A Heart So Wild

by Johanna Lindsey

  “Don’t ask me to call him Kane,” Courtney said firmly. “To me he’s Chandos, simply Chandos.”

  “All right, all right,” Fletcher grumbled softly. “But don’t ask me to call him Chandos, either.”

  “I won’t.” Courtney grinned.

  “About what you asked,” he said, pulling up a chair and sitting in it. “It’s not surprising that Kane didn’t want me to know he was near here. When he took off, four years ago, I sent my men out after him to bring him back. They never caught up with him, of course. He led them a merry chase for nearly three weeks, playing with them, I think, before he got tired of it and lost them.

  “He’s got no reason to think I wouldn’t try to keep him here again. That’s probably why he didn’t want anyone to know he was close by.”

  “Would you try to keep him here?”

  “Goddamn, beg pardon, right I would,” Fletcher said obdurately. “But”—he hesitated, looking down at his large hands—“not in the same way. This time, I’d ask him to stay. I’d do my best to show him it’d be different, not like before.”

  “How was it—before?”

  “I made one mistake after another,” Fletcher admitted ruefully. “I see them all now. I started by treating him like a boy when, to the Comanche, eighteen is a man already. He was eighteen when he returned here. The next dumb thing I did was, I tried to make him forget everything he’d learned from the Comanche, the very things that came natural to him after being with them for so long. I let him rile me, time and again. I couldn’t accept that he didn’t want what I had to give him.”

  “You said you thought he was dead for ten years. Was he living with the Comanche all that time?”

  “Yes, with his mother. She ran off from me, you see. Oh, I can’t blame her for leaving. I wasn’t exactly the most faithful of husbands. But she didn’t have to take the boy with her. She knew how much he meant to me.”

  “You can’t expect a mother to abandon her child.”

  “No, but there are other ways of separating when two people don’t get along. I would have given her anything she wanted. I would have set her up anywhere she wanted. All I would have asked was to have Kane half the time. Instead, she disappeared. I never did understand how she managed it, until Kane showed up. Then I knew where they’d hidden all those years.

  “Oh, at first it wasn’t hiding. What happened was, they were captured by Kiowas and sold to the Comanches. Some young Comanche buck bought them both. He married Meara, and adopted Kane.” He shook his head.

  “The way Kane rode in here on that pinto of his, bold as you please, looking every inch an Indian in buckskin and with those long goddamn, beg pardon, braids that he refused to cut, it’s a wonder one of my men didn’t shoot him.”

  Courtney could just imagine young Chandos riding into the Bar M looking like that, and facing a bunch of white strangers. Unlike her, he would have been unafraid, defiant even. And what must his father have felt? A son returned to him as a savage? She could see where there would be trouble.

  Suddenly she recalled Chandos’s dream.

  “Did he call you… ah, ”old man,“ Mr. Straton?”

  He grunted. “That’s the only thing he’d call me. Did he tell you that?”

  “No. He was bitten by a snake while we were on the trail,” she explained. Remembering more, irritation came back. “The stubborn fool wouldn’t even call me to ask for help. We’d had a disagreement, you see… Well, anyway, he had bad dreams that night when he was fighting the poison, and he did a lot of talking in his sleep. One of the things he said—” She stopped, not wanting to repeat Chandos’s exact words. “Well, he was against your cutting his hair. Did you actually try to?”

  Fletcher began fidgeting. “That was my biggest mistake, the one that drove him off. We’d had another argument, one of hundreds, and I was furious enough to order my men to corral him and hack off those cursed braids of his. It was a hellofa fight. Kane wounded three of the boys with his knife before Sawtooth shot the knife out of his hand. That’s who taught him to shoot, Sawtooth. Kane wouldn’t wear a gun while he was here, though, just that knife. It drove me crazy the way he refused to act, goddammit, beg pardon, refused to act white! He wouldn’t wear anything ”cept them buckskins, and sometimes a vest. When it got cold, maybe he’d wear a jacket. But that’s all. Wouldn’t put oh a shirt, though I bought him dozens. I think he did it just to rile me.“

  “But why? Didn’t he want to be here?”

