Reborn as a Vending Machine, I Now Wander the Dungeon - Vol. 03

by Hirukuma,

  Not Quite the Ideal Hero

  Since coming to the Labyrinth stratum, I’ve gained a host of new regulars. The married couple who runs the weapons and armor shop, a parent and child pair from the inn, the Hunters Association receptionists—most of the residents have started buying things from me on a daily basis.

  Still, there are way too few people living on this stratum. It may be deserted, but with only ten or so people, how do they stay in business? At least, that’s what an outsider like me was needlessly worried about, but Lammis had the same question—she asked the receptionists, and they solved the mystery.

  My prediction was actually correct—it seems the Hunters Association is paying them a fixed monthly income. That means even if they get no customers, they’ve been guaranteed a living wage, at the very least.

  That changes things. There are probably a lot of people who would endure this environment if they could get money even without working.

  They welcome the boredom to a certain extent, but it can drag on for a long time. The more of a hardworking person you are, the more restlessness and anxiety you seem to feel when there’s nothing to do.

  That’s why whenever hunters pass through, they’re always treated very hospitably.

  We won’t be leaving the Labyrinth stratum anytime soon, so the residents’ faces are filled with life and excitement as they cater to us—almost too much—every day.

  Three days after arriving in the stratum, the Menagerie of Fools headed to another stratum to scope it out, telling us they’ll invite us there once they’ve finished gathering information.

  Director Bear, too, would apparently cause several problems if he didn’t return to the Clearflow Lake stratum soon, so he’s already returned there. I’m sure he has a lot of paperwork piled up.

  The ones who stayed behind are Lammis and Hulemy, as well as the Band of Gluttons, staying nearby at Director Bear’s request. As we each prepared to start working in earnest tomorrow, by an unusual twist of fate, another hunter arrived at the stratum.

  He was a lone hunter—a handsome young man with blond hair, blue eyes, and an androgynous appearance. He wore a full suit of jet-black armor that was awfully shiny, as though the color were painted on, as he walked through the Hunters Association’s doors.

  He has it all: a handsome face, slender arms and legs, and a suit of jet-black armor with a large sword on his back.

  He’s like the complete package of every woman’s ideals, the kind of character who would appear in a certain game famous for its super-beautiful CG work. I can’t blame the receptionists for staring at him.

  I never thought such beauty could actually exist. Alternate worlds are truly ludicrous.

  “Excuse me. I just arrived on this stratum today. Would you happen to have a detailed map of the labyrinth?”

  His manner is gentle, and his voice sounds clear. I haven’t spotted any flaws yet. It may be strange for a vending machine to feel jealous about this, but if I were a person, standing next to him would cause me pain as a member of the same sex.

  “Y-yes. If you’ll wait three more days, we plan to have a brand-new accurate map completed.”

  So that’s the face of a woman smitten. I’m the type who doesn’t believe in love at first sight, but given how attractive he is, I can’t really blame her. Come to think of it…

  Curious about Lammis and Hulemy, who were having a drink near me, I look over…and they’re kicking up a row, staring at the young man.

  “Hulemy, look! That man is so pretty it’s like he came out of a painting.”

  “Whoa, you’re right. He’s a knockout.”

  I was a little worried that even their hearts had been swayed when faced with that level of handsomeness—but their reactions are pretty average. It doesn’t seem like they’ve fallen for him, but rather, they are simply impressed, kind of like they’ve stumbled upon a celebrity on the street. Still, I think a perfect ten like him would have no trouble captivating any woman.

  “Three days? All right. I’ll come back in three days, then.”

  Flashing one last smile, as pure and crisp as a spring wind, he disappears through the doors.

  Even after he’s out of sight, the two receptionists keep waving. That must be the pretty-boy magic at work.

  Women are so simple and easily fooled by looks—is something I’m not cynical enough to say. Men are easily won over by beautiful women with large breasts, so I think it goes both ways.

  Even from another man’s perspective, I can’t blame them, given just how good-looking that guy was. My jealousy starts to feel more and more ridiculous. Besides, I’m a vending machine, so human appearances don’t matter to me.

  “He was like the heroes in old stories.”

  “Lammis, you’ve built up a glorified idea of heroes. They’re never crazy good-looking. The famous hunters are all mostly brawny older guys—real muscle heads.”

  Lammis stands shocked, her ideals shattered. Ignorance is bliss, I say.

  “B-but what about that famous hunter with a hundred Blessings and the favor of God?! I heard stories that she’s a downright pretty gal, and I really look up to her!”

  Once again, Lammis’s excitement causes her accent to leak out.

  A hundred Blessings? That’s amazing. How many points would that cost? Wait… Come to think of it, I can spend points to acquire features and Blessings, but do other people, like hunters, work on a point system, too? I’m surprised I didn’t think of the question earlier.

  I’ve gotten to thinking this sort of system is completely natural, but do hunters get stronger this way when they defeat monsters? Unfortunately, this isn’t something I can ask them with the set phrases available to me.

  “Oh, the chick with the favor of God? There are still books and eyewitnesses who say she was really a beautiful and kind person. But she never stayed in one place for long, so nobody knows anything about her beyond the stories and legends that’ve spread all over the place.”

