Lavender Fields

by Natalina Reis

  My heart dropped a few inches. Of all the things he could’ve asked me, that was the one I couldn’t promise. I was an angel. My life was not my own.

  ____________

  THE GIFT

  The wing tattoo was almost finished. After a couple weeks of visits to the studio, Celeste was becoming a bit—well, a lot—suspicious of my strange and wondrous power of healing. “I’ve never seen anything like that,” she said after my second and third visit. “You should still be raw in places, but it’s totally and completely healed. I want some of whatever it is you eat, boy.” We had stretched the time between visits after that. There was no hurry, after all.

  Life had settled into a nice, easy-going rhythm. Caleb worked mostly from home so we could spend as much time as possible together. I hadn’t said anything to him, but I think he knew that our time was coming to an end. It was tearing me up inside to even think of leaving him, but angels had very little choice. Sooner or later I would have to leave.

  Joan’s birthday was coming up, and she hoped—oh, who am I kidding? She demanded to be “surprised.” “It’s the big one-eight! I will officially be an adult and you, my prudish brother, will have no say as to how many ‘fucks’ I say, how many tattoos I get, or whom I date. It will be Nirvana.” In her usual faster-than-light reasoning, she had immediately changed the subject to ask me, “Is that even a thing? Nirvana?”

  I hoped it was, because I wanted to live there.

  Gabriel had called a few times and even visited briefly to check on me—or so he said. I suspected he was just making sure I stayed out of trouble. Maybe, because of Caleb’s presence, he wasn’t very forthcoming with information about Amy or Samael. He had promised that whatever contract Cranky Amy had signed with the dark side was now totally invalid. We could rest our minds at ease because neither Samael nor any of Asmodeus’s favorites were interested in any of us anymore.

  I still needed some closure for the sake of my wings. I also needed something, anything to make up for the fact that Caleb didn’t remember me from our first time on the beach. We were together now, and we loved each other, but that had been that pivotal moment when I had broken through those unspoken and invisible angelic barriers in my heart and fallen in love with a human. A magnificent, sweet human. We had clicked, like Joan would’ve said. The second I looked into his lavender and green eyes, something had snapped inside of me, the chains that had held my heart captive for so long. I wanted him to remember that moment. I wanted to remember the instant I gave him my heart.

  Winter was upon us. There was no more denying it. The air had the frosty quality that heralded the imminent arrival of snow. Caleb and I had walked to the waterfront, bought a couple of lobster rolls at Red’s, and sat on a wooden bench at the pier, eating and watching the gulls soar above the cold water. I couldn’t take my eyes off the birds as they flapped their wings and glided through the sky at great speeds. My eyes blurred as they filled with tears. Suddenly, my heart was bleeding with longing for my wings, for the feeling of the wind against my face—for something I could never have again.

  Caleb’s arm went around my shoulders. “I wish I could do something to make it better.”

  You already did. I wanted to tell him that, but my throat closed with the pressure of unshed tears. I leaned on him, enjoying the warmth and peace I always gathered from him, and wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. The blue of the waters and the call of the gulls soothed my soul, but my heart still ached. I had been the recipient of such blessings, my sweet Caleb and Joan. Ironically, the same blessings were also the cause of my heartache. As much as I tried not to think about it, I was getting more and more anxious about my approaching departure. I didn’t know how to live without Caleb anymore. My life before him was a blur, a faded memory that I had no wish to go back to.

  My phone rang. What does Gabriel want now? “Yes?” In no mood to talk to the one angel who in more than one way had been the involuntary catalyst to my misery, I braced myself for more of his hot air.

  “Sky, I’m coming down to Earth to talk to you later today. Is that okay?” Is Gabriel actually asking me for permission to do something? Am I dreaming? I pinched myself to make sure I was awake.

  “What was that?” Caleb asked as I put the phone away. I wasn’t sure how to feel. Should I be worried? A terrible thought crossed my mind—was he coming to tell me it was time to go back? Instinctively, I tightened my hold on Caleb’s arm. “What’s wrong? Sky?”

