The Vicomte de Bragelonne

by Alexandre Dumas

  CHAPTER LXI.

  PORTHOS' PLAN OF ACTION.

  The numerous individuals we have introduced into this long story is thecause of each of them being obliged to appear only in his own turn, andaccording to the exigencies of the recital. The result is, that ourreaders have had no opportunity of again meeting our friend Porthossince his return from Fontainebleau. The honors which he had receivedfrom the king had not changed the easy, affectionate character of thatexcellent-hearted man; he may, perhaps, have held up his head a littlehigher than usual, and a majesty of demeanor, as it were, may havebetrayed itself since the honor of dining at the king's table had beenaccorded him. His majesty's banqueting-room had produced a certaineffect upon Porthos. Le Seigneur de Bracieux et de Pierrefonds delightedto remember that, during that memorable dinner, the numerous array ofservants, and the large number of officials, who were in attendance uponthe guests, gave a certain tone and effect to the repast, and seemed tofurnish the room. Porthos undertook to confer upon Mouston a position ofsome kind or other, in order to establish a sort of hierarchy among hisother domestics, and to create a military household, which was notunusual among the great captains of the age, since, in the precedingcentury, this luxury had been greatly encouraged by Messieurs deTreville, de Schomberg, de la Vieuville, without alluding to M. deRichelieu, M. de Conde, and De Bouillon-Turenne! And, therefore, whyshould not he, Porthos, the friend of the king, and of M. Fouquet, abaron, an engineer, etc., why should not he, indeed, enjoy all thedelightful privileges which large possessions and unusual meritinvariably confer? Slightly neglected by Aramis, who, we know, wasgreatly occupied with M. Fouquet; neglected, also, on account of hisbeing on duty, by D'Artagnan; tired of Truechen and Planchet, Porthos wassurprised to find himself dreaming, without precisely knowing why; butif any one had said to him, "Do you want anything, Porthos?" he would,most certainly, have replied, "Yes." After one of those dinners, duringwhich Porthos attempted to recall to his recollection all the details ofthe royal banquet, half joyful, thanks to the excellence of the wines;half melancholy, thanks to his ambitious ideas, Porthos was graduallyfalling off into a gentle doze, when his servant entered to announcethat M. de Bragelonne wished to speak to him. Porthos passed into anadjoining room, where he found his young friend in the disposition ofmind we are already aware of. Raoul advanced toward Porthos, and shookhim by the hand; Porthos, surprised at his seriousness of aspect,offered him a seat. "Dear M. de Valon," said Raoul, "I have a service toask of you."

  "Nothing could happen more fortunately, my young friend," repliedPorthos; "I have had eight thousand livres sent me this morning fromPierrefonds; and if you want any money--"

  "No, I thank you; it is not money."

  "So much the worse, then. I have always heard it said that that is therarest service, but the easiest to render. The remark struck me; I liketo cite remarks that strike me."

  "Your heart is as good as your mind is sound and true."

  "You are too kind, I'm sure. You will dine here, of course?"

  "No; I am not hungry."

  "Eh! not dine! What a dreadful country England is."

  "Not too much so, indeed--but--"

  "Well. If such excellent fish and meat were not to be procured there, itwould hardly be endurable."

  "Yes; I came to--"

  "I am listening. Only just allow me to take something to drink. One getsthirsty in Paris:" and he ordered a bottle of champagne to be brought;and, having first filled Raoul's glass, he filled his own, drank it downat a gulp, and then resumed; "I needed that, in order to listen to youwith proper attention. I am now quite at your service. What have you toask me, dear Raoul? What do you want?"

  "Give me your opinion upon quarrels in general, my dear friend."

  "My opinion! Well--but---- Explain your idea a little," replied Porthos,rubbing his forehead.

  "I mean--you are generally good-humored, or good-tempered, whenever anymisunderstanding may arise between a friend of yours and a stranger, forinstance?"

  "Oh! in the best of tempers."

  "Very good; but what do you do in such a case?"

  "Whenever any friend of mine has a quarrel, I always act upon oneprinciple."

  "What is that?"

  "That all lost time is irreparable, and that one never arranges anaffair so well as when everything has been done to embroil the disputeas much as possible."

  "Ah! indeed, that is the principle on which you proceed."

  "Thoroughly; so as soon as a quarrel takes place, I bring the twoparties together."

  "Exactly."

  "You understand that by this means it is impossible for an affair not tobe arranged."

  "I should have thought that, treated in this manner, an affair would, onthe contrary--"

  "Oh! not the least in the world. Just fancy now, I have had in my lifesomething like a hundred and eighty to a hundred and ninety regularduels, without reckoning hasty encounters or chance meetings."

