Shattered

by Jennifer K Thomas

  “What?” I let loose an unbridled laugh before leaning in to whisper again. “That’s a horrible excuse.”

  “Okay, you have cramps, then.”

  “You are so bad at this.”

  “Sorry, I don’t know a good fake girl excuse.” He pauses, and his face turns more serious. “You were right about Ryan, he’s a good guy.”

  “Well, those are words I never thought I’d hear you say.”

  Luke shrugs. “I admit when I’m wrong.”

  I don’t mean to, but my mind wanders to thoughts of us. For a moment I forget what we were talking about and stare at him.

  Luke clears his throat and turns his attention to his glass of water. He takes a big swallow before turning back to me. “As much as I enjoyed hanging out with Ryan today, this is the highlight of my day.” Luke points back and forth between him and me with a smile that instantly stirs feelings deep inside me.

  I feel the heat rising in my cheeks, so I force myself to look down for a minute. I need a moment to regain my focus.

  When I look at Luke again, he’s looking down to the other end of the table, and I follow his gaze. I only hear the words “handsome” and “open yourself up.” Oh no, Mrs. Bianchi now appears to be giving Ryan dating advice.

  “She’s definitely going to want to go out after this.” Luke smirks.

  “I’m sure I’ll twist my ankle walking to the car in these heels.” I point down to the black pumps on my feet.

  “Nice.” Luke nods and looks me directly in the eye. “I could always come wrap your ankle if you need me to.”

  The thought of another time when Luke took care of my injury leads me to think of Luke’s warm hands on me which sends an involuntary shiver through me. His grin lets me know he notices, but he doesn’t say anything.

  “Luke, didn’t you used to play college ball?” Ryan yells from the other end of the table. He’s desperately trying to save himself down there.

  Luke takes another drink of his water before turning to answer Ryan and I turn my attention back to Monica and Chad.

  Luke and I engage with the rest of the table for the remainder of the evening. Whatever moment we experienced, I stuff away. I love and hate the things he makes me feel. I have to remind myself more than once that he’s not mine anymore, especially when the urge to touch him arises.

  I catch snippets of Luke discussing baseball with Ryan and Mr. Bianchi. Monica and I play marry, shag, kill, superhero edition. I tell her she’s crazy when she says she would kill Captain America. She threatens that we could never be best friends when I say I would shag Ant-man over Thor. When Mrs. Bianchi announces we should go out after dinner, Luke bumps his knee against mine under the table.

  Mr. Bianchi pays the bill when it arrives, and our group slowly vacates the table, still finishing up conversations as we spill out into the cool night air. As we’re filing into the bus, I catch sight of Mrs. Bianchi yawning. Looks like I won’t have to fake an injury this evening after all.

  The thirty-minute drive back to the hotel has allowed everyone to mellow and tire. Monica must have fallen asleep because her hair is a tangled mess as we stand to exit the vehicle for the last time today.

  “Good night, everyone.” Mrs. Bianchi yawns. “Thank you all for a great day. Get some rest and get ready to do it all again tomorrow.”

  The Bianchis take off toward their room on the other side of the lobby, while the rest of us get in the elevator. Monica and Chad exit first, followed by Aaron at the next floor.

  The next stop is mine. “Good night, boys,” I say, exiting into the hallway.

  “Ryan, would you please walk Jessica to her room?”

  “What?” Ryan and I say at the same time.

  “I’m not a fan of women walking back to their rooms late at night by themselves,” Luke says, like that explains why he’s comfortable with Ryan completing the noble gesture. It shouldn’t bother me, but I can’t help but wonder why he didn’t offer to do it himself.

  “Okay,” Ryan says slowly. “Is this a test of some kind?”

  Luke laughs. “Make sure the lady gets safely back to her room, please.”

  “Are you sure you don’t want to do it?” Ryan sounds as confused as I feel.

  I hold my breath. Am I hoping he says yes or no? I’m not sure.

