Irrefutable

by K. A. Berg

  “Quinn,” she huffs. “You called me out of the blue today and asked if I wanted to get together for lunch, which of course I do because getting any time out of you lately is a feat in itself. But if lunch is going to consist of you grunting and scoffing and being a dick to the waiter, then you should’ve invited your bitchy friend, Blair, and you two could be miserable together while I’m home with Tanner and Michaela.”

  The last thing I need right now is someone else getting on my case. I’m over all this fighting and clawing to fight my way to the top. The only people I need to be in my life right now are the people who will help me build myself back up, not ones who want to pick apart everything I do. “I asked you because I wanted to see my best friend, but if you’re just going to sit here and give me shit too, then I see this was a bad idea,” I hiss.

  Turning, I go to grab my purse from the back of my chair, fully intending on leaving, but Ashley has other ideas.

  “Stop being a fucking baby and talk,” she scolds. “There’s obviously something you want to talk about so do it already. I’m here. I’m listening, but I can’t do shit if you’re going to throw a tantrum because I called you out on being a bitch.”

  When did Ashley grow some balls?

  “Looks like someone has grown a backbone…” I mutter under my breath as I turn back around in my seat.

  “Looks like someone needs to grow theirs back,” she challenges, bracing her elbows on the table before leveling me with an expectant stare. “Start talking.”

  My eyes gaze beyond her and watch the people walk past the windows of the little bistro we’re at. We found this place years ago after a trip to the mall in Paramus and fell in love with it. I haven’t been here in a long time.

  A couple catches my eye and they look so happy it’s sickening. He wraps her up into a hug, shopping bags hitting her back, and she laughs up at him while smiling as though he’s her world. God, I want that. But I just don’t know if it’s ever going to work for me; it doesn’t seem to be in my cards. I just have to accept it. While I do believe in love and it’s out there and it exists, it doesn’t mean it happens for everyone.

  “Alex and I had a fight,” I announce breaking the silence growing around our table.

  Ash’s head nods slightly and reaches for her water. “Okay, everyone fights. Did you guys work it out?”

  “No,” I tell her. “He doesn’t understand me or my life right now. I don’t know if it can be fixed.”

  “You’re not giving me much to work with here, Quinn,” she presses. “I can’t help if I don’t understand.”

  Our waiter drops off the platter of fried food I forced Ash to have as an appetizer. I want comfort food for my shitty mood, and she’s going to eat it with me. I recount the whole argument from the other night as Ash and I put a serious dent in the food.

  “And you just walked out?” Ash questions as she dips the last mozzarella stick in the marinara before eating it in two bites.

  “He told me to leave,” I remind her. “What did you want me to do?”

  Her eyes close and she hangs her head shaking it, as if I’m a child who just disappointed her. “It’s not about what I wanted you to do, dumbass. It’s about what Alex wanted you to do and leaving wasn’t it.”

  I grit my teeth trying to keep from snapping. “He kicked me out.”

  “This is just like the time you got mad about him wanting to go your company party. You’re missing his point…”

  “Here, you go, ladies,” the waiter smiles setting down our meals and interrupting.

  Her eyes never leave my face and she thanks the waiter and continues, “He wants just a little bit of your attention. He wants to feel like he matters to you. You walking away because he asked you to just shows him how little he matters to you. You should’ve stayed. You should’ve been more open to hearing what he was saying. And it was a really low blow bringing Tiffany into it. You can’t compare the two situations. He almost had to stand by while you married Jordan. He slept with Tiffany once and she’s into chicks. Jordan thought he was in love with you.”

  “I’ve never slept with Jordan,” I argue back. “And Jordan is my business partner and probably one of my best friends, but that’s it. There’s nothing to be jealous of. He’s dating Hailey.”

  “This is something you have to deal with directly with Alex. I can’t speak on how he feels, but I can see where he’s coming from,” she says before taking a bite of her wrap.

  I disagree. “The issue is now he has some down time, he’s bored and mad because my job is the most important thing in my life. I’m not going to ignore work because he wants to play house. We’re in the middle of building a new company.”

  Ashley places her food back down on the plate and gives a piercing icy stare. “You can’t be serious.”

  “I…” That’s all I’m able to get out before she cuts me off.

  “You’re an idiot. You’re doing the same thing right now you did at my wedding. You’ve got some stupid ass idea in your head and you’re using it as an excuse to run. Grow the fuck up!” Her voice is loud but she’s not yelling. Her frustration and anger built those words and I feel it all. Inside her head, Ashley is screaming at me.

  “What’s your problem?” I spit back at her.

  “I’m so fucking tired of this routine with you. I love you, I do, but I can’t stand seeing you doing this to yourself again. This is exactly what I would’ve done to you last time if I had the chance. He wants to feel like he matters to you. That’s it. A simple fucking text is all he was asking for. How would you feel if I didn’t show up here today? You’d be calling me and telling me off for standing you up. That’s what you did to Alex. It hurts and makes people feel like shit. Stop hurting him. Everything is great between the two of you. You guys made it through the storm. Stop looking for things that aren’t there. I won’t let you do this to him again.”

