Sanguine

by Carolyn Denman

  My cherished Lainie,

  If you are reading this then it means that this time I’ve been given the grace to be able to say goodbye, for which I will be forever grateful.

  Please understand that there is no other way. I’ve considered every option but I can’t take the risk—you understand now that I’m just not built that way. I need you to remain safe, and I can’t keep you safe here. Besides, Eden is too important to risk losing both Cherubim. If Jake succeeds then no one will be left to guard this treasure and that can’t be allowed to happen. If he were somehow to end the Cherub line and find a way to cross the Boundary, his taint would destroy the very foundation of that perfect place. Even though I’ve never seen Eden for myself, its light is reflected in you and I can feel my soul resonate with love for it. It would be unthinkable to allow anyone to harm it.

  Jake is not the only reason. I know how hard you’ve tried, but day by day, with each new conflict, I can see the light fading from your eyes. I would give up everything to save that light, that spark of hope in this dark place, and so I have. Find it again, Lainie. Right now. Go to the River and wash away the taint of this world. Eat the Fruit, as is your right. You’ve healed yourself now from guilt, so Noah assures me you won’t harm it.

  Let yourself forget. It will help you to move on, as you know you have to.

  Please, Lainie, find someone new and allow yourself to try. It’s what I want you to do. Make a commitment and have a ceremony. I know it’s possible because it’s happened before. A marriage vow is a sacred thing and our link is broken now. Your commitment before witnesses, with spoken Word, will allow you to move forward with someone else. Sarah was genuinely happy in her marriage, and Nicole is living proof that there is a way out of this mess for you. Your firstborn will be blessed, and will grow up in Paradise, cherished as she should be. Teach her as much as you dare of this world, because I have no doubt that one day she’ll be needed here, and will find the Words to come. When she does, I’ll be waiting to guide and protect her, I promise.

  Please don’t blame Noah. He is doing his job as best as he knows how. He loves you too, Lainie, and wants only the best for you. He’ll insist on remaining here with his family, as is his right. His son needs a father, and I would never try to deny him that opportunity, but try not to worry about him—Tessa and I will guard him closely. I’ll always be here. If the worst happens and Noah is lost then I’ll make my final stand protecting you when you are compelled to return. How sickening the thought that if that happens, then the day most longed for would also be the day most dreaded. In all honesty, despite the threat to Eden, if that day comes I would beg that you try to fight the compulsion. Right. Who am I kidding?

  You were right from the beginning, Lainie, we’re caught in a trap we can’t escape from because on this side of the Boundary our wants are irrelevant. I want you, with all my heart and soul. I wish I could have married you, and danced with you every sunrise. I wish I could have shown you the world, and raised a child with you, and woken up with you beside me every day of my life, but it’s time for me to finally let go of that future once and for all. Never will I regret the time you gave me, although it was far too short. Every moment I had with you will be cherished in my memory forever. I love you more than I can ever show you and always will.

  That’s why I’ve suggested to Noah the best way I can think of to stop Jake from succeeding.

  Now I understand what Uncle was trying to tell us. We’re caught in this trap, but there is still always a choice, and I’ve made mine.

  Shalom, Lainie.

  ‘Bullshit!’

  Butterflies scattered, and startled Edenites stared at me with amused, innocent expressions, probably wondering if I was about to burst into song. They generally weren’t loud unless they were singing. Bungee stood up and shook himself, ready for action.

  I strode over to the nearest fire, shredding the letter into tiny mutilated fragments, and then flung the whole lot into the flames.

  ‘How dare he? Who the hell does he think he is?’

  Annie was sitting not far from me, curled up on the ground, still reading Dallmin’s letter with tears streaming down her cheeks. I was feeling somewhat less than sympathetic towards her, for a whole lot of reasons even I didn’t fully understand, so I left her and started asking people whether anyone had seen Nayn. I could sense him, somewhere to my right, but I didn’t have the patience to wander around trying to pinpoint the feeling. Beltana offered to take me to him.

