The Gift of Happiness

by Amanda Carpenter

  He sighed. “Just so. My fault for not using a little more tact. Of course you need some time by yourself.” The way he put that last remark made it sound as if he fully expected that the reason she’d refused was because she did not want to be with him.

  “Of course I don’t need time by myself!” she snapped, confounded. “I’ve had time to myself for the past seven days! I just want to get out for a while.”

  “Do you think,” he said conversationally, “that you might invite Marian to go with you? Poor thing, it would do her good to get out and shop. She doesn’t manage to get out enough.”

  “What I think is,” she uttered with an awful calm, “that you’d better tell me just why you’re acting so strangely. Why, in heaven’s name, don’t you want me out by myself?”

  Luke drained his mug and set it on the tray with a solid bump. Then he turned to look at her fully, and his expression was so forbidding that she instinctively moved back from him. In a stem and uncompromising voice, he stated, “I didn’t want to tell you, Kate, but you leave me no choice. I think we were followed last night. I think you are being watched. I believe the fellow you described last night is the one that is watching you.” Her face started to whiten at his words: for the past seven days she had felt like she’d started a whole new life, and to be reminded of the unpleasant events was enough to send her old fears back. “I believe that he is hired by your father.” His voice softened as he beheld her distress. “Kate, I don’t want you by yourself in public, and I didn’t want to tell you about it. I’m worried about you, love.”

  The happy glow that had been so evident in her eyes last night, this morning, indeed, for the past several days, died. Her eyes were full of that curious hardness that seemed to darken them and make her unapproachable. Her face was shuttered, as it had been when he had first met her.

  He made a quick gesture toward her and then his hand dropped. “Don’t look like that, Kate. Don’t act that way. I wish I hadn’t told you.” His head bowed and he watched the circles that his left forefinger was drawing in front of him on the sheet. It would go first left, counter-clockwise twice, and then right in a clockwise direction once. He repeated this pattern over and over again. Eyes drawn to this, she then looked up into his face. He seemed tired suddenly, and the lines beside his firm mouth were pronounced, the curve to his lips unhappy.

  “How easy,” she said, “it is to let down one’s guard! I’d really convinced myself that things were changed, but they’re not quite, are they? I’d only thought they were. Oh, don’t look at me like that, as if I’m somebody else! You see, I’m not. I’m still me. I’ve done a lot of growing and changing in the past several days. I think when you reach a change in perspective it’s impossible to go back to what you were before.” Her green eyes were steadily regarding him, and there crept back into her gaze what soon appeared to be a smile. “James could only hurt me emotionally when I let him, and I will never let him again. But I’d forgotten, you see, that there are other ways of hurting a person. I’d grown lax. I should have realized it last night when I had thought that the man was familiar, but I didn’t. Now it seems like the memory of where I’d seen him is just around a corner of my mind, and if I hurry fast enough, I’ll catch up with it before it whisks out of sight again. It’ll come to me sooner or later. I owe you a great deal, Luke. Don’t berate yourself for having told me the truth! You were fulfilling a promise you made me. You’ve done me a great service by letting me know, and I’m not upset—at least not the way you think. I’m upset with myself for having forgotten so easily the lesson of a lifetime, namely, never, ever turn my back on my father’s vindictive spitefulness.

  “I’ll leave now and let you get dressed. Maybe I’ll go back to bed, since I am a little tired. And I’ll get Marian to come with me this afternoon. I promise you, I won’t be alone and in a vulnerable position. And I swear to you this; I will not forget again.”

  That night, she asked Jana as the four sat down to a rather quickly prepared supper how long it would be before she heard if she had got the job or not. “I really don’t have much of an idea,” Jana told her. “However, it should be soon, I would think, since it does take a few weeks to train the aides, and they are wanting the addition to the staff immediately. Don’t fret, my dear. I’m sure you’ll hear one way or another by the end of next week.”

