The Gift of Happiness

by Amanda Carpenter

  “What’s wrong with the salad?” she asked suspiciously, picking up her fork and digging into her own. Luke’s face was red as he appeared to choke, Jana clucked unhappily and Marian looked mystified. She put a forkful into her mouth and nearly gagged. “Vinegar!” she gasped, reaching for her water glass frantically. As she gulped the water, Luke put his darkened face into one huge hand.

  “What?” asked Marian confusedly. She picked up her fork also, and tentatively tried a morsel of her own salad. The expression on her face was ludicrous in its dismay. “Oh, Katherine! You got the oil and the vinegar proportions mixed up, and added too much vinegar!”

  She looked around the table, at the terrible mashed potatoes, the beautiful, ruined salad, and her dinner companions. Luke’s shoulders were shaking silently, and Jana seemed to have difficulty in controlling her breathing. Marian’s eyes were brimming, and then that lady put her head up, sniffing suspiciously. “Do you smell anything?”

  “My bread!” wailed Katherine, and she shot out of her chair to run into the kitchen. The burning smell was stronger in that room, and she frantically opened the oven door to see a blackened log sitting on a flat metal sheet, smoking faintly. Snatching up a tea towel, she grabbed at the burning mess and ran for the sink, jiggling the hot metal sheet back and forth. She threw it into the sink. By that time the others had reached the door to the kitchen, and she could hear Luke and Marian roaring with laughter and Jana trying to shush them up in between giggles of her own. The three, in turn, saw Katherine standing with her back to the door, one arm passed around the front of her waist and one hand pressed to cover her face with her head bent and hair swinging forward. Her shoulders were shaking convulsively.

  “Kate!” Luke bounded forward and put his arm round her quivering shoulders. She didn’t make a sound, and all three tried desperately to control their laughter.

  “Don’t take it so badly, honey!” Jana crooned, also coming up to her. She patted the bright, bent head. “It’s only bread. You shouldn’t feel we’re laughing at you. It’s just—just—” Her eyes met her brother’s over Katherine’s head and she dissolved into splutters.

  “Come on, Katherine!” Marian scolded affectionately. “We’re only indulging in a bit of humor! It doesn’t mean anything serious. Love, if you could have seen your face when you tried that awful salad, you would be in stitches too!”

  Katherine threw back her head and gasped for air. Her eyes were streaming with tears and at first the other three looked at each other, aghast at the reaction their laughter had evoked. Then a delicious peal of mirth burst forth from her, and she doubled up in a spasm. “Oh!” she gasped. “Oh, ooohhh! If you could have seen your faces; if you could see your faces now!” Her head came up and she met Luke’s stunned eyes. “You looked like you were going to die from choking! And you”—her large, sparkling, gleeful eyes, still streaming with tears, turned to Jana—“you tried so hard to keep from eating by talking on and on!” Everyone started to chuckle as they stared at her. “And your face, Marian, when you tried the salad was too, too much…” She fell into Luke’s arms, still chortling with glee. “Help me to a chair!”

  When they had all managed to quiet down, Katherine asked, “Would you think it’s possible to send out for a pizza? I, er, didn’t get enough to eat.”

  “Possible! You’ve got to be joking,” Luke told her feelingly. “I can’t think of any other alternative.”

  In a relatively short time, with the combined efforts of the three women, the mess from the uneaten meal was cleared up and the food disposed of, much to the satisfaction of all concerned, especially the animals. Luke left to pick up the pizza he’d ordered and, after resetting the table and waiting for him to arrive, they all sat down to a perfectly delicious meal complete with wine and candlelight. The mood was mellow as everyone disposed of the fruit cocktail at the end.

  “I’ve never,” Jana remarked, licking her spoon happily, “had a more enjoyable meal, and can’t remember having seen you laugh before this, Katherine! Am I glad you took the whole thing so well!”

  “Oh well.” She sighed, her laughing eyes traveling over everyone and alighting on Luke. “I can only hope that next time I do better. However, I promise not to subject anyone to eating something that they violently object to!”

