Shattered

by Jennifer K Thomas

  “What do you mean you’ll have to deal with her later?”

  Luke leans back. “A woman like that isn’t going to appreciate being dismissed. I’m planning on having to deal with her through lawyers at some point.”

  “You think she’s going to try to sue you?”

  “Maybe.” Luke toggles his head from side to side. “Probably.”

  “What a mess.” I had a bad feeling about Nicolette from the beginning, but I didn’t expect this much drama from her. I had expected some mean girl behavior, not firings and lawsuits.

  “It’ll be fine. I have Mindy as a witness and I already gave my lawyer a head’s up regarding potential fallout. I’m not going to waste energy worrying about it.”

  I nod and fiddle with the hem of my skirt.

  “You know it’s not true, right?”

  I don’t even consider playing dumb, he knows me too well. “I know Nicolette was trying to get a reaction out of me, but—”

  “No buts, that’s exactly what she was trying to do.” Luke frowns at me. “I’m not unhappy and I’ll move on when I’m ready.”

  My chest constricts, and I wince at the sudden pain.

  “You feeling okay?” Luke sits up.

  “Yeah.” I look at the clock on the wall. “I’m sorry, but I have to go pick up Amelia. You should get home and get some rest.” I stand and walk toward the door, and Luke’s slow footsteps follow.

  I grab the door knob and start to turn it, but Luke places his large hand over mine. “Wait, I need to tell you one more thing. I have to confess to one more lie I told you.”

  I squeeze my eyes shut, as if doing so will block his unwanted words. “We don’t need to do this, Luke.”

  “Look at me,” Luke commands, but I remain frozen with my hand on the doorknob. Luke grabs my shoulder and gently turns me around to him. “It’s not what you think. Look at me.”

  I open my eyes and brace myself for the remorse I expect to see on Luke’s face in reaction to whatever lie he’s told this time. The regret isn’t there. Instead he’s wearing a soft expression, a hint of a smile trying to camouflage the sadness still visible underneath.

  “There was a time when I said you weren’t the same person anymore and I was done. That was a lie on both accounts. You are the same amazing woman you’ve always been and I’m still the impatient man trying to be deserving of you.”

  I open my mouth to speak, but Luke continues. “Nicolette was wrong about a lot of things, but my feelings for you wasn’t one of them.” Luke stares straight at me, hope flickering in his eyes.

  The intensity causes me to look down at my shoes as I remind myself to breath and take in as much air as my lungs will accept. Part of me wants him to grab me and kiss me and make me forget all the pain of the last year. But I’m not ready to give him all of me and Luke Taylor is not the type of man you only give a piece of yourself to. I squeeze my eyes shut. “I have to go.”

  I open them in time to see his smile fall.

  Luke takes a step back and runs a hand through his hair. “I want you to be happy and if leaving the winery will accomplish that then I won’t make it any more difficult for you. But I believe in us and if you decide you want to give this another shot, a chance to finally get it right, all you have to do is say the word and I’m yours.”

  I place my hand on his cheek and give him the most honest answer I can. “I’m not ready,” I whisper, and leave.

  Chapter 19

  “Thank you, gentlemen. That was a very productive budget meeting.”

  “Thank you, Jessica. I’m still wrapping my head around a lot of the details here, this helped a lot.” Sebastian slides the papers in front of him into a neat stack.

  “It’s only been a month. I have no doubt by next month you’ll understand the operations more thoroughly than I do.” Luke turns to me. “Thank you for putting this all together.”

  “Thank you for agreeing to stick to most of the budget.”

  Luke nods. “I’ll try to stick to the operating budget as closely as possible, but I would like to revisit the expansion budget.”

  “I’m not sure I like the sound of that, but let me know when.” I give him a sideways look.

  Luke gives a light laugh. “It can wait until after Thanksgiving.”

  “Well, thank you again to both of you. Sorry to rush off, but I have a meeting with Monica.” Sebastian quickly exits the conference room.

  Luke and I are alone, something I’ve avoided for the past month.

  I finally decided last week that I’m not ready to leave this place. It may have been the lunch I had with Linda where we spent as much time laughing as we did eating, or the meeting I had with Monica to discuss some new events she would like to present to Luke. I can’t remember the exact moment I decided, but once I did, I felt a sense of relief. I’m not sure why I haven’t come up with a way to tell Luke yet. Maybe because I know he’ll be looking for more answers than I’ll be able to give him. Maybe because I’m still unsure what this means for us and how we move forward from here.

  To his credit, Luke hasn’t pushed or pressured me in anyway, he hasn’t even asked about us or my scheduled departure. Despite his recognition of being an impatient man, I’ve seen mostly the opposite from him lately.

  He’s been different at work, too. His willingness to compromise with not only me, but the rest of the staff hasn’t gone unnoticed and he’s been able to repair most of the damaged relationships with the managers. Luis, our chef, is still skeptical of him, but that’s simply his nature.

  “Jessica.” He says my name like it’s not the first time he’s said it trying to get my attention.

  “Sorry, did you say something?”

  He tilts his head at me. “Lost in thought?”

  “I guess so.”

  “I asked if you’re free after lunch.”

  “Linda and I are going out, but then, yes, I’m free after that.”

  “Can you come by my office? I have your letter of recommendation ready.” He looks at his phone and keeps his eyes there as he continues to talk. “I figured you would want to start looking for something new before the holidays. It’s going to take Mindy some time to round up candidates, too, so she’d like to get an ad out next week.”

