Separation Anxiety

by Lisa Suzanne

  I smiled when I spotted him, drinking in his dark eyes that crinkled at the corners with a smile, his full, luscious lips that would soon be dragging themselves across my skin stretched into a wide grin, the silky, dark hair that was, as always, styled into manscaped perfection, the adorable excitement of a kid on Christmas morning lighting up his face. He was looking up at me, and his eyes never left mine. Even from 200 feet away, I could see the love he had for me in his eyes, and I knew that the same love was shining right back at him.

  When I got to the bottom of the escalator and it was my turn to get off, I ran into his open arms.

  He buried his face in my neck. “I missed you, V,” he murmured as I breathed in that scent that now somehow represented love, hope, home, and the future.

  “I missed you more.”

  He brought his lips to mine and kissed me softly, and then he leaned his forehead against mine. “Welcome to California,” he said.

  “Good to be here,” I murmured, backing away from him to stare into his loving brown eyes and all the promises he held in them.

  He took my hand in his and we walked to baggage claim. He pulled my luggage for me when it came around on the belt, and then we walked out to the parking garage and headed toward the hotel in the big black truck that still gave me flutters.

  He knew we’d both be exhausted; it was three in the morning, so we went to a hotel close to the airport and crashed. “Our night” would be the next night, a time when we were well-rested and could spend as much time as we wanted just focusing on each other.

  We woke up a little before noon, and my playful Jesse was back. He was spooning me, and he pushed his hips into my backside, demonstrating to me just how ready he was for action. I was ready for it, too, but not before I brushed my teeth, and not in an airport Holiday Inn Express when we had romantic wine country within an hour drive.

  We got up and I showered, taking my time to shave my legs carefully and clean all the bits and pieces really well. Jesse took a little longer than normal getting ready, too, and then we checked out and went on our way.

  Jesse informed me that Highway 29 was the home to most of the wineries, so we decided to drive along until we found one we wanted to tour. There were nearly 300 wineries in the area, and he knew how much I loved wine. I took in the beautiful landscape on our drive before we started seeing wineries. Jesse pulled into the parking lot of the third winery we passed and paid for a guided tour, and the two of us walked through the gift shop and chose souvenirs while we waited for our tour group to be called.

  We held hands, laughed, and snuck in quick kisses. It was the most romantic and perfect vacation I could imagine, and I could not think of a single person on this earth with whom I would’ve enjoyed my time more. Jesse bought two bottles of wine from each winery we visited, and I bought two wineglasses from each winery to commemorate our visits. By the time the day was done, we’d toured five wineries and had ten bottles of wine and ten glasses. And we were going to start again the next day and do the exact same thing.

  We headed to the hotel Jesse had booked for “our night” and three additional nights that would also belong to us. It was the Auberge du Soleil, a gorgeous resort with an amazing view of Napa Valley known for its romance and its Michelin star restaurant. I was tipsy from all of the wine tasting throughout our day, but thankfully it only served to calm my nerves while simultaneously heightening the anticipation between the two of us.

  We checked in and headed to our room, or rather, to our deluxe suite that was bigger than the apartment I had shared with three other women in college. The room featured a California King bed, valley views, and a private patio with an outdoor rain shower and private hot tub. Candles were set up all over the room, and an assortment of bath oils was arranged in the huge bathroom that featured heated limestone floors.

  “Heated floors?” I asked.

  Jesse grinned. “Only the best for my girl,” he said, melting the panties right off of me with that sweet endearment. “Now get dressed. We’ve got reservations in thirty minutes.”

  I rushed around the bathroom with heated floors, my feet plenty warm as I curled my hair and changed out of my comfy jeans and t-shirt combination that I’d paired with my sassy boots for our winery tours and into a strapless pale pink sequined dress that flared out at my hips and cascaded softly to my knees. I completed the look with a pair of sparkly pink heels and some chunky sparkly jewelry.