  For the next several days, she spent her time either trying to bake various foods, or reading. Every day she took a leisurely walk, sometimes waiting for Luke to get home from work so that he could accompany her and sometimes getting out by herself. She was noticing a difference in herself, a quality that she had never seen before, and it was several days before she could put a name to just what it was.

  She was smiling more easily and more openly without the mockery that had once been so evident. She had even begun to laugh out loud more than she ever had before. Most of all, though, the difference was seen in her eyes, for her habitual expression, as it had always been, was quiet and serious. But the difference was that now her eyes twinkled.

  However, the change that she was most struck by was that she found herself spending more time with books and dwelling on a particular theme for quite a while. She was able to sit for longer periods, finding that she did not need strenuous physical exercise anymore to relieve her tensions. Many evenings she would spend with Luke reading a book, or while he worked on papers brought home from work she would idly sketch or watch television. In short, Katherine was learning to be quiet.

  She loved to spend time with Marian in the kitchen and found herself making very passable meals, to the surprise of Luke and the delight of Jana. Many times she put a dessert in to bake and sat down with a hot drink to ask Marian questions about herself. She found that the older woman had a particular talent for describing places she had visited and impressions that people left her with. Marian was also a shrewd judge of character, and an intelligent, discerning reader. When Katherine found out that she had a degree in English, she was considerably surprised.

  “But why,” she asked Marian one rainy afternoon, “are you content with being a housekeeper?”

  “And what is wrong with being a housekeeper?” retorted Marian, with mock outrage. She regarded Katherine with a faint smile, her lined hands cupping the hot mug of tea that she sipped from time to time. “What happened to me,” she continued, “is that I took a subject that I love and found that I didn’t want it for a job, I wanted it to remain fun, and so I found something that I do very well, and that leaves me a terrific amount of time for my own interests. You see, I like housework. And I love Jana and Luke. Both of them have been very good to me, treating me as if I’m part of the family—why, hello, love.”

  Jana walked through the kitchen and said absently, “What do you mean, ‘like you’re part of the family’, you nut? You are family.” She scratched the puppy behind the ear and disappeared.

  After Katherine had taken out a beautifully brown pie, she went thoughtfully to her quiet corner in the library to think. She had postponed thinking about the search for a job, because the idea was very uncomfortable to her. Now, for the first time, she examined the reason why. It quite suddenly struck her that she was afraid that she wouldn’t find a job good enough for her. This incredible realization stayed with her for some time. In the past she had always been accustomed to being in the limelight. Everything she had done or accomplished had been to attract attention to herself, from the spectacular and flashy way she rode horses and played tennis down to the clothes she wore. When she started a project, she dug into it with a simplemindedness that sooner or later placed her in front of all the others. When she had acted the individualist at any of the social gatherings she had attended, it was, of course, to set herself apart from the ordinary. Now she saw what she feared was the commonplace.

  It was a very quiet Katherine that looked up into the smiling and enquiring eyes of Luke, newly home from work.

  Chapter Six

  “You certainly seem to have developed a liking for that spot,” he remarked whimsi
cally, loosening his tie and throwing his jacket carelessly onto a nearby chair. “Do you think you will nest there?”

  She smiled. “It’s a thought. Do you have any ideas of what I could build my nest with? Twigs and grass might make a mess on the carpet.”

  His teeth flashed in response. “Do you think a warm blanket and perhaps a pillow might do the trick?” Sitting down with his long legs stretched out in front of him, he sighed gustily. “That feels good.”

  She regarded him soberly, taking in the lines of tiredness and the ruffled hair, the air of exhaustion, the lax hands. “What would you like to drink?” she offered. “I’ll go and get you something.”

  “Mmm. How about a glass of orange juice with a touch—just a touch, mind you—of vodka?” he murmured, closing his eyes. She jumped to her feet.

