“Gabriel, I couldn’t stop myself.” I figured at that point honesty was probably the best policy. “It felt wrong. It felt horribly wrong to allow this young man to meet his fate so early in life.”
The silence that followed my words scared me more than his yelling from before. It was never good news when Gabriel was quiet. I kept my eyes on him for fear of missing important cues in his expression or body language. Nothing. His eyes burned holes in mine, and I thought for a moment that his chest had started to inflate like a hot air balloon. This was not going to be pretty.
“He has so much to offer,” I said to fill the silence. “We would be denying the world of his talents and promise.”
Gabriel brushed a hand over his eyes and grunted. With a big thud, he dropped into his chair and took a deep breath. “There is no reasoning with you,” he finally said, his voice almost back to normal. “You are confined to desk duty until further notice.”
No, no, no. Desk duty meant I wouldn’t be able to fly. Speed and flying kept me going. The only things I was good at, and the only time I felt truly free and in charge of my life.
“Isn’t that a bit extreme?” Yeah, I wasn’t very wise either.
The look Gabriel gave me could’ve melted metal. “I’m going to ignore that comment for my own sake.” Could angels have a coronary? Because Gabriel looked ready to have one. “Get out of my office before I change my mind and send you straight up to the big boss. Maybe you’d like to explain to him why you went against his orders and made a mess of things.”
I knew when I had overstayed my welcome. As quickly as I could muster on my seriously wobbly legs, I left his office and walked down the hallway, feeling the weight of everyone else’s scrutiny. There would be nonstop tongue wagging at the dinner table tonight. Angelic Corps’ headquarters was not your usual office building. The walls and floors were practically immaterial, and it wasn’t a place where anyone could keep a conversation private. Since most angels followed orders without argument, the need for privacy was practically nonexistent.
And then there was me. The one who always stuck out like a sore thumb, who questioned everything under the sun, who found it extremely difficult to keep opinions to himself. Had they known there would be such a creature in their Corps, I’m certain they would’ve rethought the idea of gauzy walls and gone with real ones instead.
At the end of the walk of shame, my desk awaited. I had always liked my little corner; it was humble and out of the way, overlooking the great expanse of the sky below. On days when I was feeling particularly wistful, I would sit at my desk, looking out through my non-walls and imagining how fast I could fly through the fluffy, cold clouds beneath me. Today I dreamed of lavender fields and how those eyes had made me feel inside. I didn’t even know you could feel like that. Angels are creatures raised to think of others rather than themselves, their mission above all else. It didn’t normally leave much space or time for questioning their own feelings, their own dreams and wishes. Caleb had changed all that for me. His face was etched into my memory, and I knew that no matter what I did or what happened I would forever carry him in my heart.
I’m not sure how long I sat there, staring into the blue skies, going over each inch of his handsome face; every nuance of his dark, short hair; the promise beyond his unusual eyes. Warmth boiled to the surface inside me, and I was both happy and sad at the same time. It was a wonderful feeling, but it was scary as well. It had already gotten me in a heap of trouble.
When I read Caleb’s name on my mission note, my heart had taken control over my brain. I flew the fastest I ever had to the site where he was to meet his demise, not quite sure of what I was about to do. In the end I didn’t hesitate. I saw his bike as it careened around the curve, heading straight for a semi truck driving the wrong way. Before I even realized what I was doing, I plunged down in front of the truck and swept Caleb off his bike just as it fell and slid sideways under the giant tires.
“What did you do that for?” Caleb asked, surprised. I pointed to where his bike was nothing but a pile of mangled metal. “Fuck! You…. I…. Was I the soul you came to harvest? Am I dead?”
I laughed. A nervous chuckle as reality began to sink in. I had just saved the soul I came to take away. “You’re not dead. I saved you.”
Afraid of being spotted, I flew us to the first sheltered spot I could find and put him down gently.
“Are you supposed to do that?” His eyes were mesmerizing, and I found I couldn’t take mine off them. I nodded, incapable of uttering a sound. “I thought you were supposed to take my soul to—well, hopefully Heaven. Why did you save me?”
