“Come on, let’s get you ready for your groom. I bet he can’t wait to see you,” Kristin said with a level of bonhomie she didn’t quite feel.
“Sweetheart, you don’t have to try so hard,” Nancy said, putting a hand on her daughter’s arm. “Your time will come. I know it.”
“I’m not trying hard, Mom. I am truly happy for you and Hector.” Darn, she’d failed to keep her feelings from her mom, but then again, if anyone in this world knew her well enough to know when she was faking, it was Nancy.
“I’m glad you are, my darling girl. I’m sorry things haven’t worked out for you the way you would have wanted, though.”
“My life is just as it needs to be. Don’t worry about me, okay? Today is your day. Yours and Hector’s,” Kristin hastened to reassure her.
“I’m your mother. I’m always going to worry about you,” Nancy said with a laugh. She leaned forward and kissed Kristin lightly on the cheek. “But you’re right. We need to finish getting ready. It’s almost time.”
Kristin helped her mother dress in the beautifully finished dress and jacket and then slipped into the simpler, pale coffee-colored cocktail dress with its bolero style jacket, which she’d chosen to wear as her mom’s attendant. Together they stood in front of the mirror and admired each other’s appearance.
“We look great, Mom. But you, you are totally going to knock Hector’s socks off when he sees you.”
“And the rest of his clothes, too, I hope,” Nancy said with a giggle.
“Mom!” Kristin protested but then joined her mom in laughter.
This was what life should be like, she thought as she reached for her mom’s bouquet. Nancy had chosen creamy roses accented with wildflowers and berries in burnished bronze tones, while Kristin’s bouquet was a deeper shade of the burnished accents. Together, they descended the stairs and walked toward the ballroom where the ceremony was about to take place.
Kristin reached for her mom’s hand and gave it a squeeze as they approached the ballroom’s double doors, manned by Martha.
“You both look so beautiful,” the housekeeper said, brushing a tear from her cheek. “May tonight bring you the happiness you deserve.”
“Thank you, Martha. I couldn’t have made it through this year without you propping me up.”
“It was my honor,” she said. “Are you both ready?”
Nancy and Kristin nodded, and Martha opened the doors. The music inside the ballroom changed to the traditional wedding march. Kristin began to walk down toward where Hector and the celebrant waited. Hector, the celebrant and Keaton, she realized. Keaton? Where was Jackson? He’d been at the rehearsal dinner last night, and he’d appeared as hale and hearty as ever, even if there’d been a slight air of distraction about him.
A sick feeling settled in the pit of Kristin’s stomach. If he’d been hurt or taken ill, she knew she would have heard about it before tonight. There was no reason for Jackson not to be here today for what was one of the most important events in her family’s year. He was supposed to be supporting Hector. Instead, he was nowhere to be seen. A darkening sense of déjà vu began to fill her, but she kept her smile painted on her face and forced herself to keep walking slowly to the men in the front. Around her, she heard a collective gasp of admiration as her mom began to follow her down the aisle, and she saw Hector’s face glow with so much love and pride as Nancy approached that Kristin felt tears burn her eyes again.
She stood to the side and watched her mom stand beside the man she clearly loved with all her heart. Her gaze flicked to the assembled group of family and friends. Tami sat with Honor and Logan, each of them with their attention concentrated on Nancy. Even her half siblings from Virginia were here, along with a few of her mom and Hector’s closest friends. But no sign of Jackson.
She’d told him last night how much she was looking forward to seeing him today. Couldn’t he at least have texted her? Ice began to form around her heart. She’d been a fool. A complete and utter fool to have let her guard down. To think that he could be relied upon. To believe or even begin to hope that he was different. But no, he hadn’t changed at all. He was every bit as unreliable and cavalier with her feelings as he’d been eleven years ago. She should have known better than to trust him, ever. And she’d be damned if she’d go running after him as she’d tried to last time.
As she turned to face the celebrant and stand by her mom, she made herself a promise. She would never let herself feel another thing for him. In fact, she doubted she’d be able to trust herself to feel anything for anyone, ever again. She’d been so stupid to think that perhaps their temporary arrangement of friendship with benefits could evolve into something more. Something stronger and more mature than their first love for each other. Something that might even last and stand the test of time. But they’d been pipe dreams. The stuff of fairy tales.
He’d warned her that he could give her no more than just sex. She’d agreed to that and thought she was strong enough to accept that was all they’d ever have. But her stupid heart had let her down. What the hell was wrong with her that she couldn’t see the writing on the wall when it was written in letters six feet high? Why was she so thoroughly destined to fail in her relationships?
As the celebrant intoned the words that would bind her mom and Hector together, and she heard them pledge their love to each other, Kristin made herself a promise. This, love, wasn’t for her. Even hope was too much for her. From now on she would encase her heart in the thickest wall of concrete and shore it up with razor wire for good measure. Work would be her panacea and thank goodness she had enough of that to carry her through.
She’d take joy in her brother’s relationships with their partners and the new generation that was coming. She’d celebrate the fact her mom had found love again and would never have to be alone. But she’d expect none of that for herself. She couldn’t. It simply hurt too much.
