Separation Anxiety

by Lisa Suzanne

  “Why?” he asked, taking a sip of coffee.

  “I need to drop off another copy of the papers.”

  “Why?” he repeated, folding the newspaper in front of him.

  “Richard shredded the first set.”

  “Asshole.”

  “You have no idea,” I said, gritting my teeth.

  “Can I do anything?”

  “You know anybody who can speed this along?”

  “Sadly, I don’t. Want me to come with you to the house?”

  I shook my head. “I’m just going to drop off the papers and then head out. He won’t be there. The first set I gave him was a copy since I don’t trust him, so I just need to make another copy.”

  “Smart woman,” he said, tapping his temple with his finger to indicate that I had thought ahead.

  I winked at him. “Damn right,” I said. Then I pointed to my head. “This isn’t just a hat rack, you know.”

  He grinned. “Have an outstanding day, Ms. Freemont.”

  “You too, Mr. Drake. Catch ya later.”

  “That’s my line,” he grinned, and I headed out the door with a smile.

  As I got into the car, my phone buzzed with a text.

  Figured. Fucking Richard.

  He always managed to find a way to piss me off right when I was riding a Jesse high.

  Call me.

  I replied right away. No.

  My phone rang a second later. “What?” I answered snidely.

  “You’ve got twenty-four hours to move out of that douche bag’s place before ‘no fault’ is out the window.”

  “Fuck you, Richard.”

  “Nice language, wife. If you don’t move out of there, I’ll not only sue you for everything, but I’ll find a way to take everything from him, too.”

  “Don’t you dare drag Jesse into our shit. He’s just being a good friend.”

  “A good friend who wants to fuck what’s mine, sweetheart. I’ve got people in the right places. I’ll figure something out.” Richard ran around with a nasty crowd made up of local lawyers, politicians, and school board members, most of which had slime dripping off of them.

  “I’m not yours anymore.”

  “You most certainly are, at least under the eyes of the law. So suck it up, sweets. Get the fuck out of his place or you’ll both live to regret it. You’ve got twenty-four hours.”

  “You’re a real dickhead.”

  “Still your dickhead, sweetheart.”

  I cut off the call and threw my phone away from me.

  Fuck.

  The worst part of that call was the way my heart dropped into my stomach as I thought about moving out of Jesse’s. We were good for each other. I knew I was good for him; I physically saw the way that just my presence comforted him through whatever he was dealing with. I couldn’t even imagine leaving him now, not when I knew that he was getting closer to telling me what caused that haunted look in his eyes that somehow disappeared after holding me in his arms for the night.

  And he was helping me, too. He was building my confidence back up after Richard had stripped me of it through his manipulation. He was helping me feel whole again. He made me feel sexy, and he was helping me through one of the most difficult, life-changing experiences a person can go through by talking me through it, protecting me, making me laugh, and comforting me.

  I had to shield him from Richard.

  It was my only choice, really.

  I didn’t want to tell Jesse about Richard’s threat for a number of reasons, most importantly because I wanted to protect him. I had no doubt in my mind that Richard would deliver on his word, and the last thing I wanted was to drag Jesse into this drama, especially after he’d been so nice to me, offering for me to stay at his place with no questions asked, taking me home with him when he sensed that I didn’t want to go to my own home.

  Jesse seemed like the kind of amazing man who would fight for a woman, who would stand up for anybody who needed him. With Richard’s well-placed friends on the school board, either of us standing up to Richard could mean Jesse’s job, my job, or both.

  Jesse was an amazing asset to Central. He was the best high school counselor I’d ever met, working hard to ensure that he was doing whatever was best for kids. His dedication was unparalleled, and I couldn’t even begin to imagine what Richard was capable of doing that would tear Jesse’s reputation to shreds. The thought alone clawed at me.

  So I decided not to tell him in order to protect him. And apparently I had twenty-four hours to figure out my living situation.