  I emerged from the bathroom twenty-five minutes later to find Jesse sitting on the couch, looking out the window that overlooked the valley. It was a gorgeous view, and I didn’t even see what was out the window; all I had eyes for was my Jesse.

  I stared at his profile for a brief moment before he saw me. His eyes were focused outside, and he looked like he was lost in thought. His brows were knit together, giving him a smoldering air. His hair was that perfect mess and he hadn’t bothered shaving, probably because he knew how sexy I thought he was when he was just a little scruffy. He was wearing a black suit with a white shirt under it and no tie. He looked pulled together and neat, but more than that, he looked like a male model posing for a magazine advertisement.

  His gaze turned to me when I entered the room, and the smoldering air about him became a fiery inferno as his eyes glazed over with lust when he took in my appearance. He ran his hand through his hair, and then he stood and sauntered slowly over to me.

  “You’re glowing,” he murmured, taking both of my hands in his. “Exquisite and beautiful and elegant all mixed into one perfect V.” He leaned in to kiss me, landing a gentle one on the sensitive skin of my neck, and the Christmasy piney man scent was overpoweringly sensual as it all hit me at once.

  We were really going to do this. He was really going to take me to dinner, a real date, and then we were going to come back to this room and take our relationship to a brand new place, a place that we’d both been desperately waiting for much longer than either of us cared to admit.

  The nerves that the wine had managed to settle earlier were suddenly back in full effect, as were the fluttery butterflies that I always got around Jesse. The flutters were beating against my belly, my heart was beating against my chest, and my pulse was beating in my ears. I was suddenly a nervous wreck.

  He brushed his lips against mine softly, and then he leaned his forehead to mine. “Are you as nervous as I am?” he asked, his hands still gripping mine.

  “Probably even more so,” I whispered.

  He kissed me again, and somehow knowing that he was anxious about our night together made me feel better. It was just another sign that we were truly in this together.

  Dinner was delicious.

  Maybe.

  I’m not really sure since I couldn’t concentrate on anything except Jesse’s lips. I watched him eat with fascination, his tongue darting out to catch a stray crumb or his long fingers wiping sauce away from the corner of his mouth. All I could think about was how that tongue and those fingers were going to be all over my naked flesh soon.

  I wished I’d dedicated some more time to working out over the past three months. It had all been leading to this night, and as I picked at my food, I was suddenly worried that I just wasn’t good enough for Jesse Drake.

  “How come you’re not eating?” he asked midway through the meal.

  “I’m sorry,” I murmured, looking up at him. “I can’t focus on food when I know what’s coming next.”

  He grinned a sinful little smile. “That’s why I’m eating so much. Need the fuel,” he said, taking another bite of his steak.

  I smiled back, loving his expertise at calming me and breaking the tension. I took a sip of my wine, and then I realized that if I didn’t eat something soon that I’d just pass out from drinking wine on an empty stomach. And that would really ruin our evening. So I forced down some food, unable to concentrate on what I was eating as I thought about what it would be like when his body finally connected with mine.

  I tried to focus on the beautiful
scenery right outside the window, but I failed miserably. The only scenery I wanted to drink in was the man seated across from me. But I would prefer if he was stark naked. Okay, maybe not in the restaurant, but it was the only imagery in my mind.

  Finally dinner was over. It seemed to take forever, but in actuality it was less than an hour. Each passing second of our meal caused the aching throb between my legs to pulsate more as I stared across the table at the man who would soon be mine in every way.

  Jesse charged the meal to our room, and then he took my hand and led me to the bar, where he ordered a bottle of wine. The sommelier opened the bottle and poured us each a glass, and then we took our glasses and our bottle and headed up to our suite.

  When we arrived, Jesse set down the bottle of wine and his wineglass on the end table, and then he took off his suit jacket. He draped it over the couch, and then he walked over to me. He took my glass out of my hand and placed it next to his, and then he took my hand in his and pulled me close against him. He laced his fingers through mine and pulled my arm behind his back, the same way he’d held me the first night he’d kissed me.

