by Ryan, Kaylee
“I hope so.”
“Hey, why don’t Dad and I come up there tomorrow? We’ll grab lunch and visit for a while.”
“Yeah, that sounds great, Mom. I’ll text you my hotel info.”
“Give that baby girl a kiss for me,” she says, ending the call.
I drop my phone on the bed, but it rings immediately.
Amelia.
“Hey,” I greet her.
“Took me some time, but I finally convinced her to go shower and sleep in a bed for a few hours. I don’t know how long you have, but I told her to text me before she comes back, that the hospital coffee might not cut it. That’s the best I can do for a warning.”
“Thank you, Amelia. I’m on my way there now.” Grabbing my coat from the chair, I make sure I have my room key and I’m out the door.
I don’t know why that little girl tethers me to her the way she does, but it kills me to think that she misses me. That she wonders where the man who has been a constant this week has gone. Do babies even know these things? Regardless, I know, and I need to be there for her, for both of them. I just hope Dawn comes to her senses soon.
* * *
It didn’t take much to talk the nursing staff into letting me see Daisy. As Kendall and Amelia suspected, Dawn hadn’t removed me from the authorized list. I only got a few short hours with her before Amelia got a text saying that Dawn was on her way back. Even though my time was short, my heart felt lighter. I knew Dawn got some much-needed rest, and hopefully some food, and Daisy, well, my little snuggle buddy was having a good night. Her jerking was getting less and less. Her crying has increased, though. They tell me she’s colicky. I’m not really sure what that means, but apparently, when she’s skin-to-skin, it soothes her. I’m glad she was able to get a couple of hours rest with me, and I’m sure Dawn will do the same.
My girls are getting what they need.
I went back to my room and was able to catch some sleep, and now I’m in the hotel lobby waiting for my parents to arrive. I’m watching the door when I spot them. They’re wheeling a luggage cart with a big white box on it.
“What in the hell are they doing?” I mutter to myself.
Mom sees me and waves, a smile on her face. “Come here,” she says when they stop next to the couch I’m sitting on. I stand and bend down, wrapping her in a hug.
“Hey, Dad.” I give him a one-armed hug as well. “What is that?” I ask, barely able to contain my amusement.
“Oh, this is a car seat and the stroller came with it. You’re going to need this, or Dawn is to bring Daisy home. We just wanted to help,” Mom rambles.
My dad looks at her with his heart in his eyes. It’s always been this way between them. Keith and Theresa Adams have a love for the storybooks. Met in high school, married right after graduation. Not long after Meghan came along. The rest, as they say, is history.
“Yeah, I’m guessing there’s going to be a lot that she needs. We haven’t really thought further than just getting her well enough to come home.” At least I haven’t. Maybe Dawn has and she just hasn’t said anything. I mean, she did push me out of their lives without me having any idea it was coming.
“Thanks. I’ll uh, I’ll keep it in my room, you know, until she’s ready.”
“Have you seen her today?” Mom asks.
“No, I did go over there last night. Dawn went to the hotel to shower and sleep, but she was only gone a couple of hours.”
“You think she knows you’re still in town?” Dad asks.
“No, not unless one of the nurses have slipped up and said something. Amelia is Team Mark, well, Team Mark and Dawn, so I know she’s not going to say anything. Not until she thinks Dawn is ready to hear it.”
“Right, well, let’s get this up to your room, and then we can grab some lunch.”
“Thanks, I’ll run it upstairs and meet you guys in the restaurant.” I point across the lobby to the hotel restaurant.
“Sounds good, son,” Dad says, slipping his arm around my mom and heading in that direction.
I push the cart onto the elevator and ride to the third floor. My room is just down the hall and to the right. I leave the cart in the hallway, and grab the box, placing it on the small table in my room. The image on the box is now facing me. It’s dark gray, with small pink and white daisies etched onto the fabric. I’ve never been an overly emotional man. I love my friends, my family, but getting choked up, that shit’s not something I do. However, here I am swallowing back the lump in my throat. She’s not even a week old and that little girl has wormed her way into my heart. Just like her aunt.
Dawn says I didn’t sign up for this and she’s right. I didn’t, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want it. That I don’t want them. That little girl needs someone in her corner, a man to show her how a woman should be treated, how she should be loved, and Dawn, well, she already knows. That man is me and I’m not going to stop fighting.
For either of them.
An idea begins to form, and I fire off a text to Reagan and Kendall.
Me: I need your help.
Reagan: I’m in.
Kendall: Anything.
Sliding my phone back in my pocket, I head back downstairs to my parents. I’m going to need Mom’s help as well. I told Dawn that I would always be there to catch her. Actions speak louder than words, and I’m about to be real fucking loud.
Chapter Seventeen
Dawn
I have to admit, a hot shower, and a soft bed did me some good. Though, I slept maybe an hour. I couldn’t seem to shut my mind off from what I’d done. Pushing Mark away felt like the right thing to do, but now being here without him, it feels wrong. All of it.