  "It is a very handsome number," said Raoul, unable to resist a smile.

  "A mere nothing; but I am so gentle. D'Artagnan reckons his duels byhundreds. It is very true he is a little too hard and sharp--I haveoften told him so."

  "And so," resumed Raoul, "you generally arrange the affairs of honoryour friends confide to you."

  "There is not a single instance in which I have not finished byarranging every one of them," said Porthos, with a gentleness andconfidence which surprised Raoul.

  "But the way in which you settle them is at least honorable, I suppose?"

  "Oh! rely upon that; and at this stage, I will explain my otherprinciple to you. As soon as my friend has confided his quarrel to me,this is what I do: I go to his adversary at once, armed with apoliteness and self-possession which are absolutely requisite under suchcircumstances."

  "That is the way, then," said Raoul, bitterly, "that you arrange theaffairs so safely."

  "I believe you. I go to the adversary, then, and say to him: 'It isimpossible, monsieur, that you are ignorant of the extent to which youhave insulted my friend.'" Raoul frowned at this remark.

  "It sometimes happens--very often, indeed," pursued Porthos--"that myfriend has not been insulted at all; he has even been the first to giveoffense; you can imagine, therefore, whether my language is not wellchosen." And Porthos burst into a peal of laughter.

  "Decidedly," said Raoul to himself, while the formidable thunder ofPorthos' laughter was ringing in his ears, "I am very unfortunate. DeGuiche treats me with coldness, D'Artagnan with ridicule, Porthos is tootame; no one will settle this affair in my way. And I came to Porthosbecause I wished to find a sword instead of cold reasoning at myservice. How my ill-luck follows me."

  Porthos, who had recovered himself, continued: "By a simple expression,I leave my adversary without an excuse."

  "That is as it may happen," said Raoul, distractedly.

  "Not at all, it is quite certain. I have not left him an excuse; andthen it is that I display all my courtesy, in order to attain the happyissue of my project. I advance, therefore, with an air of greatpoliteness, and, taking my adversary by the hand, I say to him: 'Nowthat you are convinced of having given the offense, we are sure ofreparation; between my friend and yourself, the future can only offer anexchange of mutual courtesies of conduct, and, consequently, my missionis to give you the length of my friend's sword.'"

  "What!" said Raoul.

  "Wait a minute. 'The length of my friend's sword. My horse is waitingbelow; my friend is in such and such a spot, and is impatiently awaitingyour agreeable society; I will take you with me; we can call upon yoursecond as we go along;' and the affair is arranged."

  "And so," said Raoul, pale with vexation, "you reconcile the twoadversaries on the ground."

  "I beg your pardon," interrupted Porthos. "Reconcile! What for?"

  "You said that the affair was arranged."

  "Of course! since my friend is waiting for him."

  "Well! what then? If he is waiting--"

  "Well! if he is
waiting, it is merely to stretch his legs a little. Theadversary, on the contrary, is stiff from riding; they place themselvesin proper order, and my friend kills his opponent, and the affair isended."

  "Ah! he kills him, then?" cried Raoul.

  "I should think so," said Porthos. "Is it likely I should ever have as afriend a man who allows himself to get killed? I have a hundred and onefriends: at the head of the list stand your father, Aramis, andD'Artagnan, all of whom are living and well, I believe."

  "Oh! my dear baron," exclaimed Raoul, delightedly, as he embracedPorthos.

  "You approve of my method, then?" said the giant.

  "I approve of it so thoroughly, that I shall have recourse to it thisvery day, without a moment's delay--at once, in fact. You are the veryman I have been looking for."

  "Good; here I am, then; you want to fight, I suppose?"

  "Absolutely so."

  "It is very natural. With whom?"

  "With M. de Saint-Aignan."

  "I know him--a most agreeable man, who was exceedingly polite to me theday I had the honor of dining with the king. I shall certainlyacknowledge his politeness in return, even if it had not happened to bemy usual custom. So, he has given you offense?"

  "A mortal offense."

  "The deuce! I can say so, I suppose?"

  "More than that, even, if you like."

  "That is a very great convenience."

  "I may look upon it as one of your arranged affairs, may I not?" saidRaoul, smiling.

  "As a matter of course. Where will you be waiting for him?"

  "Ah! I forgot; it is a very delicate matter. M. de Saint-Aignan is avery great friend of the king's."

  "So I have heard it said."

  "So that if I kill him--"

  "Oh! you will kill him, certainly; you must take every precaution to doso. But there is no difficulty in these matters now; if you had lived inour early days, oh! that was something like!"

