The Vicomte de Bragelonne

by Alexandre Dumas

  CHAPTER XXXIX.

  WHICH TREATS OF GARDENERS, OF LADDERS, AND MAIDS OF HONOR.

  Miracles, unfortunately, could not always last forever, while Madame'sill-humor still continued to last. In a week's time, matters had reachedsuch a point that the king could no longer look at La Valliere without alook full of suspicion crossing his own. Whenever a promenade wasproposed, Madame, in order to avoid the recurrence of similar scenes tothat of the thunderstorm, or the royal oak, had a variety ofindispositions ready prepared; and, thanks to them, she was unable to goout, and her maids of honor were obliged to remain indoors also. Therewas not the slightest chance or means of paying a nocturnal visit; for,in this respect, the king had, on the very first occasion, experienced asevere check, which happened in the following manner. As atFontainebleau, he had taken Saint-Aignan with him one evening, when hewished to pay La Valliere a visit; but he had found no one butMademoiselle de Tonnay-Charente, who had begun to call out fire andthieves in such a manner that a perfect legion of chambermaids,attendants, and pages ran to her assistance; so that Saint-Aignan, whohad remained behind in order to save the honor of his royal master, whohad fled precipitately, was obliged to submit to a severe scolding fromthe queen-mother, as well as from Madame herself. In addition, he had,the next morning, received two challenges from the De Montemart family,and the king had been obliged to interfere. This mistake had been owingto the circumstance of Madame having suddenly ordered a change in theapartments of her maids of honor, and directed La Valliere and Montalaisto sleep in her own cabinet. Nothing, therefore, was now possible, noteven any communication by letter; to write under the eyes of soferocious an Argus as Madame, whose kindness of disposition was souncertain, was to run the risk of exposure to the greatest dangers; andit can well be conceived into what a state of continuous irritation, andof ever increasing anger, all these petty annoyance threw the younglion. The king almost tormented himself to death in endeavoring todiscover a means of communication; and, as he did not think proper tocall in the aid of Malicorne or D'Artagnan, the means were notdiscovered at all. Malicorne had, indeed, some occasional brilliantflashes of imagination, with which he tried to inspire the king withconfidence; but whether from shame or suspicion, the king, who had atfirst begun to nibble at the bait, soon abandoned the hook. In this way,for instance, one evening, while the king was crossing the garden andlooking up at Madame's window, Malicorne stumbled over a ladder lyingbeside a border of box, and said to Manicamp, who was walking with himbehind the king, and who had not either stumbled over or seen anything,"Did you not see that I just now stumbled against a ladder, and wasnearly thrown down?"

  "No," said Manicamp, as usual very absent, "but it appears you did notfall."

  "That doesn't matter; but it is not, on that account, the less dangerousto leave ladders lying about in that manner."

  "True, one might hurt one's self, especially when troubled with fits ofabsence of mind."

  "I don't mean that; what I did mean was, that it is dangerous to allowladders to lie about so near the windows of the maids of honor." Louisstarted imperceptibly.

  "Why so?" inquired Manicamp.

  "Speak louder," whispered Malicorne, as he touched him with his arm.

  "Why so?" said Manicamp, louder. The king listened.

  "Because, for instance," said Malicorne, "a ladder nineteen feet high isjust the height of the cornice of those windows." Manicamp, instead ofanswering, was dreaming of something else.

  "Ask me, can't you, what windows I mean," whispered Malicorne.

  "But what windows are you referring to?" said Manicamp aloud.

  "The windows of Madame's apartments."

  "Eh!"

  "Oh! I don't say that any one would ever venture to go up a ladder intoMadame's room; but in Madame's cabinet, merely separated by a partition,sleep two exceedingly pretty girls, Mesdemoiselles de la Valliere and deMontalais."

  "By a partition," said Manicamp.

  "Look; you see how brilliantly lighted Madame's apartments are--well, doyou see those two windows?"

  "Yes."

  "And that window close to the others, but more dimly lighted?"

  "Yes."

  "Well, that is the room of the maids of honor. Look, look, there isMademoiselle de la Valliere opening the window. Ah! how many soft thingscould an enterprising lover say to her, if he only suspected that therewas lying here a ladder nineteen feet long, which would just reach thecornice."