  She was right; the next Wednesday showed Katherine dancing down the hall after a phone call, and she sang, “I got it! I got it! I go-o-ot it! Bursting into the kitchen, she was regarded by several pairs of interested and puzzled eyes, a few of which belonged to little creatures which padded over to sniff speculatively at her stockinged feet. She beamed at the two women sitting at the table and told them impressively, “They were extremely pleased with my appearance at the interview at the beginning of this week, and would be happy to welcome me to the staff at Memorial—and training begins next Tuesday! Isn’t that just fabulous?” She threw her arms about herself in ecstasy, and laughed.

  “But my dear,” replied Jana mildly. “I didn’t expect anything else.”

  “Oh, stuff! Just because you pulled a few strings for me—” she began, but was interrupted by a delighted chuckle.

  “Love, they never even called me. You got that job by yourself.”

  She stared. “Well! In that case, I think I’ll go and call Luke.” She beamed at them once more quite blindingly and sped on down the hall, leaving the two ladies to look at each other with a laughing indulgence. Katherine in the meantime picked up the phone in the hall and dialed the number to Luke’s office. The ringing was answered by a cool, detached and sterile voice inquiring politely the business of the caller. “Could you let me talk to Luke Dalton, please?” Katherine asked, as politely as the other woman. She was answered with a definite negative, and asked if she would like to schedule an appointment for the next week to see him, to which she replied, “Nuts. I live with him and will see him tonight, but this is urgent. Tell him it’s Katherine.” The disembodied voice, sounding a little shaken, asked her to hold. In a moment she heard a click.

  “Kate?” It was Luke’s voice, and he sounded quite rough. “What’s wrong? Is someone hurt?”

  “Why,” she enquired, “would you think that anyone had been hurt? That secretary of yours is quite off-putting, you see. Oh, Luke, do you know what?”

  In comparison to his first explosive enquiry, his voice sounded astonishingly mild. “Not personally, but if you hum a few bars…? You had mentioned that it was urgent, but forget that, I quite understand that you wanted to get past my secretary, although what you said to shake her up so, I can’t imagine.”

  She said, amused, “I just told her that I lived with you, that’s all.” At the explosive snort of laughter, she too chuckled. “It did seem to send her off her stride a bit. I hope you don’t mind”

  “Mind? I’m positively enchanted. What was it you’re panting to tell me? I’m very intrigued.”

  “I got it! The job, I mean. The hospital just called to tell me,” she bubbled. “Isn’t that just the most fantastic news you’ve ever heard? I just can’t believe it! Of course it’s only part time, but the pay will be nice. Actually it’s not much at all, but it’ll be the first paying job I’ll have ever had! Heavens, I feel almost sick from excitement, and Jana says that I got it entirely on my own—isn’t that great?”

  “I find myself overwhelmed,” he murmured in response. “So we have cause to celebrate tonight?”

  “You bet! Maybe I’ll fix us an extra special dessert as a treat. You know what I’ll probably do?” she said, suddenly struck with an unappealing idea. “I’ll probably be so nervous that I’ll end up going home sick to my stomach on the very first day.” This too was accompanied by a mirthful snort. “You think I’m acting stupidly, don’t you? I am, too. This can’t be so interesting to you, I’ll bet. You’re so—so experienced that you’re laughing at how I’m acting, aren’t you?”

  “Whoa! Back off, little dragon! I completely un
derstand,” he exclaimed, although still with the laughter in his voice. “I felt the exact same way when I got my first job—I’m sure that everyone does. But I can’t help laughing at you. You know you’re being amusing.”

  “Well,” she retorted, grinning at the brown paneling in front of her. “Don’t you think I’ve reason to be happy? Look, I know you’re probably in conference, or something vastly important, so I’ll see you tonight, all right?”

  “Even if I was in conference, I’d still want to hear from you. You seem to have my secretary trained correctly, so feel free to call any time. See you.”

  He walked through the front door early, and at the sound of the door slamming shut, several heads from various doors popped out. “Early, love?” inquired Jana with obvious absent-mindedness, as she was engrossed in a particularly exciting scene in a thriller. Her head soon disappeared.