  “I don’t want to leave you.” It came out before I had time to stop myself. “I want to stay with you and Joan. You’re my home now. I can’t imagine living without you.”

  Caleb tilted his head in question. “What makes you think you’re leaving? Did Gabriel say that?”

  Tears rolled freely down my cheeks. “No, he didn’t, but—”

  Caleb didn’t let me finish. He kissed my face, drinking up my tears and nibbling on my lips with such tenderness, such love, my bleeding heart rejoiced.

  “I love you, and if keeping you here means I have to go head-to-head with a freaking archangel, that’s what I’ll do.” He sounded so serious, I burst out laughing in spite of my pain. My tears, now on Caleb’s tongue, carried a part of me—or so I hoped; a little part of me to remain within my lover’s body after I left. Caleb joined me, chuckling in that funny way of his that made me feel all funny and fuzzy inside.

  Gabriel didn’t show up until after lunch. I was grateful Joan was still in school since I couldn’t be sure my boss was bringing good news. In his best suit, Gabriel looked like any other human businessman. Had I not known of his seraphic origins, I would’ve never given him a second thought. His lips were stretched in a thin line, and I noticed he kept playing with his five-hundred-year ring—a gift from the big boss for years of good service.

  Is he nervous?

  We sat in the living room with a cup of coffee each. Caleb had offered him tea but Gabriel wasn’t much of a tea person. In fact, he may have appreciated a drop or two of bourbon in that mug.

  “You wanted to talk to me, Gabriel. What’s this all about?” We might as well get this over with quickly. Do it like a Band-Aid and rip it off once and for all.

  Gabriel shot a glance at Caleb, as if uncomfortable having a human for a witness, but didn’t ask him to leave. I chose to see that as progress of sorts. “Yes, there is something very important that I must talk to you about.” Uh-oh, here it comes. He twisted the ring on his finger one more time. I had never known him to be so fidgety. “But first, I must extend Arcadia’s most heartfelt apologies to Caleb for the terrible events that befell him at the hands of one of our brethren.”

  Oh geez! All the formality didn’t bode well. He was obviously there on a very official capacity.

  Caleb shifted uncomfortably in his seat and stole a glance toward me as if asking for help. I had no idea what was going on, so I shrugged and shook my head. “Of course, Gabriel. I don’t hold you or your department responsible for any of what happened.”

  Way to go, my love. Hit him with the same formality.

  Gabriel crossed and uncrossed his legs, played with his ring again, and forced a tiny smile onto his lips. “Thank you for saying that, Caleb. Unfortunately, I must assume part of the blame considering I failed to uncover the betrayal and wicked plotting from one of my own staff. But I do appreciate your sentiments. After long conversations with Father, I want you to rest assured that no seraphic creature will bother you again for many years to come.”

  I perked up at that. Was he saying that Caleb was going to be allowed to live a long life?

  When Gabriel turned to me, my first instinct was to run and hide. Maybe dig up a giant hole right there in the living room and bury myself far, far away from the surface. No such luck.

  “As for you, young Sky, I have also had long debates with Father about you and your role in all this.” He had been discussing me with the big boss. I was in so much trouble. “I must first reprimand you on your totally unangelic decision to save
a human from his predestined death.” Shit. I hoped Caleb didn’t catch that. I had yet to reveal the real reason I’d met him. “That went completely away from every seraphic directive, and it is punishable by law, as you know.”

  I cringed. Had I not been punished enough already?

  Caleb looked nervous suddenly. “What do you mean ‘punishable by law’?”

  “Sky broke one of the main laws of angels.” Gabriel’s voice had that hard edge he often reserved for when he was chiding me about something. “Like with Earthbound humans, when an angel breaks the law, he gets punished.” Caleb opened his mouth to say something, but Gabriel cut him off. “However.” The emphasis on the word couldn’t be missed. “He did atone for it with his desk job for a few weeks, and he has suffered more than anything the board of seraphic justice would ever impose on any law-breaking angel, so it was decided to let it go.” I let out the breath I had been holding. “Sky, your debt to the justice system has been fully paid.”