  “Let me do this to him?” I snap. “He. Kicked. Me. Out.”

  “And I’m glad he did,” she smiles sadistically. “At least it gives me some hope he won’t let you destroy him completely this time. That man is one of the most important people in my life. I love him, and I refuse to let you stomp all over his heart again. We lost him for two years because he was running from you and the hell you put him through. You changed him and made him into this harder, rougher, emptier man.

  “All he’s ever done is love you. Every part of you, even the ugly ones, and all its gotten him is heartache and struggle. You don’t even see how selfish you are. It’s always all about you and what you want and need. He’s bent over backward to be the man you need. When are you going to start being the woman he needs, huh? He deserves it and more.”

  What the hell just happened?

  I want to yell out a bunch of things at Ashley’s back as she retreats from the table, pulling her coat on as she makes her way to the front door, but I’m in shock. That’s a reaction I never saw coming from Ashley. She’s usually very reserved in public as to not draw attention to herself, especially after Tanner just finished up a great season. Tanner and Ashley are pretty popular around these parts, so seeing her making even the slightest of scenes surprises the hell out of me.

  Her words play back in my head.

  The woman he needs?

  What is that supposed to even mean?

  She’s wrong about this being the same as last time. I’m not running. I just don’t see a way to make this work.

  Ash’s voice echoes in my mind as I start my car. I said I was sorry for missing dinner. It really was an accident, nothing more. I didn’t lie or do anything unforgiveable. It was Alex who was pushing me away. He picked a fight knowing I wouldn’t back down from my career. He knew I’d pick work over him, so it was him setting me up.

  My car veers off the exit and I notice too late it’s the exit for Alex’s place, not mine. Guess we’re going to finish this now.

  Chapter Forty-One

  Alex

  No one ever knocks on my
door, so the loud banging on my front door has me curious as to who is here. Everyone in my life has a key, not that it’s many.

  My heart sinks as I see Quinn through the peep hole. This isn’t going to be good if she’s knocking. But then again, I guess the radio silence since our fight the other night should’ve been an indicator things weren’t going to just be okay.

  “Can we talk?” she asks as soon as I swing the door open.

  Stepping aside, I wave her in. “Sure.”

  Based on Quinn’s outfit, I can tell she didn’t go in to the office. She’d never wear skinny jeans, even with heels, to work. She finally took a Saturday off and still didn’t bother reaching out to me until late afternoon. That’s a great sign.

  “This isn’t me running,” she says as she paces into the living room. “I just don’t see how we can make this work.”

  “Can’t make what work?” I ask stopping behind her and shoving my hands in the pocket of the hoodie I’m wearing. What crazy thing has she turned this into in her head now? No wonder she hasn’t tried to get in touch with me. I’ve been made the bad guy here. Again.

  Turning around, she looks me in the eyes while gesturing between the two of us. “This. This isn’t going to work. I’m not giving my career up to make you feel better. Is this going to happen after every season ends? You sitting around wanting to pretend everyone else is on vacation for months because you are. You getting pissed off when I miss a meal because I’m working.”

  “And tell me how this isn’t you running?” I scoff, beyond frustrated. After constantly being the person she needs me to be, she can still find a way to make me into the one thing I’ve never been with her—the bad guy.

  “I’m standing right fucking here,” she yells at me indignantly. Am I supposed to be grateful this time she’s at least sticking around to tell me about her crazy schemes? Is this supposed to make it hurt any less that she’s turning me into something I’m not and using it to break up? Again.

  “Are you really this self-absorbed? Or are you still that woman who looks for escape routes instead of facing her fear?”

  “Excuse me?” she says stepping closer, jabbing her finger into my chest. “I’m not self-centered and I’m not looking for an escape. You just want something I can’t give you.”

  “You can’t give me a fucking phone call?” I bellow followed by an incredulous laugh. This is unbelievable. “You’d rather throw in the fucking towel than be a considerate person? Consideration and a little fucking appreciation is all I’m looking for. That’s too fucking hard for you?”

  “I fucking apologized. What more do you want?” she fights back. “My career and this company are more important than ever, and you want me to cut back from that. I’m not that woman.”

  I need some space from her right now. Her thought process is too fucked up for my comprehension. Walking to the couch, I drag my hands through my hair in agitation and plop down. “I never asked you to cut back anything. But it’s pretty clear you don’t understand me at all. First off, I know what your work means to you, and I’d never stand in the way of that. Second, this argument of me wanting to spend time with you has nothing to do with the season ending. I want to spend time with you whenever I can. Regardless of the time of year. And I don’t get an off season. I never have. Sure, I work fewer hours, but my job is year-round. You’d know that if you bothered to think about me. My job is important to me and I’m damn proud of it, so don’t you dare dismiss it like it means nothing…”

  “That’s…

  “You had your turn,” I stop her, pinning her with a glare I know tells her I’m not kidding. “You’re telling me it’s too much trouble for you to give a shit about me every once in a while? You’re telling me it would’ve taken so much time out of your discussion to send me a quick message saying you couldn’t make dinner? Or just remember dinner at all next time? For fuck’s sake, that’s all I’m asking for. Give me and my feelings some consideration. It doesn’t take much effort. That’s too hard for you?”

