by Ryan, Kaylee
“She’s gaining weight, so that’s good. She has to be five pounds and go three days without oxygen before I can take her home,” I explain.
“At the rate she’s going, it won’t be long,” Kendall replies.
I nod, answering a text from Amelia, and sliding my phone back in my pocket. She and I are not as close as she is with Kendall and Reagan, but I didn’t grow up with them. However, she’s been great reaching out to see if we need anything. That leads me to now, and I know Mark’s not going to like what I have to say.
“So, Amelia should be here in a few hours. That means you can go home and get back to your life,” I tell Mark from across the table.
He drops his napkin to the table and glares at me. “What are you talking about?”
“I know you don’t want me here alone, and Amelia is still looking for a job. She just wrapped up her last temp job she was doing and volunteered to come and sit with me.”
“We don’t need her here.”
“You’re right,” I agree with him. I hate that this is upsetting him, especially in front of our friends, but I needed them as a buffer. “I’m doing okay now. I can’t tell you how much it means to me that you were here for me, but you have a job to get back to.”
“As his boss, I’ve put him on indefinite family leave.” Ridge leans back in his chair and crosses his arms over his chest.
Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath. I knew this was going to be a fight. “I appreciate that, I do,” I tell Ridge, before turning my gaze to Mark. He’s sitting the exact same way as Ridge, his arms crossed over his chest, gearing for an argument. “I couldn’t have done this without you. You’ve been my rock since we’ve been here, and I’ll never be able to tell you how much that means to me. I’ll never be able to return that favor to you. I needed you and you were here, no questions asked.” I pause to gather my thoughts. “I appreciate you, but I can’t let you put your life on hold because my sister made bad choices. You have a job, bills to pay, family, friends. You need to go back to your life.”
“I’ve told you, I’m where I’m supposed to be. And I could say the same for you. You have a job, bills to pay, and friends to come home to.”
“I’ve taken a leave of absence.”
“So have I,” he counters.
“Mark,” I sigh.
“Dawn,” he mimics my tone.
“We’re just going to clean this up and try to go sneak a peek at Daisy.” Kendall stands and Ridge follows suit. They quickly gather our trash, toss it into the trash can, and disappear out of the room.
It’s just the two of us.
“Why are you fighting me on this?”
“Why are you fighting me?” he challenges.
“This is something that I need to do. I need to learn to handle these kinds of situations on my own. I need to be able to take care of her. Me. I’m her legal guardian. I’m the one with a sister for a fuck-up. I’m the one now responsible for a little girl who has no one else. That’s all on me. Not you. You didn’t sign up for this.”
“Neither did you.”
“She’s the only family I have left.”
“Really? Am I not your family?”
“You know what I mean,” I say, exasperated.
“No, actually, I don’t know what you mean. What I’m hearing is that I’m nothing to you. That we’re not building a life together. That you want to do it all on your own. What about what I want? What about me, Dawn?”
“You’re such a good man,” I say softly. “You’re honorable and dependable, and I know you well enough to know that you will never walk away from us.”
“You’re damn right. Why would I?”
“Because we’re not yours,” I whisper the words to hide the crack in my voice. Although the crack in my heart is just as loud, I’m sure he can hear it from across the table.
His face turns to stone. “That may be,” he says, his voice gruff, “but you, and that little girl in there, you’re mine. I might not be yours, but you’re mine and I want to be here.”
Oh, God. I knew this was going to be hard, but I never imagined this is how things would end up. I don’t want to push him away. I just want him to go back to his normal life. I don’t want my sister’s actions to control his future too. “Go home, Mark.” The words taste sour in my mouth.
“You can’t make me leave.”
“I can. I’m going to remove you from the list. You won’t be able to have access to her. There is no reason for you to stay.”
“What the fuck?” He stands, his chair flying back to hit the wall. “Why are you doing this? Why are you pushing me away?”
He knows me too well. “It’s better this way. You need to go back to life as a single guy. You didn’t sign up for a girlfriend with an infant niece she’s responsible for, who’s coming off her mother’s addiction to pills.”
“I signed up for you,” he says. His voice is deathly calm, but his hands that are fisted at his sides and the tic in his jaw tells a different story.
“It wasn’t supposed to be this way.”
“That’s life, Dawn. It’s messy and complicated, but that doesn’t change how I feel about you.”
I see Ridge, Kendall, and Amelia through the glass heading toward us. “Please, just go,” I say, rushing out of the room. I hear Kendall and Mark both call out for me, but I don’t stop. I keep going until I’m in the bathroom at the other end of the hall.
“Hey.” Amelia approaches me where I stand with my hands braced against the sink, head hanging down as I try to hide my tears. “What happened back there?”
I look up at her and a sob breaks from my chest. “I’m in love with him.”
She nods. “Then why are you pushing him away?”
“Because I love him. He didn’t sign up for this. My fucked-up family, my fucked-up life. He deserves to find a woman he can have kids with, not a ready-made family with a little girl who could have a host of issues due to her mother’s drug use. It’s going to be hard, and I can’t ask him to stick around for that.”
“Did you ask him?”
