A Staten Island Love Letter- The Forgotten Borough

by Jahquel J.

  I laughed and turned on the shower. “Shakira, get the fuck out of my face. I do what the fuck I want with my daughters. You or nobody else is gonna tell me what the fuck I do with my children.”

  “Why don’t I get to go?” she stomped around with her lips poked out. “Your mother is always trying to do stuff without me.”

  “I planned this, not her. You need to chill. My mother didn’t say anything when I took your parents out the country with us, so you don’t need to say shit now,” I warned her. “Get in the shower and suck my dick,” I demanded. I was tired of hearing her damn mouth and maybe this dick in her mouth would shut her ass up.

  She stomped around the bathroom taking her clothes off and came into the shower. I stared down at her and she kissed me on the lips before she got down on her knees to suck me off. I could already tell that today was going to be a great day, just from the way my day was starting.

  Broad Street, Stapleton

  I was posted on the block with Staten. Priest said he had some shit to handle with Kiss, so we decided to rock out on the block. After sitting with Free last night, I just needed to get my mind off of her for the moment. Then I had Shakira on my neck about me heading to Jamaica without her. I was never the type of nigga that stood on the block. That was asking for someone to run up on me. My gun was tucked in the waist of my Balmain jeans, so I was straight. Not to mention, Staten had his gun and always kept a second one in his sock. That nigga was paranoid and always rode around with two guns. He didn’t give a fuck that he could be pulled over and catch a gun charge. With the life we lived we had to be more scared for our lives than the police trying to lock us away. If we caught a gun charge, that was something small compared to losing your life behind a jealous ass nigga. Believe people when they show you that they have that green monkey on their back. We notice shit, and never do nothing about it. That was how we ended up with a hole in our head because we worked hard to get where the fuck we were.

  “Damn, it’s brick as fuck out here. You don’t make it better coming out here with this loud ass fur,” Staten flicked the hood of my fur coat.

  “Don’t hate cause you put that bum ass leather jacket on. I’m warm and comfortable. I haven’t been on the block in a minute.”

  “Yeah, you too busy up in the hills now,” he joked.

  “Word. I worked hard to be up in those hills. You don’t even need to be in the hood as much as you be anyway.”

  “Hood is my home. I can leave, but never stay away.”

  “I feel you.”

  “You heard about that nigga, Pook?” he asked me. I knew Pook was set to get out and I wasn’t worried. He may have been running shit before he caught his sentence, but now I was running it. When he did touch down in the hood, his ass better fall in line with the rest of them.

  “Yeah. I’m not worried.”

  “You don’t think he’s going to want to take back over when he comes home?”

  I shook my head. “Let me ask you something… If you and a nigga hit a lick. Y’all split thirty thousand dollars down the middle, right?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Your man spends his and gets knocked. He don’t run with smart people so ain’t shit being established for him when he gets out, right?”

  “Uh huh.”

  “The other man invests his money and works hard to build him up a business. His shit worth millions, his family straight and he making money and keeping his head down.”

  “What you getting at nigga?”

  “I’m getting there. The other nigga get out, you giving him half your empire?”

  “Hell nah.”

  “Exactly. Me and Pook split shit when he was free. I didn’t take over his territory until after I found out that his team dropped the ball. None of those niggas were moving weight in his absence. I had every right to take over his territory and capitalize on that shit. When he get out, I may be nice and let him have a block or two, but I’m not obligated to do shit for that man but wish him well.”

  “I feel you, G,” he nodded. “Just want to make sure shit continues to run smooth.”

  “And it will.” I replied as I saw Free’s truck pull up.

  Everybody was whistling at the big wheels she was rolling on. Shorty was self-made and got all of this on her own. Ain’t nobody hand shit out to her, she did this shit herself. Free had always been like that and it didn’t surprise me that she had took off and done well for herself. She was the type of person that was determined to win, even if it killed her. Free jumped out and switched around the truck and walked up to me. She reached up and stood on the tip of her toes as she hugged me tightly. I wrapped my arms around her and gripped her ass for old times’ sake.