The night continued in a vein of joyful celebration with a dinner and speeches and the cutting of a two-tier cake. Through it all, Kristin kept a smile pasted on her face. No one would ever know the pain she bore right now. No one would even suspect she’d felt her world crumble to dust when her every last fear around Jackson Jones had come to pass. Jackson had chosen not to be here and chosen not to tell her why, just like he’d chosen to walk out on his promises to her the first time. It ended here.
She danced with Hector after the meal.
“Thank you for being Nancy’s support today,” Hector said warmly as they took their turn around the ballroom floor.
“It was my honor,” Kristin said softly. “I thought Jackson was meant to be your support person today. Did something happen to him?”
“A family matter,” Hector said briefly.
Kristin almost missed a step. She knew Jackson had no family. Had he lied to a man who was supposed to be one of his best friends? Or had he lied to her instead? How could she have been so stupid as to trust him? One of her brothers cut in at that moment, preventing her from pressing for more information, but it made no difference. Jackson wasn’t here when he had said he would be.
She forced herself to look happy through the rest of the celebrations and, at midnight, when the fireworks went off over the lake, she gathered with everyone else and oohed and aahed in appreciation. By the time Hector and Nancy headed off to their honeymoon hotel, their car festooned with ribbons and even a set of tin cans tied to the rear fender, she felt her smile beginning to slip.
The evening was over. With Martha, she saw the guests off home and supervised the cleaning crew as they tidied the house back to its usual elegant perfection. Her feet were aching when the ride she’d booked arrived to take her home again. Through it all, she held herself together. Through the drive home, the ride in the elevator to her floor, getting into her apartment and disrobing from the beautiful outfit she’d worn tonight. The outfit she’d so looked forward to having Ja
ckson see her in. She kicked it to the corner of her bedroom. She doubted she’d ever wear it again, no matter how joyful the occasion it was associated with.
She took a quick shower and, once dry, pulled on an oversize T-shirt she liked to sleep in and walked to her bedroom window, staring out at the dark night.
It was a new year.
A new start.
She’d never felt so alone.
* * *
Over the weekend that rang in the start of the New Year, Kristin kept herself busy by going into the office. It certainly beat being alone with her thoughts. She’d been invited to dinner with Keaton and Tami on Sunday night and had initially thought to refuse. But Tami had begged her to come so they could start planning their wedding. She wanted Kristin to be her maid of honor.
“Always a bridesmaid,” Kristin muttered as she backed up her files and shut down her computer.
She flicked a glance at her phone, which she’d kept on a silent setting so she could work uninterrupted, and was surprised to see she’d missed two calls from Jackson. Plus, there was both a voice and a text message from him. She had no desire to hear or read his excuses and deleted both unheard and unread—in fact she deleted their entire message thread for good measure before heading down to the parking garage. On the way to Keaton and Tami’s apartment, she swung by a liquor store to buy a bottle of wine and made it to their place in good time. When she’d found a parking spot and slung her bag over her shoulder she felt her phone vibrate again.
Thinking it might be her mom calling to let her know they’d arrived in Hawaii for their honeymoon, she quickly glanced at the screen. It was Jackson calling again. Kristin rejected the call and threw her phone back in her bag, wondering if she ought to block his number.
She knew she’d have to face up to him at some stage; after all he was their family attorney. But no one said she had to continue to socialize with him outside of his duty to her family.
Duty. She shook her head. He hadn’t even managed the one thing that Hector had asked him to do. It made her mad, just thinking about it. So mad, in fact, that she set the bottle of wine she’d been carrying on the sidewalk between her feet and dug her phone out of her bag. She opened a new message and addressed it to Jackson.
Stop messaging me and trying to call. I no longer wish to maintain our arrangement. I no longer wish to see you or speak to you outside of your responsibilities to my family. Is that clear?
She waited a minute for his reply. Nothing came through. Typical, she thought. He wanted her to be available to him when it suited him but couldn’t even respond when she texted him. That was just fine by her. She put her phone in her bag, picked up the wine and finished walking the short distance to Keaton’s apartment building. She’d have a fun night tonight. She’d help Tami start the wedding planning, and she’d even show enthusiasm for the event.
But as far as Jackson Jones was concerned—actually, as far as any man was concerned—her heart was now firmly encased in impenetrable layers. She did not plan to allow the barrier to be lifted for anyone ever again. It hurt too much, and she’d had enough of that to last a lifetime.
The evening with Keaton and Tami turned out to be enjoyable. By the time Kristin arrived home, she felt mellow and relaxed. Despite herself, she checked her phone again. Nothing from Jack. Well, maybe he’d taken her literally and hadn’t seen the need to respond. He certainly hadn’t seen the need to inform her that he wouldn’t be there at the wedding last Friday, so clearly he remained on trend in that department.