  Let’s make it a race, I suggested, trying to look light-hearted. She and Bungee pelted away through the trees and I quickly realised how unfit I had become in the last few weeks, so I focused all my anger at Bane on trying to keep up.

  Nayn was halfway up a pepper blossom tree near the River, talking to some baby birds when he heard my whistle. He launched himself from his branch, rolling over awkwardly a few times on landing, which made Beltana giggle as she handed him a bunch of velvety leaves that had been tucked into a loop of her belt along with a variety of other things. She even had a couple of carrots hooked onto it, in case she got peckish. On the other side of the cave, Beltana would have made a great Girl Scout.

  I studied her clothing more critically. She was wearing a short, flowing diaphanous dress that clung to her body in a very flattering way, and the belt was woven of flowers and vines. The fabric was so delicate it was almost see-through, and its design was elegantly simple. And it was red. Having just arrived recently, I actually thought it looked pretty sexy.

  Beltana, would you like to swap clothes with me? I offered. The cruddy old jeans and T-shirt I wore hardly represented a fair trade, but that didn’t matter here.

  Yes! I’ve never worn such things before, they look sturdy, she signed, stripping off without hesitation.

  Yep, that was what I had been going for as I’d dressed that morning, sturdy clothes to die in. Glad to know it was appreciated. I slipped the soft fabric over my head and pulled it down over my hips. The dress was even shorter on me, which wasn’t a bad thing. The outfit had a job to do. I would use whatever signals I could to convince Bane that my want was stronger than his.

  I turned back to the white-haired elder Cherub who was still nibbling on the edge of a leaf. Nayn, could you help me? I need you to look at something.

  Of course. Show me.

  I jogged my way towards the cave with Nayn, Bungee and Beltana all following. I was panting and had a terrible stitch by the time we got there, but I was still too angry to care. Bungee let out a sharp bark, which was answered by an unexpected visitor. Wendy had found the Garden. Good for her, although Aunt Lily was going to be pretty annoyed if I couldn’t convince her to come back. The two dogs ran around each other in circles, learning each other’s smells while I headed up the path.

  Beltana, wait here for us. I wish to show Nayn only.

  She smiled and sat down to wait for us. She hadn’t bothered re-dressing because she seemed to be having fun just playing with the zipper on her new jeans instead.

  The second we entered the chamber I realised what Noah had done. Like an unwelcome feeling of déjà vu, instead of looking past the sword to see the other half of the chamber reflected back, I was faced with a pile of giant boulders, reaching up to the ceiling. Not even a glimmer of light betrayed the slightest gap. Even though I had pretty much expected it, the blood still drained from my face.

  ‘Bloody Noah! I’m going to slap you into next week! This was never one of the options!’

  Nayn just looked at me with one white eyebrow raised. I moved closer to the wall to check but sure enough, Noah had brought down as much of the loose rock as he could without compromising the integrity of the chamber’s structure. Or so I hoped. This time he had formed the wall on the Eden side of the sword, possibly to prevent more Edenites from seeing it and getting curious. It was difficult to see anything much without the sword’s light, especially since
the dust was still settling. Coughing and grumbling, I moved back.

  I want to go back there, Nayn. They need me.

  So go.

  I stared at the wall.

  I concentrated hard.

  Bloody Bane. Bloody Noah.

  Deep breath. Calm down. Being angry with them wasn’t going to help me to believe that Eden needed me to move these rocks.

  Nayn blinked.

  Any ideas? How do I find the Words?

  He shrugged.

  Please, Nayn, I know what it is I want. Please can you help me? There was no sign for ‘please’, but I was signing so emphatically he got the gist.

  He turned to study the wall, leaning against a convenient stalagmite. There is a Cherub on the other side. You are not needed there.

  I dropped to my knees, devastated.

  Please, if we work together, we can find the strength, I know it, I begged.

  It’s not a matter of strength, only of need.