  “I love and thank you for looking out for me, G. Yesterday I may have sounded ungrateful and cold, but I really appreciate it. You also left your phone last night and I called Priest and asked where you were.”

  “You already know I’m always gonna have your back. Let me get another hug,” I demanded, and she hugged me. Her body fit perfectly right into mine. I kissed her on the neck, and she pulled back.

  “Aht, aht!” she waved her finger and backed up. “What’s good, Staten?”

  “Ain’t shit… just wondering when the two of you gonna fuck?”

  She giggled. “You so damn nasty. I have to go shopping, but wanted to drop that off to you because it has been blowing up all morning,” she explained.

  I didn’t realize that I didn’t have my personal phone. Long as I had my burner phones, I was good. Shakira blew my phone up so much that I kept that shit on silent anyway. She knew not to blow up my burner phone unless it was an emergency. Half the time all she wanted to do was talk and I didn’t have time for that.

  “Good looking. Let me come with you shopping… My treat,” I offered. If paying for a shopping trip got me to spend some time with her, I was willing to do it.

  “You hate shopping. It’s one of the reasons I know you have a personal stylist.” She looked over my outfit of choice.

  “So. I haven’t been out to the mall since they re-did the whole thing. Let me ride with you,” I continued.

  She folded her arms and sucked her teeth. “Fine. You driving,” she tossed me the key fob and walked over to the passenger door. I dapped my brother and went to open the passenger door open for her. She climbed in and I made my way to the driver’s side.

  “Damn, why the fuck you got the seat so close to the damn steering wheel?” I complained as I adjusted the seat before climbing into the car.

  “You know this is the first time that I sat in this passenger seat?” she broke our silence as I pulled onto Van Duzer street, heading to the expressway.

  “You know I’m usually the one riding, not driving?”

  “Hell, you wanted to come along so you need to drive.” She tapped away at her phone and giggled. “Anyway, I guess I should tell you now.”

  “What?”

  “I’m going to Jamaica with y’all. Mama Rae wouldn’t have it any other way.”

  I turned and looked at her briefly. “Oh word?” A smirk spread across my face as I thought about both of us being in Jamaica. At this moment I was worried about it being a family trip at all.

  “I hope that’s cool.”

  “Yeah, that’s cool with me,” I played nonchalant.

  In my head I was dancing and shit. I nodded my head to the music as she continued to peck away at her phone. I could tell it wasn’t a pleasant text message conversation. Her forehead wrinkled and she swiped her nose three times in the past two seconds. I knew Free like the back of my hand and just because I hadn’t seen her in ten years didn’t make it any different. When she was upset, you could tell. Her entire spirit was off and from the small gestures, like her forehead and nose swipes, I knew she was pissed as fuck. I tried to mind my business and listened to her suck her teeth and sigh.

  “You good?” I finally broke my silence. She was so obvious with her displeasure that I couldn’t pretend to ignor
e it anymore.

  “It’s nothing,” she tried to wave it off like it wasn’t anything.

  “Ight.”

  It was quiet for five minutes before she blurted. “Why do men feel like they own you? Me and Zoe just made it official and the nigga got people checking up on me. I’m not a child or a slave, he doesn’t need to check up on me, I’m grown.”

  “You were on the block hugging me, I knew that shit would get back to him,” I chuckled.

  It was part of the reason I asked for a second hug and gripped her fat ass. I knew it would get back to him and I wanted him to know, Free was mine. It didn’t matter that I had Shakira and a whole other life with her, Free was off limits. He may have her now, but I would always have her, and it was something that no man could fathom.

  “Doesn’t matter. Besides you gripping my booty, I came there as your friend. We’re friends.”

  “Want me to take you home so your man could make sure you’re cool?”

