A Staten Island Love Letter- The Forgotten Borough

by Jahquel J.

  “Cause you’re in both me and Free’s business.”

  “What do you even see in him?” I asked, trying to mask my disgust.

  My sister had been with her boyfriend for three years. Three years of lies, mental and physical abuse, yet she continued to deal with his broke ass. Every time he did something he would apologize, make it right and then the cycle would repeat. My mother begged my sister to get rid of Todd’s ass and she never did. It was like he had some type of sick ass hold over her. He was a firefighter, so he had a good ass career. He was just an asshole and loved to make my sister feel down about herself. I was so sick and tired of her wasting her time with a man that wasn’t good enough for her. Yet, we couldn’t convince her to leave Todd alone. It was something she would have to do on her own because she tuned all of our opinions out.

  “I’m not doing this today. This isn’t about me.” Justice stared at both of us. “Can we just enjoy lunch together and not do this?”

  “Whatever. Stop coming to us about shit he does if you want us to like him.”

  “Period,” I co-signed.

  Justice mumbled something while texting on her phone. I laughed, finished my second drink and continued to enjoy my time with my sisters. After a day like today, I needed all these drinks I was consuming and then some.

  After sitting in Applebee’s for four hours, all my drinks wore off and I was able to drive home. It wasn’t like we were rushing to leave. After we got on Justice about her man, we made up and continued talking and enjoying each other. I winced as the shades opened and Somali came stomping around my bedroom like she did every morning. It didn’t matter that this was a new state, she kept up with her routine of waking me up because she had to be awake early. I rolled to my side and tried to ignore her, however the more I ignored her, the more she continued to make noise. I didn’t understand what the purpose was for her being up this early on a Saturday morning.

  “Mom, I know you hear me,” she finally got tired of me ignoring her stomping pleas for my attention.

  “I’m really trying not to hear you, Somali. What do you need right now? What time is it?” I reached for my phone. “Seven in the morning!” I gasped.

  “Dance class. You forgot, didn’t you?”

  “No.”

  “Then why are you shocked that it’s seven in the morning?” she countered with her arms folded. Somali was the spitting image of Liberty. It was as if my sister spit her out herself. Then, Samaj, he looked exactly like Ghost. His expressions, attitude and everything reminded me of his stubborn ass father.

  “Cause I’m late. My alarm didn’t go off,” I played it off and hopped out of bed. “Kid go eat breakfast so we can head straight out. Where’s Samaj?”

  “He’s in his bedroom asleep. He said that he’s going to his friend’s house to play video games,” she informed me.

  “At least he gets to sleep in today,” I mumbled and shuffled to my adjourning bathroom. If I didn’t hurry, I knew Somali would come in here and demand that I hurry up because she hated being late.

  “Mommmmm!” she groaned as she headed to the door. “Please don’t take too long, okay?” she batted those long eyelashes as she headed out of the bedroom door.

  Staring at my phone, I knew I had limited time to get ready. I quickly showered and pulled some clothes on before jogging downstairs. When I got to the bottom of the stairs, Samaj was sitting at the kitchen counter eating a bowl of cereal.

  “Hey Ma,” he greeted.

  I walked over to him, rubbed my hands through his hair and kissed him on the forehead. “Hey baby, Somali told me about your plans for the day.”

  “Of course, she did. She’s so nosey,” he complained. Somali and Samaj were twins, yet so different. While Somali walked around with her heart on her sleeves, Samaj was more guarded. I had to do more digging to get to the bottom of whatever Samaj was feeling. He was also secretive and loved his space. He reminded me so much of his father. Same face and personality.

  “Is Josh’s mom going to pick you up? Or are you going to ride your bike over there? I’m just going to drop her off, so if you want me to drive you there, I’ll come back quickly.”

  The twins both knew how to stay in the house alone. It had been a solid year since I had been leaving them alone in the house. They both looked out for each other and knew the rules when it came to staying home when I wasn’t there.

