Shut Up and Kiss Me: A Lost Boys Novel

by Jessica Lemmon

  He was intense tonight. I wondered why.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  He continued glaring.

  “Are you mad because I won’t let you take my bra off?”

  His eyebrows drew further down. He snaked his hand beneath my shirt, shaking off my grip. I fought him. He narrowed his eyes.

  “You’re going to have to tell me what happened,” I told him as I raised an eyebrow. “I can’t read your caveman facial expressions.”

  He swallowed, then darted a glance to his left.

  “Talk to me, Cade,” I said. Using his tactics against him, I pushed his head to the side and kissed his neck. His hands wound into fists, pawing at my T-shirt almost desperately. He liked this. Which made me feel in control. I dragged my tongue along his throat, tasting his salty, pine-scented, warm skin. I skated up to his ear and nipped his earlobe. “Tell me.”

  I pulled my head back to meet his darker, lust-filled eyes.

  “Tell me and I’ll let you take my shirt off. And trust me when I say that is a very big deal for me.” It was. I had…issues. Tony issues. Issues I needed to get over. Issues I will get over, I decided.

  “I…” He hesitated, but I didn’t think it was because he needed to. He was choosing his words. Carefully. “Saw old friends,” he said, his tone flat.

  “Friends…who aren’t friends any longer?” I guessed.

  “Yeah.” He pushed a hand through his hair, the word chasing some of the heat from his eyes.

  “I have friends who are no longer friends. It’s hard.”

  His fingers went to my shirt, but I wasn’t done.

  “What else?” I asked, clasping his hands in mine.

  “The law firm we were going to start,” he said, slowly and concisely. “They’re buying the building.”

  “Without you,” I finished, my heart lurching. They’d moved on. Left Cade behind. It was even shittier than what my friends had done to me. “Do you regret dropping out?”

  “No.” His face pinched, then he shrugged. “I don’t nuh-know.”

  I understood the feeling.

  “It falls under the ‘Be careful what you wish for’ column,” I said. “Like when Tony and I would talk about moving in together and getting married after graduation. I was going through the motions. Just doing the next thing on the checklist, you know?”

  Cade’s hands wandered up my bare back beneath my shirt, but not in a sexual way, just touching me while I talked. I liked this. His attention. Sharing with him.

  “Sometimes I think I go with the flow too much,” I admitted.

  He rolled my shirt up another few inches.

  “Uh”—I stopped his hand again—“turn off the light.”

  His expression went from casual to confused. “Why?”

  Because Tony, in addition to being a jerk, was also a perfectionist. There was never a time I took my clothes off in his presence when he didn’t point out one flaw or another. And then he would suggest how I might improve it. He used the sports medicine thing as his reasoning, which at the time I’d understood. Athletic bodies were his thing. Now that I thought about it, it just seemed petty.

  I chewed on my lip as I frowned. I couldn’t tell Cade any of that.

  “T-Tash.” Instead of speaking, Cade tapped my forehead with his index finger.

  He rarely said my name. I think it was the T, which sometimes gave him trouble. But I liked hearing him try.

  “Yes?” I decided to play dumb. I guessed he’d given me that head tap because my thoughts had wandered out of this bedroom and into Tony’s. Well, Cade might not know where my thoughts had wandered to, but he knew they weren’t here with him.

  “L-leaving the light on.”

  “Then I’m leaving my shirt on,” I said sweetly.

  Darkness swept into his eyes, telling me he wasn’t going to let me talk him out of what he wanted. My heart fluttered with anticipation and fear. I wanted him in control, but I didn’t want him to see my imperfections.

  “Take it off.” He brushed my lips with the pad of his thumb.

  Chills sprang to my arms and the back of my neck at the command. His mouth came closer and my nipples tightened.

  “Why no light?” he asked, his eyes trained on mine.

  I licked my lips, nervous now. “You won’t like what you see.”

  He stayed silent, but I wasn’t giving in. Flattening both palms against his solid chest, I met his scowl with one of my own. I needed to get him to forget this whole lamp thing. Distract him…

  I knew what to do.