  “That’s just it.” There was a long, drawn-out sigh, full of regret. “When Kane came here, I thought he was here to stay. I thought he’d wanted to come. That’s why I could never understand the hostility he showed, right from the start. He kept to himself, even ate his meals alone, ”cept when he was working out on the range. And there wasn’t a day that he didn’t bring in meat for the table, even if he had to get up before dawn to do his hunting. He wouldn’t even accept my goddamn, beg pardon, food without replacing it.“

  “Please, Mr. Straton,” Courtney broke in. “You don’t have to keep begging my pardon for a word I’ve picked up myself—thanks to your son.”

  “Did you?” For the first time, he smiled. “When he first showed up, he never swore at all, ”cept in Comanche. I’m glad to know he learned something around here.“

  Courtney rolled her eyes. God sakes, what a thing to be proud of!

  “You were saying?”

  “Yes, well, like I said, he kept to himself, wouldn’t get to know the men, let alone me. You couldn’t have a conversation with him unless you carried the whole thing yourself. I can’t remember him ever once speaking to anyone first. And yet I know damn well he was full of questions, ”cause I could see it in his eyes. But he had the damnedest patience. He would wait until his questions got answered without his having to ask. You see, he wanted to learn anything and everything we could teach him. And he did. After a year, there wasn’t anything he couldn’t do on this ranch. That was another reason I thought he was here by choice.“

  “But he wasn’t?”

  “No. He didn’t tell me, though. I had to hear it from Maggie, hell, two years after he’d come here. He’d opened up to her by then. She was the only one, in fact, who learned anything at all about him.”

  “Why did he come here?”

  “His mother,” Fletcher said simply. “You could say she forced him, but the fact is, he would’ve done anything for her. See, he had reached the age where he would have been a full-fledged member of that band of Comanches, with all the privileges that went with being a man, including taking a wife. I guess she figured that before he settled down in that world, he ought to have a taste of this one so he wouldn’t have any regrets later on. I give Meara credit for that,” he said, more to himself than to Courtney. “She was thinking of the boy, not of herself.

  “She’d asked him to give it five years here. He took off after three. She wanted him to enjoy all the advantages of wealth, and I don’t mind telling you, I’m a rich man. But he scorned my money. She was probably hoping he’d be open-minded and really give it a chance before making any decision. But the boy’s mind was made up before he even got here.

  “After ten years with those Indians, Kane was a Comanche, in every sense but blood. He never tried to fit in here. He was just biding his time, and learning what he could from us whites, as he surely thought of us. Well, at least his mind wasn’t closed to knowledge. Who knows, he might even have stayed the full five years if I hadn’t made an issue over them goddamn braids of his.”

  “Chandos doesn’t have them anymore,” Courtney offered quietly.

  “No? Well, that’s something, anyway. But he doesn’t have that band of Comanches anymore, either.”

  “That isn’t exactly true,” Courtney said, explaining briefly. “He hasn’t been alone in hunting down those men who attacked the Comanche camp. In fact, there were Indian friends of his close by on our whole trip through Indian Territory. He would have traveled with them if he hadn’t agreed to
escort me to Waco.”

  “Why did he agree to that, Miss Harte?” Fletcher asked, very curious. “That doesn’t sound at all like the Kane I know.”

  “He didn’t want to. He tried his best to convince me not to make the journey at all. In fact, I had given up trying to persuade him, when he suddenly changed his mind. I thought it was because he was coming to Texas, anyway. I had offered him all the money I had if he would take me along. I thought we had a deal. But when I tried to pay him tonight, he got angry and said the money had nothing to do with it.” She shrugged helplessly, then said softly, “He said I shouldn’t assume anything about him or try to understand what motivates him. He’s right, too. I don’t begin to understand what makes him do the things he does. He’s the gentlest man I’ve ever known—and the most savage. He can be loving and protective, then turn on me and try to make me hate him.”

  “Loving? Protective? I never thought to hear those words used to describe Kane.”