  Caleb reached out for my hand and squeezed it, his heartwarming smile back on his face. Gabriel wasn’t finished though; I could read his body language as well as I could read English.

  “Father and I also discussed your….” He paused, searching for words. “We discussed your disability and came to a consensus. Obviously, you won’t be able to serve in the death squad anymore.” The fact that his words rang true didn’t make them any easier to hear. “In fact, without your wings, young Sky, the only jobs you will be able to perform in Arcadia are desk jobs.”

  For once I didn’t care. Even if they had given me back my squad job, I would’ve been torn away from the one I loved. My life was over one way or another, so a stupid job wouldn’t make a difference. “I understand.” It was merely a whisper, and I wasn’t even sure Gabriel had heard it.

  “In spite of your earlier misbehavior, you have proven to be….” Again that pregnant pause, as if he couldn’t quite decide on what terms to use. “Worthy and courageous.” I almost fell off my perch on the couch. Those were not words Gabriel had ever used when speaking about me. “Father and I agree that you have shown to be in possession of a true angelic heart. Your capacity to love is—unfortunately for us as a race who was created for the sole purpose of loving—unmatched in Arcadia these days. You were not only willing to defy orders from above and face the consequences of such an act, but also willing to suffer unspeakable pain in order to protect the one you love.”

  Heat climbed up to my face. Compliments weren’t something I was used to, and coming from Gabriel, of all angels, wasn’t settling well with me. “Thank you—I think.” I sounded like a babbling idiot, not certain of what to say or how to act in the face of such rare praise. Caleb offered me a brilliant smile, and my muscles relaxed just a little.

  “Such love and courage can’t go unnoticed or unrewarded.” Gabriel leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees, and the first friendly glint I had ever seen showed in his eyes. “We decided, should you agree, that you shall be allowed to live among the humans for as long as you see fit.”

  Shock didn’t even begin to describe what I felt. I was paralyzed. My brain was stuck in Park, and my voice wasn’t working.

  Caleb squeezed my hand, and I could’ve sworn he uttered a quiet hoot. “What do you mean?” I asked stupidly. My mouth was slack, and my heart might’ve stopped beating for a moment.

  “Hell and tarnation, Sky.” Gabriel’s patience for me had apparently run out. “Don’t be stupid. I’m telling you that you can stay on Earth with your humans for as long as you want. It’s not like you’d be any help in Arcadia. Wingless and love-sick? Not a good combination for someone like you.” I heard the word “liability” even if he didn’t really say it. I didn’t care anymore; he was offering me the one thing I wanted the most.

  I glanced at Caleb, who was still holding my hand as a lifeline. There was a question in his eyes. How could he even doubt that was what I wanted? “Are you serious, Gabriel? You’re okay with that?”

  Gabriel stood up, obviously done with me and my doubts. “Yes, Sky. It’s very okay with me.” He enunciated the words as if he were speaking to an idiot—which he probably thought I was. “Stay here with your human boyfriend and be happy. Call me if you need anything.” The look he gave me told me “don’t call me, ever.” I doubted I would anyway. I was perfectly fine with the idea of never having to see the archangel again.

  As usual, my stoic boss left in a whirlwind of wavering air. Caleb and I were standing, our hands still connected. I was afraid of letting go and finding out that I had been dreaming. “This is real, right, Caleb? Gabriel really told me I could stay here with you.”

  Caleb reached out to me with his other hand and caressed my face. “Yes, this is real. If that’s really what you want, of course.”

  I leaned in against his hand and its comforting heat. “It’s what I’ve been dreaming about for the past few months. Do you want me to stay? I understand if you don’t. If you think it’s all too much to digest.”

  His lips sought mine, and I had my answer. My wings were gone, but I was still able to soar.

  ____________

  MEMORIES

  “How do you like it?” Caleb and I were standing in Celeste’s studio, my bare back turned to the big wall mirror as I stared at my new tattooed wings. They were a work of art, drawn in meticulous detail. Nothing could replace my real wings, but these were an amazingly beautiful memorial in their honor.