I should’ve just flown away and hoped for the best. Instead, I grabbed his T-shirt, pulled him closer to me, and kissed him. This had to be some kind of seraphic madness for which I was in no hurry to find the cure. Caleb didn’t fight me, raising his hands and threading his fingers through my curls while his tongue explored my mouth. Ambrosia. Pure, intoxicating ambrosia.
“This is madness.” His breath caressed my lips, and I had to refrain from crushing him between my craving body and the wall behind him. “Am I dreaming, Sky? Hallucinating, maybe? You’re an angel. A real, honest-to-God angel.”
In the back of my mind there was a foggy idea of his earlier statement about having met another angel before, but the slow burning in my gut quickly convinced my brain to ignore it and focus on the task at hand. My hands had become a force to be reckoned with, moving of their own accord beneath his T-shirt, eager to explore every detail of his body.
It was indeed madness. I had just saved my charge. There would be hell to pay.
With that last thought, I came to an abrupt realization. I stopped my hands and detached my lips from his, breathless and suddenly anxious. I was in so much trouble. “As much as it pains me to say and do this, I have to go.” I wanted to stay so badly. “I have to tell Gabriel what just happened. He’s not going to be happy.”
My eyes locked with his and I was flying over those sweet-scented fields again. My lips stretched into an uncontrollable smile.
“I don’t know why you did it, but thank you for saving me,” he said, sunshine taking over his face. I may be the angel, but he shone as if enveloped in a halo. “When will I see you again?”
Could I stay and ignore the call of responsibility? I wanted to. God, did I want it. But I knew I couldn’t. Being an angel meant I wasn’t free to do as I pleased. My life was not my own, and if I stayed, the Corps would find me one way or another. Easier to just go and face the music. At least Gabriel wouldn’t be able to accuse me of being a coward.
“Soon.” I hope. I touched my lips briefly to his and then, unfurling my wings, I took off, heading upwards toward the clouds and the wrath of the angels.
Starting Again
____________
FORGOTTEN
“Gabriel wants his coffee.” Amy was giving me that look that said she was all too happy I was in the doghouse. She had never liked me. Or maybe she was a little scared of me. People were often afraid of what they didn't understand. Angels were no different.
I wanted to say, “Tell Gabriel to get his own coffee,” but even I knew when to shut up. I stood up from my desk-turned-prison and dragged my feet all the way to Gabriel’s office. The archangel was on the phone, whispering words I couldn’t fully understand. Was he speaking in Seraphic? No angel used that language anymore. It was ancient, outdated, and only a very small number of angels could speak it. Who is he talking to? A terrible thought crossed my mind. Is he talking to the big boss? Is he talking about me?
As I walked in with the mug of steaming coffee, Gabriel rushed to say his goodbyes and pocketed the phone. “Finally! I thought I would have to open a branch of Starbucks in my office to get a cup.” Gabriel fancied himself a witty angel. I handed him the coffee and turned to leave. “Wait a minute. I want to talk to you.”
Obligingly I sat, my back straight, refusing to show my nervousness. “What do you want to talk to me abou
t? Are you reinstating me into active duty?”
Gabriel laughed, dry and humorless. “By all the saints in Heaven, absolutely not!” Figures. “I wanted you to know that we have tried to fix your horrible lapse of common sense.”
My heart flip-flopped in my chest. “What do you mean?” Please tell me you didn’t “cause” another accident. “What did you do? Is Caleb all right?”
“He’s fine.” With a wave of his hand, he dismissed the idea. “We’re angels, not monsters. Did you really think we would kill him?” If I’m being honest, yes. “We did pay him a visit, but only to repair some of the damage you caused by showing yourself to him.”
Still not sure what he meant, and feeling the long fingers of anxiety beginning to stretch and close around my throat, I leaned forward in my seat. “What exactly did you do?” My voice came tainted with anger in spite of my best intentions to keep it cool.