  Furious tears welled in my eyes. Need. What about my needs? What about Bane’s? Noah had told me pretty bluntly what my Guardian had been through the last time I’d left, and I wasn’t about to put him through that again. There had to be a way. All our compulsions, all our powers, all our actions were built on love. No matter what his reasons were, I knew that Bane was wrong about this. We were supposed to be together. Destined, even. Where once I had shied from the concept, I now embraced it whole-heartedly.

  I loved Eden, but I wanted out.

  Come on, Lainie. Think. You’re a country girl. Farm-bred and resourceful. Surely you wouldn’t let a little thing like a tonne of rocks keep you from the man of your dreams?

  I stood, spun and stomped out of the cave, leaving Nayn to follow if he chose. There was more than one way to cross the Boundary, for Cherubim only. Time I tested it out again.

  Beltana, could you please find me some Fruit? I want to do some climbing.

  You will eat it now? She blinked at me, wanting to be certain.

  Closing my eyes, I breathed in deeply. The ambrosial scent of the Trees drifted on the wind, and I could still taste the remnant of juice on my tongue from when Noah had revived me. It was exquisite. Was this craving for more simply an addictive result of my recent healing? A bit. Sure. But that wasn’t all. Noah had apparently discerned the difference in me, the same way I now did. The shame I had felt, that had previously barred me from eating from the sacred Trees, was now resolved. There were a lot of emotions woven into my memories of what had happened to Sarah Ashbree. Grief, pain, regret, including regret that I would never be able to reveal the truth to the rest of Noah’s family—never be able to explain what I’d done and why—but I no longer felt ashamed. There was nothing else I could have done that day. Except one thing. I shouldn’t have left them all to deal with the consequences. Shouldn’t have fooled myself into believing that they would be better off without me. That had been a fear-based belief. Understandable, but unfounded and unfair.

  My eyes snapped open. There had been a second reason for my guilt. What I had done to Bane, and the others, when I had left them. Flitting about in Paradise with hardly a thought for the mess I’d left behind.

  Beltana, I will eat the Fruit.

  The only guilt I would feel now would be if I didn’t act.

  She darted away laughing, in search of the right sort of tree.

  The cliff wall ran along the entire length of the valley, in line with the Event Horizon, but the threshold didn’t exist for humans anywhere except inside the cave, where they would have to pass the flaming sword. It did exist for Cherubim. Noah and I had crossed it to enter Eden, years earlier. Unfortunately, going in the other direction to leave the Garden was going to be problematic. From what I could see the cliff was mostly smooth, except for a large overhang that loomed a good twenty metres above me. Beyond that I knew was an incredibly high climb that would be daunting for all but the craziest thrill-seekers back home. Maybe wearing a dress hadn’t been the best decision after all, and yet my jeans would have been even harder to climb in. Besides, I wasn’t delaying any longer in order to change back.

  ‘Beltana?’

  She glanced back at me from across the small glade, tilting her pretty face curiously.

  Better pick a few pieces, I signed.

  Chapter 70

  Watching Noah conjure up a duplicate body was astounding. He didn’t even need any raw materials to work with. It wasn’t like some creepy witch’s spell on TV where the wind howled and the light flickered. Instead, Tessa watched as he spoke a skittering melodic phrase, which sounded slightly bossy and grumpy if anything, and then a fully formed duplicate of Lainie’s body miraculously appeared on the grass.

  ‘Er, Noah, I think it would be a good idea to put some clothes on it,’ she suggested, watching Bane’s face turn even paler. Her husband could be so thoughtless sometimes.

  ‘Oh, right. What was she wearing?’ he asked.

  Typical male. ‘Jeans and my old blue T-shirt with the sugar skull on it.’ Of all the clothes she’d donated to her, Lainie had to pick that shirt this morning. That was so Lainie. ‘No shoes, and don’t forget underwear.’

  A quickly spoken Word and the body was fully clothed.

  Bane took a deep breath and resolutely examined the cadaver’s face. ‘You gave her too many freckles. She doesn’t have those anymore. Or the scar under her chin, it’s gone too.’