  Son of a bitch. For the first time in our five years together, I actually hated him.

  I was having a difficult time with Richard’s words ringing in my ears as Jesse’s gorgeous face flashed through my mind. Richard’s words were only making me angry, and the image of Jesse was only making me sad. The way he looked right after he’d brushed my lips with his and then pulled back, almost as if to ensure that it was okay to really kiss me, replayed over and over in my memory. That image of him was burned into my mind: Full lips, flushed cheeks, lustful eyes, messy hair.

  No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get that image out of my head.

  So, eventually, I stopped trying.

  I assigned an essay due at the end of the hour to my afternoon classes so I could just sit at my desk and think.

  There had to be some solution that I couldn’t see, because at the moment, the only thing I could come up with was that I had to move out of Jesse’s house. I thought once again about telling him what Richard had said, but I couldn’t do that to Jesse. I couldn’t drag him into the mess. I couldn’t allow him to fight Richard.

  But I had to come up with some excuse as to why I was suddenly moving out. I’d have to offer some sort of explanation to him.

  At lunch, I asked Quinn if I could stay with her for a few days until I figured out where to go. I didn’t want to drag her into it, either, so I lied.

  “Things not working out so well with Darling Drakester?” she asked.

  “Things are working out too well with Jesse. And that’s why I have to leave.”

  She gave me a concerned look, and I almost fell apart at her apprehension. But, somehow, I held it together. Barely.

  “Yeah, Veronica. Of course you can stay with me.”

  “Thanks,” I whispered.

  The next task was figuring out how to tell Jesse.

  I stopped by the house and dropped off the divorce paperwork again. I left a note for the asshole I had married.

  Richard:

  I’ll be moving out of Jesse’s tonight and staying with Quinn. Sign these and leave them here. I will be back tomorrow to pick them up and file them.

  Veronica

  I cried as I drove back to Jesse’s. This time, though, it wasn’t because of the feelings of leaving my husband. This time, it was because I knew I had to leave Jesse.

  His truck was in the garage when I pulled into the driveway, and just the sight of that truck still managed to give me the flutters low in my belly. I couldn’t believe I was leaving him and his perfect house. I wanted to live there forever with him, but, sadly, that was just no longer a possibility. All I could hope was that he’d still be available once my break from Richard was finalized.

  Maybe this was for the best. I wouldn’t have the constant temptation in front of me if I moved in with Quinn.

  But I liked the temptation.

  I liked living with Jesse. No; I loved living with Jesse. I loved waking up with him next to me. I loved the way his lips found my forehead every night and the way he carried me to bed after I fell asleep on the world’s most comfortable couch. He took care of me with affection, and as I fought fruitlessly against the onslaught of my tears, I realized that the reason I was so torn apart about leaving him was because I was falling for him.

  I wanted to take care of him the same way he took care of me. I wanted to be the one he finally opened up to. I wanted to hold him when he was sad and kiss him when he
was happy. I wanted to wake up next to him every morning.

  And most of all, I wanted to tell him how I finally realized that I’d been falling for him for five years but was blinded by the wrong relationship all that time, and how now that I had the chance to get close to him, I never wanted to be apart from him again.

  But all of that was impossible. And it was fucking Richard who once again stripped me of something I really wanted, or, in this case, of the thing I needed most in my life.

  It reminded me of that thought I’d had while my mind was elsewhere in the parent meeting for Jacob’s behavior: I was destined to be with one man, and Fate had put Jesse in front of me first. And then I’d been too blinded by Richard to see that Jesse was the one I was meant to be with all along.

  And now I’d once again ruined my shot with Jesse.

  I composed myself with a deep breath that only hurt my chest, and then I headed inside. Jesse was sitting on the couch, feet propped up on the coffee table and a book in his hands. My heart literally ached when I saw him.

  “Hey, V,” he smiled, setting the book down when he heard me come in.