“She’s awake,” Mary, the nightshift nurse, says from the doorway of the waiting room.
“Thanks, Mary.” I stand and follow her back to the nursery. When I got here during the early morning hours when sleep evaded me, they told me she was resting peacefully and had been for a few hours. I nodded, peeked in on her, and then went to the waiting room. The small yellow room felt cold and empty without Mark.
Just like my heart.
Robotically, I scrub up and slip into a gown and the hospital-provided scrub pants. By the time I’m done, Mary has Daisy in her arms ready and waiting for me. “She had a good night, and she’s gained another ounce,” she says, handing her to me once I’ve settled into the rocking chair. She helps me settle the baby against my bare chest and covers her with a blanket. It’s one of those hospital-issued ones, not soft like those the twins have. No, these seem… impersonal. That brings together another set of issues. This little sweet pea is going to need so much. Pushing that out of my mind for now, I dip my head and breathe her in.
She smells like Mark.
I know that’s not the case, but I swear I can smell him on her. A musky, woodsy scent that is uniquely him mixed with sweet baby girl. Even though my senses are messing with me, it’s comforting. I can pretend that I didn’t push the man I love away for reasons that I know are half-assed at best. I don’t want him to feel like he has to be here. I want him to have that carefree life he was living before we got that phone call in the middle of the night. Shaking out of my thoughts, I focus on Daisy.
“You think she can come home soon?” I ask Mary.
“She’s doing wonderful and gaining weight like a champ. Hopefully soon,” she says, not really committing.
“You hear that, Daisy? You’re doing so well, and soon we’ll be out of here. It’s just you and me, kid.” She’s snoozing away, not a care in the world, and that’s how it should be. Her tremors and jerks are so much better, and I pray that she’s one of the lucky ones. That she’s able to make it through what my sister did to her. I’ll do everything I can to keep her safe and away from my sister. However, with her little disappearing act, it looks as though she couldn’t care less what happens to her daughter. She knew Dawn was coming and bailed, leaving her to pick up the pieces. I guess at least she called. Thinking of this little girl with no one here
for her, it’s a thought that would bring anyone to their knees.
I rock her for as long as they’ll let me before going back to the waiting room. I almost expect to see Mark there waiting for me, but I know better. I pushed him away and broke both of our hearts. I just… I don’t know what I’m doing. I have this tiny human that depends on me, and then I have him. I love him with everything I am, but I was too damn chicken to tell him, and now, now he’ll never know. My phone buzzes in my purse.
Amelia: Just woke up, you need anything.
Me: No, thank you.
Amelia: Can you talk?
Me: Yeah.
A few seconds later, my phone is ringing. “Hey,” I greet her.
“How’s she doing this morning?”
“Good. She gained another ounce.”
“That’s great news,” she replies.
“It is. Hopefully I can take her home soon.”
“Mark called,” she informs me.
“I assumed he would. How is he?” Part of me doesn’t want to hear it and the other part wants any little morsel of information I can get about him.
“He’s hurting. He misses you.”
I sigh. “I miss him too.”
“Then why?”
“I don’t want to hold him back.”
“Look. I know you’re coming from a good place. Trust me, I do. I also know from experience that pushing those that you love away is hard on everyone involved, and really, all it does is cause unnecessary pain.”
“Want to talk about it?” I ask her.
“No. We’re talking about you.”
“Is this where you tell me I’m making a mistake and that I’ll never be able to forgive myself?”
“No. This is where I give you the facts, and I just did that. I’m not in the position to pass judgment. We are all entitled to our feelings and we all deal with them in our own ways.”
“I-I didn’t expect that.”
“We all have shit in our lives, Dawn. We deal with it the best that we can. With that being said, I’ll also tell you that Mark loves you. I don’t know if he’s said the words, but regardless, it’s true.”
“I miss him,” I confess.
“Then call him. He’ll be right there.”
“I know he would be. I just need to think about why I pushed him away. Even to me my reasons seem farfetched.”
She laughs. “Always when it comes to the heart.”
“You seem like you’re speaking from personal experience yet again.” I know she’s hiding something, but I’m the new girl, so I don’t know if she’ll open up to me.
“Yeah,” she says softly. “Let’s just say that I was once presented with a situation that both wrecked me and scared the hell out of me. I pushed. I ran, and looking back, I know that wasn’t the best of choices.”
“I’m here for you.”
“I know. I appreciate that. Things are good, and I’m back on track, which I know sounds cryptic as hell.” She chuckles. “Right now, let’s worry about you, that baby girl, and Mark. Oh, and food. I’m going to grab a shower and bring you some lunch.”
“Thank you, Amelia. I truly can’t tell you how much you being here means. You can head home when you’re ready. I just… I knew he would never leave if he thought he was leaving me here all alone.”
“No thanks needed. That’s what friends are for, and you’re right. He wouldn’t have left.” Her voice sounds funny, but I don’t question it. “I’ll see you soon.” The line goes dead, and instead of putting my phone back in my purse, I send an olive branch to Mark. I tell myself it’s because he deserves to know since he’s been here from that first night. To be honest, I just miss him.
