My daughter speaks her own mind,” she said.

  “Why isn’t she in school? Patricia gave her the immunizations with the understanding that she would go to school.”

  “There was no understanding,” Mama said.

  “Now she’s missed both kindergarten and first grade,” Aunt Sondra said. “She’s two years behind children her age.”

  “Not true,” Mama said. “My lessons are better than any school’s.”

  “I study reading, writing, math, science, and social studies,” Raven said.

  Aunt Sondra didn’t even look at Raven. “The importance of school is more than lessons. Patricia and I explained all this the last time we were here. She needs to play with other children. She needs socialization.”

  “We go to the library,” Mama said. “She sees other children there.”

  “Sees? Does she have playdates with them?”

  “Playdates!” Mama said with a laugh. “I don’t recall I ever had one of those.”

  “I rest my case,” Aunt Sondra said.

  Raven didn’t understand why Mama suddenly looked about to explode. “Leave my house! I want you to stop interfering with her!” she shouted.

  Raven and Dr. Pat backed away from Mama’s storm, but Aunt Sondra, as always, stood up to it without fear. “Stop interfering? What about the next time she has a high fever?”

  Mama said nothing.

  “You were the one who brought me into this child’s life!” Aunt Sondra said, pointing at Raven. “I wouldn’t even know she exists if you hadn’t called me that day she was sick. Do you remember that, Audrey? Do you remember how you begged me to come?”

  Mama wilted like a flower stuck in a jar without water.

  “And just a year later, you called me because she couldn’t stop vomiting. Do you know what it’s like to get these calls? To think my niece might die because her mother is too stubborn to take her to a doctor? To have to drop everything and rush out here? Do you know how much I pay to fly Patricia here from Chicago?”

  “I’m so sorry I’ve spent some of your millions,” Mama said. “Or is it billions now?”

  “Just because we have money doesn’t mean we should throw it away.”

  “I’ll pay for Patricia to come if it’s such a hardship for you,” Mama said.

  “Why not take her to a doctor in this area?”

  “I prefer my life to be separate from this community,” Mama said.

  “Why, when you live in it? If you can go to the library, you can take her to a pediatrician. You should have a doctor in town, too.”

  “I need no doctor,” Mama said.

  “You might one day. And you both should have a dentist. You’re on well water without fluoride. She needs fluoride treatment or her teeth will rot.”

  Mama closed her eyes and put her hands on the sides of her head. She squeezed like she was trying to push out great pain. Usually she was about to have one of her bad moods when she did that. Raven knew it well. Aunt Sondra knew, too, because she looked worried.

  “Audrey, I’m only trying to make sure she stays safe and well,” she said in a soft voice. “I feel responsibility. She’s my niece.”

  Mama didn’t open her eyes or move her hands from her head.

  Raven had to do something. Something that would make Mama happy. She said, “Aunt Sondra, I want to show you my lessons.”

  Mama had told her she should do that. She should show Aunt Sondra that she didn’t need to go to school. That was why Raven and Mama had worked so hard on her lessons since her aunt started the arguments about school.

  Her aunt said, “I would like to see your lessons. Let’s look at them.”

  Raven knew why she was being nice all of a sudden. She was trying to stop Mama’s bad mood, too. She led her aunt to her new desk that looked out a big window at fields and forest. She gathered her lessons from the shelves that had been delivered with her desk.

  As Aunt Sondra took the lessons, Dr. Pat came into the room with Mama. Mama looked better.

  “Ask her anything from those lessons,” Mama said. “I guarantee she knows more than children in public school first grade.”

  Aunt Sondra sifted through Raven’s work. “What’s eleven plus ten?” she asked.

  “Twenty-one,” Raven said.

  “What’s three times three?”

  Raven had no trouble visualizing three threes added together. “Nine,” she replied.

  “Impressive!” Dr. Pat said.

  Aunt Sondra looked at more of Raven’s lessons. “Your printing is very good,” she said.

  “Mama says my spelling is good, too,” Raven said.

  She nodded, scanning more of the papers. “What state do you live in?”

  “Washington,” Raven said. “And the capital of Washington is Olympia. The state south of Washington is Oregon. Its capital is Salem.”

  “Very good,” Dr. Pat said.

  Aunt Sondra studied the list of books Raven had read. “You’ve really read all these books?”

  “I have. But those Dr. Seuss books are baby books. I can read harder ones.”