“What?” I wipe the tears from my eyes.
“Did you ask him? Did you say ‘Mark, I need you to stay?’”
“No, of course not. I mean, yes, I asked him to come here with me that night. I thought I was seeing my sister and her baby for the first time. Thought I would say hello and we could go back to our lives. That all changed the minute my sister skipped out.”
“I know. I’m sorry that you’re going through this so soon after losing your parents. If anyone knows what you’re going through, it’s me.”
“How could you possibly?” I scoff.
“Let’s just say life is complicated, and I’ve learned firsthand how that messes with you. I can also see that you’re hurting yourself and him, for no reason. He wants to be here.”
“Okay, I’ll give you that,” I say, wiping more tears as they fall. “But what about a month from now? What happens when he wants to go out and I can’t because Daisy is having a bad day, or I don’t have a sitter? What happens when he wants to spend the day lazily in bed, and she’s sick or crying or… I don’t know… anything? The life we had is not the same. Not anymore.”
“I get that. I do. However, did you give him the chance to choose?” she questions.
“No. You know him. Hell, all five of them. They’re honorable and dependable and he would never walk away from me.”
“I agree with you, but I think you have it wrong. Sure, he’s honorable and dependable and I agree with you that all five of them, the group, they’ve been thick as thieves my entire life. They’re the kind of guys you want forever with. Which is why I’m baffled that you’re doing this, but even more so—” She pauses, shaking her head. “Even more so, that man loves you, Dawn. He loves you and you’re ripping his heart out. He’s not here because he’s honorable or dependable. He’s here because his heart tells him this is where he needs to be.”
“I love him too much to
let him stay.” Pulling a tissue from the box on the counter, I blow my nose and wipe my eyes. “Thank you for being here. I needed someone here or else I know he’ll never leave. Once he’s gone, you can go. Thank you for making the drive and being here. I know you don’t understand it, and honestly, I’m not sure that I do either. What I do know is that this hurts. The only other time I’ve felt this kind of loss was lo-losing my parents.” I choke back a sob. “I have to do this now before he does it later.”
“You’re making a mistake.”
“I know. He’s never going to forgive me, and my heart, it won’t either.” Tossing my tissue in the trash, I wash my hands and walk out the door. I don’t look for him, or for Kendall or Ridge; instead, I go straight to the nursery, knock on the door, and wait for them to let me in. I change into my hospital-issued attire and go sit next to Daisy’s bed. The tears flow freely. I know this is a mistake. Nothing that makes your heart hurt this bad is a good idea, but I love him too much to saddle him with this.
I just wish I would have told him how much I love him before I forced him to leave.
Chapter Sixteen
Mark
What the fuck just happened? One minute we’re laughing and showing off Daisy’s cuteness, and the next, she’s telling me to leave. Telling me I can’t see either of them anymore.
“Did that just happen?” I ask, staring after her as she races down the hall and disappears into the bathroom.
I feel Ridge’s hand land on my shoulder in silent support. “She’s scared,” Kendall defends.
“Of what? Of me?” I blanch at her words.
“Yes, but not the way you’re thinking. She’s afraid of needing you.”
“I want her to need me.”
Kendall’s eyes soften. “I know you do, but she’s been through a lot these past few months. She lost her parents at the hands of her sister, and now here she is again, in this situation because of her sister. She thinks she’s bringing you down with her. She’s afraid that if she leans on you too much, that when you walk away, it’ll break her. Not just break her heart, Mark. It will break her. She won’t come back from that and she has to stay strong for that little girl in there.”
“Did she tell you that?” I ask.
“She didn’t have to. She’s my best friend.”
“I love her. I’m not leaving her.”
Kendall nods. “I know that too. She needs time to process what she just did. She’s scared. She’s going to be a mom to a baby who was born to a drug-addicted mother. That’s a huge undertaking. We’re her only support system. While you and I know that’s enough, that we are here for whatever she needs, she sees it differently. She sees it as her responsibility and that she has herself to rely on.”
“She has me.” I slam my hand against my chest, trying like hell to keep my voice calm, remembering where I am.
“I’m glad to hear that.”
“What?” I ask, confused. I look over at Ridge. “Are the women in our lives losing their damn minds?” Ridge chuckles.
“She’s going to realize what she did was wrong. She’s going to realize that she made a mistake. I’m glad to hear that you’re going to fight for her.”
“How do I do that, Kendall? How do I fight for them when she’s pushing me away? She said I couldn’t see Daisy. She needs me. The skin-to-skin thing, that helps her and I know she knows my voice,” I say, trying to control my emotions.
Kendall steps forward and wraps her arms around me. “I love how you love her,” she whispers.
“I can’t leave them here,” I confess, wrapping my arms around her.
“Then don’t,” Ridge speaks up.
“She said she was taking me off the list. I can’t see Daisy, and she won’t see me.”
“She was saying whatever she needed to push you away.”
“So, what do I do?”
“Get a room,” Ridge says. “You stay here close by.”
“Hey.” Amelia approaches.
“How is she?”
“Broken.”
I nod.
“She’s not thinking clearly, and when she finally does, she’s going to have some regrets. Namely you,” Amelia says pointedly.