  His other hand came up to my face, and his fingertips grazed down my jaw and then circled around my neck. He leaned his forehead to mine.

  “Are you ready for this?” he whispered.

  I answered by kissing him, taking the initiative for once in our relationship. I brought my free hand up to his face and ran my fingers down that gorgeous jaw of his, feeling the soft hair become rough as I ran my fingers upward. He let go of the hand he held behind his back and he placed his hand on the small of my back, drawing me in closer to him as his mouth opened to mine.

  It was one of those kisses that started out soft and sensual but gained momentum quickly as the inferno of need took over inside us both.

  He started backing us up toward the bedroom, and somehow in my lust my hands moved up around his neck and his hands moved down to my thighs and pulled upward, so I laced my legs around his waist. He broke our kiss to carry me to the bedroom, and my lips moved down his neck. I traced the strong line of his jaw with my tongue, feeling that perfect, coarse stubble as I went, knowing that at some point during that night, I’d feel that stubble moving across the planes of my body.

  When we arrived in the bedroom, Jesse set me on the bed. He knelt on the floor and removed the heel from my left foot, and then he massaged my foot. He did the same with my right foot, and all I could do was sit back and enjoy it. I moaned in pleasure as I closed my eyes and leaned my head back, enjoying the feeling of his hands on my feet. Then he trailed kisses starting at my ankle and moving up my leg to my knee. Seeing him kneeling between my legs did something serious to my libido, and suddenly I didn’t want to take things slowly anymore. The nervousness had subsided completely as I knew that this moment was for us, and this moment was meant to be. I wanted him inside of me. I felt needy and wanton and full of desire.

  But he had different plans.

  He’d told me that he was going to make love to me slowly and gently the first time, and he was certainly delivering on his words. He was seducing me and proving that he was an expert at seduction.

  After he made his way to my knee, he stood up slowly. He bent down and removed his shoes and his socks, and then he turned back toward me.

  I stood up and walked to him. I pulled the bottom of his shirt out from his pants, and my heart raced as I anticipated seeing his perfect, sculpted body in front of me without any clothes. But this time, I could look, taste, and touch all I wanted. I was free, liberated, and ready to give myself to Jesse as everything that had been building between us for over five years erupted in a volcano of lust and desire.

  I could feel his eyes on me and I heard his breathing quicken as I took one of his hands in mine, unbuttoning his cuffs. I did the same to the other side, and his hands went to my hips as I started working my way up the row of buttons holding his shirt closed, hiding that washboard that I was about to taste. My progress was slow as my fingers fumbled in anticipation.

  When I finally reached the top, I pushed his shirt back toward his shoulders and then stepped back to admire the beauty before me. I stared at his broad chest, his sculpted abdomen, that gorgeous tattoo that held so much symbolism for him. My palms started on his lower stomach and moved upward. I could feel every muscle beneath my hands, and while we’d been sleeping next to each other for a long time now, him without a shirt and my arm flung across his waist, this was different. This was our moment, and I sighed contentedly, knowing that this was mine now as my palms reached his chest and stopped on his nipples. I felt his heart racing beneath my hand.

  He pulled me into him and lowered his head, resting his forehead on mine, and my hands slid around to the warm skin on his back as his arms wrapped around me. He drew in a deep breath, and then his mouth found mine, and I could literally feel the love he had for me as he poured it all into our connection.

  His tongue danced slowly in my mouth as one of his hands caressed my face and the other tangled in the hair at the nape of my neck. I could tell he was restraining himself from attacking me, but he’d promised me slow and sensual before fast and hard. I wanted both. I wanted it all, and most of all, I wanted him sliding into my wet and ready body.

