A Staten Island Love Letter- The Forgotten Borough

by Jahquel J.

  I nodded my head because she was right. “Yeah, I hear you. I’ll take them to Sky Zone or some shit when they’re done with dance class.”

  “See, now you sound smart.”

  “Where’s Uncle’s favorite girls?” I called and went into the kitchen where they were finishing up their snack.

  “Right here! Right here!” they both yelled out excited.

  “Ya’ll ready for dance class?”

  “You’re gonna take us and watch us?” Rain asked.

  “Yep. Grab your bags so we can go,” I told them. They left their snacks and then ran off to go and get their dance bags.

  My mother came into the kitchen. “Lock up. I got to drive all the way to Jersey. I’ll be home as soon as I can. Call Mirror if you need to drop them off and I’m not back.”

  “Don’t worry about it, mama, I got them,” I told her and kissed her before she headed out the door. The girls grabbed their bags and we locked the house up and got into my car. My mother was always a step ahead of me. She had lined their booster seats up next to my car before she pulled out the driveway.

  I loaded them up in the car and we headed to the dance studio. We listened to all this Disney shit that made my ears bleed. When I looked into the rearview mirror, the smiles they had on their faces from just being with me felt like everything. I didn’t get to spend as much time as I wanted with them, but this small moment made me realize that I needed to be around more. They had their father, but there was nothing like a uncle’s love. I found parking outside the dance studio and got them inside. The dance teacher took the girls into their dance room and I sat outside with the other parents. Pulling my phone out, I scrolled my social media to kill time.

  “I don’t know why I had to come to this stupid place,” I heard a boy complain soon as the second dance room opened.

  “You know why… Somali had dance practice. Stop being so mean, Samaj,” I heard a familiar voice and looked up.

  Sure enough, it was Liberty with a boy and girl. They looked to be around nine or ten years old. It wasn’t their age that had me, it was the boy. If I closed my eyes and went back to my childhood with Ghost, he was the exact replica of him. Then the girl… She looked like an older version of Rain.

  “Liberty, what’s good?”

  She turned around and smiled when she saw me. “Go get in the car,” she told the kids, then came walking over to me. “Hey, what’s up?”

  “Shit, chilling. My nieces had class today too.”

  “Look at you being a good uncle. I know you’ve probably heard about my sister,” she looked down when she mentioned Justice.

  “Yeah. On the real, I’m praying for ya’ll. I hope she wakes up real soon.”

  “Me too. Priest has been up there every day. That man has been a God send. He got my mama a hotel suite near the hotel and everything.”

  “Yeah, he’s a good dude.”

  “I wish she would have met him before her stupid ass boyfriend. You know they’re trying to cover up the fact that he was drunk and say the car malfunctioned?”

  “Damn. Check it though, the truth always comes out,” I smirked when I thought about those twins. My brother was the father and Free had hid that shit from him.

  “Sure does. Let me get the twins home… It was nice seeing you,” she smiled and turned to walk out the door. Her ass was nice, round and plump. Man, the things that I would do to her body.

  I hit Ghost’s name and put the phone to my ear. “Yo?”

  “Let me ask you something.”

  “Ight.”

  “Free ever mention her kid’s father to you?”

  “Hold on.” I could hear him moving before he came back on the line. “All she said was that nigga died in some crane accident.”

  “Bro… she got twins.”

  “Yeah, I know.”

  “By you. Her son looks just like you when you were their age… then the daughter, bruh it was like looking into an older Rain’s face.”

  “Say word.”

  “Word. Those twins are yours, bro.”

  He sighed. “I can’t even mention that shit right now. She and her mom in there with Justice and it’s not the right place for that.”

  “Definitely not. You got a set of twins and a son, bro. Look just like you.”

  “Let me hit you back.”

  “Bet.” I ended the call and continued to sit and wait for the girls to finish their dance class. The other parents were all watching through the small window that allowed you to see the kids in class.