  ‘Oh. The one from her riding accident, when that mare shied from the wind chimes Lily made? I hadn’t noticed. But hardly anyone has seen her since she’s been back. Maybe I should leave them there.’

  ‘Make them fainter, then. Give people what they expect to see,’ he insisted.

  Tessa had no idea how he was managing to remain so calm.

  ‘Did I get her hair right? I think maybe it should be lighter at the tips,’ Noah commented critically, picking up a strand of it and holding it up to the sunlight. A slight shudder went through Bane’s shoulders, giving him away.

  ‘Noah. Enough,’ Tessa chided. ‘So long as it has the right number of fingers and toes, it’ll be fine.’

  He shot her a sly look, which she returned boldly as she admonished him. ‘I know what you’re trying to do, honey. It won’t work. He’s not going to change his mind about this, no matter how much you try to force him to look at it.’

  Sergeant Loxwood crept closer, trying to appear confident, but he looked just a little bit green. Clearly he thought he’d seen everything in his time, but watching Noah at work had definitely thrown him. He was probably wondering how many other cases from his past could have been messed with supernaturally. Only three that she was aware of, if you included the false report of Lainie’s mother’s demise.

  ‘Will an autopsy confirm the poisoning?’ the policeman asked.

  Noah cringed a little. ‘I doubt it. I wouldn’t know where to begin. Having the power to do something doesn’t mean I know how to do it. I don’t even know what she was poisoned with or what effects it had on her system, so I wouldn’t have a clue how to replicate it.’

  ‘Most likely cyanide,’ Bane suggested, his voice going husky. ‘It’s used to make fox baits, right?’

  ‘Yeah, there’s a supplier of the perishable liquid form of it in town,’ Noah said, frowning.

  ‘Well, I guess Jake managed to get hold of some. He might have thought he could pass it off as accidental poisoning from the apple pips. They naturally contain some too, but not nearly enough to kill. They’ve certainly never hurt her before.’ Another shudder passed through him. ‘Cyanide starves the tissues of oxygen. I could describe to you exactly how it feels, but I don’t think you want to know. And I don’t think it would help.’

  The profound grief in Bane’s eyes made Tessa want to scream in empathy. She knew what it was like to feel another person’s pain and not be able to do a thing to help. It had torn her a
part each time Noah had sustained even minor injuries when she wasn’t around. She couldn’t begin to imagine what it must have been like for Bane to feel Lainie die. Twice. It would have been enough to send her insane. It was time to intervene.

  ‘There should still be traces of the poison left in the apple core, Noah. When we get back to the farm, have a smell of it and you’ll be able to replicate the substance in her body. Just concentrate on the need to prevent anyone from asking the wrong questions and your intuition should fill in the gaps. You have no idea how often that’s worked in the past—or do you have a degree in meteorology I don’t know about? Or ballistic trajectories? You’ll do fine, honey. Just go with it.’

  Giving her a quick hug, he nodded and then helped the sergeant to lift the fake corpse onto the stretcher that he’d retrieved from across the Boundary when he’d delivered the letters. As they bore it away, she tried to make herself remember that it was not really Lainie. It was simply a lifeless copy of her friend. Lainie was fine. Probably soaking up the rays with bluebirds flying around her head, lying on sweet green grass with a baby deer curled up at her feet. Knowing her, she was probably still pretty pissed though.

  Chapter 71

  Tim shuffled his feet, feeling useless as Noah and Sergeant Loxwood brought the body back into the house. It was a huge relief to hand the crying infant over to his mother and then usher Bane into the kitchen to check his wounds again. Holding an ice pack to the gruesome lump on Bane’s head, he clucked in disapproval as he noticed that the dressing on his forearm was completely saturated. Again.

  ‘River again, I suppose,’ he sighed, wary of upsetting him further. A slight frown creased his friend’s pallid brow, but he didn’t comment. ‘Hold the ice,’ Tim instructed while he rummaged around for another dry bandage. Even as well-stocked as the first-aid kit was, they were going to run out of supplies quickly if he couldn’t keep him away from the water.