  “Nah, I’m cool on him for a few days.” She waved me off. “I’m staying at my mama’s house anyway… I’m too lazy to unpack and I missed the kids.”

  “You sound like you’re hiding from the nigga.”

  “No. I’m ignoring his calls, so I know he’ll come by unannounced and I won’t be there.” she further explained.

  “Still sound like your punk ass hiding,” I joked to lighten the mood. “What would he think if he knew you were coming to Jamaica?”

  “Doesn’t matter what he thinks. My father is dead.”

  “You wasn’t talking all that hot shit when you were with me. What I said was law for your ass,” I laughed.

  Me and Free were so good for each other. It was more than what I said to her. We both had respect for each other. She didn’t do shit she knew would make me pissed and I did the same for her. It was a two-way street that I wished I could drive down again.

  “Stop fronting. We both had respect for each other and didn’t move how the other didn’t like. It’s like men don’t understand that anymore.”

  “Women too.”

  “You’re engaged, so you can’t even agree with me on this.”

  “What that got to do with anything?”

  She sighed. “That you found someone that understands you and can make it work with. Me, I’m still trying to figure that out and it’s been years.” I was shocked that she was being so transparent with me.

  “Everything that looks good on the outside isn’t good on the inside,” I replied and turned into the parking lot next to Macy’s. It was so crazy how they transformed this mall by adding more stores and getting rid of some of the parking spots out front. The shit looked dope as fuck to me.

  “I’m not gonna be long, I promise,” she giggled.

  “Ight, I’m gonna hold you to it,” I clicked my vibrating phone when I saw Shakira’s name come across the screen. “Come on.” I got out the truck and opened her door and we walked into the mall. I knew today was about to be a good day, just from that neck Shakira gave me this morning.

  9

  Justice

  I winced in pain as Todd’s hand came crashing across my face. He pulled his hand back and struck me for the second time. The taste of blood was in my mouth and I could feel the swelling of my lip. The tears that fell down my cheeks burned the split in my lip as I picked myself up from the floor and headed into the kitchen. The abuse had been at an all-time high lately and it was becoming unbearable to live with. I walked on egg shells before, but now it was like I was trying to walk on air without upsetting him. The more I did, the more angry he became and lashed out at me.

  “Get some fucking blood in that rice if you want!” he hollered as I spooned some rice from the pot onto his plate.

  I spent all day at work and was excited when Priest surprised me at work with flowers and coffee. It was something as small as him remembering my favorite Starbucks coffee that put a smile on my face. We went to grab food from a small restaurant near the school and I lost track of time. It was more than sexual attraction when it came to Priest. He was caring, passionate and had this fire in his eyes that told you he wasn’t to be fucked with. He walked that fine line of revealing his emotions, but also bottling them up so no one could figure him out. Since the day of Reese’s party, we had been hanging out and I enjoyed his company. He took time out for me when he didn’t have to. It was the small things that mattered when it came to me. I was lacking that kind of attention at home. It was something I craved and to finally feel just a piece of it had me on cloud nine.

  I didn’t expect for us to sit and talk for that long. Todd had called me twelve times and had tracked my phone. He showed up literally minutes after Priest had left. While I was grabbing him some food for dinner, he came up behind me and decked me in the back of my head. The sting from being embarrassed in front of everyone hurt more than the blows he had just delivered to my face. That restaurant was a place I ate when I didn’t pack lunch for work. How could I show my face there again? I couldn’t. They would forever look at me as the girl who got punched in the face while waiting for food. Todd was discreet with his abuse, so for him to act a fool in a public place meant was he was way past pissed.

  Take off from work tomorrow. I wanna take you somewhere. A text message came through from Priest.

  I sighed and placed my phone in my pocket and continued to cook Todd’s dinner. He tossed the food I had bought from the restaurant on the floor soon as we walked through the door. After cleaning it up and listening to him vent about how angry he was, that’s when words wasn’t enough. He had to put his hands on me for me to hurt. His words didn’t hurt anymore, and he knew I had gotten used to them. It was sad that I had to get used to verbal abuse from a man that promised to love me, but it was life.

