A Heart So Wild

by Johanna Lindsey

  “Ah.”

  Once more Courtney found herself in a state of acute, blushing discomfort.

  Chapter 22

  “IF you’ve got any more wash, you’d better get it done tonight,” Chandos informed Courtney as soon as they stopped to make camp that evening. “We leave off following the Arkansas tomorrow, and won’t be near water again for at least three days.”

  Courtney didn’t have much more to wash, but she did have to air out and dry her whole wardrobe. Chandos quickly finished taking care of his horse and Trask’s, and headed for the river with his wash. He finished that quickly too, before Courtney was even ready to start. When she was done, their campsite looked like the backyard of a boarding house. Clothing was spread out over every available bush and tree and rock.

  Courtney found it humorous that their campsite, smack in the middle of Indian Territory, could look so homey. But it did. It gave her a warm feeling that turned into deep contentment, surprising her. Part of that feeling came from just being close to Chandos, and feeling totally safe because he was there. He hadn’t gone away to hunt tonight, and she was certain it was because he didn’t want to leave her alone. He sensed she wasn’t up to that yet, and she was grateful for his kindness.

  So that he would know she appreciated him, she worked hard to make a savory stew out of their dried beef and vegetables, using the few spices she had bought, and loading the stew with fat dumplings. There wasn’t a single bean in it, either.

  While Courtney prepared the meal, Chandos leaned back against his saddle and closed his eyes. When she began humming, the tune played over his body and he closed his eyes tighter against it. She was doing it again, working on his senses just when he least expected it. Where Courtney Harte was concerned, he seemed to have no defenses.

  How much more could he take of this constant wanting her without fulfillment? Having to fight his own natural inclinations was new to Chandos, as was wanting a woman so badly he could hardly think of anything else. She had him wound up so tight he was ready to burst, and there was no way to escape her.

  But he wouldn’t touch her. Even if she offered herself, he wouldn’t… Well, wait a minute, he wasn’t that noble. There was only so much he would demand of himself, after all.

  Oh, who did he think he was kidding? She had offered, and he was still suffering over it. This ridiculous notion of his that he had to protect her—even from himself—was sheer torture. She had put out one signal after another with her sultry looks, her soft, yielding kisses. She wanted him, and knowing she wanted him fired his blood like nothing ever had.

  But did she know she was tempting him beyond endurance? She couldn’t know. He had taken pains not to let her know—until last night. And if she did know, then she obviously didn’t care, for she’d made no effort to curb those looks that seared his flesh.

  “Chandos, how do they manage to drive such large herds of cattle over these hills? Do they go around them?”

  “They don’t.” He was surprised by the sharpness in his voice and quickly softened it. “The cattle trail is about fifty miles west of here.”

  “But I thought the quickest way to reach Waco was to follow the cattle trail?”

  “It is.”

  “And we’re not?”

  “I’ve got business in Paris, a town in northeast Texas. It’ll take us five days or so out of our way, but it can’t be helped. It’s where I was headed in the first place, and I don’t feel obliged to lose a week taking you to Waco first, then doubling back. Any objections?”

  He said it so defensively that she didn’t dare object. “No. I wouldn’t ask you to change your plans on my account. A few more days shouldn’t matter.” She stirred her stew one last time. “Food’s ready, Chandos.”

  While she ate, Courtney found herself both delighted to learn that she’d be with Chandos longer than she’d supposed, and angry that he hadn’t bothered telling her his plans. She peeked at him a few times until he caught her at it, unnerving her with his gaze so that she hastily finished her meal and rushed off to check her clothing.

  Enough of her things were dry that she could finally wear something else, so she went down to the river to change. Stripping out of her pants and shirt, she hesitated only a moment before taking a plunge into the water. It was past sunset, and Chandos was still eating. This would be the last water they would camp near for several days, so it was her last bath for a while.

  Moonlight shimmered over the water. Courtney dug her feet into the river bottom beneath the shadow of an overhanging tree and let the current wash over her. She felt utterly wicked being stark naked. It was delightful.