Gabriel’s smile died on his lips and his eyes hardened. “Relax. He came to no harm at all. And I suggest you stay away from him from now on. Not sure why you decided to do what you did, but it must end here. You’ve done enough damage already.”
I left his office, chin on my chest, eyes on the floor. Some joker had printed and hung posters of me around the precinct. In the picture, I was holding a human in my arms and across the front, in big letters, it said, “How Not To Harvest Souls.” I was used to being the butt of everybody’s jokes, but it still stung. I didn’t want to look at it anymore; I wanted to go home and crawl under my blankets and sleep until my time on desk duty was over. It had been almost two weeks since I was chained to that desk. I missed flying. I missed Caleb.
As the day went on, I allowed my anxiety to percolate inside of me, and by the end of the day it had reached the boiling point. I was angry too. Angry that I should be punished for doing what angels’ general mission was: being merciful and loving. Since I couldn’t fly, I ran all the way to my place on cloud nineteen. My residential cloud was reserved for those of… lesser worth. The screwups like me who kept making one mistake after another. I didn’t care; my tiny little apartment was cozy and had everything I needed. At least it did until recently. Now I needed more. I needed Caleb beside me.
I paced around the small living room like a caged lion, finding some comfort in pulling on my shirt obsessively for lack of anything more constructive to do. What if I disobeyed my orders and sneaked down to Earth for a quick visit? I felt this inexplicable fear for Caleb’s safety. Yes, I wanted to see him, to hold him against me and kiss him until my lips went numb. But most of all, I wanted to make sure he was all right. Gabriel’s words still rankled, like a throbbing pain that wouldn’t fade away. Instead it swelled to epic proportions. If my rugs hadn’t been made of the finest divine thread, I’m certain I would’ve worn a hole in them with my incessant walking. My heart was galloping like a wild horse in my chest as panic replaced the nagging worry. I have to see him!
It wasn’t dark enough yet to escape my block without being seen. My anxiety was so high I literally sat on my hands to wait. As soon as my room drowned in darkness I was off. Aware that I had to be cautious and avoid being caught breaking the rules again, I descended slowly—well, a lot slower than I normally would. Earlier in the week I had accessed the Corps’ directory of souls and got Caleb’s address. He lived in Wiscasset, a sleepy little town not too far from Boothbay Harbor, one of my favorite places to get in trouble, it seemed. I was surprised by that. It was an old town, full of historical buildings and a rather expensive place to live. Caleb couldn’t be more than twenty-eight years old. I wondered what kind of job he might have to afford living in the quaint little town.
I alighted behind his house, in a small empty field which the night had rendered invisible. Retracting my wings, I walked slowly toward the front of the small cottage. The windows and front porch were brightly lit as I stopped for a moment to collect myself. I must be careful. I didn’t know who else would be there, and I couldn’t risk making any more mistakes. Heart aflutter, I knocked on the door, ignoring the bell on the side. I needed to feel something other than the crazed beating of my heart, and a little pain in the knuckles would do nicely.
The door cracked open and a face appeared from behind it. It was not Caleb.
“Can I help you?” The young woman smiled kindly, and I lost my power of speech. Who was this little elfin girl opening my heart’s desire’s door? “Are you here about the cable service?”
Hell! Did I look like the cable guy? “No, I’m here to talk to Caleb.” Regaining my voice, I decided it was best to go straight for it. “Is he here?”
The girl—for she looked barely out of her teens—turned her head around and called Caleb’s name. “There’s a guy here to see you.” She turned back to me again, her eyes shining with mischief. “Are you his boyfriend?”
I opened my mouth to answer, but Caleb’s voice beat me to it. “What are you going on about now, girl? Stop harassing every guy who comes to my door.”
Our eyes met and I stopped breathing—well, I literally did. Angels can do that without hurting themselves. A wave of relief and something warm and gooey washed over me. “Hi, Caleb. Came to see if you were okay.”
A quizzical smile curved the corner of his lips. “Excuse me? Who are you?”