  Two hours later and the dance class was finally fucking over. I had fell asleep six times and ate four packs of damn skittles while waiting for the class to be over. How much practice did four and five-year-olds need? When the teacher handed me their practice sheet, I wanted to punch that bitch for holding me up all this damn time. I got the girls into the car and headed to Buffalo Wild Wings. They loved chicken and that was the only place I could think of in this moment. I pulled up to the light and rolled my window down because Rain and Summer were laughing about both farting at the same time. My fucking car smelled like baby shit between the both of them. My phone rang. Chanel’s name came across the screen in my car. Hitting the green button, I smiled because it had been a few days since I heard from her. We were set to leave to Belize in four days.

  “What’s good?”

  “I’m pregnant!” she screamed through the phone.

  “Wor—”

  POW! POW! POW!

  A ring of bullets hit the car. My arm stung and I realized that I had been hit in the shoulder. Pulling my gun out, I cocked it back as my heart beat a million per minute. I didn’t know who or what I was shooting at, but I stuck my gun out the window as I turned back to look at the girls. Blood was all over Summer’s seat and Rain was crouched down on the floor. Ghost always prepared his girls, so I wasn’t shocked.

  “What is that?” Chanel sounded panicked.

  “Summer baby, get down on the floor for me!” I hollered and she remained in the seat. I climbed in the seat and tossed my body over the top of both Summer and Rain.

  “She bleeding uncle!” Rain cried.

  “Rai—”

  POW! POW! POW!

  “UNCLEEEEEEE! UNCLEEEE WAKE UP!”

  13

  Liberty

  “Girl, Pook is out and he’s asking about you,” Myla told me. I rolled my eyes and looked at my phone.

  “For what? It’s been years, what the fuck do we have to discuss?” I smacked my lips as I put my cigarette out. “There’s nothing we need to discuss and yep, I’m still bitter.”

  She laughed. “He came by my shop and was asking about you. I told him that I’m not about to give his ass no information.”

  “Thank you. I don’t want to hear from him. My life is fine without him.”

  “You lonely as fuck, Lib.”

  “Doesn’t mean that I want to be with him or talk to him. I’m fine with working and making sure that I’m taken care of.”

  “Why do you work so much? Like you literally work too much. Your bills are paid, and your car was bought with cash, what else you need to buy?”

  “Actually, my car is financed, but I’m working on paying for it in full. I just like money, is that so wrong?”

  “Nope, but you need to take a break or something. Anyway, my client just walked in, so I’ll see you later when I go visit Justice.”

  “I work tonight, so you won’t see me,” I informed her.

  “Okay. I’m sure I’ll see you before the week ends.”

  “Yep. Talk to you later,” I replied and ended the call.

  I sat on the balcony of my apartment and lit another cigarette. Taking a pull, I closed my eyes and then looked around my neighborhood. I lived in a nice neighborhood, had a good car and could afford things on my own… why not work hard? I loved going to work because for once I didn’t feel so alone. It was only me in my apartment and at times it got lonely. It wasn’t that I didn’t want a man, I did. Every ma
n that approached me always came with some bullshit. They didn’t have their shit together, asked for too much or I wasn’t attracted to them. I was tired of being the chick that always worked all the time. I wanted to have a man that loved and cherished me to no end. It was hard living in a world where you wanted a fairytale type of love and every man wasn’t able to provide that. I blamed their mama’s and daddy’s. Their mamas wasn’t able to teach a man how to be a man and their fathers made them be both mama and daddy. I guess my standards was high because of my father.

  Before my father was killed, the way he loved and cherished my mother was something you didn’t see anymore. He loved everything about my mother; the good and even the bad. I watched them for years be the example of what I wanted when I got into a relationship and I could never find that. There was no man that could give me the type of love that my soul craved, and it was disheartening. With Pook, I was young and willing to follow him to the end of the world. A man that wasn’t worth the spit on the floor I was willing to give him my all. It was so funny how women opened up and would sacrifice everything for a man that wouldn’t do the same for her. The crazy shit was that we lost ourselves in men and never received that love back. Then, when we voiced how we wanted to be loved, it was an issue. My father was different, and he set the record for how I wanted my man to treat me.