  At last, reluctantly, she left the river. Drying off posed a problem because she had no towel, so she wiped herself off with her hands—Lord, hadn’t she wanted to do that to Chandos’s back? Don’t think about that, Courtney. Then she dressed quickly and headed back to camp.

  To her surprise, she found that he had cleaned up their meal and laid out his bedroll and was already banking the fire. She sighed. She wasn’t the least bit sleepy after her invigorating bath, but he was ready to sleep.

  He stood up as she reached him. His eyes swept over her pale green silk gown, and she was suddenly aware that she hadn’t completely dried off before dressing. The silk clung to her in places. Too, some of her hair had gotten wet, though she’d pinned it up. It was obvious that she had bathed, and the memory of bathing stark naked suddenly embarrassed her.

  “If I’d known I wouldn’t have to clean the dishes,” she blurted out, “I wouldn’t have bothered to get dressed.” Oh, why did that sound so awful? She hadn’t meant… “What I meant— oh, never mind. Here.” Courtney handed him the shirt she had aired. “And thanks again.”

  She turned away, but Chandos alarmed her by grabbing her wrist. “Next time let me know what you’re doing, woman. You could have been bitten by a water snake, or hit by a floating log and swept downriver, or carried off by Indians, or worse.”

  “What could be worse than Indians?” she said flippantly, defensive because she hadn’t considered any of that.

  “There’s worse.”

  “But you weren’t that far away,” she said. “You would have heard me call for help.”

  “If you could have called. A man wouldn’t give you that chance.”

  “If you’re suggesting I not wash—”

  “No.”

  Her eyes rounded as the obvious alternative hit home. “If you mean to—to—”

  “Hell, no,” he growled, as appalled by her conclusion as she was. “I don’t have to watch you. I just need to be close by, close enough to protect you.” He realized there was no way out of this embarrassing conversation. “Forget it,” he finished curtly.

  “Forget what? Letting you know before I—?”

  “Forget washing, just forget it.”

  “Chandos!”

  “A lady’s got no business bathing on the trail, anyway.”

  “That’s unreasonable and you know it!” she challenged him. “It’s not as if I removed all my clothes. I did tonight, but I—”

  She got no further. The image her words conjured up in Chandos’s mind undid him. With a low growl, he brought her against him, and the full force of his passion was unleashed.

  At the first touch of his mouth, Courtney felt a shock of excitement deep inside that stole the strength from her limbs. Thinking her legs wouldn’t support her, she held tightly to Chandos, wrapping her arms around his neck.

  One of his arms held her like steel, pressing her so hard her breasts melted against his chest. His other hand gripped the back of her head, so she couldn’t escape his ravishing mouth. There was something very savage in the fierce, brutal way his lips moved on hers, bruising, forcing her lips apart. And then the stabbing of his hot tongue slashed across hers.

  Misunderstanding the violence of his assault, Courtney could only think he was trying to hurt her again, and she became frightened. She tried to move away from him, but he didn’t releas
e her. She pushed against his shoulders trying to break free, but his hold only strengthened. She twisted and squirmed, but she couldn’t budge him.

  Chandos was dimly aware that Courtney was fighting him. He had lost his personal battle, and he knew it. But it hadn’t occurred to him yet that he might be frightening her with the power of his desire. Her continued struggling brought him up short, enough to bring him to his senses.

  His assault on her mouth ended, and she gasped for breath. He loosened his hold on her, just enough that she could put a little space between them.

  “Was that another one of your lessons?” she said, panting.

  “No.

  “But you hurt me again!”

  Chandos stroked her cheek. “That was the last thing I meant to do, little cat.”

  He was now so gentle—his voice, his gaze, his hand on her face. But Courtney wouldn’t let her guard down. She was still afraid of him.

  “Why did you attack me, Chandos?”

  The accusation wrenched him. “Attack?”

  “What would you call it?”

  “Storming your defenses?” he suggested wryly.