  “Four years is a long time, Mr. Straton. Are you the same man you were four years ago?”

  “Yes, unfortunately. Old dogs never change.”

  “Then you still want to make Chandos into something he isn’t?”

  “No. I think I learned better than to try that again. He may be my son, but he’s his own man. But goddamn—did you say ”gentle‘?“

  Heat rose in Courtney’s cheeks, and her defenses rose, too. She had practically confessed to their intimacy, for why else would a man like Chandos be gentle?

  “I said Chandos is the most gentle man I know, Mr. Straton, but the occasions when he was were rare. Most times he’s cold, curt, thoroughly exasperating, stubborn, and don’t let me forget dangerous, deadly, and merciless. Oh, and heartless. Also, unpredictable—”

  “I get the picture.” Fletcher cut in with a chuckle. “So he hasn’t changed all that much. But if he’s all those things, little lady, how did you fall in love with him?” he said quietly.

  She considered denying it, but what was the use? Maggie had probably told him that she’d admitted loving Chandos.

  “Not by choice, I assure you,” Courtney said stiffly. “But you, Maggie, even Sawtooth—I’m afraid you’ve all gotten the wrong impression somehow. You seem to think I will draw Chandos back here. That won’t happen. I said he was loving, not that he loves me. If he ever does come back here, it won’t be because of me.”

  “I’d like you to stick around anyway, Miss Harte, at my expense.” “Well, I mean to stay in Waco, Mr. Straton.” “I meant here at the ranch.” She shook her head. “Didn’t Maggie tell you my father lives in Waco? He’s the reason I came to Texas. I came to find him.”

  “Yes, I know. Edward Harte. But that doesn’t mean you’ll want to live with him. He’s got a new bride. Are you sure you’ll be happy staying with them?”

  She wished he hadn’t asked that. “I won’t know anything until I’ve seen my father. But in any case, I couldn’t stay here.”

  “I don’t see why not. We’re not exactly strangers now. And we’ve got one thing very much in common, Miss Harte. We both love my son.”

  Chapter 41

  “IT’S a nice, fair-sized town now,” Sawtooth was saying as he drove the buckboard down Waco’s main street. “It wasn’t this big before the war, but afterward, a goodly number of Southerners moved here to start new lives. The cattle drives stop here on the way north, and that’s helped, too.”

  “It’s not another cowtown, is it?” Courtney asked with considerable dread.

  “Like the ones in Kansas? No, ma’am.” He chuckled. “The cowboys ain’t built up wildness when they come through here, not like after they cross the Indian lands.”

  Courtney smiled. Of course Texas wouldn’t be anything like Kansas. She remembered how glad she’d been to finally reach a town after crossing more than two hundred miles of unsettled territory, to finally have a hot bath, eat real food, sleep in a bed. She understood now why trail drivers needed to celebrate and raise a little hell. She just hoped they didn’t raise any here.

  There were dozens of men wearing guns, but as they rode down the main street, she saw only a few who truly looked like gunfighters.

  At least Waco had a town marshal to uphold the law, which Rockley didn’t. And though many men wore guns, there were just as many who didn’t. There were finely dressed ladies strolling down the boardwalks too, with gentlemen escorting them. Courtney noticed Mexicans too, a couple of Indians, and even a Chinese man. It made Waco almost seem like a city.

  “There’s your pa’s place.” Sawtooth pointed up ahead. “He has his office there, too.”

  It was nothing like their home in Chicago, but it was a nice two-story house, well tended, with newly planted flower borders running around the house and along the fence that circled the small yard. The house was on the corner of a side street. There were chairs on the covered porch and a padded bench chained to the overhanging roof, which made a swing. She imagined it would be nice to sit there on warm evenings, since you could see all the way down the main street from there, yet you were secluded enough to be inconspicuous yourself.

  “What’s his wife like, Sawtooth?” Courtney asked nervously. As they stopped in front of the house, he answered.