  “How about I kiss you again?” I purred against his mouth. Then I whispered, “This time below the waist.”

  Cade

  I hauled her closer to my mouth, my lips owning hers as I silently answered yes, yes, yes. Her mouth moved to my throat and her hands went to my shirt.

  Some rational, cock-blocking part of my brain pushed a single coherent thought to the front that I didn’t like at all.

  She’s distracting you.

  I gathered the three brain cells I had left, now that the idea of Tasha’s lips wrapped around my dick had introduced itself, and tried to fucking focus.

  Grabbing her shoulders, I pulled away from her fantastic mouth. She was trying to deter me with the promise of going down on me, and I have to say, I was fighting damn hard to keep from letting her.

  The last girl I slept with was a freshman studying to be a criminal defense lawyer. She was…not good in bed. After the accident had taken my speech, my confidence, and my mobility for a short time, I’d had thoughts about how much I regretted making her my last lay.

  As a result, it’d been several months since I’d had a girl in my bed, a hell of a lot longer since I’d had one willing to suck my dick. Six months…maybe eight. God. Had it been eight? And now Tasha, who had the most magical mouth to ever touch mine, was offering…

  I’d be crazy to turn her down. Certifiable.

  “Say yes.” She licked my bottom lip and then whispered, “I want to taste you.”

  Thrusting my tongue into her mouth, I kissed her hard, still wrangling those brain cells and attempting to override my hormones. Her fingertips grazed the stud of my jeans and some superhuman part of me reacted. I pulled her hands away, locked them behind her back, and turned her so she faced forward.

  In the full-length mirror on the back of my bathroom door, across from the bed where we sat, a very sexy Tasha sat on my lap, blond hair mussed from the paths of my fingers, amazing breasts lifting and dropping, pushed out further since I held her wrists behind her.

  Against her ear I whispered every word slowly so I didn’t stumble. “What don’t you want me to see?”

  Her lips parted as she pulled in a breath.

  I flattened my free hand over her stomach, felt smooth muscle beneath baby-soft skin. Then I tracked my palm up to her breast. Her heart pounded against my hand. I swept my thumb over her bra. She backed her ass against my cock.

  My hips thrust forward and I mentally bore down. I would not be distracted from getting what I wanted. And what I wanted was to know why she refused to let me see her with the lights on.

  “Show me.” I let go of her wrists and she stood, turning to face me.

  “I’m not perfect,” she said.

  Yes you are.

  “I have no idea who you’re going to compare me to when you see my body.”

  I reached for her jeans and unbuttoned them. She didn’t stop me.

  “I have no idea if the last girl you had in bed was a supermodel”—she gasped as I slid the zipper down, one tooth at a time—“or…or someone less than perfect, but I’m not, Cade. I have an affinity for carbs and some days I skip the gym…”

  She stopped to gasp again, and I was guessing that was because I’d dragged one fingertip along the edge of her red lace panties.

  “Go on.” I smiled and marked another point in my column for not stammering. Hell, yes.

  “I’m just warning you in case…”
r />   I pressed a kiss just under her belly button.

  Her hands went to my hair. “Cade.”

  Ah, there we go.

  She’d said my name on a fluttery moan. A very good sign. I turned her so she was facing the mirror and stripped her jeans off her hips while she watched my reflection. No way would I let her think she was flawed in some way or that I’d be comparing her to anyone. Stupidest thing I’d ever heard.

  I kissed the flare of one hip bone as she kicked off her flats and stepped out of the jeans. I liked that she was participating.

  “Take your shirt off,” I instructed as I ran my tongue along the small of her back.

  She obeyed and I took my lips off her body to watch as she crossed her arms over her waist, grasped the hem of her red shirt, and lifted. When the shirt was tossed aside, I was left staring at a red lace bra and her blond hair falling over her shoulders in long waves. My dick pounded mercilessly against my fly.

  Tasha didn’t cover herself as my eyes feasted on her pink nipples, visible through the lace of her bra. Eyes on her reflection, I slipped my palms from her hips to her stomach and then north, and she winced.