  “Don’t you dare laugh!” she cried. “You’re hateful, and—and—”

  “Shh, cateyes, and listen to me. If I frightened you, I’m sorry. But when a man wants a woman as much as I want you, it’s not easy to go slowly. Do you see?”

  After a shocked silence she asked in wonder, “You—you want me?”

  “How can you doubt it?” he said gently.

  Courtney lowered her eyes so he couldn’t see her joy, her confusion.

  “You didn’t want me before,” she said in a small voice. “Don’t do this to me, Chandos, just because you—you need a woman, and I’m all that’s available out here.”

  He tilted her chin up, forcing her eyes to meet his. “What have I done to you with my foolish battle to resist you?” He sighed with self-reproach. “Doubt the wisdom of my desire if you will, but don’t doubt that I have wanted you from the moment you walked into that store in Rockley. Do you think I would have bothered with that no-account Jim Ward except for you?”

  “No—don’t say that.”

  “Do you know how close I came to killing your friend Reed because you let him kiss you?”

  “Chandos, please!”

  He gathered her close to him, very gently this time, ignoring what was now only a halfhearted resistance. “I can’t help what I feel any more than you can, cateyes. I tried to leave you behind and put you from my mind, but I couldn’t. I tried not to touch you. I can’t fight it anymore, especially now that I know you want me, too.”

  “No, I—”

  He wouldn’t let her deny it. He took away her will and reason with another kiss, as tender now as the first one had been brutal. But it was his confession that worked magic on her, more than any kiss could have done. He wanted her— had always wanted her! Oh, Lord, how that thrilled her.

  Courtney melted into him, returning his kiss with utter abandon. This was her fantasy come true, and she wanted it to go on and on. It did, as he rained kiss after kiss on her.

  She wasn’t thinking what all this kissing would lead to, not even when Chandos carried her to his bedroll and laid her gently on it.

  His kisses became more amorous, and he started to undress her. She moved her hands to stop him, but he brushed them away, moving his lips down along her neck. Oh, Lord, it felt so good, so tingly.

  A decision had to be made, she told herself. Would he be angry if she let him go so far and then stopped him? Could she stop him?

  A tiny tremor of fear began to rise in her and she gasped, “Chandos, I—I’m not…”

  “Don’t talk, little cat,” he whispered huskily by her ear. “It’s past wanting now—I have to touch you. Like this—and this.”

  His hand slid down her open dress, finding first one breast and then the other. Her thin chemise was no protection against such intense heat. And then, as the pleasure became unbearable, he began nibbling at her ear.

  He was bombarding her with passion, and she couldn’t think. There was no protest from her as he quickly removed her gown. A dizzying kiss followed, and then her chemise was whisked over her head and she was pressed back down, naked from the waist up.

  His mouth covered her breast and her body jerked at this new blaze of heat. Her hands flew to grasp his head and hold him there. Her fingers entwined in his hair, she moaned as his tongue enflamed the hard kernel of her nipple, flicking it, stabbing at it. And then he began sucking, and she heard the sound of deep feline pleasure in her throat. The purring made Chandos groan.

  Courtney had never dreamed of anything so wonderful, so deeply satisfying, but there was more, and Chandos was impatient to show her all of it.

  She hadn’t even felt him untying her petticoat, but as his hand slipped inside, the muscles of her belly quivered. Those gentle fingers glided on their downward path, and suddenly she realized how far they’d gone. Could she stop him? Her tug on his arm was only a token resistance.

  And then his finger plunged inside her, and she cried out, “No!”

  His lips came quickly to silence her, but he didn’t remove his finger. It was the idea of it being there inside her that had made her cry out, not the feeling he was causing, certainly not that. A churning, violent eruption reverberated through her, obliterating her resistance.

  When she was finally still, when her hand no longer pulled at his arm, but moved slowly up to clasp his neck, Chandos paused to look down at her. The fire in his eyes mesmerized her, giving her an inkling of what it had cost him to hold his passion in check thus far. It was an almost unbearable revelation.