  “Miss Ella? Why, she’s a real nice lady, least everyone says so. She teaches school. She came here after the war with her brother. He’s a lawyer. He lost an arm in the war. Miss Ella was helpin” him out in his law office until the teacher we had moved back East. She offered to take the teacher’s place, and she’s been at the school ever since.“

  Courtney’s nerves were getting the best of her. Lord, another stepmother to contend with! All she could think of was how intolerable the last one had been. But her father must have wanted to get married this time, which made a big difference. He hadn’t married for reasons of propriety, so maybe he loved Ella.

  “Well, ma’am?”

  Once again she had let Sawtooth stand there waiting to help her down. “I’m sorry,” she said as she took his hand and stepped to the ground. “I guess I’m a little nervous. It’s been so long since I’ve seen my father. And I’ve changed a good deal these last four years. Do I look all right,” she asked, her voice shaky.

  “You look pretty enough to marry, even for a confirmed bachelor like me.”

  “Does that mean yes?” She grinned up at him.

  He just chuckled. Reaching for her carpetbag behind the buckboard, he then nodded toward her horses, tied to the back of the wagon.

  “I’ll take your horses over to the livery,” he said. “I know your father keeps a buggy there.”

  “Thank you.” Courtney leaned forward to kiss his cheek. “And thank you for bringing me to town. Do you think I’ll see you again soon?”

  “Most likely.” He grinned. “Fletcher will probably have me or one of the men come to town every day to pay you a call.”

  “To see if Chandos has shown up?”

  “Yup. Either that, or he’ll set someone to watch your father’s house. I wouldn’t put that past him.”

  Courtney shook her head ruefully. “It will be for nothing. I wish he’d see that.”

  “What he sees is another chance to get his son back. And that’s all he sees. He’s hopin” Kane might even be willing to settle down now, because of you. He’d give anything to have him livin“ close to home, not necessarily on the ranch, but close enough so he could see him sometimes. You wouldn’t know it, seeing the way they used to go at each other, but Fletcher loves that boy.”

  “Chandos asked me once if I could live the way he does, always moving, never staying in one place for more than a few days. I don’t think he will ever settle down, Sawtooth.”

  “How’d a subject like that come up—if you don’t mind my askin”?“

  She turned pink. “I asked him if he would marry me. He won’t.”

  Sawtooth wasn’t as surprised that she had done the asking, as he was that Kane said no. “You mean he turned you down flat?”

 
“No. He just asked if I could live like he does.”

  “Then you turned him down?”

  “No. I told him that’s no way to raise a family. He agreed. That ended the discussion.”

  “Could you live like he does?” Sawtooth ventured.

  Her brow creased. “I don’t know. I used to think that the safety and security of a home were more important than anything. But I’ve learned these last few years that the home depends on the people living in it and not on anything else.”

  She knew she was telling an awful lot to a near stranger, but she decided to go right ahead. “I always felt safe with Chandos, even in the middle of Indian Territory. But I do want children someday, and children can’t keep moving around all the time. So I just don’t know.” She ended with a sigh.

  “Men are known to change their minds about what’s important, too,” Sawtooth offered.

  Some men maybe, Courtney thought, but not Chandos.

  Knowing how nervous she was about seeing her father again, Sawtooth left her.

  Determinedly, because that was the way Chandos would have done it, Courtney marched straight up to the house and banged on the door. It opened almost instantly, a tall, spindly woman standing there expectantly.

  “Ella?”

  “Goodness, no.” The woman chuckled. “I’m Mrs. Manning, the housekeeper. If you want Mrs. Harte, you’ll find her at the schoolhouse this time of day.”

  “No, uh, actually, I’m here to see Edward Harte.”

  “Come in, but you’ll have to wait a while. He’s across town visiting a patient.”

  Mrs. Manning led Courtney into the patients’ waiting area, a room filled with straight-backed chairs. Courtney didn’t mind. She didn’t want to explain herself to this woman, and she needed time to compose herself before seeing her father. Fortunately, the room was empty. So she sat there alone, waiting for the doctor’s return.

  It was the longest twenty minutes of her life. She fidgeted, she fussed with her green dress and her hair. She got up and paced, then sat down in a different chair.