by Amy Clipston
Lindsay gasped. “You’re right. He is a lot like Onkel Daniel. I never made the connection before.”
Aenti Rebecca smiled. “Daniel has shut me out many times. It’s frustrating, but I’ve had to learn to live with it. I try to get him to talk to me, but sometimes it doesn’t work. I just have to wait it out.”
“It just hurts so much.” Lindsay hugged her arms to her chest. “I feel like my heart is going to shatter.”
“Ya, that’s exactly how it feels for me too. Of course, after we work things out, I remind Daniel how much it hurt me. He understands, but it’s his personality to get quiet while he works things out on his own.”
Aenti Rebecca sighed. “I know this is difficult, and I would take away your pain if I could. But you need to be strong, Lindsay. You need to have faith in your relationship with Matthew and give him time to work through whatever is bothering him. Let him come to you when he’s ready, and then listen to him and offer your support. After the smoke clears, tell him how much it hurt you when he shut you out. If you tell him how you feel, your relationship will get stronger.”
“Okay.” Leaning forward, she hugged her aunt. “Danki.”
Aenti Rebecca patted her back. “Gern gschehne. You’re a strong maedel. You’ll get through this and come out stronger as a couple. Be sure to pray for Matthew, and everything will be just fine.”
“Ya, I will.” Lindsay sat up straighter as confidence surged through her. She would give Matthew the time he needed. In her heart, she believed their relationship was strong enough to make it through the hard times, and she prayed he believed it too.
Chapter Four
How did it go at the bank?” Jake asked the following afternoon as he leaned on the workbench in Matthew’s work stall.
“Not well.” Matthew shook his head and sat down on a stool beside the headboard he’d been sanding.
Jake’s smile faded. “Oh no. What happened?”
“The bank refused to break up the land. I explained I’m building a haus there, but they said it’s impossible.” He looked across the shop where carpenters worked on various furniture pieces. Hammers banged, saw blades whirled, and air compressors hummed. The sweet scent of wood and stain filled his nostrils.
“I don’t have enough savings to pay the back taxes and take over the mortgage for the whole farm, so I’m stuck.” Matthew ran his hand down his face. “I feel like a buffoon for building a haus on a piece of land I can’t live on. I don’t know what to do now.”
“That’s terrible.” Jake looked about as somber as Matthew had ever seen him.
When a yawn overtook him, Matthew covered his mouth.
Jake raised an eyebrow. “Did you sleep at all last night?”
“Not really.”
“You can’t keep this up. You should just talk to Daniel.” Jake gestured toward the office where Daniel stood in the doorway, talking to his father, Eli. “Tell him what’s going on and ask for help. He can give you gut advice.”
Matthew crossed his arms over his chest and considered the suggestion. Then Jake stood up straight as Daniel stepped out of the office doorway and started for the center of the shop.
“Here he comes. Now’s your chance.” Jake headed to his stall on the other side of the shop. As Daniel approached Matthew’s stall, Jake turned and mouthed the words, “Do it!”
Matthew swallowed a groan.
“How’s your project going?”
Matthew looked up as Daniel stood over him. “Oh, it’s going well.” He gestured toward the king-size headboard. “I’m almost done sanding it.”
Daniel stepped into the stall and ran his fingers over the head-board. “You do great work.”
“Danki.” Matthew paused. “I need to ask you something.”
When Daniel faced him, the words stalled in Matthew’s throat.
Daniel tilted his head and raised his blond eyebrows. “What do you want to ask me?”
Matthew’s thoughts spun and anxiety flooded his soul. He needed Daniel’s help, but how would it look if he admitted he wasn’t sure he had a place to live anymore? As Lindsay’s guardian, Daniel could break their engagement, and Matthew couldn’t take that risk. Without Lindsay, he truly would have nothing.
“Are you all right?” Daniel’s forehead furrowed.
“Ya.” Matthew forced a smile. “Do you have any other projects ready for me since I’m almost done with this headboard?”
