I am Wolf (The Wolfboy Chronicles)

by Rose, Willow

  “I thought you might be hungry,” the Queen said.

  The wolf in me growled as it saw all the raw meat.

  “Dig in,” the Queen said.

  So I did. I felt how the very smell of the meat caused the wolf to suddenly appear. The hair grew out, then the fangs, then the claws. Suddenly I stood in front of the Queen as my alter ego, the human wolf. To my surprise the Queen didn’t seem to be the slightest bit afraid or even concerned over my sudden change. She still smiled and nodded like she enjoyed my company. Then she pointed at the meat. “Please, be my guest,” she said.

  I couldn’t stand it any longer and jumped onto the table and feasted on the meat. I ripped it with my teeth and drank the blood without paying attention to the Queen until I was done, until the beast was satisfied. Then I glanced back at the Queen feeling slightly embarrassed about my own conduct.

  The Queen looked at me. “Don’t ever be embarrassed by your nature,” she said. “This is who you are. Make peace with the beast in you. Stop fighting it.” Then she leaned over and touched my hairy face. Suddenly I heard her voice in my head, like she was pushing her thoughts at me.

  It is the key to control it, she said.

  I stared at her beautiful face. What do you mean? I asked through my own thoughts.

  She petted my head gently. Embrace it. That way you can control it. The key is to accept it, accept who you are.

  I nodded slowly while I felt my body change back to its human form. It made sense, I thought to myself. When I didn’t want the change to come, when I feared it or tried to prevent it, which was when I blacked out. That was when the beast had control over me and did what it wanted to. But at the train station when the soldier took that little girl and hit her, I wanted the change to come, I wanted desperately for the beast to show its ugly face. Had I in fact forced it to appear? Forced it with my anger? Could I do it again?

  “Wolves of your race have been known to do many great things,” the Queen said.

  “Have you known others like me?” I asked.

  “I have only met one once many, many years ago. But I know about your race. Legends have been told about your people for thousands of years.” The Queen leaned over and looked me in my eyes. She put a finger under my chin and lifted my head. “But you know who you are, don’t you?”

  I shook my head. “I really don’t.”

  She sighed deeply. “Search your soul, dear Sami. Look inside of your heart and you’ll know who you are. You have always known, haven’t you?”

  I stared at her feeling like a little child. There was so much I didn’t understand. Why did she keep on talking about me as a race, as a species? How many were out there like me? Were they all evil, hurting and killing people, like I had?

  “When there is good there will also be evil,” the Queen stated reading my mind. “You can’t have light without darkness.”

  “Am I evil?” I asked.

  The Queen laughed lightly. “Do you think you are?” she asked.

  I sighed deeply. “I fear I might be.”

  “Do you think someone evil would ask such a question?”

  The Queen got up and walked away. She stopped and turned to look at me. “Are you coming?”

  I followed the Queen into another room. It was filled with paintings, but not paintings as I knew them with canvases and paint on them. These were completely different. Beautiful and very realistic, but when I reached out to touch them, my hand went straight through. They were paintings made of light and colors. The way they came together formed a picture, an image but if you went too close there was nothing but light in the air.

  The first painting she showed me resembled a man that was half wolf half human. I gasped looking at it thinking that the creature’s appearance was ghastly. Was that what I looked like as well? I couldn’t comprehend it.

  “Give it time,” the Queen said. “You will learn to love the beast, trust me.”

  I scoffed. I had my doubts. “Who is he?” I asked.

  “That is Caspian. An ancient, Romanian wolf. He was more than four thousand years old when the Light-Lingers and Color-Creatures decided to immortalize him in this painting. They do all of our arts in this castle. He is a great friend to them. But it has been centuries since he last visited our forest.”

  “So he might be dead, then?” I asked.

  The Queen shook her head. “No, I believe he is still out there somewhere.”

  “What makes him so special?” I asked.

  The Queen exhaled. “Once he saved a very important person from certain death. The forest has been grateful to him ever since.”

  “Was that you?” I asked.

  The Queen shook her head gently. “No. It was my mother. I was only a child. A gust in the wind.”

  “What happened?”

  “There is only one thing that can kill a Wind-person, since we are not made of flesh and blood like your species, we cannot get hurt or die physically. Our bodies are made of a materiel much lighter and more similar to air. But we can dissolve.”

  “Dissolve?”

  “Yes. One day my mother was on one of her many journeys through the forest when her convoy was attacked by our arch-enemies the Watchaus - the Water-People who live in the waterholes and lakes of the great forest. They wanted to destroy my mother, the Queen, in order to destroy our people who have ruled the forest for centuries. They had captured a whirlpool and turned it against my mother and her people. The whirlpool sucked my mother and her people inside of it and caused my mother to spin. She got stuck in it and couldn’t escape. If a Wind-person spins too fast around ourselves we end up overheating and finally dissolving. It can happen in a tornado or in a small whirlpool like this. Plus we can’t move when wet, so my mother couldn’t get out.”

  “So what happened?” I asked and looked at the magnificent painting on the wall in front of us.