  My hands suddenly took on a mind of their own and moved down the skin of his back to his ass. I grabbed it and then held on with my left hand while my right hand moved slowly to his hip and then around to the front. My hand caressed the front of his pants, and I could feel his rock hard erection beneath my fingers. He groaned into me as he deepened our kiss, and my caress turned into a fondle as I grabbed him in my hand. He arched his hips into my hand and broke our kiss, closing his eyes and leaning his head back, his neck strained and corded, his arms still around me. A sexy growl rumbled up from his chest as I stroked him through his pants.

  Jesse opened his eyes and they met mine. His were glazed with craving and lust and some sort of carnal hunger, and I knew the same was reflected in my own eyes back at him.

  He lowered his head to my neck and planted soft kisses while his fingers found the zipper on the back of my dress. I was becoming desperate for him as he lowered my zipper with deliberate leisure, and I couldn’t wait for him to unwrap the surprise I had for him under my dress.

  Once the zipper was down, my dress fell in a pool on the floor. I stood before Jesse Drake completely naked, and this time it wasn’t because he had surprised me with orange juice and I dropped my towel.

  He stood back and gaped at me for a moment. “Jesus Christ,” he murmured. “You weren’t wearing anything under that dress all night?” His voice was hoarse from lust.

  I shook my head slowly, and a wicked grin flashed across his lips.

  He struggled out of his shirt, which landed on the floor behind him, and he pulled me against the length of his body. The only thing separating us now was his pants. I could feel his erection pressed against my lower belly. “God, I love you,” he said, and then I grabbed onto his neck and wrapped my legs around his waist.

  “I love you more,” I murmured. He held onto me under my thighs, and our mouths collided together once again.

  He walked us over to the bed, and then he lowered us slowly. I felt the soft, cool comforter against my back, a heady contrast to Jesse’s heat covering my front.

  My legs were still wrapped around him, but now we were lying on the bed. His hips thrust into me again and again as that aching throb between my legs pulsed through my entire body. It was almost painful how much I wanted him inside of me. He leaned up, bracing himself with his arms on either side of my shoulders as he hovered over me. I ran my fingers down his chest and felt that ridiculously outstanding washboard stomach. He leaned down and kissed my neck, moving his way down to my chest and finally taking one of my nipples in his mouth as his hand found my other breast. My hands wrapped around the back of his head, pulling his mouth harder against me, forcing more of my breast into his hot mouth.

  He moaned agains
t me as I arched up into him, taking the pleasure he was delivering. I felt my body tightening beneath him, driving me closer to an orgasm just from the way his tongue lapped against my nipple. That was a first.

  He backed off and turned so he was lying on his side next to me and I was still on my back. My hand wandered back down to his hard dick, and he leaned up over me and took my nipple back in his mouth as his fingertips trailed down my skin from my breast, over my rib cage, across my belly, to my hip, and then down to my wet and waiting vagina.

  He teased my pubic bone with his fingers while his mouth continued working my breast, and then he slid one finger down into my warmth. I heard another one of those sexy growls as he felt how wet I was for him. That was just what he did to me.

  His mouth trailed back up to mine, and then he pushed two fingers inside of me. My hips arched up as he drove his fingers in as far as they would go. He left them in for a moment, and then he slid them out before driving them back in again. Holy fuck, if he kept that up, I was going to shatter into a million pieces around him.

  And he did keep it up. And I did shatter into a million pieces around him.

  My body was coiled tightly, tense beneath him, and he managed to unwind me while simultaneously wrecking me with a few perfect flicks of his wrist.

  It had been far too long since I had been with a man, and the lust that had been building between us since that fateful night at happy hour when I’d confessed my separation to Jesse exploded into the most earth shaking orgasm of my entire life.

  I felt him smile against my neck. He pulled his fingers out of me and pressed a kiss to my skin, and then he leaned on the pillow. Propping on his elbow, he gazed at my face.

  “Holy shit,” I breathed, lost in a daze from the pleasure and my Jesse.

  “Good?” he asked.

  I beamed up at him and stretched my arms out above my head lazily. “You really know what the hell you’re doing.”