  “I’m sure.” Luke nods and closes the door to the elevator.

  Ryan and I look at each other and shrug our shoulders at the same time.

  “I’m fine Ryan, you can take off.”

  “Luke asked me to walk you to your room, so if you don’t mind, I’m going to follow through on his request.”

  “What is going on with you two? That must have been some serious bro time this afternoon.”

  Ryan shrugs again. “I may have underestimated him.”

  I don’t say anything hoping he will elaborate without me having to fish for more information. Thankfully Ryan has had enough wine to loosen his tongue and my wish is granted.

  “I really thought Luke was only trying to get in your pants when he first showed up. I was trying to be a good friend to you. I mean, I did have some feelings for you back then, but I was mainly trying to detour him.” Ryan laughs before quickly adding. “I don’t like you anymore.”

  “Thanks.” I pretend to be offended.

  “You know what I mean. I think of you more like a sister now and I don’t ever want to make out with my sister.”

  I can’t help but laugh. “First of all, ew. Second, I’m glad you’re over your battle with Luke.”

  Finally, at the end of the long hallway, I stop in front of the door to my hotel room.

  “Did you have to get the room the furthest away from the elevator?” Ryan pants and places his hands on his knees. I laugh, and he quickly ends his little performance.

  “Monica probably put me here on purpose,” I say while digging my key card out of my purse.

  “Why do you always think she’s sabotaging you?” Ryan laughs.

  “Oh, I don’t, I only like to pretend she’s out to get me. Plus giving her a hard time is fun. You know it is.”

  “It is.” Ryan admits. “She’s so easily riled up.”

  “Exactly.” I smile triumphantly. “Thanks for the escort. Don’t worry I’ll make sure to tell Luke you fulfilled your duty to your utmost ability.”

  Ryan shakes his head and laughs. “I appreciate that.” He pauses and looks to be weighing something in his mind. “I didn’t get it before, but I think I do now.”

  “Get what?”

  “How he is with you. Luke didn’t share details about what’s going on with you two, but he did say he misses you and that he wishes he could take away your pain. I mean I always thought the way he watched you was about being possessive, but now I’m beginning to see how genuinely protective over you is. Like tonight, he could have walked you to your room himself, but it wasn’t about him, it was about you, so he asked me to do it instead.”

  My heart aches talking about him and it must be evident on my face because Ryan’s face immediately drops.

  “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought him up.”

  “It’s okay. Thanks again for walking me to my room.”

  He nods. “See you tomorrow, Jess.”

  Chapter 9

  I sleep in until nine, and as a result wake up in much better spirits than the previous morning. I unplug my phone from the charger and swipe the screen open. I already have a text from Monica.

  Morning meeting cancelled. Enjoy your free day. Meet in the lobby at four o’clock sharp for our meeting/dinner at Wilkens Winery.

  I decide to start my day with a run and within twenty minutes I’m dressed in workout gear and out the door. I begin to stretch in the elevator until it stops to let a family with their suitcases onboard. I smile at the mom when the young toddler begins to whine
about not wanting to leave…we’ve all been there. A couple of months ago this scene may have triggered a breakdown from me. The reminder is still there, a twinge of loss in my chest, but I don’t feel as raw anymore. I know this is something I will always carry with me, but as the months have gone on, I’m able to acknowledge the pain and keep moving forward easier than before.

  We arrive at the lobby level and the family waits for me to exit first.

  “Thanks,” I say as I step out of the elevator and walk toward the front of the hotel.

  The sun is already beaming bright and I’m thankful I remembered to grab my sunglasses. I stretch out my limbs for a few more minutes before setting off across the parking lot. When I reach the main road, I look both ways. To my right is a winery in the distance, but to my left are rows of grapevines as far as I can see. I turn left.