  “Caspian arrived. I wasn’t there myself, but have been told on numerous occasions how he rescued all of them. Allegedly, he jumped inside of the whirlpool and stopped it with his strong arms. He simply stopped it from spinning and calmed the water down by whispering to it. He saved my mother and my people have been eternally grateful to him ever since.”

  “But you haven’t seen him since?” I asked feeling a thrill of excitement going through my body. It gave me great joy to hear a story like this.

  “He used to pay us a visit from time to time. I enjoyed his company growing up, when he would visit bringing stories from the outside world, but I’m afraid he hasn’t paid our people a visit in many years. I must admit I thought you were him, when I was told a wolf-man had been spotted in the forest again. Rumors like that travel fast, you know.”

  “Well, I’m more of a wolf-boy, I guess,” I said.

  “You are indeed very young, but age has nothing to do with it. Even a young wolf can achieve heroic status.”

  “I guess,” I said while feeling a slight joy inside, maybe even pride. Was I in fact part of something good? Was what had happened to me in fact something greater? Something far greater than me? Greater than just being human?

  I turned my head and as I did I laid my eyes upon another painting in the room. My heart started beating faster as I stared at it. I walked closer and felt a slight breeze push me even closer.

  The picture was of a beautiful young girl. One I had seen before. She had the most gorgeous emerald eyes, just like the Queen. That was when it hit me. That was when I remembered where I had seen eyes similar to the Queen’s before.

  “Catalina?” I asked recognizing the young girl even if I had seen her as a teenager.

  The Queen froze and stared at me. “You have met my daughter?”

  “I have,” I said startled, almost stuttering the words. “I met her just ... the other day ... in the forest, she was running, I tried to help her ... but ...”

  “But what?” the Queen asked.

  “She was taken away from me and I haven’t seen her since. I keep thinking about her and drea
ming of her.”

  The Queen drew in a deep breath. “We have been looking for her,” she said heavily. Her eyes were teary. “Where did you see her?”

  “In the forest, near my hometown just outside of Bucharest. She was trying to escape the soldiers. I helped her get to a barn where we spent the night but the following morning they found us. They took her and drove away with her. I’m afraid I don’t know where to.”

  The Queen looked pensively at me. Then she exhaled. “So you don’t know where she is now?”

  I shook my head feeling somehow guilty that I couldn’t help them, that I hadn’t been able to protect Catalina and bring her to her family, to her people.

  The Queen was in tears now. Soon after she turned her head and left the room in a hurry. Servants came to help me get to my chambers where I would spend the night.

  I was taken aback by this sudden turn of events. Could the Queen be right? Was there really a reason I was there, was I supposed to help them find Catalina?

  I didn’t know. But as I went to bed that night in the castle of light I felt for the first time a little hopeful about the future. I was determined to help them find Catalina and after that I wanted badly to meet this Caspian. I wanted to know all there was to know about his people. Our people. My people.

  Chapter 17

  I didn’t turn into the wolf that night. I figured it was because I had already satisfied the beast by feasting earlier that night or maybe it was because there was no darkness in this place, no sunset, no night since lights were constantly shining. I didn’t even see the sky, the stars or the moon because of the bright lights. I missed the great outdoors and sensed the wolf in me missed the hunt, the chase for the kill.

  My sleep was uneasy and disrupted. Once I sensed the rest of the town was awake I rang the bell and asked to see the Queen immediately.

  I was shown into a large room where she was sitting at the end of a long table discussing what seemed to be urgent matters to her advisors who filled the room with concerned faces.

  The Queen’s face seemed torn and strained with sadness. She sighed heavily when she saw me and tried to smile.

  “Come on in, Sami the Human Wolf,” she said. “I have been expecting you. Your news about my daughter has kept me up all night. I have asked my advisors to figure out how to bring Catalina back to us. We can’t operate much in your realm, we only have two openings a year to go there. The next opening of the portal is not even close. We cannot enter your world without going through the portal.” The Queen sighed. “I sense my daughter is in great danger. I sensed it already a couple of days ago, but didn’t react to it. Now I blame myself.”

  “You shouldn’t,” I said and approached her. Someone brought what looked like a chair for me to sit in next to the Queen. It felt like sitting on a floating balloon.

  “Times are tough out there in that world where Catalina is. It’s hard for most people to get by. There is a terrible war going on.”

  There was a gasp in the room and faces were turned to look at me.

  “You haven’t heard about the war?” I asked.

  The Queen shook her head. “We have not. We don’t live in that world of yours and we hardly ever visit it.”

  “Well it’s terrible. People are killing each other, some are being persecuted for being of a certain origin or race.”

  The Queen nodded pensively. “Things have always been bad in your world,” she said. “Through time there have been many wars and diseases threatening to kill you. It is a very dangerous place.” She looked at her people in the room. “We must not be struck by panic or fear. We knew it was dangerous to begin with.” The people in the room nodded and continued their work.

  “So if you don’t mind me asking, what is Catalina doing there?” I asked.

  The Queen smiled, strained. “Well she is going through the change.”

  “The change? I don’t understand.”

