Irrefutable

by K. A. Berg

  He rounds the island and pulls me from my chair into his chest and hugs me tightly. “It’s all going to be okay,” he says again with a kiss to the top of my head.

  Pushing back, I look up at him, and shake my head. “I don’t think everything is going to be okay, Jordan. I haven’t been completely honest with you.”

  His face scrunches and his brow furrows. “What do you mean?”

  “The day I told you about how my dad was threatening to ruin my reputation if I didn’t agree to marry you, I left a part out.”

  “Okay, what did you leave out?” he asks, his voice and body language still very light as if this whole thing is just some silly misunderstanding.

  I take another deep breath trying to calm myself. “He told me if I didn’t go through with what he wanted, he was going to frame me for something illegal.”

  “Wait,” he says stepping completely away from me, “what?”

  “My dad told me if I didn’t agree to marry you, he was going to call a tip into the Feds and tell them I’m doing something illegal. I don’t know what exactly, but he made it very clear if I don’t marry you and merge the companies, I’ll be sitting behind bars for a long time.”

  His eyes narrow and his nostrils flare. He pushes off the counter and paces the length of the kitchen. “What the fuck, Quinn?” I can hear the anger in his voice, but I can also hear the hurt loud and clear. Jordan stops pacing, coming to a stop directly in front of me across the island. “Why didn’t you tell me this from the beginning? How could you lie to me like this? We’ve always been completely honest with each other. Did you think this would change our arrangement if you told me? Considering everything else he’s thrown at you, I wouldn’t have found this such a far leap.”

  “I was scared,” I try to explain. “And I didn’t want to pile it on top of everything else you were dealing with. I thought I could handle everything and keep you out of my problems.”

  “But when we decided to do this, you made it my problem too. You should’ve told me. I had a right to know what he was doing to you. I could’ve helped. We could’ve gone to my dad,” he argues shaking his head.

  “No,” I shake my head emphatically. “That’s the last thing I would’ve done. I didn’t want your father to know any of this.”

  “What was your plan here, Quinn?”

  “I thought I could beat him at his own game. I thought we could get married and then force him out. That was the plan we came up with together!” We worked all this through before. Nothing about hiding my father’s intentions changes any of the plan we came up with.

  “Why are you telling me this now?” he asks again, a firmer voice this time.

  “Because marriage isn’t the answer. I can’t give in to him. And I refuse to let him drag you down with me. You don’t deserve to be collateral damage in my family drama. This isn’t fair to you. I care about you, and I won’t let him get to you. It’s time for me to face reality and deal with whatever happens.”

  Jordan’s shoulders slump and I watch his usually easygoing appearance morph into what I think is pain as he hangs his head. “I just buried my father, and now you’re telling me not only have you been lying to me, but you want to call off our wedding?”

  “It was never a real wedding, Jordan,” I remind him.

  “It was for me. I love you, Quinn. You made me fall in love with you, and I was going to do everything in my power to show you. I was going to win your love. I wanted to make you happy.”

  Fall in love with me? Make me happy?

  My eyes widen in shock as I process what he just said.

  No.

  That can’t be true.

  “You don’t love me. How could you love me?” How the hell did this get so screwed up? I honestly didn’t think it was possible for any of this to get worse.

  “How could I not?” he sighs looking up at me. “You’re perfect. Or at least I thought you were. There’s no one else like you, Quinn. You’re the first person I’ve ever gotten close to like this. We have a stronger bond than I’ve felt with anyone before. Can you honestly say you feel nothing for me after everything we’ve been through?”

  “I do have feelings for you, Jordan. I do love you. Just not in the way you want me to.” As the words leave my mouth, I can see something inside him changing. He hangs his head again as we stand in silence.

  I know that’s not what he wanted to hear, but it’s the truth. I don’t want to hurt him anymore than I already have. But how could he have fallen in love with me? Did I lead him on? I never meant to. For Christ’s sake, we’ve never been the least bit intimate.