  He kept his gaze on her face as his hand caressed the hard knot at the apex of her mound. She gasped, blushing furiously when she saw he was watching her.

  “Don’t—”

  “Shh, kitten,” he whispered. “Imagine me inside you. You’re wet for me. Do you know what it does to me to know you’re so ready for me?”

  He kissed her, once, twice, and his eyes smoldered as they locked with hers. “Let me love you, kitten. Let me hear you purring when I’m deep inside you.”

  He didn’t let her answer but kissed her again. And then he moved away and in a moment her remaining clothing slid down her legs and was tossed aside.

  “Don’t cover yourself,” he said when she tried to, adding in a reverent whisper, “You’re more beautiful than any woman I’ve ever known. Don’t hide your beauty from me.”

  Courtney suffered the embarrassment because he had asked her to. And then he was kneeling beside her, pulling off his shirt, and she forgot her shyness as she watched him.

  He shocked her again.

  “Touch me, little cat. Your eyes have told me countless times that you want to.”

  “That’s not true!” she gasped.

  “Liar,” he said kindly.

  There was no time to muster indignation. She watched as he unfastened his pants. Her first sight of all of him brought a sharp intake of breath. Surely, she couldn’t accommodate all of him, could she?

  Fear returned, but an exciting kind of fear.

  Chandos knew she was frightened. Once his clothes were shed, he immediately moved her legs apart and stretched his long body over hers until she could feel the tip of his manhood at her portal. And then he groaned, and his lips crushed hers. He plunged inside her, absorbing her cry of pain with his mouth, and the spasms of her body with his.

  He impaled her deeply, fully, but the pain didn’t last, the hurt didn’t last. All through it, he was kissing her thrillingly, his tongue teasing a response from her. He held her so tenderly, his hands cupping her face, caressing her, his chest grazing her breasts.

  For a long time only Chandos’s mouth and hands moved, and then when at last his hips began to move as well, Courtney moaned her disappointment. She loved the feel of him inside her, and she thought it was over. She soon learned otherwise. He glided in and out, forcefully, yet with exquisite care
.

  “Ah, yes, kitten, tell me,” he groaned against her mouth as she purred with the exquisite pleasure of it.

  She did. She couldn’t help it. Her arms closed tightly around him and her hips rose to meet him. She discovered that if she raised her legs she could take more of him into her, and the higher she raised them, the deeper he could plunge. She raised them higher and higher, exploding with the sudden burst of unbelievable, pulsating ecstasy that tore his name from her.

  She was unaware that he had watched her the whole while, that only now did he give himself over to the passion that had ruled him for so long.

  Chapter 23

  ALL the next day, Courtney was in love. Nothing bothered her, not the heat and insects, not the monotonous riding. Nothing penetrated her bliss.

  Two days later, she wasn’t sure. And three days later she had changed her mind. She couldn’t possibly love an exasperating man like Chandos. She could still want him—and despise herself for it—but she couldn’t love him.

  What had Courtney fuming was that he returned to his enigmatic self. He had made her his, transported her to the heights of ecstasy, and then treated her with the same old indifference! She was stupefied.

  There was no escaping the truth. She had been used. Everything Chandos had said to her that night was a lie, everything. He had satisfied his lust, and now he had no more need of her.

  The evening of the seventh day on the trail, they crossed another river, as Chandos had predicted they would. Since Courtney was already wet, she decided to bathe after supper, without telling Chandos. She took particular pleasure in this bath because she was spiting Chandos by disobeying his orders.

  But when she started to leave the water, her underclothes plastered wetly to her body, her hair dripping, she sensed rather than saw that she wasn’t alone. After a heart-stopping minute, she saw him. It was Chandos. She wasn’t exactly relieved, however. He was hunkered down in the shadow of a tree and had been watching her, for how long she couldn’t guess.

  He rose, stepping out of the shadows toward her.

  “Come here, cateyes.”