The Fifty-Seven Lives of Alex Wayfare

by MG Buehrlen

  “The bullet’s still inside?”

  “Gah, he just bled through the gown.” Levi pulled off his T-shirt and pressed it to the wound, tossing the blood-soaked medical gown to the floorboards. The car was already full of the acrid, rusty smell of blood. I could taste it on the back of my tongue. The air was tinged pink with it.

  As I sped through an industrial-looking part of DC, past power plants and factories, I heard Levi swear. I glanced at the rearview mirror and saw Blue close his mouth and wince. He let out a sluggish groan.

  He was waking up.

  Waking up to a bullet wound. To his body covered in blood.

  All my fault.

  I turned into the entrance to what I thought was a park, but I soon realized it was a cemetery. One of those beautiful, rolling hill cemeteries with century old shade trees. How morbid was that? Leading Blue to a cemetery while he bled to death? But it was the best I could do. I wound my way through the grassy knolls and tree-lined roads, until I found a secluded place to pull off. It was a small gravel parking spot behind a utility building, somewhat shielded from view.

  I threw the car into park and scrambled out to give Levi a hand. We stretched Blue out on his back across the back seat, but it was too tight for Levi to work. We lifted him up and carried him into the woods. Naked and bleeding. Arms hanging limp. His blood leaving a trail. I didn’t even want to think about what might have happened if someone saw us.

  We rested him on the ground under the trees, and I cradled his head in my lap, in my arms. “I’m so sorry,” I said to him, my forehead pressed to his. I said it over and over, but no matter how many times I said it, it wouldn’t be enough. How much more pain would I cause for him? If he remembered me at all, he probably wished he’d never met me.

  Levi used the scissors and screwdriver to try to retrieve the bullet. He swore under his breath a hundred times. It was too unsanitary. The tools were worthless. The bullet was too deep. There was dirt in the wound. Every time he spoke, he shot my hopes one-by-one like the dart and balloon game at the fair.

  Finally he sat back on his heels and wiped the sweat from his brow with the back of his bloody hand. “I can’t do it.”

  The last dart punctured the last balloon.

  “No,” I said, looking up at him. “You have to keep trying.”

  “I can’t do it,” he shouted at me, making me jump. He clutched the scissors and screwdriver in his hands so hard his knuckles turned white. Then he let out a defeated roar and chucked them into the woods. He stood up and staggered back to the car, his head in his hands.

  I watched him go, my mouth hanging open. It wasn’t until then that I realized it wasn’t only Blue’s death Levi was angry about. It was mine. Ivy’s.

  Your souls are universally linked across time. When you die, he dies. When he is reborn, you are reborn. He is your soul mate in the very literal sense of the word.

  Blue wasn’t the only one Levi wasn’t able to save.

  I wanted to go to Levi, explain that it wasn’t his fault. It was mine. But Blue rolled his head to the side and groaned.

  “Blue?” I cupped his face in my hands. He wasn’t as cold as he was in the recovery room. Was that because he was waking up? Or was it because he had a fever from the bullet? “It’s me. I’m here. Can you hear me?”

  He winced and groaned again, this one even more pitiful than the one before. He was getting weaker. He was going to die in my arms.

  I bent down and pressed my lips to his forehead. I tasted my own tears. “I’m so sorry. Oh, God, I’m so, so sorry.”

  I felt his eyelashes flutter on my chin. I jerked my head up to see his eyes half open. Groggy and heavy, but open. He stared at my face for a while, then his eyes opened all the way. He lifted his arm and cupped the back of my shaved head in his hand.

  “Hey, Sousa.” He actually managed a small, weak smile. “You’re bald this time.” He glanced down at his body. “And I’m naked.”

  I let out a laugh, choked with tears. “You remember me?”

  His body shuddered with a cough, but his smile widened. “You kidding? You’re the one thing I can’t forget.” He reached his other hand up to touch my face, but saw it was coated in blood. “Oh.” He turned it from front to back. “Is this when I die?”

  My smile vanished. “It’s all my fault. I came back to this life just to talk to you, and look what I’ve caused.” More tears streamed down my cheeks. They ran down my neck. Down my chest. My torn smock ruffled behind me in the breeze. “I keep doing this to you. I keep killing you.”