  “Be right back.” When she came into the room again, she was carrying two glasses full of an iced drink and she handed one to him. He sat up a little and murmured thanks as he sipped it.

  “Where are the others?” he asked curiously. “Marian’s making supper—her turn tonight, so you can relax,” she dryly told him, and was rewarded with a chuckle. “Jana’s out walking Oliver somewhere.” After a pause, she asked him, “Tell me, Luke, why are you doing what you’re doing? Are you very rich?”

  “And,” he enquired lazily, regarding her through half-closed eyes, “which one do I answer first? Yes, I am considered wealthy, although not as wealthy as your father, and I like what I do. Satisfied?”

  “You know I’m not,” was her quiet reply.

  “Oh lordy. You actually want me to get philosophical at the end of the day?” He sighed. “All right. I do what I do because I’ve built up a line of hotels that are excellent and efficient. It takes a good deal of work to keep them going. I started the chain because I like to build things, and to promote projects. I suppose it didn’t have to be hotels. I suspect I may want to do something else with my life. Thankfully, I’m in a financial position now to consider just about anything, but you can be sure that it will be some kind of venture that somehow involves planning, organization and some type of building—either physically or a structured establishment like a new company.” He took a sip of his drink and shrugged. “Who knows what the future might bring?” He grinned at her. “I can just see the little ideas clicking in your tiny mind!”

  “Beast,” she muttered at this, but it was an absentminded sally, and she shifted in her seat. “I’ve been thinking about what I want to do with myself,” she confessed, a little forlornly. “I don’t know what I want to do! I can’t do anything!”

  “That sounds very pathetic,” he observed. Then he quickly added, “Don’t get so defensive, now! We’ll work this out, and then maybe you’ll feel better about things.”

  “Marian is so intelligent and she enjoys housekeeping, and you like what you’re doing, and Jana…well, I’m not sure what she does, but she just is, and—”

  “Stop,” he commanded quietly, and she did. He said, “What did you just say about Jana?”

  “I said that she just is,” repeated a bewildered Katherine. He nodded at her as if to say, “Well?” and she frowned in confusion. Finally she said, “I don’t get what you’re trying to say to me.”

  “My dear girl, I’m not trying to say anything to you,” he replied mildly. “You’ve said it all.” Luke sat up and started to talk. “Kate, don’t expect me to tell you what you want or what you need out of life. You’ve got to figure that out for yourself. If you did but know it, you have just said what a lot of people spend years scrabbling around in the mud, so to speak, to find out.”

  “All I said was that Jana just exists as herself,” she replied a little peevishly, “and I don’t know what a big deal that is…oh! I see.” Her eyes weren’t focusing as she thought deeply. “Just be yourself and—and whatever you do you will be happy.”

  “To a great extent, yes.” He smiled. “Of course, at some time or another, one has to work at different jobs and work round to attaining whatever it is one wants, but truly happy people get there sooner or later. What is it you want to be, Katie?”

  The question, so easily and casually spoken, had her replying to it as easily, and unthinkingly she gave him the answer that she had agonized over for the past week. “Why, I suppose I want to be useful since I’ve never been that before, and I guess I want to be needed, too. I want to be giving and caring like Jana and Marian and—you.” She couldn’t, for some reason, meet his eyes.

  When a hand came and covered hers with a soft touch, she started and brought her eyes up to his face to see a most tender expression on his lean face. “You have made Jana smile when you walk into a room,” he said quietly. “You have made me want to come home in the evenings more than I’ve wanted to for a long time.” Her eyes stayed with him, entranced. “You give a little puppy a warm place to rest on your lap and a gentle pat on the head as you pass, making him watch you with those big adoring eyes. You can make Marian laugh as I’ve never seen her laugh before. Will you believe me when I say that you are needed?”

  Her eyes dropped; she didn’t know how to reply. The careful hand came to her cheek and stroked it in a fleeting caress. “Kate.” The use of her name, so simply spoken, had her eyes returning to his again, like a small bird winging home. “You underrate yourself so terribly. You trust me?” She nodded. “Then trust this: you are needed.” And with those words, he brought his dark head to her slowly. Her eyelids fluttered and closed, and she felt a soft, soft touch brush her lips once, twice, and then her cheek.