  Wow, she must be really cool. An unidentified wandering beauty—and a powerful character, at that. If someone used her as material for a story, it would definitely be popular.

  “That’s a relief. I’m aimin’ to be just like her, after all!”

  “Well, that pretty boy might be one of those special people, too. If he’s challenging the Labyrinth stratum by himself, he’s gotta be pretty strong.”

  He wouldn’t need to be that skilled with his appearance—he’d have female hunters lining up for miles hoping to join his team. But he’s going it alone anyway. Maybe that speaks to the depth of his talent.

  He could have had other team members waiting outside, but for some reason, he doesn’t strike me as the type to let other people into his inner circle. His mannerisms are gentle and polite—but also like he’s intentionally keeping some distance between others and himself. Could just be my imagination, though.

  Still, it doesn’t matter to me what he’s like on the inside as long as he doesn’t mess with my friends.

  Night falls, and with no entertainment facilities on the Labyrinth stratum, everyone usually turns in early.

  The inn has no shortage of free rooms. It’s where Lammis and the others are staying. From the outside, I see the light in their window go out. They must be going to sleep early.

  I’m standing in front of the inn, lazily gazing at the settlement. I probably could have asked someone to bring me inside, but I’m worried my weight would break the floor, so I decided to stay outside.

  I’m completely used to my vending machine body now, so I don’t mind watching things outdoors like this, either. In fact, my body seems oddly accustomed to it.

  I feel like both my body and mind are entirely vending machine now… I guess that’s not a bad thing.

  I turn on my night-electricity-conservation mode and lower my light to a dim glow. There are no sources of light nearby, meaning I still stand out a lot.

  Still, this Labyrinth stratum is too barren for me. It may be safe out
side the walls, but it’s all wasteland, unsuitable for raising crops. There are no monsters, but there are also no animals. It seems like a worthless bit of land, but I’m pretty sure there’s actually value in using it.

  If this were modern Japan or some such place, people could probably make an industrial district here. Of course, maybe it would be too difficult for normal people to seek work in the dungeon, where you never know what’ll happen.

  There’s still a lot I don’t understand about the labyrinth in the first place. The dungeons I know of don’t have skies, and a single dungeon floor usually isn’t this vast. The scale is completely different.

  And the stuff about getting any wish granted if you clear the lowest stratum seems like a hoax. Of course, taking into account the kind of being who would create such an absurd fantasy world, I can’t say it’s impossible.

  Hmm. As a vending machine, I’d like to focus solely on my sales, but that wish doesn’t seem very realistic anymore.

  As I continued along my fairly serious train of thought, my surroundings suddenly brightened. Given the hour, it should have been dark and deserted all around. Did someone come out of the inn?

  The double doors fly open, and an attractive person walks out—the noteworthy young man from this afternoon.

  With a wobbling, unreliable gait, he slips in front of me. His expression, illuminated by my light, is lifeless, without even a hint of the relaxed, confident attitude he showed earlier today. His eyes are wandering, and his body is trembling.

  “Ahhhh, man, I’m freaking out. Why does everyone always have to stare at me like that? Ughhh, that was scary. I heard there weren’t a lot of people on this stratum, but there are so maaany…”

  Um…? Did this young man just start shooting off complaints about something pitiful? Hold on, does this mean his attitude from earlier was a facade, and this is his true self?

  “Agh, I can’t do this anymore… I hate talking to people… Give me a break. Urghhhh…”

  The sigh he gave sounded like his spirit leaving his body through his mouth. Does he have social anxiety? Is he playing the perfect good-looking character in order to hide that? He might be traveling alone because of it. But… Suddenly, I start to empathize with him.

  “No, no, no. Mom always said to approach things with positivity—and not to always assume things are going bad. I have to be positive—positive!”

  I watch as he takes a few deep breaths and then clenches his fists. I kind of want to cheer him on.

  I remember that cacao beans have something in them that calms the automatic nervous system and helps people relax. In that case, I’ll stock some hot cocoa as a new product.

  “Welcome.”

  “Waaaah! That was terrifying! Wait, what—what—what is this?!”

  I seem to have surprised him quite a bit—he jumped a good ten feet straight up. His physical abilities are incredible. The reaction gives me an urge to tease him, but that would be mistaking the insignificant for the essential.

  “Insert coins.”

  “Ah, um… Is this the box that was at the Hunters Association building today? If I remember correctly, it’s a mysterious object that lets you shop. The pouch-panda fiends were buying things from it.”

  With his upper body bent backward to a somewhat concerning degree, he dexterously approaches. His fear is plain on his face. I’m the cause, of course, but I do hope the hot cocoa calms him down.

  I line the cans of hot cocoa all along my bottom row so they stand out.

  “Um, this is where you put the coins in, right? And then, I think I just have to press the bump underneath the item I want.”

  After confirming the coin sliding inside me, I make the buttons light up to show that he can purchase something now. Come on—choose the hot cocoa!

  “I wonder what I should pick. These cups have a picture of brown liquid pouring on them, so they must be drinks. If there’s a lot of them, they have to be popular. If it’s anything like the tea I used to drink at home…I’ll go with that.”