  “Hey.” He made me look him in the eyes. “This is how it is. You and me, we die. It’s what we do.” He winced again. Coughed again.

  I sniffed and wiped my nose on my sleeve. He was right, I guess. But it didn’t make it hurt any less, or feel any less my fault. “I don’t want to watch you die. I can’t.”

  “Then don’t,” Blue said. “Go back to Base Life.” He sucked in a shallow breath. “Meet me there.”

  “How? Where?”

  He shivered all over. His teeth chattered. The ground was wet and muddy from the thunderstorm. “You know where.”

  “I don’t. I don’t know your name, or where you live, or anything about you in Base Life.”

  “Sousa.” He closed his eyes, his teeth chattering even more. It was becoming harder for him to breathe.

  “Oh God,” I said, “don’t go yet. Please, tell me where you are in Base Life. Tell me your name.” I cupped his face in my hands again. I could barely see him through all the tears. No one had ever made me feel the way Blue did. I wanted more of him. So much more.

  If I could have it.

  With the tiny bit of strength he had left, he pulled my head down. I thought he was going to whisper his name in my ear, but instead, he pressed his lips to mine. He kissed me like he hadn’t seen me in years. Like he needed my mouth to survive. I poured myself into him, gave him everything, our lips salty from tears, from blood. He pulled himself up and wrapped his arms around me despite his pain from the gunshot. He ran his palms across my bare back. I clung to him like he might float away.

  The moment was so fleeting. Over by the time it began. He jerked his head back and went into a spasm of coughs, bringing us back to reality, and I lowered him back down onto my lap. I held him in my arms, calming him, rocking him, until his body settled down.

  “Come to Buckingham Fountain,” I said, squeezing his hand in mine. “New Year’s Eve. I’ll be there. I’ll wait for you. Will you remember?”

  “Our fountain,” he repeated, his voice thin and strained.

  “New Year’s Eve. Say it.”

  He let out a weak sigh, the fit of coughing over for the moment. His eyes remained closed. “New Year’s Eve.” He said it like he was falling asleep.

  “Will you remember?” What if this was my last chance? What if he didn’t remember?

  He squeezed my hand to let me know I was holding on too tightly. “I’ll remember,” he whispered. He opened his eyes for the last time. They were so blue. Even in the shade of the trees. “I’ll remember you. I have to.”

  “You better go,” Levi said, interrupting us. He was standing off to my left. I didn’t know how long he’d been watching. His expression was pained. Heartbroken. “You should ascend and take him with you before he dies.”

  “But–”

  “I’ll take care of everything,” Levi said. “I’ll fill Ivy in. She’ll understand. She’ll know what to do.”

  I frowned up at him, feeling awful he had to see Ivy, his Ivy, kissing someone else. Awful I did all of this to him. Put him through so much pain. “Levi, I am so–”

  “Go.”

  “Will I see you again? In Base Life?”

  He shrugged, slipping his hands in the pockets of his green scrub pants. There was blood streaked across his bare chest. Across his cheek. He furrowed his brow, his eyes dark and brooding behind his glasses. “We’ll see, I guess.”

  CHAPTER 34

  THE LAN
D OF SOULS

  I open my eyes to the darkened AV room. Jensen’s pudding cup is still sitting on the desk in front of me. I look down at my hands, holding the Polygon stone. Not one speck of blood. I slip the stone into my pocket and run my hands through my shaggy hair, thinking I might shave it all off as penance for the damage I’ve done. I’m the one that deserves to be bald. Not Audrey.

  I take a deep, shuddering breath and bury my face in my hands. I remain there, hidden away in the dark, until everything that just happened washes over me and I am finally calm.

  It’s over. I came face-to-face with Gesh and survived. I broke Levi’s heart. Turned Porter’s life upside down. Got Blue shot and killed.

  Again.

  At least now I know Blue remembers me. And that he’s not a traitor. I just hope he remembers Buckingham Fountain on New Year’s Eve.