  “I’m going to ride my bike. Chill, Mom. It’s barely eight in the morning. Josh is still probably asleep.” He spooned some cereal into his mouth and continued watching the cartoons on the TV.

  “When did you get to be so grown? My big boy.” I pulled his head back and kissed him on the forehead for the second time. “Make sure that room is clean too,” I reminded him.

  “I’m the man of the house, mom,” Samaj reminded me, like he always did. “Are you still getting me floor seats to see the Nets vs the Hawks?”

  I couldn’t stand that my kid was a huge Atlanta Hawk fan. I guess that was what I got for giving birth in Atlanta. Coming back to Staten Island was like coming home to me. To the twins, it was moving to a foreign state that they knew nothing about. We visited as often as I was able, still this wasn’t home to them. Atlanta, Georgia was their home.

  “That’s right. I forgot you’re not my Samaji poo!”

  “Are you done kissing your favorite twin?” Somali stood there with a scowl on her face. I could tell from the way she was gripping her dance bag in her left hand that she was ready to go.

  “I don’t have a favorite twin. You both are my favorite and I love you both so much. Samaj, make sure your room is clean,” I warned him before heading out the door with Somali. “Let’s go, Ms. Bossy.”

  “About time,” she muttered under her breath as she climbed into my truck. This little girl was going to be the death of me with her need to always be on time for everything. She needed to learn that her mama was late to everything.

  It took us fifteen minutes to make it to the dance studio. It was one of the best on the island. Somali had been involved in dance since she was three years old. I didn’t care how much money I had, I always managed to squeeze out the fees so she could attend dance classes. Samaj wasn’t into anything besides his video games, so I always made sure he had the newest games.

  Before I had the money to, I always spoiled them. Part of me felt bad because I was keeping them away from their father. So instead of making it right, I tried to overcompensate so they didn’t feel the pain of not having their father while they were growing up. Imagine being raised in humble beginnings when your father was street royalty? Before Ghost got the money he had now, he was still considered royalty. They didn’t need to know anything about that life. I wanted both my babies to go to college and have a career.

  “I hope the little kids are gone by now,” Somali sucked her teeth as she unbuckled her seatbelt.

  “Eww, why you smacking your gums like that?” I giggled. “Those babies ain’t done nothing to you.”

  “I know, but they always take forever, and I just want to get practice started.” She complained.

  “Well, head on in and I’ll come pick you up in an hour.” she reached over and kissed me on the cheek. “Break a leg.”

  “Mom, you know I’m way more experienced than these girls. Dance is a hobby to them,” Somali made sure to let me know.

  Somali danced before she could walk. Anything with a beat she would dance to. She told me she wanted to go a performing arts school once she was in high school. I could see my baby owning her own dance studio or doing something amazing like that with her life. I watched as she skipped into the building before, I tried to pull off. I was about to put my car in drive and pull out when Ghost’s stupid face showed up in my rearview telling me not to move. I started to quickly pull off, but decided to allow him to speak his peace since I left yesterday abruptly. I watched as the dance teacher walked his daughters out of the studio and he buckled them in their seat belts, before he made it to my tr
uck’s window.

  I rolled the window down and stared at him. “What do you want, Gyson?”

  “How old is your daughter?” My heart quickened and I felt like everything was closing in on me, still I remained unbothered by his question.

  “Why?”

  “Just want to know.”

  “Why though?”

  “Yo, why the fuck you acting like you didn’t do me wrong? I’m asking because that better not be my baby, Freedom,” he scolded with serious eyes. I knew well enough not to fuck around with Ghost, still something inside me wouldn’t allow me to tell him the truth about Somali. He would be hurt, and I had fled years ago to avoid seeing the hurt in his eyes.

  “How did I do you wrong?”

  “You dip without telling me anything. How the fuck did you think that made me feel?” He was staring into my eyes and if I wasn’t already sitting in this car, I would have melted into the pavement.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to come off like that, but I had to make decisions for myself and no one else.”