  “Is it bad?” she whispered and I saw real concern in her eyes.

  “Fuck, no,” came my gravelly response.

  She faced me, looking down at me. I sat on the edge of my bed, entranced by her body. By her.

  “Tell me the truth, Cade. Am I disgusting?”

  Definitely not, but I was beginning to think she was insane. I shook my head, seeing nothing but gorgeous skin tempting me in every imaginable way. I was frustrated at the words she used to describe herself. I glided a fingertip over one of her nipples through the lace of her bra. When I moved for the other, she closed her hands over my wrists.

  “Please turn the lights off. I don’t want you to see.”

  “Who t-told you that?” I asked. Someone. She hadn’t looked in the mirror and come up with the crazy idea that she was less than supermodel gorgeous on her own. Even as I asked, I knew. Anger vibrated my limbs.

  She shook her head in answer.

  I gripped her hips and speared her with a glare. “Who?”

  She looked away and mumbled, “Who do you think?”

  Tony.

  That motherfucker.

  I pulled in a shaky breath, ground my teeth together, then decided that I wouldn’t let him come between Tasha and me. Between this moment.

  There was another way to prove to her she was beautiful, and it only involved the two of us.

  “C-come here.” I slapped my hands on my thighs and she lowered her perfect, round ass onto my lap. I turned her so she was once again looking in the mirror, pushed her hair over one shoulder, and kissed her neck.

  “I’m gonna show you”—I flicked the clasp of her bra and slid the straps down her arms, baring her breasts for both of us to see—“w-what I think of you.”

  Chapter 11

  Tasha

  Eyes on his in the mirror, I watched while Cade revealed my breasts. I saw areolas that were too big. One breast slightly larger than the other. I saw every imperfection, no matter how slight. Tony had made a habit of pointing out where I fell short.

  But Cade wasn’t looking at me like he was checking for flaws. Quite the opposite. His expression bordered on reverent.

  I didn’t see myself through his eyes. I moved my arms to cover my breasts, but he drew my wrists behind my back and secured them with one hand. With his other hand, he took a nipple between thumb and forefinger, and rolled. I watched my flesh pucker, felt a flash of warmth pool low in my belly.

  He nipped my earlobe and shudders racked my spine. I wanted to hide, but there was nowhere to go. I squirmed, but his hold on me only tightened.

  “Cade,” I pled. He ignored me, moving his fingers down my stomach, past the edge of my panties. He stroked the warm, wet flesh between my legs as my eyes sank closed.

  “Look,” he commanded in my ear.

  I squeezed my eyes tighter and shook my head, basking in the blessed darkness provided by my eyelids. There were things I didn’t like about myself, but in the dark I could pretend they weren’t there.

  His fingers moved along my center, causing me to squirm and my breath to hitch.

  “L-look.”

  I don’t know why, but this time I opened my eyes. My gaze clashed with his in the mirror for one beat, then two as his hand made a circular motion beneath the red lace.

  He let go of my wrists and slipped my panties down my legs, then off one foot. I was naked now, and too turned on to think twice about it. With two broad hands he opened my legs, hooking my knee over his. I was open to his exploration, to the mirror, and to my own inner critic. I started to close my legs.

  He didn’t let me.

  He slipped a finger inside me and spread the wetness over my sensitized skin. Then he dipped back in. My mouth dropped open as heat engulfed me. His slick touch was exquisite. I anchored myself by bracing my palms on his thighs.

  A small smile curved his mouth as he continued teasing me. His other hand went to my nipple and pinched lightly. My cheeks flushed as he put another finger inside me and pumped in rhythm with the tweaking of my nipple. My breathing grew hectic, my mind blanked. He was turning me on while I watched. I’d never experienced anything like it. It was deliciously wicked and oh-so good.

  Surrendering to his stroking fingers, I closed my eyes and reveled in his touch.

  “Open.”

  I shook my head.

  “Tasha.”

  Perfect enunciation. I opened my eyes as he’d asked and met his gaze in the mirror. He smiled, the dimple sinking into one side of his face. With a shake of his head he said, “Open your legs.”