Daniel paused for a moment and glanced toward the front. “Check with Elmer and see if he’s taken any other orders.” Then he nodded toward his younger brother’s stall, across the shop. “But I think Timothy will get the next order since he’s finished with the curio cabinet he was building.”
“Okay.” Matthew tapped his finger on the workbench. “I’ll check with Elmer when I finish this project.” He grabbed the sandpaper and leaned over the headboard. He felt the weight of Daniel’s stare as he began sanding, but he kept working, hoping Daniel would walk away.
“Matthew,” Daniel said. “Is everything okay?”
Matthew froze and then cringed. He glanced over his shoulder at Daniel and nodded. “Ya, everything’s fine.”
Daniel pursed his lips and then nodded. “All right. Keep up the gut work.”
When Daniel walked away, the muscles in Matthew’s shoulders loosened slightly. He looked over at Jake, who gave him a questioning look. Matthew shook his head and Jake frowned before returning to the end table he’d been staining.
As Matthew went back to work, he considered all his options. He could look for a small piece of land to buy, but then he wouldn’t have enough money to build a house. Still, having a piece of land was better than nothing. He would go back to the bank tomorrow morning and apply for another loan. Maybe he could afford to buy land and build a smaller house. He just didn’t know where he would stay until it was ready.
On Friday night Matthew circled his unfinished house, and disappointment and frustration settled over him as he kicked a stone with his shoe. After applying for a loan at two different banks so he could purchase some land, he’d been turned down flat. They said his credit history wasn’t long enough and his income wasn’t high enough. They didn’t seem to care that he had some money in the bank.
He turned toward his sister’s home as guilt wafted over him. He did have money in the bank, but Betsy and her family were floundering. He should give them those funds to help them get back on their feet. Their children, his sweet nieces, deserved a better life. Helping them was the Christian thing to do.
After all, when a loan became impossible, he’d started to come to terms with the idea of starting a new life somewhere else. His cousin Sherm had once offered to get him a job working with him in the RV factory in Sugarcreek, Ohio. That seemed the only logical solution to his predicament.
But how can I leave Lindsay?
His heart squeezed at the idea of leaving her, but he wasn’t worthy of her love if he couldn’t give her a home. She’d be better off with someone else.
Matthew climbed his sister’s back steps and walked into the house. He left his boots and hat in the mudroom before going into the family room. Betsy sat on the sofa reading a Christian novel. Earl was in his favorite chair, reading The Budget. Having come to a decision about their own future, they seemed calm. He needed to settle on a plan too. Jake was right. He couldn’t go on this way.
“Matt.” Betsy looked up at him, and her forehead furrowed. “Was iss letz?”
“I’ve made a decision. I couldn’t get the bank to divide up the land, and I can’t get a loan to buy land anywhere else. So I want to give you what I have in savings. You can use the money for moving expenses and to start your new life.” He shared the balance he had in his account.
Betsy and Earl looked confused.
“That’s awfully generous of you.” Betsy sounded doubtful. “But aren’t you and Lindsay going to move with us? You’ll need that money.”
Matthew shook his head. “No.”
“Are you going to move in with Lindsay’s family, then?” Earl asked.
“No.” Matthew sank into the wing chair across from them. “I’m going to check into a few other options.”
“Why would you give us your money?” Betsy wiped away a tear.
“I want to help you and mei bruderskinner start a new life. I’ll make out a check and leave it on the kitchen table. Tomorrow I’ll go by the bank and transfer the money into my checking account to cover it.” Matthew stood. “I need to make a phone call.” He started toward the stairs.
“Matt!” Betsy called after him.
He glanced over his shoulder at her.
“Danki,” she said.
“Gern gschehne,” he said before jogging up the steps to his room. After he wrote out the check, he left it on the kitchen table and headed outside.
Despondent, he walked to the phone shanty and dialed Sherm’s number. While the phone rang, he imagined his cousin’s house with the phone shanty out by the barn. He hoped he would answer before voice mail kicked on.