  “Dinner’s going to be late,” announced Marian, from the opening to the kitchen. “Matilda ate some of the chicken before we caught her, and so we’re thawing more meat.” Her head, too, disappeared. It was Katherine, and the guilty Matilda perched in her arms looking particularly well fed, who came forward to greet him with a pleased smile of surprise on her face. The cat looked indifferent.

  “What a treat! I’m glad you’re home early, but how did you manage that? Matty the Monster didn’t get the dessert. I had put it away before she explored the counter. What are you hiding behind your back?—oh! Flowers, for me?” She held out a hand, immensely pleased. Somehow, Luke ended up holding a patently uninterested cat after he had passed the flowers on to Katherine. He put Matty down, and she slipped quickly down the hall, like a slinky shadow. As Katherine opened the covered package, her eyes grew soft and round and her smile became radiant. “I adore roses. These are so beautiful!” She turned her glowing gaze at him and found him watching her with a soft and smiling expression, reminding her of his unguarded, open look when he first opened his eyes from sleep to see her by his bed. She impulsively reached up and kissed him on the mouth, backed away, and laughed into his eyes.

  “This is an occasion to celebrate, isn’t it?” he asked her, twitching the end of her nose in a way that had her swatting him away.

  “Yes, but don’t get fresh,” she said haughtily in a way that had him hooting at her in derision. “Let me go and put these in water. I’ll pour us a drink afterwards, if you like.”

  “That sounds nice. I’m going to go upstairs and change in the meantime. What were we going to have for dinner, by the way?”

  “Barbecued chicken.” She laughed. “Matty got to the meat as it was thawing. Now I think we are having barbecued ribs.” As Luke started up the stairs, she hurried into the kitchen to find a vase and filled it with water and roses, later carrying it into the library to set on the table nearest the rocking chair. Jana was roused from her absorption in her novel to exclaim over the beautiful buds. Soon Luke strolled into the room.

  “Why, dear, how positively satanic!” Jana said happily at the sight of his black slacks and rolled-neck black sweater. He did look striking, and Katherine gazed at him in admiration also. His glossy hair was very slightly ruffled, and although he was in an easy pose of complete relaxation, she knew that he was capable of a dangerous attitude.

  He was inspecting the title of Jana’s paperback with a grimace. “Now I suppose you’ll be imagining me as the villain of the piece for your own amusement,” he commented dryly as he handed her back the book. “How you can immerse yourself so totally and enthusiastically in one of those things, I’ll never know.”

  “But it’s so diverting to see you as a devil,” she gurgled. “You were such a wild thing when you were small! But I must say, you’ve become absolutely prosaic in your middle age!” Her young-looking blue eyes sparkled up at him.

  “If I’m in my middle age,” he enquired silkily, “where exactly are you, my love? Katie, you promised me a drink.”

  She jumped up from her curled-up position in the rocking chair where she’d been watching the exchange between siblings with the greatest enjoyment. “So I did, and I forgot, you poor, parched thing. Sit down, sit down,” she murmured, leading him to a chair and solicitously providing him with a pillow. “You’re too old to be always exerting yourself like this—ouch! Stop hitting me with that pillow! All right, I’m going, so stop it, will you?” Under fire, she ran from the room, only to stick her head back a moment later to observe him with dancing eyes. “Warm milk?” she asked him, with a nice show of concern. He launched out of his chair, and she shrieked as he chased her all the way to the kitchen.

  At the end of a very pleasant evening, interspersed with bouts of hilarity prompted alternately by the antics of the puppy and the three cats, Marian’s too-dignified pose, and Jana’s unique views (mainly, cheating outrageously) on the playing of various table games, all lounged in the library before going up to bed. They were for the most part silent and contemplative, each thinking pleasant thoughts and unwilling for the evening to end.

  Jana stirred after a bit and her kindly gaze turned to Katherine who was stretched out flat on the huge leather couch. “You’ve had the chance now to get to know us, Katherine,” she said. “How do you like living here? Are you comfortable?”