  "But she is not alone; you said Mademoiselle de Montalais is with her."

  "Mademoiselle de Montalais counts for nothing: she is her oldest friend,and exceedingly devoted to her--a positive well, into which can bethrown all sorts of secrets one might wish to get rid of."

  The king did not lose a single syllable of this conversation. Malicornehad even remarked that his majesty had slackened his pace, in order togive him time to finish. So, when he arrived at the door, he dismissedevery one, with the exception of Malicorne--a circumstance which excitedno surprise, for it was known that the king was in love; and theysuspected he was going to compose some verses by moonlight; and,although there was no moon that evening, the king might, nevertheless,have some verses to compose. Every one, therefore, took his leave; and,immediately afterward, the king turned toward Malicorne, whorespectfully waited until his majesty should address him.

  "What were you saying, just now, about a ladder, Monsieur Malicorne?" heasked.

  "Did I say anything about ladders, sire?" said Malicorne, looking up, asif in search of his words which had flown away.

  "Yes, of a ladder nineteen feet long."

  "Oh, yes, sire, I remember; but I spoke to M. Manicamp, and I should nothave said a word had I known your majesty could have heard us."

  "And why would you not have said a word?"

  "Because I should not have liked to have got the gardener scolded whohad left it there--poor fellow!"

  "Don't make yourself uneasy on that account. What is this ladder like?"

  "If your majesty wishes to see it, nothing is easier, for there it is."

  "In that box-hedge?"

  "Exactly."

  "Show it to me."

  Malicorne turned back and led the king up to the ladder, saying, "Thisis it, sire."

  "Pull it this way a little."

  When Malicorne had brought the ladder on to the gravel walk, the kingbegan to step its whole length. "Hum!" he said; "you say it is nineteenfeet long?"

  "Yes, sire."

  "Nineteen feet--that is rather long; I hardly believe it can be so longas that."

  "You cannot judge very correctly with the ladder in that position, sire.If it were upright, against a tree or a wall, for instance, you would bebetter able to judge, because the comparison would assist you a gooddeal."

  "Oh! it does not matter, M. Malicorne; but I can hardly believe that theladder is nineteen feet high."

  "I know how accurate your majesty's glance is, and yet I would wager."

  The king shook his head. "There is one unanswerable means of verifyingit," said Malicorne.

  "What is that?"

  "Every one knows, sire, that the ground-floor of the palace is eighteenfeet high."

  "True, that is very well known."

  "Well, sire, if I place the ladder against the wall, we shall be able toascertain."

  "True."

  Malicorne took up the ladder, like a feather, and placed it uprightagainst the wall. And, in order to try the experiment, he chose, orchance, perhaps, directed him to choose, the very window of the cabinetwhere La Valliere was. The ladder just reached the edge of the cornice,that is to say, the sill of the window; so that, by standing upon thelast round but one of the ladder, a man of about the middle height, asthe king was, for instance, could easily hold a communication with thosewho might be in the room. Hardly had the ladder been properly placed,than the king, dropping the assumed part he had been playing in thecomedy, began to ascend the rounds of the ladder, which Malicorne heldat the bottom. But hardly had he comp
leted half the distance, when apatrol of Swiss guards appeared in the garden, and advanced straighttoward them. The king descended with the utmost precipitation, andconcealed himself among the trees. Malicorne at once perceived that hemust offer himself as a sacrifice; for, if he, too, were to concealhimself, the guard would search everywhere until they had found eitherhimself or the king, perhaps both. It would be far better, therefore,that he alone should be discovered. And, consequently, Malicorne hidhimself so clumsily that he was the only one arrested. As soon as hewas arrested, Malicorne was taken to the guard-house; when there, hedeclared who he was, and was immediately recognized. In the meantime, byconcealing himself first behind one clump of trees and then behindanother, the king reached the side-door of his apartments, very muchhumiliated, and still more disappointed. More than that, the noise madein arresting Malicorne had drawn La Valliere and Montalais to theirwindow; and even Madame herself had appeared at her own, with a pair ofwax candles, asking what was the matter.