After several rings, Sherm picked up. “Hello?”
“Hi, Sherm. It’s Matthew.”
“Matt! How are you?” Sherm sounded happy to hear from him.
“I’m—uh, well, I’ve been better.”
“Oh? What’s going on?”
“I need your help.” Matthew wrapped his fingers around the phone cord as he told him what was happening with Betsy’s farm. Sherm gasped when Matthew explained he had only two weeks to find a place to live.
“So I need a . . . a new start. You once told me you could get me a job at the factory where you work. Do you still think so?”
“I do. But why do you want to move out here?” Matthew sensed Sherm wanted to ask about Lindsay, but he hoped he wouldn’t. Not now.
“Like I said, for a new start. You also told me if I got that job I could stay with you until I found a place of my own,” Matthew said. “I don’t want to impose, but if that offer is still open, I’d like to discuss it.”
“You’re always welcome here. Let me talk to my supervisor and see if he has a job open. I can let you know tomorrow night. Does that work?”
“Ya, that would be perfect. Danki.”
“Gern gschehne. Please tell Betsy, Earl, and the maed I said hello.”
“I will. Gut nacht.”
After hanging up, Matthew leaned back against the wall and covered his face with his hands. He was going to do it; he was going to move to Ohio. Going to a new place to start over seemed like the best solution. Better to end his relationship with Lindsay now than not be able to provide for her and their family if they married.
He took a deep, shuddering breath and then stepped out onto the rock driveway. Lifting his lantern, he walked toward the house.
“Matt?”
He spun and spotted Jake cutting through the trees.
“What are you doing here?”
“I was just heading home after visiting with Katie. I thought I’d walk over to check on you since you hardly spoke to me at work today.” Jake frowned. “How are you?”
“I’ve made a decision.” Matthew told him he couldn’t get a loan, so he’d given his money to Betsy and was going to release Lindsay from their engagement. “I’m going to go to Ohio and start a new life.”
Jake gasped. “What? You’re going to leave Bird-in-Hand?”
“Ya, I am.” Matthew nodded toward the phone shanty. “My cousin in Sugarcreek thinks he can get me a job at the RV factory where he works. I just called him, and he said he’ll talk to his supervisor and call me back tomorrow night.”
“You can’t be serious.” Jake shook his head.
“I am.”
“Why would you want to leave here? You have a great job, where you’re thriving. Just the other day I heard Daniel singing your praises to Eli and mei daadi.”
Matthew pursed his lips. “I can still make furniture as a hobby.”
“But what about Lindsay? How will she take the news that you’re leaving her?”
“It’s better this way.” Matthew turned and headed toward the house. “Gut nacht.”
“Matt, wait!” Jake followed him. “Don’t walk away from me. I want to know how you’re going to tell Lindsay you’re running away from her. You’re going to break her heart.”
Matthew kept walking as his body trembled.
“You know you’re a coward, right?”
“I’m not a coward.” Matthew had spun and spat the words at Jake. “I’m a realist. And I’m not running away—I’m doing this for her.”
“How do you figure that?” Jake stood inches from his nose.
“If I leave, Lindsay can find someone worthy of her, someone who can provide for her.”
Jake raised an eyebrow. “Why would she want someone else when she’s in love with you?”
Matthew raked a hand through his thick, curly hair. “She’ll get over me and find someone who can give her everything she needs.”
“That’s really what you want?” Jake asked, and Matthew nodded. “You want to imagine your Lindsay married to someone else?”
Matthew’s mouth dried. “You don’t understand.”
“You’re exactly right. I don’t understand how you can give up so easily.”
Matthew started up the back steps.
“Tell me one thing,” Jake called after him. “Did you ever talk to Daniel?”
Matthew stopped and faced him. “No, I didn’t.”
Jake shook his head. “Why not?”
“Why would he help me?”