  “Hey,” I said softly, not meeting his eyes.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked immediately, standing from the couch and striding to my side.

  I took a deep breath. This was going to be even harder than I thought.

  “Is it Richard?” he asked, knowing I’d just come from the house I shared with my husband.

  I didn’t respond.

  “V, tell me what he said.”

  I shook my head, busying myself with some invisible lint on my pants.

  “You know I can help you, right? You know that, don’t you?” His voice was soft and soothing, and it was reminiscent of his side of the conversation with Carly on Sunday afternoon. “But I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me.”

  “Let it go, Jesse. It’s nothing.”

  My voice came out harder that I’d meant it to.

  I felt him staring at me, but I refused to look away from the spot on my pants.

  I heard him sigh. I headed to my bedroom and sat on the bed, resting my elbows on my knees and leaning forward to rest my face in my hands. I felt the bed dip next to me, and then I felt his arms around me.

  “I know this is difficult,” he murmured, his voice low and raspy. “But you’ve got friends here to help you get through it.”

  I couldn’t help the sob that escaped at his warm and caring words.

  But the one thing that stuck out most to me was that we were just “friends.”

  And as much as I’d convinced myself that we could turn into something more, especially after that kiss the night before, I knew that with Richard still in the picture, something more was just no longer a possibility.

  His arms tightened as I allowed him to comfort me, my head resting against that perfect soft yet firm chest. I breathed him in for what felt like the millionth time in the past few days, addicted to his Christmasy, manly scent, and I knew immediately how much I was going to miss this man and all he had to offer. But I couldn’t intrude on him and his life any longer, not with the threats Richard was making.

  “Thank you,” I whispered against him. “I know I have you, Jesse. But I can’t stay here with you anymore.”

  I heard his sharp intake of breath.

  “Why not?” he asked.

  I didn’t answer. I couldn’t answer, because I couldn’t lie to him, but I also couldn’t tell him the truth.

  “Does this have to do with Richard?” he asked.

  “I just can’t intrude on your life anymore. I’m going to stay with Quinn.”

  “It’s not an intrusion, V. I like having you here. I’ve already told you that.” His voice was quiet, and some of his usual composure was starting to slip.

  “I know. And I like being here. But I just can’t do this.”

  I stood up, because having his arms around me while we were having this conversation was too difficult. My heart was screaming for me to stay, but my head was telling me to go. The rational side of me won. I couldn’t drag him into Richard’s web of shit.

  I pulled the suitcase I’d just unpacked the day before out of the closet and threw some clothes into it.

  “Are you leaving because of the kiss?” he asked, his voice quiet and flat.

  I shook my head.

  “Is it because of this morning?” he asked.

  God, I couldn’t take that he thought it was because of either of those things. As embarrassing as it had been to drop my towel in front of Jesse, his reaction had been positive. He liked what he saw, and that made me feel fantastic. Someone as hot as Jesse Drake had eyed my naked body with appreciation, and I couldn’t remember the last time a man had made me feel so attractive.

  My eyes met his, and then I looked away. His had that haunted look back in them, and I nearly lost it. I wanted to run into his arms and comfort him. I wanted to hold him and erase that look. I wanted to tell him why I had to leave, and I wanted to tell him to wait for me.

  But I didn’t do any of that. I had to be strong for Jesse’s sake. I wouldn’t let Richard ruin his life, even if it meant that I was allowing Richard to ruin my life.

  “I just can’t stay here,” I said offhandedly, not committing to any one specific event. I grabbed just the essential toiletries that I would need and threw them into my suitcase. I’d find some time to get the rest of my stuff; I just needed to get out of there, away from Jesse’s searching, anxious, haunted eyes.

  He could think what he wanted to think, because suddenly I felt like I would die if I stayed in there one more minute. I couldn’t take being in the same space with Jesse and not wrapping myself around him to comfort him with my love. So I took the coward’s way out. I didn’t look back as I pulled my suitcase behind me.