  In the meantime, Malicorne sent for D'Artagnan, who did not lose amoment in hurrying to him. But it was in vain he attempted to make himunderstand his reasons, and in vain also that D'Artagnan did understandthem; and, further, it was equally in vain that both their sharp andinventive minds endeavored to give another turn to the adventure; therewas no other resource left for Malicorne, but to let it be supposed thathe had wished to enter Mademoiselle de Montalais's apartment, asSaint-Aignan had passed for having wished to force Mademoiselle deTonnay-Charente's door. Madame was inflexible; in the first place,because if Malicorne had, in fact, wished to enter her apartment atnight through the window, and by the means of the ladder, in order tosee Montalais, it was a punishable offense on Malicorne's part, and hemust be punished accordingly; and, in the second place, if Malicorne,instead of acting in his own name, had acted as an intermediary betweenLa Valliere and a person whose name need not be mentioned, his crime wasin that case even greater, since love, which is an excuse foreverything, did not exist in the present case as an excuse for him.Madame therefore made the greatest possible disturbance about thematter, and obtained his dismissal from Monsieur's household, withoutreflecting, poor blind creature, that both Malicorne and Montalais heldher fast in their clutches in consequence of her visit to De Guiche, andin a variety of other ways equally delicate. Montalais, who wasperfectly furious, wished to revenge herself immediately, but Malicornepointed out to her that the king's countenance would repay them for allthe disgraces in the world, and that it was a great thing to have tosuffer on his majesty's account.

  Malicorne was perfectly right, and, therefore, although Montalais hadthe spirit of ten women in her, he succeeded in bringing her round tohis own opinion. And we must not omit to state that the king helped themto console themselves, for, in the first place, he presented Malicornewith fifty thousand francs as a compensation for the post he had lost,and, in the next place, he gave him an appointment in his own household,delighted to have an opportunity of revenging himself in such a mannerupon Madame for all she had made him and La Valliere suffer. But as heno longer had Malicorne to steal his pocket-handkerchiefs and to measureladders for him, the poor lover was in a terrible state. There seemed tobe no hope, therefore, of ever getting near La Valliere again, so longas she should remain at the Palais Royal. All the dignities and all themoney in the world could not remedy that. Fortunately, however,Malicorne was on the look-out, and this he did so successfully that hemet Montalais, who, to do her justice, it must be admitted, did her bestto meet Malicorne. "What do you do during the night in Madame'sapartment," he asked the young girl.

  "Why, I go to sleep, of course," she replied.

  "But it is very wrong to sleep; it can hardly be possible that with thepain you are suffering you can manage to do so."

  "And what am I suffering from, may I ask?"

  "Are you not in despair at my absence?"

  "Of course not, since you have received fifty thousand francs and anappointment in the king's household."

  "That is a matter of no moment; you are exceedingly afflicted at notseeing me as you used to see me formerly, and more than all, you are indespair at my having lost Madame's confidence; come now, is not thattrue?"

  "Perfectly true."

  "Very good; your distress of mind prevents you sleeping at night, and soyou sob, and sigh, and blow your nose ten times every minute as loud aspossible."

  "But, my dear Malicorne, Madame cannot endure the slightest noise nearher."

  "I know that perfectly well; of course, she can't endure anything; andso, I tell you, she will not lose a minute, when she sees your deepdistress, in turning you out of her room without a moment's delay."

  "I understand."

  "Very fortunate you do."

  "Well, and what will happen next?"

  "The next thing that will happen will be, that La Valliere, findingherself alone without you, will groan and utter such loud lamentations,that she will exhibit despair enough for two persons."

  "In that case she will be put into another room."

  "Precisely so."

  "Yes, but which?"

  "Which?"

  "Yes, that will puzzle you to say, Mr. Inventor-General."

  "Not at all; wherever and whatever the room may be, it will always bepreferable to Madame's own room."

  "That is true."

  "Very good, so begin your lamentations a little to-night."

  "I certainly will not fail to do so."

  "And give La Valliere a hint also."

  "Oh! don't fear her, she cries quite enough already to herself."

  "Very well! all she has to do is to cry out loud."

  And they separated.