“Why wouldn’t he help you?” Jake pointed at him as his eyes narrowed. “Even though the Kauffmans gave you a chance when you moved here, your whole problem is you still can’t imagine anyone else giving you a chance. You still think because your dat left you and your mamm and schweschder penniless, no one would want to help you.”
“That’s not true.” Fury simmered through him. “My problem is I don’t want to be like him. I want to support my family. If I can’t support Lindsay, then I shouldn’t be with her.”
Jake held up his hand as if to reason with his friend. “Look, Matt, I’m just trying to help.”
“I don’t need your help.” Matthew jammed a thumb toward the house. “I’m going to bed. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Jake hesitated and then nodded. “Gut nacht.”
As Matthew stepped into the house, he imagined Lindsay’s beautiful face as he told her he was going to break their engagement and leave. She would be crushed, but he hoped he could make her understand why he had to do this.
He wished he could wait for the perfect time and place to tell her, but he knew he’d have to tell her tomorrow night, after the gathering at her house.
As she and Katie sat with their friends and cousins on her back porch, Lindsay laughed at a story about how tourists who visited the bakery had asked silly questions about the Amish.
The older women were visiting inside the house and the older men were talking out by the barn. As she took a sip of root beer, she glanced to where Matthew stood talking with Jake and her cousin Samuel. The sky above her was cloudy, and the scent of rain filled the air as thunder rumbled in the distance.
Noticing the tray on the table beside her was empty, Lindsay picked it up and stood. “I’ll get more cookies,” she announced.
“I’ll come with you,” Katie said. “Let me get the door.” She held it open, and Lindsay stepped through into the mudroom and kitchen. A murmur of conversations sounded from the family room.
Lindsay set the tray on the counter and opened a container of cookies she’d brought home from the bakery. “I think there’s another container of cookies in that cabinet above you. Would you please grab it?”
“Sure.” Katie retrieved the container and handed it to her.
“Danki.” Lindsay opened both containers and set the cookies on the platter. When she felt Katie staring at her, she turned. “Is something on your mind?”
Katie bit her lip a
nd hesitated.
“What is it? You’ve been quiet all evening.” Lindsay leaned against the counter. “Did you and Jake have an argument?”
“No.” Katie shook her head. “I’m just worried about you.”
“What do you mean?” Lindsay asked. “I’m okay. I talked to Aenti Rebecca about Matthew, and I’ve decided to let him come to me when he’s ready to talk. Everything’s going to be fine because we love each other. We’re going to get through this.”
“Oh. Well, then I guess so.” Katie seemed unconvinced as she reached for the tray.
“Wait a minute.” Lindsay held up her hand. “What do you mean by that?”
“I’m just surprised you can be that patient. If I knew my fiancé’s schweschder and her family were losing their farm and had to move away—”
Lindsay gasped. “What?”
Katie’s eyes widened. “You didn’t know?”
Air rushed from Lindsay’s lungs, and she grabbed the counter to steady herself. “Who told you that?”
“Jake told me. He heard it from Matthew and was upset, partly because of what it means for your haus. I assumed you knew all about it.” Katie touched Lindsay’s arm, but Lindsay swatted it away.
“What else did he tell you?” Lindsay asked.
“All I know is they owe a huge amount of back taxes and can’t pay it. They have to let the farm go.”
“Ach, no. This can’t be true. It can’t be.” Lindsay cupped her hand to her mouth as the reality crashed over her. Betsy was going to lose her farm, which meant she and Matthew wouldn’t be able to live in the house he’d been building for them. No wonder he’d been so distant. But why didn’t he tell her?
“Lindsay, I’m so sorry,” Katie repeated. “I didn’t realize he hadn’t told you.”
“I need to go.” Lindsay rushed out of the house, down the porch steps, and over to where Matthew leaned against the pasture fence talking to Jake and Samuel. She was wringing her hands as she approached them.
When Matthew saw her, he stood up straight. “Hi, Lindsay.”