  “Of course you don’t. Let me explain. When a Wind-Princess is born she is nothing but a gust of wind. Through hundreds of years she grows stronger and eventually she becomes a child, then later almost a grown-up. When she reaches what we call ‘the difficult’ years, just before entering adulthood, we send her to your world in order to grow up. That’s what we call ‘the change.’ ”

  “But how? Catalina had a body like my human body. Yours is completely different,” I asked.

  “Once in your world we take the human form. It’s not something we enjoy, but it is nevertheless necessary. We can choose to live all of our lives in your world if we like. We live longer than normal humans, thousands of years longer, so that eventually poses some problems, but if we wanted to we could stay and have the fragile human flesh but that also means risking getting killed by a disease or something else. We know Catalina as Elanorneth - that is her birth name when she is with our people. Catalina is the name her human family has chosen to give her.”

  “Her human family?” I asked confused.

  “Yes, see my dear Sami, once a young princess is going through the change she gets a longing to see what else is out there, what she is missing out on. She wants to explore the worlds. So in order for her to try what it is like in your world we sent her to a family, a human family as a changeling. We find a family that is about to give birth to a still-born child and exchange our baby without them knowing it. Elanorneth’s body was blown into a body of a still-born child. Once it was born and the doctors were working to relive it, my people blew her body into that of the baby and it came alive. The doctors called it a miracle. That’s how Elanorneth - or Catalina - was born into your world. Once she was in the baby she became the baby and couldn’t remember us or this world. Then we let her grow up there, not remembering who she is, until her teenage years are over, then we bring her home and give her the choice. Come here and be the princess and one day Queen and leave all her human life and behavior or stay in the world that she has come to know. No one ever chooses your world. They know they belong here. I did it back in the Dark Ages. It wasn’t a difficult choice for me to return here.”

  “What if she dies while she’s out there?” I asked, fearing for Catalina’s life.

  “Then we will have lost a princess,” the Queen answered.

  I didn’t have to think about it for long. The sense of responsibility, the guilt for not being able to protect Catalina had overwhelmed me. It was time for me to step up. I looked at the Queen.

  “Let me do it,” I said. “I can walk between our two worlds with no trouble.”

  All voices in the room froze. The Queen looked at me.

  “I’ll do it,” I repeated. “I’ll find her.”

  The Queen smiled and grabbed my hand. “Thank you,” she said. “Thank you so much.”

  Chapter 18

  The Queen came to my room while I was packing my things into my sack. I was holding the book given to me by Camelia. It glowed as I touched it. It made me pause. The Queen stared at me, then approached. She reached out for the book in my hand.

  “May I?” she asked.

  “Go ahead,” I said and handed it to her. “I can’t read it anyway. I don’t even recognize the letters.”

  The Queen put her hand on top of it and stroked it a couple of times. It didn’t glow at her touch, I noticed.

  “Maybe you’re approaching it wrong,” she said.

  “What do you mean?”

  “You’re reading it as if it was one of the books from your world.”

  “And it’s not?”

  The Queen laughed lightly. “I think you need to look at it differently. You’re searching your own knowledge, but you’re looking for the wrong things. Be open, read it with your heart, not with what you know. Read it as the wolf.”

  “But I can’t read it,” I said. “I have tried.”

  “Then try again,” the Queen said and handed the book back to me.

  I sat on the fluffy bed and opened it again. The first page glowed and almost blinded me. I looked at the strange letters but
still couldn’t make anything from them.

  “Still nothing,” I said.

  The Queen looked at it. “It is an ancient language,” she said. “From the beginning of times. I have seen letters like those before.”

  “So maybe you can read it?” I asked hopeful.

  She shook her head. “No. I’m afraid not. It’s not my people’s language.” She paused and looked at me. “It’s yours.”

  I closed the book with a deep sigh. The Queen smiled. “It’ll come to you. Give it time.”

  I put the book in my sack and closed it, then I put on my hat and stood up. The Queen floated to the window and looked out. It was hard to see anything beyond the castle because of the bright lights.

  “There is one thing I know about your species,” she said. “One important thing I remembered last night when you had gone to bed. One thing I think you should know.”

  I lifted my head and looked at the stunning woman. “And that is?”

  She approached me again. “It was regarding the evil. You asked me if there were evil among you.”

  “And is there?”

  “Some human wolves have been known to turn evil. You have to be aware of the scent of human blood. It will make you turn into the wolf and it’ll make the wolf in you crave human flesh. That’s why you need to get away once you have killed a human. If you’re not careful it will make you insane, unable to control your instinct to eat the flesh. Never, ever eat human flesh. Once you’ve eaten human flesh it’ll destroy you, it’ll never be enough for you to just eat other animals again. Never taste human blood or flesh no matter how alluring it is. You’ll lose your mind and you can never stop, you can never go back again.”

  I stared at the Queen feeling my heart racing in my chest. I realized how close I had been to eating that flesh on the dead soldier at the train station. Then I thought about the killings I had committed and everything froze inside of me. The soldiers, the young girl, even the man from the village. They all had teeth-marks on them. Had I eaten from them? Was it already too late? Had I devoured the human flesh and destroyed myself? Was I going to be addicted to killing and eating humans? I wondered, speculated desperately while the Queen continued to speak: