Lavender Fields

by Natalina Reis

  “Of course she did.” He turned slightly to face me, still sheltered underneath my wings. “I don’t like to talk about it. In fact, I haven’t ever talked about it with anyone. Not even my therapist.”

  My eyebrow shot up in question. “Therapist?” I couldn’t imagine him needing therapy. I had never met anyone so put together like Caleb.

  “Both Joan and I saw a therapist for a while after the accident. The authorities were worried we were traumatized.” He slid his hand along my side. “But we weren’t. Not the way they thought, at least.”

  I pulled him closer until his body was glued to mine. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

  He brushed his fingers on my face. “I want to. I don’t talk about it not because it’s painful—at least not the way people expect it to be. It’s the guilt I feel when I think about it that bothers me.”

  “Guilt?” Why would he feel guilty? He wasn’t at the wheel when the accident happened, and both he and Joan had been severely injured as well. I had read the file—studied it—and I knew no one had walked out of that accident unharmed.

  “My rational side tells me it’s stupid to feel guilty, but my heart has other ideas.” He pressed his eyes shut for a second. “You know what’s weird? I was asleep when it happened. I had gone partying with my friends the night before, so I fell asleep shortly after we left the house. You would think the impact and the pain of my injuries would’ve kept me unconscious, but it actually woke me up. I can’t explain it, but suddenly there I was, scrunched up in the middle of a mangled car, my sister glued to my side and the lifeless bodies of my parents right in front of me.” He swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down. “I knew it immediately. I knew they were dead.”

  My wings quivered a little as I pressed him tighter against me.

  “Joan was also awake, whimpering against my side. She kept mumbling, calling my mom and dad, but I think she knew too. That’s when the angel appeared, a being of light that managed to somehow spread his white wings inside that cramped space. Joan raised her hands to him, but he told her it wasn’t her time. He was only taking my parents to a good, happy place. We watched him as he wavered and shimmered away, and we knew Mom and Dad were gone.” In spite of the painful memories, Caleb was smiling.

  “Why the guilt, then?”

  “I feel guilty because I survived and they didn’t. And I feel guilty for the strange sense of peace that came over me when the angel took their souls. Shouldn’t I have felt sorrow or anger or any of those more appropriate feelings? Peace? Why would I feel peace?” His handsome face had contorted in pain, his mesmerizing eyes filled with tears.

  I swiped a finger under his eye, collecting the wetness gathering there. “Caleb, you felt peace because you knew they were at peace. They weren’t suffering and they were going to a wonderful place. That’s why. Angels of light give off that vibe, that feeling. It’s part of who we are. There’s no shame in feeling that.”

  Caleb burrowed his face in the crook of my neck and tightened his hold on me. “So glad you’re here.” His voice tickled my skin. “And glad I shared this with you. Thank you.”

  For a few moments we lay that way, entwined together in silence.

  “So, is it true?” His voice was muffled against my neck and I didn’t hear him at first. “Is it true?”

  His skin against mine intoxicated me to the point that I was only slightly aware of my surroundings. “What are you talking about?”

  “That you love me.”

  That sobered me up quickly. Not because it wasn’t true or because I didn’t want him to know. But I knew my overly sentimental heart sometimes messed things up for me. Oversharing of feelings so early in a relationship—did we even have that?—could be the straw that broke the camel’s back, so to speak. Heavens knew Caleb had been dealing with way too many tough issues; the last thing he needed was to feel pressured by a clumsy, cheesy angel who couldn’t keep his hands off him.

  I looked up at him again. The rare gems he had for eyes shone in the dim room, expectant and—was I imagining it?—anxious.

  “You told me you loved me,” he repeated, his voice thick with emotion. “Do you? Or did you just say that because we were… well, you know.”

  My gulp sounded way too loud to my ears. I couldn’t lie. Not to him. “I do. I’ve loved you since the first time I saw you.” Caleb opened his mouth to say something but I interrupted. “And don’t say there’s no such thing as love at first sight. I’m an angel. I dance to the beat of a different drum. I did fall in love with you as soon as I looked into your eyes.”

  Caleb smiled and my heart melted. Did he know the power he held over me every time he smiled like that? “You idiot!” Well, that was definitely not the response I expected. “Shut up and listen to me.” He scooted away a little so he could more easily look me in the eye, though our legs were still tangled and my hand refused to leave his abs. “I love you too. Not sure why, but when you came to my door, it was as if we knew each other.” I wanted to tell him we did know each other from before, but I couldn’t. “I think you got me right then. One look and I was lost.”

  My heart must’ve grown a pair of wings, for it soared. I scooted up and melded my lips to his in a kiss I hoped showed all the feelings I had dancing around in my chest, overwhelming me with their intensity. Caleb may not remember me, but his heart surely did. That was more than enough for me.

  ____________

  ALWAYS

  Lucy stuffed her mouth with chocolate bonbons and tears rolled down my face. Beside me, Joan was folded in two, laughing so hard she ended up in a coughing fit. Joan had introduced me to I Love Lucy, and I couldn’t believe I had lived as long as I had without ever watching one single episode of what had to be the funniest show ever.

  The vibration in my pocket sobered me up. Gabriel!

  Making an excuse, I walked out of the living room and into the small bathroom to talk in private. My hands shook as I slid my finger over the screen and brought it to my ear. “Hello?”

  “Don’t mention any names.” Cryptic as always. Did it give him a sense of importance to make everything sound top secret? “Our dark friend is on the move again.”

  My sense of irritation turned into a ball inside my throat. “You couldn’t have told me that before he took… the mortal?”

  “I didn’t find out about that until afterward.” Should I believe him? It was still hard to swallow that the note I found on his desk wasn’t really his, but he had let me go at great risk to his career. “This time I have better intel. He has something up his sleeve again.” My stomach churned. The last thing I wanted to hear was that Caleb was in danger again. “Stick to the mortal like glue.” That I wouldn’t mind doing at all.

  “I haven’t been able to find out anything.” The dreaded words were out. I actually clenched my eyes, waiting for the screaming that surely would ensue, but it never came. “It’s very hard to work here without the resources I have up there. I’m pretty much working blind.”

  Gabriel was unusually quiet. When he spoke, his voice was soft and cautious. “I know. Just keep an eye on the mortal and make sure nothing bad happens to him. I’ll take care of the rest.” And without any warning, he hung up on me.

  Staring at the phone, I left the bathroom to join Joan on the couch. Caleb, sitting in my previous spot, raised his eyes to me and grinned. “Girlfriend called?”

  “Jealous?” Laughing, I sat next to him, weaving my fingers between his. Joan looked between us and at our joined hands, her mouth agape. I bit my lip in amusement. “You’re going to swallow a fly.”

  If at first muted by surprise, Joan quickly rediscovered her voice. “You guys got it on! When did this happen? Details, mes amis, I need details.”

  “Right! That’s what we’ll do, give you a step-by-step report.” Caleb’s voice dripped sarcasm, but it was obvious he was amused by his sister’s shock. “It’s none of your business, sis.”

  “Fuck! Well, I’m
sure that’s what you guys did—”

  Caleb almost choked on his own tongue. “I told you before not to use that kind of language, girl!”

  “Just because you’re an old man trapped in the body of a twenty-eight-year-old doesn’t mean I have to listen to you.” Joan turned petulantly to me, ignoring the increasingly redder Caleb. “So how does that work in angel land? You guys have your straight angels and the gay ones? Are there girls as well?”

  “Of all the stupid things to ask!” Caleb looked like he was about to have a stroke of sorts. It was endearing and funny to watch him react to his sister’s irreverent personality.

  A little chuckle escaped my lips, and I squeezed his hand. “It’s okay. It’s good to have a curious soul.”

  “Not if your curiosity is only for the most inappropriate issues.” Stubborn, he didn’t want to give in to his sister, but I could tell he wasn’t angry at all.

  “Angels are—well, angels. Yes, there are males and females, but there’s no such thing as a straight or gay angelic creature. We were made to love, and love has no gender,” I explained, my eyes seeking the soothing effect Caleb’s had on me.

  Joan seemed immersed in thought, so I took full advantage of the pause to rub my thumb on Caleb’s palm, delighting in the smile I induced. “So technically you could have fallen in love with me instead of my brother,” the elfin girl finally said, her eyebrow arched up high. “And I’d be the one with my hands all over that hot body of yours.”

  Caleb’s hand went flying out of my grasp. “Holy shit, girl! You can be so freaking inappropriate.” Joan was laughing, clearly enjoying the fact that she had rattled her brother. “If I didn’t love you so much, I’d put you up for adoption.”

  “I’m practically an adult. I only stay with you because you need someone to take care of you.” Not too far from the truth right then—not that Joan would have any power over the forces of evil, of course. She stuck her tongue out at him, the exact contrary of what she’d just claimed. “I’ll leave the two lovebirds alone now. I have a possible boyfriend waiting for me at the mall.” Grabbing her small purse from the table, she stood up and left the house, laughing.

  Caleb stared at me, confused. “Did she say ‘boyfriend’?”

  Heavens, he was beautiful! I laid my hands on each side of his face and pulled it closer to mine. “Love it when you’re cute like that.”

  Forgetting Joan for a moment, Caleb gave me one of his winning smiles. Slowly I touched my lips to his, suckling on the lower one before pulling it between my teeth. He shook, and parts of me melted while others went the opposite way.

  “I knew it!” Joan’s voice sounded from the door. She had sneaked back in. “As soon as I leave you alone, you’re all over each other like rabbits in heat.” She laughed, looking very satisfied that she’d caught us kissing. “Now that I made my point, I’ll leave you to it.” She had already turned around and was at the door when she looked back at us. “By the way, I’m so happy for the two of you. My favorite brother and my favorite angel together.” With that, she left, closing the door behind her.

  We both laughed, my hands still on his face. “You have a crazy woman for a sister.”

  “Don’t I know it.” We drank each other in with our eyes. “Why are you here, Sky? Really.”

  My stomach sank. Could I tell him without admitting everything? “To protect you from the dark angels. I’m not sure why, but they’re after your soul. They caused your accident and they’ll come back to finish it up. I’m here because I love you, and I won’t let anything bad happen to you. Not if I can help it.”

  He was silent for a beat. “I believe you,” he said, right before kissing me.

  I spent the rest of the day fussing over Caleb—and probably irritating the crap out of him—afraid to leave him even for a minute as Gabriel’s words rang in my ears, dark and ominous. What could Samael and his minions have in mind for my soul mate now? Will I be able to protect him when the time came? Or am I enough of a deterrent being by his side constantly? I didn’t think so. Samael looked far from put off when I walked in on him in the hospital room. He knew well that I was a nobody in angelic terms. Just an errand angel, really. The equivalent of a bike messenger—pick up souls, carry them to Heaven’s door, start again. My job didn’t require brains or even heart to some extent. The thought had occurred to me a few times throughout the years, but it hit me with a renewed strength at that point. The first thing I had ever done out of true love was rescuing Caleb, and look what I had started.

  That night, after Joan went to bed, I wanted to ask Caleb if I could stay with him but couldn’t find the courage to do it. I was afraid I would sound too clingy and scare him off. On the other hand, keeping an eye on him from the couch wasn’t an easy task. I could, of course, work my magic and become invisible to him. I could sit in his bedroom all night, my eyes glued to his sleeping figure and my innards in a knot of frustrated wanting. I dismissed that option quickly. It wasn’t right to trick someone you loved, someone you wanted to trust you.

  While he was in the bathroom, I began spreading the sheets on the couch, my mind a mess of fears, frustrations, and percolating ideas that went nowhere fast. The sound of someone clearing his throat from behind brought me back to the here and now. I turned around to a shirtless Caleb, his pajama pants riding very low on his hips, revealing the V of his hip bones framing hard, well-defined abs. I gulped and involuntarily licked my lips. He didn’t budge, his extraordinary eyes glued to mine, and I felt it again—that mental tug, soundless words calling me. I couldn’t clearly understand them, but they beckoned me like his eyes. My feet moved then. I couldn’t be sure I was the one making them move, but I was walking toward Caleb, who stood leaning against the doorway, intense and irresistible. He had magic in his eyes.