  "My dear friend, you have not quite understood me. I mean, that, M. deSaint-Aignan being a friend of the king, the affair will be moredifficult to manage, since the king might learn beforehand--"

  "Oh! no; that is not likely. You know my method: 'Monsieur, you haveinjured my friend, and--'"

  "Yes, I know it."

  "And then: 'Monsieur, I have horses below,' I carry him off before hecan have spoken to any one."

  "Will he allow himself to be carried off like that?"

  "I should think so! I should like to see it fail. It would be the firsttime, if it did. It is true, though, that the young men of the presentday--Bah! I would carry him off bodily, if that were all," and Porthos,adding gesture to speech, lifted Raoul and the chair he was sitting onoff the ground, and carried them round the room.

  "Very good," said Raoul, laughing. "All we have to do is to state thegrounds of the quarrel to M. de Saint-Aignan."

  "Well, but that is done, it seems."

  "No, my dear M. de Valon, the usage of the present day requires that thecause of the quarrel should be explained."

  "Very good. Tell me what it is, then."

  "The fact is--"

  "Deuce take it! see how troublesome this is. In former days, we neverhad any occasion to say anything about the matter. People fought thenfor the sake of fighting; and I, for one, know no better reason thanthat."

  "You are quite right, M. de Valon."

  "However, tell me what the cause is."

  "It is too long a story to tell; only as one must particularize to someextent, and as, on the other hand, the affair is full of difficulties,and requires the most absolute secrecy, you will have the kindnessmerely to tell M. de Saint-Aignan that he has, in the first place,insulted me by changing his lodgings."

  "By changing his lodgings? Good," said Porthos, who began to count onhis fingers--"next?"

  "Then in getting a trap-door made in his new apartments."

  "I understand," said Porthos; "a trap-door; upon my word this is veryserious; you ought to be furious at that. What the deuce does the fellowmean by getting trap-doors made without first consulting you?Trap-doors! mordioux! I haven't got any, except in my dungeons atBracieux."

  "And you will add," said Raoul, "that my last motive for consideringmyself insulted is, the portrait that M. de Saint-Aignan well knows."

  "Is it possible? A portrait, too! A change of residence, a trap-door,and a portrait! Why, my dear friend, with but one of those causes ofcomplaint there is enough, and more than enough, for all the gentlemenin France and Spain to cut each other's throats, and that is saying butvery little."

  "Well, my dear friend, you are furnished with all you need, I suppose?"

  "I shall take a second horse with me. Select your own rendezvous, andwhile you are waiting there you can practice some of the best passes, soas to get your limbs as elastic as possible."

  "Thank you. I shall be waiting for you in the wood of Vincennes, closeto Minimes."

  "All's right, then. Where am I to find this M. de Saint-Aignan?"

  "At the Palais Royal."

  Porthos rang a huge handbell. "My court suit," he said to the servantwho answered the summons, "my horse, and a led horse to accompany me."Then, turning to Raoul as soon as the servant had quitted the room, hesaid, "Does your father know anything about this?"

  "No; I am going to write to him."

  "And D'Artagnan?"

  "No, nor D'Artagnan, either. He is very cautious, you know, and mighthave diverted me from my purpose."

  "D'Artagnan is a sound adviser, though," said Porthos, astonished that,in his own loyal faith in D'Artagnan, anyone could have thought ofhimself, so long as there was a D'Artagnan in the world.

  "Dear M. de Valon," replied Raoul, "do not question me any more, Iimplore you. I have told you all that I had to say; it is prompt actionthat I now expect, as sharp and decided as you know how to arrange it.That, indeed, is my reason for having chosen you."

  "You will be satisfied with me," replied Porthos.

  "Do not forget, either, that except ourselves, no one must know anythingof this meeting."

  "People always find these things out," said Porthos, "when a dead bodyis discovered in a wood. But I promise you everything, my dear friend,except concealing the dead body. There it is, and it must be seen, as amatter of course. It is a principle of mine not to bury bodies. That hasa smack of the assassin about it. Every risk must run its own risk."

  "To work, then, my dear friend."

  "Rely upon me," said the giant, finishing the bottle, while the servantspread out upon a sofa the gorgeously-decorated dress trimmed with lace.Raoul left the room, saying to himself, with a secret delight,"Perfidious king! traitorous monarch! I cannot reach thee. I do not wishit; for kings are sacred objects. But your friend, your accomplice, yourpanderer--the coward who represents you--shall pay for your crime. Iwill kill him in thy name, and afterward we will think of Louise."