  “Bullshit. You’re acting like I held you back from your dreams, Free. All that shit was you. If you wanted to go to Atlanta, we could have made it work.”

  “That’s the past. You’re engaged to be married and I’m just trying to raise my children so, the past is just that…. the past.”

  “Children? How many fucking kids you got?”

  “Two.”

  “Bet.” He gently tapped my hood and went back to his car. I quickly pulled off with my heart beating a million miles per hours.

  Running into Ghost was going to send my blood pressure through the roof. I needed to make sure that me and the kids avoided him at all cost. I could see his mind running and calculating shit when he asked about Somali. He wasn’t asking for his health, he wanted to know if I would reveal any information to him. I tried to push the thoughts out my head as I went to get my eyelashes refilled. If Ghost found out about the twins before I told him, he would never forgive me for what I hid from him. I had to find a way to convince myself to talk to him about them. I didn’t know how, but I had to figure it out. Time was ticking.

  5

  Justice

  “I know you said you work tonight, but I can’t help that. They need to get in and repair the wall in the kitchen,” I tried to rationalize with Todd. He was pissed because the landlord sent some contractors over to repair the wall he punched a hole through.

  “Aye, I don’t give a damn what the fuck they told you. You better get your dumb ass on the phone and tell the landlord you don’t want them to fix it. I can bet that it’s gonna be another damn hole when you make it home!” he hollered before ending the call.

  I could only imagine the spit flying from his mouth, his eyes dark and him ready to ball his fist up to hurt something. Usually, I was the target for his abuse. Last week I was happy that it was the wall and not me. After spending some time with my sisters, he was pissed that I came home late. Todd knew that my sisters hated everything about him. They also made sure to let him know how much they hated him. I understood why they couldn’t like him, yet they never understood how hard it made it on me. Todd hated that my family didn’t like him. Especially since he was huge on family. My family didn’t throw many events, but all of the ones we did throw I had to come alone. Todd made sure to throw that shit in my face each time I returned home.

  There used to be a point in time when I felt blessed to be with Todd. I prayed to God to send me a man that loved his career, loved God and would love me. Two out of three didn’t seem bad to me. With all he put me through though, he couldn’t have loved me the way he expressed.

  He would knock me in the face for overcooking his salmon. As I cleaned up my face afterwards, I’d tell myself I was leaving. I promised myself that I deserved better. Then, he waltzed into the house with flowers, saying all the right things and I was like putty in his hands again. That was our cycle. Things weren’t always bad between the both of us, and I guess that was why I convinced myself to stay in a relationship that I knew was no good for me.

  “Jus, do you think you can do a sweep of the gym before locking it? I would, but I’m kind of late to my son’s basketball game,” Denise, my colleague popped her head into my classroom. It was Saturday school, so no teacher ever stayed late, and ever teacher dismissed their students early.

  “Sure. Leave your keys and I check after I finish grading these papers.”

  She walked into the classroom and sat the keys on my desk. “You know, Jus… you don’t need to be grading papers. It’s Saturday and you should get out and enjoy the rest of your weekend.”

  I wanted to tell her that I didn’t have anything else to do or anything to enjoy. With Todd throwing his tantrum, I was going to avoid going home for as long as I could.

  “I have a ton of papers to grade and need to get ahead of things. I’ll lock up the gym. Enjoy your weekend.” I smiled.

  She offered me a smile and then headed out of the classroom. Denise knew her ass didn’t have a basketball game to attend. She just wanted to get out early so she could enjoy the rest of her weekend. The only reason teachers took this job was because it paid a little extra on their salaries. I made good money working at Staten Island academy. Still, it never seemed like I could get ahead on different bills.

  Todd brought in good money too, but it was always half gone when he made it home. Trying to love a man that had not one, but two addictions was hard. Todd drank like a fish and gambled his money like he was rich. I knew a lot of the drinking had to do with his PTSD. Before becoming an fireman, he was stationed in Afghanistan for three years. I couldn’t imagine the mental toll that took on him.