  “You called?” The question escaped my lips in a whisper, and I wondered why I said it.

  Caleb smiled, slowly tilting his head to the side. “Only in my thoughts. Can you hear them?”

  I licked my lips again. “Only when you call me.” In the back of my mind, I filed that information away, that tidbit of intel that may become valuable or useful in the future.

  His laughter echoed in the quiet house. “Good. It would be creepy if you could read my thoughts.” I had to agree with that. Not a superpower I was longing to have. Caleb looked behind me. “Why are you setting up the couch?”

  I glanced behind me at the pile of pillows I had placed on the sofa. “Sorry. I thought you were going to bed. We can still sit and watch TV if you want.” Part of me was relieved that he didn’t seem to want to sleep yet. A good opportunity for me to keep guard easily.

  As I turned back to him, I found myself staring directly into his face. Soundlessly, he had moved to stand just inches away from me, close enough for me to touch him. “What I mean is, why are you not staying in my room?”

  Gasping for air, I could only nod. I wanted to stay with him. Not just for the night, and not because he needed my protection, but because without him, I was as incomplete as if I were missing a leg—or, more accurately, my heart. I craved his presence like some people craved caffeine or drugs. My life up to the moment I met him on that beach had lost all meaning. For him, I would give up my wings.

  “Don’t you get it, Sky?” He took another step closer and lifted one hand to the side of my neck, my skin immediately reacting to it as if touched by electricity. The tingling started under his palm and moved fluidly through my body all the way to my extremities. “I want you with me. Always.”

  If I weren’t an angel already, I would’ve thought I’d died and gone to Heaven.

  Pain

  ____________

  ASMY

  “You work?” My surprise seemed slightly out of place. How could he maintain a house and make plans to put his sister through college if he didn’t have a job? Only it had never been mentioned before. So busy and wrapped up in everything that had happened—good and bad—we had never talked about his professional life.


  Caleb chuckled. “No, I’m really a billionaire living off my fortune. Of course I work. I’ve just been a little under the weather for the last couple months.” He scratched his day-old stubble. “I’m officially out of excuses not to go back.”

  “Caleb is a bigwig at a local magazine.” Joan was by the refrigerator, the door wide open and her head almost totally inside the appliance.

  “No, I’m not.” I helped him look for his keys which had gone missing. I suspected Joan as the culprit; she seemed even less enthusiastic about her brother leaving the safety of the house for the wide-open world outside. “I’m a man of all trades. My official title is editor, but I also manage web content and other odd jobs. It’s a small magazine.” He straightened and looked around. “Where the hell are my keys?”

  Joan closed the fridge door. “Don’t look at me! I have no idea. If you ever find them, we need milk.” She walked by me and winked. Hell, she knew where the keys were.

  “Maybe you should ask for a few more days off,” I suggested hopefully. “You had brain surgery, after all. I think they would understand.”

  He sighed. “They’ll let me work from home, I’m sure, but I need to talk to them about it.” Turning around, he picked up a few cushions to check underneath them. “Damn keys.”

  “Can I go with you?” I bit my tongue. Could I sound any needier? “I’m here to protect you, remember?”

  Caleb kissed me lightly. “Sure, come with me. I want you to meet my boss.”

  I rolled my eyes like a teenager. “Hope he’s better than mine.” Gabriel may have let me go, but he was still far from my favorite angel.

  After giving up on finding the missing keys, he decided to leave the door unlocked and we left with Joan in tow, her school on the way. “I much prefer you guys’ company—even if you are a couple of horrible old prudes—to my so-called BFF who can’t talk of anything else but this idiot she met at a party last weekend.” She made a gagging sound. “My stomach can’t handle it anymore.”