Monday morning rolled around all too quickly. Kristin was in the office when she received an email notification from Jackson’s office. Not from Jackson himself, she noted, but from his assistant. It was addressed to all the family and the header stated, “CLAIMANT EXPOSED.” She avidly read the email, which informed the Richmonds that the cosmetologist who had done Kristin’s waxing was one of two daughters of Jenna Emerson. The other daughter, surprisingly enough, was a reporter and, Kristin suspected, the newswoman who’d questioned her before the charity gala.
Everything was falling neatly into place. The girls had apparently hatched the idea together while going through their late mother’s things. While neither of them was a child of Douglas Richmond, their mother’s diaries had detailed a torrid affair she and Douglas had had before she’d been paid off and asked to leave Richmond Developments. The matter was now in the hands of the police, who would be speaking to the women regarding blackmail and extortion charges.
Kristin sank in her seat, hardly daring to believe this latest drama was over. Without Jackson’s dogged determination to overturn every rock and follow every potential lead, who knew where they’d have been right now?
There was a knock at her office door, and Logan opened it on her command and entered.
“Did you get the news?” he asked as he took the seat opposite her.
“I did. It’s a relief, right?”
“It sure is. Not that another sibling would be unwelcome, but one would hope that if there are any more they would come to us openly.”
“Do you think there are more? By the looks of things, Dad was very, um, active in that department.”
Logan shrugged. “Who knows? I guess we have to be prepared for anything.”
“Well, I’m glad we can move forward again without worrying about this hanging over our heads. How’s Honor feeling?”
“Still a bit queasy in the mornings, but she’s handling it well.”
“And you? Looking forward to the new arrival?” she asked with a tiny bit of envy.
A huge smile spread across Logan’s face. “Yeah, I am. We both are. We’re already busy choosing potential names and thinking about decorating a nursery. First step, though, is to buy a house. I want my kid to grow up feeling grass beneath its feet in the summer. We were thinking of looking for something closer to Mom’s since she and Hector have decided to remain at her place.”
Kristin smiled as Logan filled her in on their plans, and the kernel of envy that had formed before was now a hard knot in her stomach. Her choice, she reminded herself. If she wasn’t prepared to put her heart on the line again, then she’d have to come to terms with that green-eyed monster and learn to tuck it away where it wouldn’t color other people’s joy with its unpleasantness. Kristin snapped back to attention when she realized Logan had asked her a question.
“I’m sorry, I drifted away there for a minute,” she apologized. “What did you ask?”
“I asked you how you are. Really are, not just the surface answer I know you’re about to give me. Honor and I are worried about you.”
“About me? Whatever for?” she asked, avoiding answering the question.
“Mom told us you and Jackson had a past. And it was clear to anyone with eyes in their face that there were still sparks between you. I thought you two were getting along but then he didn’t come to the wedding. Now you’re looking like you did before he reappeared in your life. What’s going on, Kristin?”
“Nothing’s going on.”
And it’s none of your business, she wanted to add. But he was her brother, and despite the fact he’d only been in her life for a little over a year now, he took his responsibilities to his family seriously.
Logan stared at her, a frown of concern pulling between his eyebrows.
“You can talk to me, y’know. A problem shared is a problem halved and all that.”
She forced herself to smile. “Thanks, I appreciate it. But I’m not ready to talk about it just yet. In fact, I may not be ready to talk about it any time.”
“I’m here if you need me. We all are.” He sighed before continuing. “Have you talked to Jackson yet?”
“No, and I don’t see the need to. Whatever we had is over. This time for good.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. You deserve to be happy, Kristin. I thought, on Christmas Eve, that maybe yo
u and Jackson had resolved the differences that had been so apparent when we met him at the beginning of the month.”
She’d thought so, too, but apparently not. A woman could be taken for a fool only so many times before she read the writing that was starkly painted on the wall.
“We worked through that. It won’t affect his dealings with our family. And I think he’s proven his capability in that regard.”
“So, there’s nothing more between you than a business relationship.”
Kristin felt a sharp twist deep in her chest. “Absolutely nothing,” she said firmly.
“Damn, I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Don’t worry. I’m a big girl. I can cope. And, for the record, what is it with all you happy couples that you can’t stand to see a singleton without wanting them matched up with someone else?”
She forced herself to keep her tone light, and it had the desired effect. Logan laughed as he rose to leave.
“Point taken,” he said, turning for the door.
“Logan?” Kristin called out.
He stopped in his tracks and faced her.
“Thanks. I do mean that. And I’m glad you’ve got my back if I need you.”
He gave her a smile and a nod and left her office. She sat there a while longer before picking up her phone. Her finger hovered over Jackson’s number before she put the phone down again. No, it was better this way.
A clean cut with no regrets. Well, perhaps not an entirely clean cut, given they would still have to work together on the family’s legal matters, but as far as her personal life was concerned, he was out. It was the right thing to do.
But if it was the right thing, why did she feel so utterly desolate and unhappy?
Seventeen
Jackson pulled his car up in the visitor parking outside Kristin’s apartment building and turned off the ignition. For a full five minutes he sat there, carefully considering what he had to say. She hadn’t taken his calls. She’d ignored his messages and her text had been clear and concise. She had excised him from her private life with meticulous precision.
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