  Half an hour later, Porter and I are sitting at a table at Ristorante Cafferelli, overlooking the cold waters of the Bay. My fingers are entwined around a mug of coffee. Ever since 1961, I can’t get enough of the stuff. Porter sips his cappuccino, the steam mingling in the stubble on his chin.

  There are so many questions.

  “Did you know he was going to die?” I ask.

  Porter presses his lips together in careful thought. “It was his time, yes.”

  I look down at my mug. I turn it around by its handle slowly. “How long did Levi get to spend with Ivy before she died?”

  “About two months. I found you both in a cabin in Canada. You were almost gone by the time I got there.”

  “I didn’t die the same time as Tre?”

  “Not that time, no. Usually you do, but I think in Ivy’s case, you wanted to hang on as long as you could. You wanted that time with Levi. You wanted to wait for me. To tell me to reincarnate you.”

  “Why did you only protect me?” I ask, thinking about all the years Porter lived in Annapolis, watching me grow up. “Why didn’t you protect Tre too?”

  “I would have gladly protected you both, but when I went to intercept your soulmarks to insert you into your Newlives, only yours appeared. I couldn’t find Tre’s. I went ahead and reincarnated you while I had the chance. If your souls were still connected, then Tre would be reincarnated too. I just wouldn’t know where he was or who he’d be in Base Life. And that was better than nothing. I honestly didn’t know whether or not you were still connected until I read about your ‘visions’ in Dr Farrow’s notes. That’s when I knew you were still pulling each other along. Just like you used to.”

  I stir a packet of sugar into my coffee. “You don’t sound Danish at all. What happened to your accent?”

  “When you’re on the run, the accent is the first thing to go. It’s a little too memorable. Too noticeable around here.”

  I nod at his Orioles cap. “And the cap? The boat shoes? I was right, it is a disguise. You’re just trying to look like a local.”

  “Works, doesn’t it?”

  I smile slightly, setting the spoon down. “Why did you change your name to Porter?”

  He folds his hands on the table. “Porter is the nickname you gave me when you were growing up at AIDA. It comes from an old fairytale I used to read to you when you were a little girl, In the Land of Souls. It’s about a man who sets out on a journey to reunite with his dead wife. He meets a gatekeeper along the way who teaches him how to shed his body and enter the Land of Souls, where his wife’s soul is waiting for him.” A small, wistful smile appears at the edge of Porter’s mouth as he recalls the tale. “You said I was the gatekeeper because I taught you the same thing. How to shed your body and enter Limbo.”

  “And porter means gatekeeper,” I say.

  He nods. “I wrote Porter on the flyer to see if you remembered anything from your past life as Ivy. If you did, you would’ve known who I was right away. But you didn’t.”

  I fold my arms on the table. I look out across the water at the boats sailing past. “Do you think Gesh is searching for Tre too?”

  “I wouldn’t doubt it.”

  “If Tre isn’t working for Gesh, then why didn’t that Descender in 1876 go after him too? Why just me?”

  “They probably thought they wouldn’t get any information out of him, if Gesh still believes Tre has his memory defects.”

  I sit back in my chair, hoping that’s not true. If Blue still has his defects, then he might forget to meet me at Buckingham Fountain, and I’ll never find him in Base Life.

  Gesh might find him first.

  After a while, I finally summon the courage to ask Porter what I’ve wanted to ask since I sat down. “Will you ever forgive me? For creating the Variant?”

  His watery eyes are sympathetic. “You don’t need forgiveness, Alex. In the end, the ultimate fault lies with me. You were merely playing with the hand I dealt you. You were meant to go back to AIDA, to create this Variant timeline. It was all meant to be.”

  I know they’re supposed to, but his words don’t make me feel any better. I know what he really means. What’s done is done. We can’t change the past. We can only change the future.

  And that’s exactly what I plan to do.

  Once we find Blue, we’ll be a force to reckon with. Me, Porter, Blue, maybe even Levi, if we can find him. Me and my boys. We’ll bring Gesh down.

  Hard.

  “Oh, I got you something,” Porter says, reaching into a shopping bag at his feet. He pulls out an eyeglasses case. “What do you think of those?”