  Suddenly a lot of the little things he does start to make sense. The side glances I catch him giving me every now and then. His distaste for talking about how to handle our indiscretions and the look he had on his face when we discussed living arrangements and sleeping in different rooms. If I hadn’t been entirely wrapped up in myself I would’ve noticed. I could’ve prevented his hurt.

  Jordan’s head snaps back up, and I see the hardness in his eyes. His jaw sets and his lips mash together forming a straight angry line. “You’re just like your father, you know that? You manipulated and used me to get a leg up on him. You’re no better.”

  The hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. I’ve never heard anything so cruel leave Jordan’s mouth. I know I lied and he’s angry, but I’m nothing like my father. “How can you even think that?”

  “How could I not, based on everything you’ve told me tonight?”

  “I get you’re upset and hurt. I do. But take a minute and think about this. When did I ever give you the impression we were more than friends and partners in this whole thing? I don’t think it’s me you love. You love the idea we’ve created for everyone.”

  That has to be it. He’s in love with the illusion we’ve created putting on a fairy tale courtship and planning a wedding fit for the society pages. It’s the only explanation that makes sense. How else could this thing have gotten this misconstrued?

  “No,” he shakes his head. “I actually fell in love with you and what we have. What we were going to have.” His hand slams down on the counter rattling the bottle of wine and my glass. “God, I’m such a fucking idiot.”

  Tears well in my eyes. I knew he wouldn’t be happy about me keeping this from him, but this is completely unexpected. Breaking his heart wasn’t even a thought that crossed my mind. I feel like the worst person in the world. Hanging my head, I wish for the ground would open up and swallow me whole. What am I supposed to say to him in this moment?

  “I need some time to think about all this before this gets any worse and I say something else I can’t take back. I’m leaving.”

  He doesn’t even give me a passing glance and heads to the front door, grabs his gym bag, and slams it behind him on his way out.

  Chapter Eleven

  Jordan

  Betrayal flows through my body quickly as I try to get to my car as fast as possible. I need to get out of here. I can’t believe Quinn would do this. I mean, I guess I should’ve, given her history with her last boyfriend.

  As soon as I get in my car, I let out the frustrated scream I’ve been holding in. I can’t believe I fucking fell for this. I can’t believe I let myself love her. I really am a fucking idiot.

  I’m already halfway to my mother’s before I realize that’s where I’m headed. Everything just keeps playing on a loop in my head the entire fifteen minutes it takes to get there.

  “Mom?” I call out after using my key and walking through the front door. She’s always been a light sleeper, I know she’ll hear me. It’s after midnight and I kind of feel bad waking her up, but I need to talk to her.

  “Jordan?” she questions as she rounds the corner and heads down the stairs, her pink robe flowing behind her as she slides her arms into it. “What’s going on? Is everything okay?”

  “Not at all,” I shake my head and sigh just as Mom reaches the bottom of the stairs.

  She wra
ps her arms around me and squeezes tightly. “Oh, what’s happened, sweetheart?”

  Just as I open my mouth to tell my mother I’ve been lying to her and I lied to my dad before he passed, it dawns on me I’m just as bad as Quinn. I’m furious with her, but I’m doing the same thing to my parents.

  “Christ, I’m a fucking hypocrite.”

  “I don’t care how old you are, watch your language,” my mother scolds me. “Let’s go have some tea, since coffee isn’t the best idea at this hour, and you can tell me why you’re a hypocrite.”

  Following her into the kitchen, I sit at the table watching her flit around making us each a cup of tea. Mom doesn’t say anything as I sit there; she just hums to herself as she dunks our tea bags in and out of the steaming water.

  Mom places the two mugs down and takes the seat next to me. “What’s going on?”