“Help me.” My voice is pleading.
“You’re staying?” she asks. I’m sure she overheard our conversation.
“Yeah, I’m going to get a room nearby.”
“Okay, I’ll have her do the same. Make sure you’re in separate hotels.”
“And?” I ask, hope bubbling inside.
“And I’ll convince her to let us take shifts. She knows she’s not keeping me from anything, so when she goes to the room to sleep, I’ll call you.”
“Will they let me see her?”
“I’m sure they will. If she does take you off the list, use your Mark Adams charm.”
“You mean his brooding ‘give me my way’ charm?” Ridge jokes.
I crack a smile. Fucker. He’s no more sunshine and roses than I am unless it’s his wife and kids.
“Okay. So, I come here to see Daisy when Dawn’s not around? The staff is going to be suspicious.”
“So you tell them the truth.”
“And they kick me out,” I counter.
Amelia shrugs. “They’ve seen you with the baby, and with Dawn. Explain her losses, and they’re already aware of the situation with the baby’s mom. I think you’re good.”
“So what? I just visit the baby and never see Dawn? I hate this idea.”
“It’s the best I’ve got. She’s going to need you. She’s going to crack and you’re going to be close by when that happens.”
“How do you know?” I ask.
A haunted look comes over her. “Let’s just say I had a friend, in college, that had some medical issues. She did something similar. She regretted it.”
“Mara?” Kendall inquires.
“No, but that girl, she’s been through her fair share of heartbreak.”
“What do you have to lose?” Ridge asks. “You don’t want to leave, and you know the baby is responding to you. You hang out, visit when you can, and be ready.”
“And if she never changes her mind?” I ask. That’s the issue here. We’re going on the assumption that she regrets pushing me away. And no matter how much I want to believe that, my heart is also cracked wide open and bleeding from her words. I’m not convinced she’s going to change her mind.
“Then you know you’ve done all that you can,” Kendall says. “I’ve known her since our freshman year of college. She’s always been independent. Hell, she moved to Jackson with me, away from her family. Sure, she wanted to get away from the drama that was her sister, and now she has to live with that. She has to live with the fact that she left and wasn’t here.” She swallows hard. “She loves you, Marcus. I promise you that. She’s just been through hell and back and she’s trying to brace herself for the impact of this latest fall.”
“Come on. We’ll get you a room, and get you settled in,” Ridge tells me. “Amelia, we’re going to grab you and Dawn a room as well. Kendall will text you the details.”
“I’ll handle it,” Amelia assures me.
“Thank you.” I give her a hug. “Take care of them for me,” I whisper, before letting her go. Then I turn and walk out of the hospital. I thought the day I walked back out these doors, Dawn and Daisy would be with me.
* * *
Lying on this bed in my hotel room feels wrong. The bed’s too soft, and the room’s too quiet. I’ve grown accustomed to the chairs in the hospital waiting room, and the constant hustle and bustle of the medical staff and visitors. I miss her. I miss both of them.
Amelia texted me about an hour ago and said that she finally convinced Dawn to go to the room and get a good night’s sleep. She’s taking the night shift with Daisy. So, here I am, waiting for the message that tells me I can come back to the hospital. I have one more hurdle to jump, and that’s convincing the staff not to tell Dawn about my visits and to still let me snu
ggle Daisy.
Needing a distraction, I pick up my phone and dial my mom. “Hey, honey, is everything okay?” she asks immediately.
“No.”
“Marcus, what’s going on?” Her voice is soft and filled with concern.
“It’s been a week,” I say, and then proceed to fill her in on everything that’s happened up to this point.
“Wow. Your dad said he texted you about borrowing some tool and that you were in Mason with Dawn’s new niece. We had no idea.”
“I’m sorry. I should have called and explained, but it’s been a rough few days.”
“I get that, but that doesn’t explain the sadness I hear in your voice. You said the baby, Daisy, that she’s doing well? I love that name,” she says.
“She is. She’s gaining weight and her vitals are strong. And as far as her name…” I explain to her how I was searching for a cute name to call her, and when I saw Daisy and considered the meaning, doubled with the fact that it was my mom’s favorite, I started calling her that. “Then Dawn, she loved the name. It goes with the D theme that her parents used for her and her sister. I guess that’s what she’s naming her. I don’t know about her middle name. I assume her last name will be Miller. Destiny wasn’t married, at least not that we’re aware of. She was checked into the hospital as Miller.”
“It’s a beautiful name,” she says, and I can hear the smile in her voice.
“Am I messing up here, Mom? Should I just come home?” I can’t help but feel as though I’m betraying Dawn.
“Only you can decide that.”
“Tell me from a woman’s perspective.”
“Well, it sounds to me as if Dawn is letting her head rule her heart. She’s been through so much, and I can’t blame her for not thinking clearly.”
“Would you be pi— ticked off when you found out?”
She’s quiet and I’m starting to worry what her answer will be. “Honestly, I can’t say. I can tell you that she knows you and knows the kind of man you are. You’re not trying to hurt her or the baby. I think she’ll see that.”