  His gambling addiction started a year ago. I surprised him for his birthday with a trip to Vegas. I had planned for us to sightsee, spend much needed time together and have a good time. Once Todd won three thousand dollars on one table, he didn’t leave. He didn’t leave until we had to catch our flight back home. By then, his debit card was overdrawn six thousand dollars and our shared credit card was maxed out. Even a year ago, I was working extra days just to try and pay that bill down. Meanwhile, he didn’t give a damn about the credit card or our bills that were accumulating.

  In New York City, you needed more than one income to survive, especially if you didn’t get public assistance. Neither of us received it, so everything that was paid for, was out of our pockets. I was in over my head and needed help, still I was too ashamed and scared to go to my sisters. They knew my relationship was a mess and judged. Still, to them I was their baby sister working as a private school English teacher that had a great salary, apartment and new car. I couldn’t taint their vision of me. I just couldn’t.

  I shoved the rest of the English Quizzes’ I had on my desk into my teacher’s planner and then placed it into my purse. A manicure and pedicure sounded refreshing right now. I grabbed the keys Denise left and went to the gym. I opened the door and started to shut the lights off. I was on the last flip when I heard slurping noise. I turned the rest of the lights back on and followed the noise to the other side of the gym. That side was barely used, and I had no plans on checking on that side since no one ever used it.

  “Kiss Mooney!” I hollered. Right before me was Kiss and her boyfriend performing a sixty-nine. They were both taking up two bleachers to perform their sexual acts. Everyone knew that Kyle and Kiss were together. I listened to the gossip around the school, so I knew what I was up against with these kids.

  She jumped up like a deer in headlights while Kyle had this smirk on his face. Kyle was the borough president’s son and felt like he was invincible. I hated to bring race into anything, but he thought because he bumped some Future and wore the hippest clothes that he was one of us, when that was far from the truth.

  “Kiss, go into my classroom now!” I hollered as she quickly tried to pull her skirt and shirt down. I saw a glimpse of her stomach and was further shocked. “Kyle, you go into my office too!” I hollered at him
and he sat there.

  “Ms. McGurry, you know I’m not going to do that. I have some things to do,” he shrugged, zippered his pants and headed out of the gym’s door.

  “Kyle, you go to my office or I’ll make sure you’re suspended and given detention when you do return.”

  He sucked his teeth and headed to my office like I had told him. Kiss had tears in her eyes as she sat in the chair in front of my desk. I could tell she was scared, worried and nervous for what was about to come. Kiss had just transferred into my class two weeks ago. I taught honors English and she was far too advance for the English class she had previously been in.

  “What in the world were the both of you thinking? Having sex in the gym?” I questioned as I went to my files to find contact information for the both of them. “Clearly, there is something in the water these days,” I mumbled and pulled both of their files.

  “We’re seniors, there are kids having sex that are younger than us,” Kyle tried to defend their actions.

  “If they were injecting themselves with drugs, would you do it too?”

  “Shit, probably,” he snickered like it was funny.

  “Watch your language. I don’t have you as a student for, well, reasons,” I shook my head. “Kiss, you are my student and I know you’re smarter than this.”

  “You don’t even know me,” she snapped.

  “I don’t have to know a person to know if they’re smarter than having sex on a bleacher in the school gym. What would your mother think of this?”

  When I mentioned those words tears fell down her cheeks and she started shaking her right leg impatiently. “If you’re gonna call my guardian just do the shit already.”

  “I pray when you have your little one that you teach them manners, the both of you.” When I mentioned her pregnancy, I could tell that she was shocked.

  “That baby isn’t mine,” Kyle protested.

  “I really wish you would stop saying that shit,” she sniffled as she wiped her face. “You took my virginity, Kyle. Who else’s baby is it going to be?”