  Taking the last pull from my cigarette, I put it in the ash tray and sighed. Looking in Staten’s eyes, I knew he knew that the twins were Gyson’s kids. I hadn’t spoken to her to give her the heads up, but he knew that those kids were his. I hated that Free kept the twins away from Gyson. When she first found out about them, I told her to call him. She refused and wanted to raise them alone. That man would forever feel some type of way about her for the choices she made. She took his kids away from him and never told him about them. Imagine living life not knowing you had a set of twins out in the world? While Free thought she was protecting them, she was just hurting them. It didn’t matter how much she tried to overcompensate as a mother, there was a void that they would always feel when it came to not having their father, or even knowing who their father was. For a while she was able to lie to the twins, yet with them getting older, they were starting to put pieces together and ask questions that only Free could answer for them.

  Sitting up, I went back into my apartment where Zeek was sitting. He couldn’t stand that I smoked and always made me go outside. Me and Zeek had been messing around for a week. I wouldn’t say it was anything serious. When I was bored, I called him, and he came over to fuck me. We didn’t go on dates or even put on like this was anything more than us just fucking. As of lately, he had been wanting to be more. He would call me just because or stop by my job to bring me lunch. It was sweet gestures that I appreciated, still, I was leery. Niggas loved to show the good side for a few weeks, then they turned to Satan soon after. I was protecting myself by not getting too deep or putting all my feelings into it when it came to Zeek.

  “When you gonna quit smoking?”

  I shrugged my shoulder and went back into the kitchen to cook. Tonight, I was working and then was doing a double shift, so I had to make sure I made me enough food to last me until my shift was over. As much as I wanted to go up and spend time with Justice, I couldn’t. My mama had been crying since we got the call that she was in an accident. I prayed hard every time I thought about her, but I couldn’t be around my mama like that. It was sad and I couldn’t afford to be sad when I had a job. My sister was going to wake up and she was going to be alright. What pissed me off was the fact that they acted like Todd was the huge hero who steered the car to avoid being hit by a eighteen-wheeler. That man was drunk, and I prayed that Justice remembered when she woke up. Todd ended up losing his leg. His leg was pinned into the car when the car crashed into the tree. They tried to save it, but in the end, they moved forward with amputating the whole bottom leg.

  I wanted to shake Justice and slap her around for continuing to be with this fool. Priest had been up there every day. Sometimes he stayed up all day and rubbed her hands and prayed for her. He was the man that Justice deserved, not Todd. She was supposed to be with him and love him. Justice deserved a man like Priest, and I couldn’t understand why she didn’t feel that way. I couldn’t understand why she thought so low of herself. She was beautiful, smart, had a degree and a good job. Why did she settle for a man like that when she could have had so much more?

  “Liberty?” Zeek snapped me from my thoughts. For a second, I had forgot he was sitting in my living room.

  “What happened?”

  “When you gonna stop smoking?”

  “How you gonna ask me when I’m gonna quit something that I never said I would quit?” I tossed some onions into the frying pan filled with oil.

  “That shit mad unattractive.”

  “I’m not doing it to be attractive,” I replied and rolled my eyes. “Zeek, I’m grown and take care of myself. I don’t need you or anybody to tell me what I should or shouldn’t be doing. Until you pay my bills and I can lay up on this couch all day while getting paid, mind your business,” I snapped.

  I started smoking when I was sixteen years old. At the time I was just trying to be grown and cool. Then the coolness faded, and I was addicted to cigarettes. Everybody wanted me to quit, but it wasn’t their life and they didn’t need to be worried about mine. When I wanted to quit, I would. Until then, everybody needed to stop worrying about my business and mind their own.

  “That shit kills,” he continued.