A loud chuckle left my lips before I could stop it. “Funny,” I said, stealing a glance at the young woman who was observing the exchange with great interest. “I was worried.”
Caleb’s eyes crinkled as he licked his lips. A tendril of heat ran through me at the memory of his taste. “I’m sorry, dude. I have no idea who you are. Why would you be worried about me? We don’t know each other. Is this a joke?”
My stomach—and a few other organs—fell to my feet. How could he be so callous? I got humor. In fact, I loved joking around, but this was not the time. He knew I had disobeyed orders to save him, and we hadn’t seen each other in two whole weeks. I didn’t expect him to be so cavalier about my visit. I was hoping he would throw himself in my arms and go from there. Yes, I watched a lot of old movies. Even angels had hobbies.
“Stop messing around, Caleb, please. I was really worried. Gabriel—”
“Listen, dude. You seem like a nice guy, but I’ve never seen you before. You must have the wrong Caleb.”
I was floored. He wasn’t joking; he really couldn’t remember me. Hell and tarnation! That’s what Gabriel meant by “taking care of things.” He had Caleb’s memory of me erased. Short of killing him, of all the cruel things Gabriel could’ve done, this was probably the worst. To stand at that doorstep staring into the beautiful eyes of the one I couldn’t take my mind off of and realize they didn’t recognize me was pure hell. Angels don’t have a murderous bone in their bodies—I believe we’re simply incapable of it—but I also wanted to fly up to headquarters and kill Gabriel with my bare hands. The thought of my fingers wrapped around his neck like a vise was oddly pleasant, and yet also blood-curdling.
A small, soft voice reached my ears. “Don’t be so fucking rude, Caleb.” It was the young woman, looking up from her minute height into Caleb’s eyes. “Will you invite him in for a cup of coffee already?”
Caleb’s head snapped in her direction. “Watch that mouth of yours, girl. Don’t let me hear you curse like a sailor again.”
She rolled her eyes. “How would you know how sailors talk? If you dated once in a while, maybe you’d meet one or two.”
“You are….” Obviously Caleb couldn’t think of an appropriate comeback and turned his attention to me instead. “Right. Would you like to come in and maybe we can figure out how you think you know me?”
My heart had been crushed and I didn’t know what to do. One thing I was certain of: I was not going to give up so easily. We had clicked once; we could do it again, right? I nodded, my tongue paralyzed by the knot in my throat, and followed the two into the house.
It was small with an interior that was both quaint and comfortable. The place was furnished with old furniture
, likely salvaged from antique stores and flea markets. Not a single piece matched, and yet everything blended seamlessly like the edges of a watercolor painting, and just as beautiful. Yes, it suited Caleb, who in spite of his youth seemed to carry a much older soul inside, a certain strain on his broad shoulders, a slight heaviness to his step. I longed to know what caused that premature aging just as much as I yearned for the taste of his lips.
Caleb showed me to a small living room, and we sat across from one another, he on an armchair and I on the sofa. The elfin girl had left the room to fetch some coffee. I followed her with my eyes down the narrow corridor with curiosity. Who was she?
“That’s my baby sister.” Caleb read my mind, a smile on his face. “She’s a pest but means well.”
I laughed, a little more at ease and full of hope that he would remember me. “What’s her name?”
The young woman answered the question as she entered the room carrying a small tray with a french press and some coffee cups. “My name’s Joan. What’s yours?”
I jumped to my feet to help her with the tray, but she waved me away. “I’m Sky.”
The tray safely deposited on top of a small round table, Joan looked at me with a tiny, comical frown and inquisitive eyes. “Do you have a last name?”
I blushed. My last name was not one I volunteered very often. Not even to other angels. It was corny and so not me. “Heavensent. Sky Heavensent.”
I half expected her to start laughing at my ridiculous name, but she bit her lower lip instead as if deep in thought. “I like it. It bodes well for us that Mr. Heavensent came knocking at our door.”
A chuckle escaped my lips. I liked this young woman. She had spunk and was obviously very kind. Angels couldn’t resist kindness. It was in our DNA, so to speak.
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