  I haven’t been running regularly, but I had the foresight to think I may want to during this trip. I thought I may need to. Luke’s presence was bound to bring with it some level of confusion, so I was expecting to need a run to clear my head at some point. My chest and legs scream at me for a long time, but slowly their protests wane. Eventually, I can’t hear them anymore and as my body quiets, my brain speaks up.

  Things felt easier with Luke yesterday and I was reminded of what I love about him. When his easy-going charm is on display it balances his confident, driven self in a way that makes him terribly appealing. When I see that side of him and I don’t think about our problems, I want what we had back.

  Under the blazing light of the morning sun things look different. I have to remember that we do have issues that aren’t going away and that his stubbornness is always lurking under the surface. Just like that, the fears and problems look insurmountable again.

  I look back at where I’ve come from. I can barely see the hotel, indicating that I have ventured out far enough for today. I pivot and head back.

  By the time I make it back to the front of the hotel, my legs feel weak and my lungs beg for a moment of relief. I pace back in forth in front of the building, watching the valets scurry to retrieve cars for people waiting with luggage. I’m watching a particularly interesting couple argue over whether or not they should eat lunch before heading out of town or wait until they are on the road. They’re both dead set on getting their way and it’s turning into a bigger argument than the topic warrants.

  “Good morning,” a familiar voice jolts me from my eavesdropping.

  I turn around to see Luke. He is sweaty and breathing heavily, but still manages to pull off one of his heart stealing smiles.

  “Good morning.” I allow my eyes to move down the length of his body while he turns away for a moment. Why does he have to be so damn attractive?

  “Have a good run?” he asks when his eyes return to mine.

  “I did. And you?”

  “It was good.” Luke continues to stretch out his tan, muscular legs. “Yesterday was fun.”

  “It was.” I clear my throat and force my eyes to look at his face. “Mr. De Luca was something else.”

  “Definitely from a different era.” Luke shrugs. “I wouldn’t want to work with him every day, but I suppose that’s not the point.”

  “No.” I agree. I can handle someone like Mr. De Luca in small doses, but I’m not sure I would enjoy him on a daily basis.

  “I really liked Sebastian. He’s super knowledgeable about the valley and industry as a whole.”

  “Yeah, I got that impression, too.” I search for something else to say, but I’m distracted by the way Luke continues to stretch and bend his athletic frame.

  “The guys were talking about heading over to check out another winery.” Luke tilts his head slightly. “You’re welcome to join us.”

  “Thanks for the offer, but I’ll pass. I’m going to take advantage of downtime and relax, give Amelia a call later.” Plus I need some time to get visions of Luke’s sculpted form out of my head.

  “How is she?” Luke bends down to retie his shoe and doesn’t look at me as he asks the question.

  “It’s okay to ask about her, Luke.” I reassure him. “She’s doing good, getting ready to finish out the school year.”

  Luke looks up and gives me a small smile. “I don’t know what’s appropriate given the situation.”

  “I don’t, either.” I stretch out my neck. My number one goal has always been to protect her. They both miss each other, but I don’t know how to fix that for either one of them.

  Luke nods. “Well, if you change your mind and want to join, give me a call.”

  “I will. See you later.”

  “Later,” Luke says, and I watch him walk away. I have a momentary flash back to a time in high school when I did the same and he caught me checking him out. The encounter led to a playful moment when he called me out. It’s a memory of him that always makes me smile. I continue to watch him, half-hoping he’ll turn around and catch me again, but he doesn’t.

  I return to my room and take a long shower to cool down from my run and from ogling Luke. Afterwards I put on my bright blue bathing suit, followed by a white, semi-sheer cover up. Some light reading by the pool is my idea of a perfect day. Before I head out, I give Amelia a call.

  “Hi, Mom!” she yells into the phone, causing me to pull my phone several inches away from my ear.

  “Hi, honey. Just wanted to give you a quick call to say hi.”

  “Dad and I are at the zoo feeding the birds.”