  I smiled at the older woman in response.

  “I’m still in awe of how quickly you heal, young one. I think I’m in love with my own work.” She laughed.

  “They’re perfect, Celeste. Thank you.” I held her hand and kissed her cheek. “I’m so very grateful to you.”

  “I’m grateful to you for letting my creative juices flow freely. One can get pretty bored drawing butterflies and dragons.”

  Caleb came to stand behind me and brushed a hand across one side of the wings, making me shiver in delight. “Sexy.” It was a whisper for my ears only, but I saw Celeste’s lips curl in a smile.

  It was Joan’s birthday, and we had to run the last errands in preparation for her “surprise.” She was quite partial to the cakes at a Boothbay Harbor bakery, so we were heading there to pick up her gift.

  Caleb had never collected his motorcycle—two accidents in the space of a few weeks were too much even for a bike lover like him—so we took a taxi instead. Her party was in the evening, and we had a lot of time to kill. The town was half-deserted, like most tourist towns during the winter. A few locals loitered around or hurried to get their shopping done and back into the warmth of their houses. The air was frigid, and I could almost smell snow in the air. It wouldn’t be long now.

  We chose a small cafe and sat in a booth where we could talk and hold hands away from prying ears and eyes. We hadn’t talked about what Gabriel’s decision really meant for us in the long run. Both of us were so happy with the news, we never once stopped to iron out the kinks. And there were some.

  “You know I’ll live a very long life and won’t get old at the same speed you do.” We sat cradling the hot mugs of tea the waitress had brought us. “Will you be all right with that?”

  Caleb tapped a finger on his face and pretended to think. “Hmm, let me see. I’ll be old and wrinkly and have a hot young man to keep me warm at night. Yes, I can see the hardship. However, I love you enough that I think I’ll be able to handle it.” I laughed and he kissed my knuckles, his gorgeous eyes never leaving mine. “I love you, fool. I don’t care what you or I look like. I want you by my side. Forever.”

  He glanced around the mostly empty cafe, then brought his lips down on mine for a long, tantalizing kiss. “I want to kiss you like this a thousand times a day, slide my hands along your body, and make love to you every night.” His hand had surreptitiously found its way to my thigh under the table. “Are you up for that?”

  I was most certainly up for that and so much more. Caleb could make me feel like I owned
the world. When I was in his arms, I forgot who I was and where I came from. I was just Sky, an average, half-broken person Caleb had saved with the power of a simple glance.

  “You never told me how and why you came to my door that night.” There it was, the question I had been dreading almost the whole time I’d been with him. How could I tell the one I loved that I’d been sent to harvest his soul? “And what was all that about you breaking the law and being punished? What law did you break, and when?”

  There was no escaping now. “You know I am—I was—an angel of death, right?” He nodded. “My job was to harvest the souls of those who had died. We get a mission note and go meet the human who’s about to depart this life. That day, I was coming for you, Caleb.” His hand fell off my leg and his mouth went slack. “I didn’t want to tell you, but you were slotted to die the first time I met you.”

  “When you came to the house?” I could see his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down as he swallowed hard and frequently.

  “No, I had met you before. You just don’t remember.” I scooted closer to him in the booth, placing my hand behind his shoulders. “The first time I laid eyes on you, I was hooked, bewitched, whatever you want to call it. I had come to harvest your soul and instead you harvested mine. I fell in love so hard I didn’t even think twice. Instead of letting you die and then picking up your Heaven-bound soul, I prevented your death. Big bad violation of angelic directives.”

  “Was that my first bike accident?” I nodded, looking for signs on his face that he wasn’t mad at me. “But I thought I miraculously rolled off the bike before the semi crushed it to smithereens.”

  “I pulled you out before that.” My fingers, entwined in his short hair, were shaking, half in nerves, half in yearning.

  “I don’t remember any of it. How can I not?” He sounded outraged by his own lack of memory.

  I kissed him, pulling on his lower lip gently with my teeth. “It’s not your fault. Gabriel has his magic too.”