  “Well!” said an extremely interested voice from the direction of the doorway. Katherine started violently, and Luke moved away. They both looked at the speaker, the one with a slight smile on his face and the other with a blush. Marian stood regarding them with a wide, wide smile. “Dinner,” she announced impressively, “is served.”

  At the end of another quiet evening, Luke walked up the staircase with Katherine and paused at her door, smiling down at her. His shirt was open several buttons and rather thick hair was to be seen in the shadow of his chest. Both hands were resting in an easy manner on his slim waist, and his feet were slightly apart as if he were balanced against a wind. His black hair fell over his brow and nearly into his dancing eyes. “Would you like me to ask around to see what sort of job I can get you, or would you prefer to do it yourself?” he asked.

  She shrugged. “I would like to look around, but if you have any suggestions or possibilities, please let me know,” was her reply. He nodded, and yet made no move to walk away. She muttered, embarrassed, “Er, if you don’t mind, I’ll go to bed now.” She watched the pretty blue carpet intently.

  “How would you like to go out tomorrow evening?” was his answer. Her eyebrows shot up in surprise, as did her head.

  “And do what?” she queried blankly, making him laugh.

  “Anyone would think that you’ve never been on a date before,” he teased. She shook her head in protest at this, but her eyes returned his smile, her cheeks faintly pink. “What would you like to do? Go out for supper? Maybe catch a movie, or perhaps visit a nightclub and go dancing?” His tone, as was his expression, was indulgent.

  “Dancing,” she decided with delight. “I just love to dance!”

  “All right, I’ll make reservations at a restaurant, and after we eat we can see where to go from there,” he suggested. There was another pause as they looked at each other. She felt troubled in some way, vaguely disturbed, and the uneasiness showed in the backs of her eyes. His expression was unreadable to her, and she tried to fathom what he was thinking. He looked almost brooding. As if he could not stop himself, one hand came up slowly and captured a handful of her bright, silken hair. He knotted his hand into a fist, clenching the strands, and then he tugged gently. The movement was not alarming; she knew that if she had wanted to she could have pulled out of his grasp easily. But she found she didn’t want to. She found herself going forward willingly, and as he bent his head very carefull
y, she raised her lips to his.

  The warm, soft touch of his lips caused her to press hers to his more firmly, and she felt his arms going round her, holding her tightly. Her arms slid around his strong muscled neck. All she could think of was how utterly safe, how completely cherished she felt, with those hard arms holding her so carefully. She had been kissed before, but how insipid those embraces now seemed! The other times she had put up with the charade, intent only on getting into the house and knowing that her apparent interest in her escort was all a sham. But this was real. She was responding to him of her own volition.

  And then it changed. She felt the passion in him, and those careful arms tightened until she felt her ribs would snap. The soft touch on her lips hardened, and demanded her open mouth. The long legs took her weight as he pulled her more completely against him, and she felt the hard muscles of his thighs. She jerked her head away with a painful wrench as a sudden, inexplicable fear coursed through her.

  “Let go of me!” she gasped, straining her neck and head away. In response, his hold only tightened and for an agonizing moment she couldn’t breathe. Then she was let go and she nearly fell against the closed door of her room in reaction. She kept her face turned away for fear of showing just how completely her composure was ruined. Her knees, she noticed with an odd detachment, were trembling.

  He moved, although she couldn’t see his action with her head bent and eyes averted, but something made her turn and raise her eyes to him. He was standing with his back to her, one hand at the back of his neck as he stared up, dark hair falling back, and the other one again at his waist. She stared at his back for a few moments, noticing almost unwillingly how his shoulders were much broader than his hips, and how the powerful line of his back spoke of powerful muscles underneath the shirt. She wondered crazily if his legs had as much hair on them as his chest, and shied away from the thought.