  I know exactly what’s she’s talking about. It’s an exhibit where you pay for a cup of nectar and let dozens of birds land on you and clamor for it. I did it once years ago and it completely freaked me out. Trying to watch an active toddler while simultaneously not making any sudden movements that would prompt the birds to bite me was more stress than I was looking for in a trip to the zoo.

  “Sounds fun.”

  “It is.” She squeals, and I hear Grant laugh in the background.

  “Enjoy your day with dad. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

  “Love you, Mom.”

  “Love you, too.” I hang up and take a deep breath. I don’t miss being married to Grant, but I miss the family outings.

  I follow the signs to the pool area. The sun is on full display now and I slip my sunglasses down over my eyes to shield them. The pool area is small, but quaint. Green hedges and clusters of irises surround the umbrella dotted space. My eyes scan the chairs, searching for an empty one. Toward the back I see a grouping near one of the umbrellas that appears to be unoccupied. I pass by the others, mostly couples, occupying the lounges closer to the pool entrance. When I reach the chairs in the back, I find that they are indeed empty. I’m arranging my towels on my chair when I hear my name.

  “Jessica,” Ryan says brightly, walking toward me. He’s not alone, Luke and Aaron are right behind him.

  “Hello, boys.”

  Ryan proceeds to set his folded towels on one of the chairs and removes his t-shirt.

  “How was the winery?” I say, giving a small wave to Luke and Aaron. They nod, and I resume setting up my space.

  “It was good. Didn’t care for the décor, but the wine was drinkable.” Aaron sets his towels down, too.

  Luke sets his towels on top of Aaron’s.

  “Really?” Aaron asks incredulously.

  “There are only two empty chairs, what do you want me to do?” Luke laughs. “We came out to swim, anyway.”

  I glance up from grabbing my book from my bag, to see Luke removing his shirt. There’s something unnatural about being this close to a body I’m so familiar with and feeling guilty for even looking at it.

  The trio head to the pool and with them preoccupied in the water, I feel less self-conscious. I don’t know why I feel nervous to begin with, but the butterflies are present nonetheless. I remove my cover-up and settle onto my towel.

&nb
sp; I’m lost in the fantasy world created by the talented author when I register a shadow cross over me. I look up to see Luke grab one of the towels from the lounger next to me. Water droplets drip down his defined chest. I don’t think about it when I lick my lips but I’m instantly embarrassed when I see Luke’s smirk.

  He dries his hair with the towel before lying on the lounge next to me. In an effort to stop staring at his half-naked body, I set my book down and grab my sunscreen.

  I smooth the lotion onto every part I can manage. I change approaches several times trying to figure out how to reach the middle of my back. I’ve nearly done it when Luke interrupts my efforts.

  “Do you want some help?”

  I don’t dare to look at him. He’s probably wearing a sexy grin, waiting for me to react to him. “No thanks. I’ve got it.”

  “Okay.” He drags the word out slightly.

  After several more failed attempts to adequately cover my back I realize I’m being ridiculous. There’s no harm in letting the man help me with something. “Luke?”

  “Yes?” I can practically hear the smile in his voice.

  “I think I’ll take you up on your offer, after all.”

  “Sure.” I hear him sit up, but still don’t look at him. “Scoot closer,” he directs, and I scoot across my chair toward him. Neither of us say anything as I pass the bottle of sunscreen over my shoulder. I hear him squeeze some from the tube and I pray he doesn’t notice my accelerated heartrate. I focus on remaining calm while listening to him rub the lotion between his hands. I’m in the middle of a deep breath when he places them both on my back. I still have my sunglasses on and take the opportunity to close my eyes without anyone noticing. Luke’s hands are warm and strong. I don’t mind when he reapplies the lotion to areas I’d already covered. I don’t even think of protesting when one of his hands slips under the straps of my bikini top, making sure to not leave any skin exposed.

  His hands leave my back and a beat passes before either of us says anything or I even move.

  “All done.” Luke’s voice contains a hint of gravel.