  Notification: $2900 has been debited from your account for ACH rent.

  I sighed as I got the notification that our rent had been paid from my account. Did he ever offer to pay? No, he didn’t. I didn’t need Todd. I made good money and had an amazing career. I wanted him, well at least I used to want him. A strong, muscular and career driven man with a good career matched my fly… why not? Now years later, he was a burden that I no longer wanted to carry anymore. It wasn’t about the apartment. I would gladly give it up to him. Living with my mama was way more peaceful than lying beside a monster that caused physical and verbal abuse on me.

  “Here’s your dinner. Do you want a beer?” I questioned.

  He looked away from the virtual poker match he was involved in and accepted the plate. “Yeah.”

  I grabbed him a beer and then retreated to the bathroom to clean my face up. The tears that fell down my cheeks hurt me. How many times was I going to allow him to do the same thing to me? How many more times was I going to allow him to put his hands on me before I left? When I thought back to how we first met, I cried. I used to be so confident and sure of myself. I knew what I wanted, how I wanted it and when I wanted it. What happened to me? It was so crazy that I would call women in domestic violence situations weak because they continued to stay. Years later, I was in that same situation. Standing in the bathroom mirror cleaning a bruised face that I didn’t abuse.

  My confidence went downhill the moment I allowed Todd to dictate what I wore, what I did and how I did it. When I allowed a man to sculpt me into what he wanted me to be. While I was so happy to find a man that matched me in every aspect of life, I was so busy doing and being everything he wanted me to be. Instead, I should have been paying attention to the warning signs, because there always are some. He tells you that you can’t hang with your girls anymore, and you think it’s because he wants all your time, so you slowly pull away from your girls. The dress you wore is too tight or too revealing, so you start looking at dresses that you would have never took a second look at.

  The signs of abuse were always present before the actual physical abuse occurred. Women often mistook those signs for love. Oh, he loves me because he wants me to be covered up. Oh, he loves me so much
that he wants to spend all this time with me, my girls will understand. Almost always we’re so embarrassed to speak up and tell someone. I’m honors high school teacher at one of the best private schools on Staten Island, I make a hundred thousand dollars a year, live in a nice neighborhood and carried myself with class…I wasn’t the type to be in a domestic violence relationship… That’s the thing, you never knew what people were going through behind closed doors.

  After I finished cleaning my face, I went into the bedroom to pull out some clothes to wear for bed. Todd was in there cursing over some money he lost playing the game. All he did was go to work and gamble all his money away. I guess I should have been grateful that he never asked me for any of mine. I continued to allow him to fall deeper and deeper into this gambling and drinking addiction that he had.

  “Aye, we got that thing to go to soon,” he reminded me of his cousin’s birthday party.

  Every year his cousin threw himself a house party and invited the whole family. I hated being cramped into his two-bedroom house with a bunch of drunk asses playing dominos and spades. Each year I sat there like the odd ball out while Todd had fun, drank and continued to lose his money to his cousins. I wished he’d stopped bringing me along.

  “Okay. I’ll make sure I don’t plan anything.”

  “Plan anything? Bitch, you don’t even have friends,” he laughed. “Besides your sister and gay ass cousin, who the fuck else you hang with?”

  “Good night, Todd,” I replied.

  “You dismissing me, bitch?” he snarled, and I heard his laptop shut. Before I could respond he was rounding the corner.

  I fake yawned and rubbed my night cream on my hands. “Todd, stop it!” I raised my voice. “I’m not a damn punching bag.”

  His eyes damn near bucked out his head as he stared at me. “Oh, you done lost your mind,” he swung, and I ducked. I grabbed the lamp and hit him in the head. While he screamed, I ran out the bedroom and made sure to grab my purse. Everything I needed was in my purse.