  I open the case and crack a smile. Inside is a pair of glasses with the exact same frames as mine. I slide them on and laugh. The lenses are clear plastic. Totally fake, but close enough to fool anyone.

  “Thanks, Porter.”

  FRIENDS

  When I arrive home, the house is brimming with the scent of Gran’s molasses cookies. One of her specialties. The moment I walk through the door, she tosses me an oven mitt.

  “Can you watch these for me, Allie Bean? I ran out of butter. There’s a few minutes left on the timer, so when it goes off, check if they’re done. If not, set it for another five minutes. Don’t you let my sugar babies burn.” She grabs her coat and flies out the door, her purse swinging behind her.

  I drop my backpack by the back door, toss the oven mitt on the counter, and make my way to the front porch, leaving the front door open so I can hear the timer. I watch Gran book it down the street to the corner store. A breeze kicks up and scatters the last few fall leaves across the yard. I sit on the porch swing, suddenly feeling very, very tired.

  And very alone.

  As if right on cue, a familiar face comes walking up our driveway, hands shoved in the pockets of his jeans. “Wayfare,” Jensen says with a smile. “Glad you brought back the specs. Lookin’ good.”

  When he climbs the porch steps, I notice a fresh bruise on his cheekbone under his left eye. “Whoa. What happened to you?” I scoot over so he can sit beside me. My hands are cold and fisted in the pockets of my parka.

  “Heh. Well. I kinda got in a fight with Robbie after school.”

  “You didn’t.”

  He nods with a guilty grin. “Totally did. I asked him what he said to you on the track.” He shakes his head. “It was low. Even for him. I don’t know what happened. I’ve never been in a real fight before. I just got really mad and the next thing I knew, I took a swing.”

  “You hit him?”

  He lets out a laugh. “I wish. He rolled out of the way. But he got me pretty good.” He rubs the side of his face, wincing a bit.

  I give him a disapproving look. “I thought you said we just had to ‘ignore them.’”

  “Yeah, well.” He kicks his long legs out and crosses his ankles. “Maybe next time I’ll take my own advice.”

  We sit there, staring at our shoes, rocking the porch swing with our feet. Heel, toe, heel, toe.

  “So,” he says after a while. “Did you talk to your boyfriend?”

  I smile to myself. “Yeah, actually. I did.” It feels weird referring
to Blue as my boyfriend. Shouldn’t that title be reserved for someone you meet in the present time period? Someone you go on dates with?

  “And?” Jensen says.

  “And you were right. It was a big misunderstanding.”

  “Told ya.”

  “Yeah, well. Maybe next time I’ll take your advice.” He bumps his shoulder into mine and we laugh. “So, can you tell all the jerks at school that I have a boyfriend? And that you and I are just friends? Maybe that’ll get the guys off my back and the girls won’t hate me so much.”

  “What? They don’t hate you.”

  “Yes they do.”

  “Why would they hate you?”

  “Um, maybe because you and I are friends now?” I swear, he can be so oblivious sometimes.

  “We’ve always been friends.”

  “OK, well, they hate me now that you’ve made our friendship public.”

  “That’s a ridiculous reason to hate someone.”

  “Jensen, if you haven’t figured out by now that most girls are shallow, shallow creatures, then there’s no hope for you. They hate other girls for far less than that. Trust me.”

  “That’s messed up.”

  “Tell me about it.”

  We rock the swing. Stare at our shoes. I push my fake glasses up the bridge of my nose.

  “So when do I get to meet this guy?” he says.

  “Someday. Maybe.”

  “You bringing him to prom?”

  I snort a laugh. I try to picture Blue and I doing something as mundane as prom. Two time traveling teens renting a limo and wearing corsages. “No. We’re sort of… bigger than prom.”

  “Ah. College guy, eh?”

  “Something like that.”

  The timer goes off. I leap to my feet and head for the door. “I gotta run inside. You want to come in?”

  He shrugs. “Sure.”

  I pull the two baking sheets full of molasses cookies from the oven. They’re rich, golden brown and smell amazing. I set them on the kitchen island and hand Jensen a spatula. We both start easing the cookies off the baking sheets and onto a cooling rack.