  I’m happy my scheme worked, guiding him to pick the hot cocoa, but he sure does talk to himself a lot. Come to think of it, one of my friends said that when people work from home and don’t see anyone much during their day-to-day, they start talking to themselves more.

  He seems to have social anxiety, so maybe he doesn’t actually get as many chances to interact with people as I first assumed.

  “Wow, it’s so warm. Um, let’s see. To open it, I pull this up… It worked!”

  His innocently happy face makes him look adorable. When he presents himself well, he’s hot, but if his smile is cute like this, it would be the older, big sister–type ladies falling for him.

  “Mmm! It’s so sweet and delicious! And it really calms me down for some reason. What a wonderful magic item this is. It doesn’t require me to talk to anyone, so buying things is easy!”

  Please don’t stare at me so ravenously. It doesn’t feel bad to be wanted and valued so highly, but my home is at Lammis’s side.

  “Those girls were the owners, weren’t they? I’ll negotiate with them tomorrow,” he says, cradling the can of hot cocoa carefully in both hands and disappearing back into the inn.

  I don’t think his negotiations will get him anywhere, but it’s splendid that he didn’t try to steal me by force. Personally, I like people like him, but I probably won’t have any more opportunities to meet him after this.

  After all, we’ll be moving out on a different request tomorrow.

  “Boxxo, Mishuel is going to be coming with us for the request!”

  “I’m looking forward to working with you, Boxxo.”

  The next morning, Lammis bursts out in front of me, and that’s the first thing that comes out of her mouth.

  Such a sudden development… I think he’s a likeable young man, but for some reason, I feel a little apprehensive about it.

  The hottie standing next to Lammis gives me a smile and puts out his hand before realizing I can’t shake it and instead scratches his head in embarrassment.

  The Periphery

  In the back of the buar cart provided by Director Bear rides Hulemy and the Band of Gluttons, while Lammis, with me on her back, and the young man are walking alongside it.

  “Ha-ha. I see.”

  “But you really were planning on exploring the inside, huh?” says Lammis.

  “Oh, y’know…”

  “And why not? We’ve got a powerful hunter with us, so we’ll be able to deal with all sorts of terrible situations. We’ll be counting on ya,” says Hulemy.

  “Ha-ha. I see.”

  “I never thought I’d be able to travel with the Reclusive Black Flash. It’s an honor!”

  “Ha-ha. Is that so?”

  For anyone who didn’t know about the incident last night, he would seem like an agreeable young man, responding with a relaxed, cool smile…but on closer examination, it’s clear his cheeks are slightly tense, and he’s mostly repeating the same thing for every response. You should learn a few more variations, Mishuel.

  At Director Bear’s request, we’re advancing along the giant labyrinth’s periphery. To our left is its towering outer wall. To our right, a vast, barren wasteland. The enemies never come out of the labyrinth, and no creatures live outside it.

  The danger is pretty low for this request, which is why the director figured we’d be fine with just Lammis, Hulemy, and the Band of Gluttons.

  Still, with all the strange things happening lately, anything can occur. Though it was an odd request, the director had approved Mishuel joining us as someone known far and wide to be powerful—which brings us to the present.

  “Hulemy, he said it would take about a month to do a full circuit around the periphery, right?” asks Lammis.

  “That’s how long it took the hunters assigned to investigating it a year ago, but taking measurements based on Boxxo’s image will make it less than three weeks, I think. I bet they took their time on purpose to charge more reward money.
”

  Ahh, I see. If a job is safe and you get a reward based on how many days it took, it’s not strange that some hunters would think that way.

  “This mission is perfect for us, since we have Boxxo, who can supply us with unlimited food. The director originally wanted to ask the Band of Gluttons for this, since they have an established reputation for quickness and vitality, but then there would have been a food problem.”

  Fast-moving and easily adaptable to any environment in the wild… The investigation seems suited for the Band of Gluttons, but their greatest obstacle is ensuring they have enough food.

  That’s why Lammis and I ended up going with them, with Hulemy in charge of the more detailed investigations and analyses, like whether the walls have deteriorated any further, whether the nearby environment has changed at all, and if she can see any signs that something strange might happen in the future.

  The job is simple—we follow the outer wall at a relaxed pace, almost like we’re on a leisurely trip. But we’ve been caught up in so many unexpected happenings that it’s hard not to be cautious.

  “Well then—I’ll bring up the rear, just to be safe.”

  The sudden voice snaps me back to the present.

  With natural motions, Mishuel leaves and moves to the tail end of our party. But after making sure nobody has their eyes on him, he breathes a sigh of relief.

  Well, my eyes are on him, but what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him. Still, if he’s habitually this nervous around other people, why did he come with us on this mission?

  I thought he’d approached Lammis with the offer to buy me, a vending machine…but that deal went south somewhere along the way, and here we are. I still have my reservations about him, though they don’t enter the realm of distrust, so I’ll keep an attentive watch over him.

  After moving to the rear, Mishuel walks in silence, slightly downcast unless someone turns around to take a peek at him. I realized only after watching his face closely that his mouth is moving oddly.