  “Quinn and I just got into a huge argument,” I begin after taking a few sips of my tea. “She lied to me. We’ve been lying to everyone, but we were honest with each other. But tonight she told me she doesn’t think getting married is a good idea and she’s been lying to me.”

  “What have you been lying about?”

  Having my mother continue to think this relationship is real isn’t going to work anymore. This is such a huge fucking mess and I have no idea what to do. My mom needs to know the truth. Because it’s the right thing to do, and I don’t think I can see my way through without her help. “My relationship with Quinn isn’t a real relationship.”

  Sadness crosses Mom’s face and her lips turn down into a frown. “What do you mean it’s not real?”

  It takes about twenty minutes to explain what Louis has been doing to Quinn and her motivations for going along with this. “He didn’t leave her much choice, but I had no idea the threats had gotten this bad or he’d gone this far.”

  “I should’ve picked up on it when he called me earlier this week about the opening at the Plaza,” my mom adds. “He seemed adamant on having it then, and I just assumed that was what you guys wanted.”

  “Not at all,” I inform her. “Just his way of pushing Quinn.”

  “You know,” Mom says reaching her hand out, placing it over mine. “You told me all about Quinn’s reasons for agreeing to perpetuate this relationship, but why did you agree to do this?”

  Dammit. I didn’t really want to go into too much detail about everything. I just wanted to tell my mom the truth about Quinn and I. Tell her I fell for her and now I’m learning this will never be anything more.

  I did drag her out of bed after midnight, I guess the least I can do is give her the answers she’s looking for.

  “Making Dad proud was important to me, and I wanted to do it while I still had the chance,” I confess, hanging my head. “I know how he felt about family and settling down. I wanted him to see me do that. I wanted him to see me get married and step up to fill his shoes at the office. I wanted him to be proud of me. Quinn was willing to help me give Dad that.”

  Mom’s eyes glass over as they fill with tears. “Jordan, he was always proud of you. Is that what you think? That your father wasn’t proud of you?”

  “No, I know he was,” I say. “I also know he wanted to see me take the next step and start a family. He wanted me to follow in his footsteps, but he wanted me to get married first. I just wanted to be everything he wanted me to. He was such a great man and I wanted to give him all that before it was too late.”

  “God, I wish you had told us you were feeling this way,” she cries, hugging me. My large frame consumes her tiny one as I try to comfort her by wrapping my arms around her. It doesn’t take long for her tears to dry. She pushes herself back from me and gives me a sad smile. “I’m sorry you felt so pressured to give your father that illusion, but I think it’s time I told you a story.”

  “A story?” I laugh.

  “Yes, a story, but let’s go sit in the den. These chairs aren’t so good for my old back.”

  Grabbing my mug and hers, I head to the counter to refill them before making my way to the den after my mother.

  Placing both mugs down on the wooden coffee table in front of the couch, I sit next to Mom and make myself comfortable. “What’s this story?”

  “Your father did want you to be settled down before taking over the company, but not for the reasons you think,” she starts explaining with a far off look in her tired eyes. “We had just gotten married when your grandfather handed the reins over to your dad. He spent the first year of our marriage living at the office because it was so much work. Your father underestimated how difficult it would be to run a company. He was only focused on it, it sucked him in.”

  Mom’s eyes cloud slightly as she takes a minute to collect herself. “His thoughts only turned to me when work wasn’t consuming him. Which wasn’t often. He didn’t even notice there was something wrong until I told him how unhappy I was. He was devastated when he realized what he had been doing. It was then your father vowed his family would always come first. And we did.”

  A fond smile forms on Mom’s lips, and it’s hard not to smile with her thinking about the amazing man my dad was. “We did,” I agree, taking Mom’s hand, enveloping it in mine.

  Her smile drops, and her eyes meet mine as she continues, “He didn’t want the fate for you. He wanted you to have a family and enjoy it before you took over. He wanted to make sure when you took charge, you wouldn’t make the same mistakes he did. He was only trying to make things easier for you. But never once did he think you weren’t a man because you hadn’t settled down yet. He was very proud of you regardless of your dating life.”