  “And so, does the drugs you flood out in these streets. At least I can go to the store and buy mine legally.”

  “You think that makes it better? They put rat poison and all type of shit in those cancer sticks.”

  “Can you just leave the subject alone? If I wanted a counselor, I would seek out one. I didn’t ask you for your opinion.”

  He sighed and leaned back on the couch while switching through channels. “What time do you have to work tonight?”

  “Eleven. Why?”

  He cocked his head to the side. “Damn, I just want to fucking know. Liberty, I been trying to make this something between us. Either you can’t see that, or you really don’t give a fuck.”

  “The only reason you even looked my way was because Zoe and Freedom were together. Just because I met you quickly in passing didn’t mean you had to get my number and try to make this a thing.”

  “If you believe that then you’re a fucking Bozo.” He turned and continued watching TV. “You fine as fuck and now getting to know you, you’re a dope ass person that I like being around.”

  “You can have your pick of girls out here, why you so concerned with making something out of us?”

  “Because I like you. I’m not worried about every chick out here. I’m worried about you,” he smirked, and I blushed.

  As hard as I was trying to avoid showing feelings, he was wearing me down slowly, but surely. “You tell that to all your little girlfriends?”

  “I’m being real, though. I like kicking it with you and shit. You only call when you want some dick, you know how that make me feel?” he pretended like he was hurt.

  “Oh please. I’m your dream girl. I don’t nag, call you when I want dick and go on about my business.”

  “Yeah, that would be true if you were one the chicks that I just used to get my dick wet. I like you, so I be wanting to do more than come fuck you and dip, feel me?”

  “I hear you. Zeek, I’m being honest… I’ve been hurt before and I’m real guarded with my heart. I move slow into things because I don’t want to be hurt again. It’s nothing personal against you, but I don’t want to rush into this and I’m the only one walking around with a broken heart.”

  “How you figure you’d be the only one walking away with a broken heart?”

  “Men move on like it’s nothing. It’s us women who are the ones with the broken hearts. I don’t got time to be gaining weight because I’m stress eating and shit.”

&nb
sp; “You wild,” he laughed and pulled his ringing phone out of his pocket. “Tell mama that I love her and will see her soon. Nah, you don’t need to come back home just yet. I gotta handle some more shit and don’t need to be worried about you.” he spoke on the phone.

  While he was on the phone, I continued cooking my dinner and breakfast for the next day. He finished and ended the call. “Everything good?”

  “Yeah, my sister just called getting on my nerves about when she can come home.”

  “Why aren’t you letting her home?” He stood up and grabbed his coat. Zeek was in the streets so I never questioned why he had to leave.

  “Shit went down, and I want to make sure she’s safe. Caught her fucking around with some nigga named, Staten… you know him?”

  “No,” I lied. I wanted to see if he would reveal more information.

  “Good. That nigga gonna learn fucking with my sister. I don’t even know how Zee fucking met this nigga,” he shook his head and walked over to me. Staten was always getting into something. I wasn’t getting involved in their issues because it wasn’t my business. Staten was a grown man who knew how to protect himself.

  Staring down at me, he kissed me on the lips. “Be safe.”

  “Always. You have a great night at work. Make sure you get some sleep too.” He kissed me again and I smiled.

  “I will,” I replied and walked him over to the door.

  “And stop smoking them cigarettes,” he complained, and I shut the door before he could get the rest of his little rant out. I went into the kitchen to finish cooking so I could get some sleep and get ready for work in a couple hours.

  I was sitting in the cafeteria eating my dinner and talking with one of my co-workers. Out of all the nurses that worked here, she and I got along the most. She wasn’t all in my business and wasn’t trying to act like she was better than everyone else. I took a bite out of my meatball and listened to her tell me about all the gossip that had been going on since I had been off from work.

  “You always spilling the tea. When you gonna tell Cindy that you’re moving?” I asked her. Cindy was our supervisor and the bitch was mean as fuck. She was always trying to find something to use to get me written up.