  “Thanks for everything, Jesse. I’ll see you at work, okay?”

  He didn’t respond, and I didn’t wait for him to. I grabbed my keys and my purse off the counter and headed out to my car, tears falling harder as I tossed my suitcase in the trunk, climbed into the driver’s seat, started the car, and pulled away from Jesse’s house.

  CHAPTER 10

  I turned around the corner and then pulled to the side of the road. My tears were coming harder now, faster, and as they streamed down my face, I knew it wasn’t safe for me to drive. I needed a minute to compose myself. I held my hands over my face, sobbing into them, the ugly kind of cry that you only do when you’re alone. I couldn’t take that look I’d seen on Jesse’s face as I turned and walked out of his life. The haunted look was haunting me, and I didn’t know what to do to erase it. I took off my seatbelt so I could lean forward. I put my arms against the steering wheel and cradled my head in my arms, waiting for the sadness to ease up enough to allow me to pull away.

  It wasn’t working. Sobs racked my body and I wasn’t sure what to do to get the ache to stop.

  A knock at the window caused me to take in a shuddering breath. I’m sure the neighbors were wondering why a car was parked outside on the street, the motor still running and the driver passed out over the steering wheel.

  And then whoever was knocking on my window suddenly opened the door, and I was being pulled out of the car and into the warmest, most comforting arms I could possibly imagine. His lips crashed down over mine, and whatever the hell Richard had said didn’t matter anymore because I was just exactly where I was supposed to be.

  Jesse’s mouth opened to mine as one hand gripped the hair at my neck and the other wrapped around my waist, pulling me against his hard body.

  The tears magically stopped as lust and desire took over every single thought and feeling in my body. His kiss was the only cure I needed as suddenly everything was set right in my world again.

  He pulled away. “Don’t leave me,” he whispered, and as my tear-stained eyes gazed into his, I saw an emptiness that I knew could only be filled with my love. I wanted to give him everything I had. I wanted to be the one to make him happy.
r />   My fingers caressed his soft, rough, perfect scruff as his eyes burned into mine.

  “Come back home, V,” he murmured, and then his lips pressed to mine once again. “I need you.” He leaned his forehead to mine.

  I pulled back this time, and I gaped at him. I glanced behind us. His truck was behind my car, still running with the driver’s door open.

  He’d come after me. He’d chased me down, not knowing how far I had gotten but willing to go as far as he needed just to get to me and bring me back where I belonged. With him.

  “Okay, Jesse,” I whispered, and he ran a hand through his hair.

  I got into my car, and he got into his. I pulled a u-turn and he followed, and then we both pulled into his driveway.

  I took a deep breath as I exited my car, and he came around to my driver’s side and took my hand in his, pulling me behind him into the house.

  He led me to the kitchen table, and we both sat in our usual seats.

  “Talk to me,” he said, his voice that deep, low rasp that made me tingle everywhere.

  “Richard told me I couldn’t live with you.”

  “Fucking dick.”

  I nodded.

  “Babe, don’t worry about him. He can’t make you move.”

  “He said it wouldn’t be a no fault divorce anymore if I stayed with you because I’d be cheating on him.”

  Jesse sighed in frustration. “A, we haven’t done anything that would constitute cheating, although don’t think that the thought hasn’t crossed my mind. And B, Veronica, Arizona is a no fault state. His threat is meaningless.”

  What?

  “What?” I voiced my thought.

  “He can’t hit you with fault because Arizona doesn’t place blame.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Seriously.”

  Holy shit. That meant that I could live wherever the hell I wanted. Richard wouldn’t be able to take everything from me.

  Well, maybe. He still had those friends in high places, but suddenly I knew that Jesse would find a way past that. He was smart and sexy and apparently my savior.

  “Didn’t you read that paper I printed for you?” he asked, his brow furrowed.

  I shook my head. “I filled out the necessary parts and gave it to him.”