  I’ve never heard this story before. My parents always seemed so happy and in love, I’d just assumed it was always that way. “Why didn’t he just sit down and tell me about this?”

  “He didn’t want you to think less of him. You looked at him as if he was your hero and it meant the world to him. He didn’t want to taint your view of him by you knowing he was capable of letting us down. His words, not mine. I never felt let down by him. He worked his ass off to show me just how much I meant to him. Made me feel like the luckiest woman on the planet. It drove me nuts he was still so guilt-ridden after all these years.”

  My heart breaks for my dad, knowing how guilty he felt for close to forty years. I wish he would’ve told me. I could’ve explained this only made me idolize him more. Working so hard to correct a mistake. Not only correct it but make it a million times better. A real man stands by his family and does everything he needs to keep them together. My dad did that. Not just when he needed to, but every single day. Looking back, I can’t think of one bad memory with my dad. He was always level-headed with me and never talked down to me. He built me up and made me the man I am today. He was the greatest father in the world.

  “He loved Quinn,” my mother says, interrupting the thoughts about my dad. “He considered her part of this family. Lord knows she needs some people who truly care about her in this world. If he was still here, he’d tell you to let go of the anger you’re feeling toward her. This man is terrorizing her. She knows she was wrong and apologized. Not many people would do so. We have to help her. But not by you marrying her. I’m a little angry you lied to us and let it get this far, but that’s not going to help. Let’s figure out a way to fix this mess and nail her father to the wall. Nobody tries to hurt my family.”

  “It’s not that easy, Mom. She betrayed me.”

  “Did she?” Mom asks with a perfectly arched eyebrow.

  “Yes,” I protest. “She’s been lying to me for months. We had an arrangement. She had no reason to keep this from me. And now she wants to break everything off. I love her, Mom. She used and manipulated me.”

  “Jordan,” my mom sighs. “Are you in love with Quinn or are you in love with the life you’re imagining for yourself with her?”

  “I thought I was in love with her,” I answer. “But since you and Quinn have now both mentioned loving the vision more than the woman, I hav
e no clue what the hell I feel.”

  Mom gives my shoulder a bump with her own and says, “It’s easy to tell. When you close your eyes and picture life, do you see it with Quinn? I mean, do you clearly see her face, or do you just assume it’s Quinn because you’ve agreed to do this?”

  I don’t answer because I don’t have one.

  “You don’t have to figure everything out in one day but cut the woman some slack. She lied, but only to protect you. She wasn’t doing anything malicious,” Mom says as she stands from the couch. “Now, this old lady needs to get back to bed. Meet me for lunch tomorrow and we’ll finish picking your brain and see if we can come up with some ideas to help Quinn.”

  Leaning down, she kisses my forehead and leaves the room.

  Damn my mother and her mind games.

  Do I love Quinn, or do I just believe I do because I think it’s how I’m supposed to feel?

  I came here to try and clear my mind, but I’m more fucking confused than ever.

  Chapter Twelve

  Quinn

  Jordan stormed out over two hours ago, and I’m still sitting here waiting for him to walk back through the door. This isn’t how I saw tonight going. The anger I predicted, but him telling me he loves me threw me for a damn loop.

  What the hell am I supposed to do?

  Everything is completely FUBARed.

  Guilt consumes me. I foolishly assumed coming clean with him would alleviate some of my guilt, but instead it tripled it. Hurting Jordan wasn’t my intention, but I also never imagined he’d fall in love with me.

  His words echo around the apartment.

  You’re just like your father, you know that?

  Am I?

  Did I not tell him because it benefited me not to? Did I manipulate the situation to better suit me?

  My fingers itch to call the one person I know will help me make sense of everything. I can sit here all night running all this crap through my head, but I’ll most likely come out worse for the wear.