  Oh. I spread my legs wide, my throat convulsing as I swallowed around a golf-ball sized lump of anticipation at his dirty command.

  He continued watching my reaction in the mirror, his eyes going dark again. He moved his hand to my nipple, slowing his pistoning fingers to long, leisurely strokes. He tilted his hand so that he slipped over my clit every time he slid out.

  I moaned, my hips gyrating in rhythm with his fingers.

  “This could be my cock.” His voice was seductive against the shell of my ear. This time my eyes slid shut not from shame but because I lacked the strength to keep them open as my orgasm barreled closer.

  Cade let me have the dark. He wrung high, tight breaths from my lungs and my moans punctuated the air as my release built. My mind melted into a hazy swirl of sensation and color.

  His arm tightened around my waist, holding me captive while he worked me. A desperate cry stuttered from my lips as I dug my nails into his jeans, seeking purchase while he sent me out of control. Never halting, he moved the hand from my waist to cup my jaw and put his index finger against my lips.

  “Suck,” he said into my ear, pressing against my lips.

  I did as he said, sucking his finger into my mouth as he continued moving the fingers of his other hand mercilessly.

  When he found the spot that made me squirm the most, he increased both pressure and speed and dropped his lips to behind my ear, where he licked and kissed.

  My release came much like the tornado last week. Out of nowhere, and with a sudden onslaught. I bucked on his lap, grinding against his talented fingers as my orgasm crashed over me like a tide. The dark behind my eyelids burst with lights and my entire body shuddered as I came.

  Heavily breathing, my mind numb, I gradually floated down. Cade’s voice in my ear grounded me once again.

  “Open,” he whispered, then kissed my neck sweetly.

  I opened my eyes. The me in the mirror lounged against him, sated and relaxed. I exhaled, my back pressing against his chest.

  “Look at you,” he said.

  I looked. My cheeks were stained pink, my eyes bright, my body limp, lacking strength. Cade moved the hand resting on my thigh and circled my nipple with the tip of his damp finger.

  “Perfect,” he said, his smile meeting mine
in the mirror.

  He thought I was perfect.

  As perfect as that two-syllable word he’d uttered with zero hesitation.

  —

  I spent the entire hour in class zoning out. My thoughts returned over and over again to the moments in front of the mirror, to the way Cade had insisted on giving me pleasure while taking none for himself.

  I mean, what guy turned down a blowjob? The mind boggled.

  Then again, he didn’t exactly appear inconvenienced when he’d fingered me with a giant smile on his face. He liked my body issues under his control. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t think I was hot shit all of a sudden, but this morning after my shower, I had paused in front of the mirror and appreciated my naked body in a way I never had before. I slid my palms over my breasts, down my waist, and over the round fullness of my hips. Then I touched myself there. Just for a second. Just to remember what it felt like to have Cade’s fingers on me. Not the same at all, as it turned out. His touch had been so much better.

  Upcoming pathophysiology class be damned, I was in an amazing mood today. Nothing could kill my buzz. After that last class, my day was done. No more class, no work. I wondered if Cade worked tonight. If he did, maybe I could go over to Oak & Sage and just…loiter. That sounded nice. Anything sounded nice if it meant I was close to him.

  Maybe he’d let me thank him for giving me such a nice gift. Maybe I could give him a gift. Tasting Caden Wilson would be fun. I’d like to see him naked. Out of control. Maybe we could sit in front of the mirror again.

  I hummed, smiling at my wicked thoughts as I clopped down the sidewalk to the parking lot in my favorite pair of cork wedge sandals, so lost in my thoughts that it took me a second to realize someone had called my name. It took no longer than a second for me to realize it was Tony, and that he was alone rather than with his cling-on anime-eyed girlfriend.

  My shoes stuttered to a stop in front of him and I shot a glance at my car, a few rows over and not near enough to make a run for it without him knowing I was running from him.

  “Natasha.” He used my full name, like my father, to piss me off. His eyes skimmed me from head to toe, like he was trying to decide whether or not he missed me. After being his plaything for nearly two years, it infuriated me that he had to take time to decide.