  Aunt Sondra smiled. She turned to some of Raven’s science lessons. “It says here you studied evolution last week. Can you explain what that is to me?”

  “Sondra . . . ,” Dr. Pat said.

  “What?”

  “Even if she was told about it, explaining it would be too advanced for her age.”

  “I can,” Raven said. “Evolution happens in a lot of years called . . .” What was the word? “Millennia?” she asked Mama.

  Mama nodded.

  “Plants and animals have something inside them called DNA,” Raven continued, “and in the millennia, it keeps changing and making them better at staying alive. That’s evolution. It’s how we became people from amoebas since the Big Bang.”

  Aunt Sondra and Dr. Pat smiled. More importantly, Mama smiled. She was happy with Raven’s answers.

  Aunt Sondra put the stack of lessons on the desk. She squatted to be as tall as Raven and put her hand on her cheek. “You’re very talented, Raven. I think you would like school. I hope you and your mother will consider it for next year.”

  Raven wished she hadn’t said that. Mama was frowning again.

  “I’m sorry I missed your seventh birthday,” Aunt Sondra said. “May I hug you to wish you happy birthday?”

  Raven moved into her arms and hugged her. She smelled like strong flower scents, very different from Mama.

  “I have a gift for you. Would you like to open it?” Aunt Sondra asked.

  Raven looked at Mama. She nodded to say it was all right.

  They went back to where Aunt Sondra had set down purple and blue paper bags. Inside the blue bag was lots of crumpled purple paper. Beneath it was a book about planets and stars. There was a second book called School Is Fun. It looked like My First Day of Kindergarten, another baby book Aunt Sondra had given her.

  “And you accuse me of programming her,” Mama said.

  The last thing in the blue bag was a little backpack with a blue, green, and yellow design of birds flying all over it.

  “If you decide to go to school, you can carry your books and papers in here,” Aunt Sondra said.

  Mama crossed her arms over her chest and pressed her lips together.

  Raven hoped there weren’t more school things in the purple bag. She pulled the crumpled blue paper out. Beneath it was a pretty pair of tan boots that said UGG on them. And dark-blue leggings and a pale-blue sweater. When she unfolded the sweater, she saw it had a big black bird on the front.

  “A raven,” Aunt Sondra said. “I had that custom knitted for you.”

  Raven loved it, but she was afraid to say so until she knew if Mama liked it.

  “It’s beautiful,” Mama said.

  “It is,” Raven said, hugging it against her chest. “Thank you, Aunt Sondra.”

  “You’re very welcome. I went a little big because I didn’t know what
size you wear. I emailed your mother to ask, but she didn’t answer.”

  “I don’t use email anymore,” Mama said.

  “That’s too bad,” Aunt Sondra said. “I’d like to stay in contact with you and Raven.”

  Mama said nothing.

  “I have a gift for you, too,” Dr. Pat said. She opened her black doctor’s bag and gave Raven a little wrapped box.

  Raven took the paper off. Inside was a necklace made of colorful smooth stones.

  “Lovely,” Mama said.

  “I like it,” Raven said. “Thank you, Dr. Pat.”

  Mama smiled at her, happy with her politeness.

  “Do I get needles now?” Raven asked when Dr. Pat took her stethoscope out of the bag.

  “No, darling, you’re up to date on your immunizations,” she said.

  She was relieved. Not because she cared so much about the needles. It didn’t hurt too bad. But Mama always got upset about the medicine.

  “I’m only going to give you a wellness exam,” Dr. Pat said. “If that’s okay with you and your mother.” She looked at Mama.

  “She’s very well, as you can see,” she said. “But go ahead, if you must.”

  Dr. Pat led Raven to the couch. Aunt Sondra wanted Mama to leave the room to give the doctor and Raven a little privacy. Mama walked to the far side of the room with her sister but refused to leave.

  The doctor made Raven take off everything but her underpants. Raven hugged her arms around her bare chest. She was a little scared. She hoped the doctor would find her to be very well. Because Mama had said she was.

  “She’s a wonderful child,” Aunt Sondra said in a low voice to Mama. “And she looks very healthy. Does she like to walk around the property with you?”

  Mama kept her eyes on Raven as the doctor listened to her heart with the stethoscope. “Yes,” she replied.

  “Audrey . . . ,” Aunt Sondra said in a quiet voice.

  Raven strained to hear.

  “You’re doing a marvelous job with her schooling. I’m proud of you, but . . .”