  She turned her golden, shiny head to look into the questioning eyes of Luke, seated across from her. “I am constantly surprised,” she said softly. “Every day spent here is good, every evening fun. I find I want to stay home all the time, and get out only as a pleasant diversion instead of as a needed escape. You see? I automatically called this household ‘home’. It’s wonderful here. And yet, I keep feeling,” she continued reflectively, turning her head away to look at the fine, expensive leather on her other side, “an obscure fear that this won’t last, that it’s all an illusion, and that everything will all disappear in the night, and I’ll wake up the next morning in my bed at my father’s house. It will all have been a pleasant dream that will fade away before I fully recall it.”

  “It won’t fade,” Luke said. His voice seemed to bring her back out of the rather frightening flight of fantasy that she had been trapped in. It was a strong and reassuring statement because it was said with strength and conviction. “It will never fade, Kate. This is reality, this is the true existence, not that shallow mimicry that you knew before. This is where you find a real strength and happiness. You’ve experienced life as it should be, my dear. You’ve only had a little taste of what is to come.”

  Chapter Eight

  Luke was quite right; in the ensuing weeks, Katherine felt herself blossoming into a greater happiness than she had ever known before. It showed in her light, springy step, and her twinkling eyes. She found each morning a delight, and looked forward to the future in a way that previously she would have deemed impossible. At first she felt positively giddy, and to the bemusement of the rest of the household, came and went like a veritable whirlwind. But soon her high spirits were calming into a gentle and becoming dignity, and an unselfish kindness.

  Her job was a steadying influence on her. On the first day, she came away from the hospital under absolutely no illusions as to just how subordinate her position was. On the second day, usually unflappably calm, she was very nearly reduced to tears at strict admonishments from the head nurse on the ward where she had been assigned. On the third day her patience was severely tried by the crotchetiness of an irascible old man that she was supposed to help feed. The encounter ended up with her roundly telling the old fellow off as she dripped with the lukewarm soup he had thrown at her, and the head nurse clucked about in an effort to restore order and the good humor of both parties.

  She was working part time, afternoons during the week and evenings at the weekend, which left only the evenings during the week and the early part of the day at the weekend when she could see Luke. This was a bit frustrating for her, but as he never expressed any other sentiment than approval for her job, she concealed her emotions as best she could.

  This was hard, for one of
the things that had grown in the several weeks was their relationship. They had developed an intimacy and a close understanding that was, she thought, quite special. She felt more at ease with him than she did with anyone else, and suspected that he felt the same about her. Many times, each would know what the other was thinking without a word being said aloud. It was a measure of how well they understood one another. He was her confidant, her guide, her loyal and sympathetic friend. Gradually the awareness grew on her that he was also her love.

  It did not come to her in a blinding flash, or a blaze of passion. It crept up on her, catching her unawares one rainy evening as they sat together in silence. He had a book in his hands and was concentrating on it, his dark hair falling over his brow and the lean, sinewy bands holding the chunky hardback as if it were a small paperback. She had a book in her own hands, but was not attending to it. Instead she was inspecting every line and mark on Luke’s lean face. Her eyes traced the slight shadows of weariness under his eyes and took in the stubble of beard that was characteristic of the end of the day. The knowledge came upon her then, like a gentle and easy sigh breathed at a whiff of an elusive, fragrant summer’s breeze. Only instead of passing away with barely a conscious thought, this stayed with her and grew stronger with each passing day.

  In a way, the knowledge was the cause of a greater ease she experienced when she was near him. Although she was not exactly sure how he felt about her, she was sure of how she felt about him. She no longer had to wonder at how her pulse would race from a casual kiss on the cheek, or an arm about her shoulders. It was a measure of the trust she felt for him, this easiness of attitude. Luke would never, she knew, consciously hurt her.

  She kept her promise to him and never went out in public alone. This was easy for Jana drove her to work in the afternoons when she put in her own volunteer work, and Luke picked her up either on his way home from work during the week, or making a special trip for her in the evenings at the weekend. When she had offered to pay for the petrol used on these special trips, he had absolutely refused.