Me: Daisy gained another ounce.
His reply is immediate.
Mark: That’s my girl. We’ll have her home in no time.
We’ll. He has no way of knowing what that word does to me, or how badly I wish that he’s our future. He probably doesn’t even realize how he said it.
Me: I hope so.
Mark: Say the word and I’m there, Dawn. I miss you. Both of you.
Tears prick my eyes. I miss him so much my heart aches.
Me: I miss you too.
Mark: Does that mean I can come back?
I smile through my tears.
Me: How about you take a few days, then we can talk again? I won’t keep you from the
hospital, but I needed you to get back to your life.
Mark: You’re my life.
Oh. My. God.
Me: Can we talk? In a few days? Just give us both some time?
I don’t know what I’m saying. I’m letting my heart rule when I need to be listening to my head. He needs to move forward. However, I can’t help but think about what Amelia said. She pushed away too and the regret in her voice was tangible. I think a few days for both of us will be good. He can see that being away from us is not as bad as he thinks and me, well, I know it’s bad.
I’m feeling his absence everywhere I look. If he still wants to be here in a few days, if he’s still just as adamant that he wants to be a part of this, I’m going to let him. He deserves the right to make his own choices. I had no right to take that away from him, but fear does crazy things to you. The fear of needing him and then him leaving. The fear of loving him so completely that my heart will never recognize another.
Mark: I don’t need a few days, but if that’s what it takes to see you.
Me: Thank you.
Mark: Give her a kiss from me, and this one’s for you.
He adds a row of kiss emojis and I can’t help but smile.
Me: Will do.
I’m sure it’s not what he was hoping for, but I need to give him these next few days. Give him time to think and ponder.
“Who’s putting that smile on your face?” Lynn asks.
“Mark,” I tell her honestly.
She nods. “He’s one of the good ones.”
“You think so?”
“Oh, honey.” She laughs. “If you could see the way he looks at you and that little girl in there. How many men do you know would do what he’s done for her?”
The guys in our small group flash through my mind. “Maybe a few, but they’re his best friends.” I shrug.
“Are any of them single?” she asks.
“Two of them are.”
“How many are there?”
“Five.”
“Do they all look like Mark?”
“Pretty much.”
“Damn.” She laughs.
“You have no idea.”
“So, you said only two are single, that must mean that you’re not letting him go so easily.”
“I don’t want to, but he’s a single guy who until a week ago was dating a single girl with no baggage. I’m no longer that girl.” I don’t know why I’m pouring my heart out to this stranger. Then again, she’s giving excellent care to Daisy and has been with us this week. She’s no longer a stranger in my eyes. She’s just… an outsider maybe.
“See, that’s where you’re wrong. He’s not a single guy. You said it yourself. He’s a man, dating a woman that he obviously cares about. Let him decide.”
“Then what happens when he leaves?”
“Then you know.” She shrugs. “You can live your life always worried about what’s around the next corner. I know you’ve been through a lot with just recently losing your parents, and now this, but you have to remember something. Your life is what you make it. You have to fight for what you want, and live each day as if it’s your last. You’re going to fall, and most of the time, you’re not going to expect it. You have to let those around you catch you until you can stand on your own two feet again.”
I wipe the tears from my eyes. “Anyone ever tell you you’re a smart woman?”
She laughs. “Helping people is what I do.” She points to her badge that tells me she’s a registered nurse. “It’s easy to give advice to those you’re not emotionally connected to. I can see the forest thr
ough the trees, so to speak.”
“Thank you, Lynn.”
“You’re welcome. Now, here comes your lunch.” She nods over my shoulder as Amelia approaches.
“Everything okay?” Amelia asks.
“Yeah, just someone else reminding me what a fool I’m being when it comes to Mark.”
She nods. “Good. He’s blowing my phone up worried about the two of you. He’s a needy man when it comes to you,” she says, making us all laugh.
The rest of the afternoon, Amelia and I cuddle with Daisy, and although she protests, I send her to the room that night. Sure, a hot shower and a soft bed are enticing, but I know I’ll just sit and kick my own ass for being so stupid with Mark. When he calls again in a few days and wants to come to us, I’m going to let him.
Then, I’m going to tell him I love him.
Let the cards fall where they may.
Chapter Eighteen
Mark
I spent the day with Mom and Dad putting my plan in motion. They were both a huge help, especially Mom. I sent Kendall and Reagan a text keeping them in the loop. I wouldn’t be able to pull this off without everyone’s help. I’m pushing the keycard into my door at the hotel having just said goodbye to my parents when my phone rings. “Hey, A,” I say to Amelia.
“She’s not leaving.”
“What?” I ask, stepping into the room and tossing my room key on the small dresser.
“She’s not going back to the hotel tonight. She told me to.”
“Damn.”
“Yeah, I’m not seeing her leaving there often enough for you to come by. I’m sorry, Mark.”
“I should have guessed that this would happen.”