  “No, but…”

  “Then this is you running,” I interject.

  “I’m not running,” she denies again.

  Sighing, I hang my head and give myself a moment to compose my frustrations. I swear, we have the biggest fights over the dumbest shit. Shit Quinn is always twisting around into something else in her head.

  “You’re saying you can’t see us working, but yet you just admitted what I need isn’t too hard for you. So, which is it?”

  Her head tilts to the side and she contemplates something in her mind for a moment before replying. “Am I the woman you need?”

  What? That sounds like a loaded question to me. I’m not sure what answer Quinn’ s looking for here and my hesitation doesn’t seem to be helping as the features on her face start to soften from the hardness.

  “I think I need some context here. Where’s this coming from?”

  “Am I the woman you need?” she asks again. “Do I give you everything you need? I’ve been told you’re always adjusting to be the person I need, but am I giving that in return?”

  Quinn came in here so self-righteous and sure of her argument, but now that’s not the person I’m seeing.

  Standing from the couch, I stalk to Quinn, answering her question. “Yes. Even when I’m mad at you, you’re still the person I need. I just want to feel like you know I’m here. I don’t want or need your complete attention every moment of the day. If that’s what you’re taking away from all of this, you’re wrong.”

  “I’m not trying to run or look for excuses. I need you to spell it out for me. What is it you want, exactly?”

  My hands reach out seeking Quinn. The fuse on my anger has fizzled out and the threat of explosion has been thwarted. The need to hold her replaces my fury. It doesn’t matter how mad I get at Quinn for whatever reason, seeing her in pain or upset flips a switch in me and all I want to do is make it better. Her pain is my pain.

  Placing my hands on either side of her neck, I use my thumbs to turn her head up as the words she needs to hear tumble from my lips. “All I need is to feel some security here, Quinn. You have your scars and I have mine. I need to know I matter to you. I’m not upset about your work ethic or you missing dinner. Does it suck our plans got cancelled? Yes. But all you had to do was let me know and it would’ve been fine. I’m a person, angel. I have feelings and you need to remember them. Words aren’t going to fix it this time. I need to see actions from you. You’ve given me your word this would get better and it hasn’t. You need to show me I matter to you.”

  She gazes at me with what seems to be understanding and gives me a single nod. “What about Jordan? He’s my partner in what will hopefully turn out to be a very successful company. There’s not much I can do about it.”

  “Well,” I say heaving out a sigh, “there’s nothing I can do about your work relationship with Jordan. But I think there’s something you need to understand. It doesn’t matter to me whether you were marrying Jordan for love or not, you were still planning on marrying him. He proposed to you. You planned a wedding with him. You discussed a future with him. That was supposed to be us, Quinn. That’s all I ever see when it comes to you. Forever.

  “I come back home, lay my eyes on you for the first time in what seemed like a lifetime, and you have his ring on. I saw a picture of you in a wedding dress for him. I have a right to be jealous. Real or not, he stole all those firsts with you from me. If we ever get to the point of marriage, when I propose, it won’t be the first one you’ve had. Our wedding won’t be the first you’ve put together. You were hours away from walking down the aisle to a man who wasn’t me. It fucking hurts, Quinn.”

  “I’m sorry,” she whispers, a tear gathering in the corner of her eye. “I didn’t do any of that to hurt you.”

  Using my thumb, I catch her tear before it makes it very far and smile. “I know you didn’t. But it doesn’t make it all better. You spend ninety percent of your time with him, and when you’
re not with him, you’re still with him. I wouldn’t mind some undivided attention to myself every now and again. A half hour a night when we don’t have to talk about Jordan. That’s all. I want to matter as much as him.”

  Her eyes glimmer with tears and she sniffles. “God, I really suck at this.”

  “At what?”

  “This,” she says letting out a sarcastic chuckle. “You do matter. More than Jordan.”

  Leaning down, I press my lips to hers and give her a reassuring smile. “That’s all I want, Quinn. To matter. So, you don’t suck.”

  “I do,” she disagrees. “I was so mad the other night, thinking you were just pissed about me missing dinner and I didn’t hear what you were really saying. You know our relationship is backwards, right? Usually, the woman is begging the man to understand and talk about feelings.”

  “Our relationship is in a league all its own,” I smile. “And if you sucked at trying to make this work, you wouldn’t have shown up today at all. You would’ve kept moving on with your life.”

  Chapter Forty-Two

  Quinn

  As soon as Alex’s words were processed, an idea started forming in my brain. But I had to wade through the annoyance welling in there before I could build on it.

  I’m annoyed with myself for allowing my mind to manipulate another situation. If I didn’t find myself heading to Alex’s place instead of mine, I might’ve fucked this up again.

  Dr. Stein keeps telling me it’ll take some time to change the way my fears make me process things. I’m so afraid of being hurt, I do stupid things to try and avoid it.

  Alex isn’t asking for a lot. He’s not even asking for this surprise vacation, but he deserves it. I’ve reach my goal. I’m the president of my company and everything is doing well after the scandal. I can take a minute to enjoy my life.