  “Of course. That’s a good idea,” I say, instead of what I really need to say to him.

  “I have to run to a meeting myself, but we can discuss this more after lunch.”

  “Sure.”

  Luke leaves me alone in the conference room, his absence creating a hollow feeling in my chest.

  “Linda, I want to thank you for all your help and support. I would say over these last few months, but you’ve been a great friend a lot longer than that.” I sip my iced tea.

  “Anytime. Thank you for being such a great boss.”

  “When is your flight?” Linda is taking next week off to spend the holiday with her daughter and new son-in-law in Mill Valley.

  “Not until tomorrow morning. Did you decide to take some time off next week?”

  “I was thinking about it, but with Luke off I want to be there to help Sebastian. I’ll just take Thursday and Friday off. Amelia will be with Grant most of next week anyway.”

  “I know you’ll miss her, but he’s really stepped up as a father, hasn’t he?”

  “I hate to say it, but I think he became a better dad since the divorce.” I still have moments of guilt stemming from my failed marriage, but most of the time I admit that we’re all handling it pretty well. “It was his year to have her for Thanksgiving, so when he asked to add a couple of extra days to his time, I agreed. My mom and I decided neither of us really wanted to cook, so we’re going to dinner at Temecula Creek Inn.”

  “I love that place. I’m sure your dinner will be better than mine. Chloe can’t cook but is insisting on not needing any hel
p. Richard loves Thanksgiving, so I promised him I’d make a full dinner after we get home from our trip.”

  I laugh. “You’re a good wife, Linda.” My mood switches to a more serious one “They’re placing an ad for my replacement next week.” I haven’t shared my decision to stay with anyone at work yet.

  “And you don’t sound too happy about it. Does this mean I’ve been successful in my attempts to convince you to stay? Or maybe a certain handsome boss with sparkling blue eyes has?”

  “They don’t sparkle.” I roll my eyes and raise my water to my mouth, trying to cover the little lie I’ve just told.

  Linda smiles. “Are you really thinking of staying?”

  “I am. Things have been good. I have a lot of faith in Sebastian and his ability to lead the operations.”

  Linda clasps her hands together. “This is the best news. What about Luke? You seem to be getting along well.”

  “He’s been great, asking more questions, listening more. I think he’s going to be really good for this place. He’s got some really exciting ideas about how to grow the business.”

  “You may not think his eyes sparkle, but yours sure do when you talk about him.” Linda grins widely at me.

  “They do not.” I roll my eyes, not wanting to admit she may be right. “He wrote me a letter of recommendation. I’m meeting with him after lunch to get it.”

  “Well, he’ll be happy to hear that it was a wasted effort.”

  “I wish this was a margarita.” I point to my tea.

  “I don’t think you have any reason to be nervous. And you just gave me one more thing to be thankful for this year.”

  Luke’s door is open when I arrive at his office. When I’m a few steps away I hear his voice.

  “I see it now, it’s time for her to move on. She’ll be happier elsewhere, somewhere she can really shine.”

  I freeze. It’s apparent from the pause that Luke is on the phone. I shouldn’t be eavesdropping. I take another step, pausing when I hear his voice again.

  “I know. I thought we could make it work for her, but sometimes things just aren’t a good fit, no matter how badly we want them to be.”

  Who is he talking to? Mrs. Bianchi? Mindy? This is ridiculous. I take another step.

  “She’s a professional, she’ll have no trouble finding something else and it’s ultimately what she wants, maybe a little sooner than we originally planned.”

  I freeze again.

  “Her feelings may be hurt at first, but she’ll understand that moving forward with finding her replacement is best for everyone. Like I said, it’s just not the right fit anymore.”

  My stomach sinks. I try to digest what I’ve overheard. I wanted Luke to listen to me and he finally has. I told him it would be easier for both of us if I left and it appears that I’ve finally got him to agree. Right in time for me to second guess my decision.

  “She can’t be mad at me for saying good things behind her back.” He laughs. “You’re right, she’s going to be pissed. I need to be the one to tell her, I have a meeting with her this afternoon.”

  Another pause. “Don’t worry. I’ll make sure she feels good about the decision when I talk to her.”

  I take a deep breath and step in front of Luke’s open office door. I mouth, “Is now a good time?”

  He holds up one finger. “I have to go, but thanks for the feedback.”

  He puts down the phone receiver and grabs an envelope off his desk. “Come in. I have your recommendation letter. It dawned on me that you’ll want to take your time finding a new position, so I wanted to get this to you as early as possible.”

  “Thank you.”

  “I admit I haven’t written too many of these. Luckily, this is probably the easiest one I’ll ever have to write.” He gives me a genuine smile while holding out the envelope to me.

  “Thanks?” I take it from him.

  “I meant it was easy to think of great things to say about you.” Luke tilts his head at me. “Our loss is definitely somewhere else’s gain. By the way, I was talking to Adrian Phelps and they’re looking to hire a second controller, since their current one will be focusing primarily on their new winery. I know you know him already, but if you’re interested, I’m happy to put in a good word, as well.”

  “Thanks.” It seems to be the only word I can say.

  Luke’s phone rings and he pauses to look at it. “I’m sorry, I need to take this.”

  “No problem.” I stand slowly, my hesitation evident. “Thank you again for this.” I raise the white rectangle with a wave.

  “Jessica.” Luke catches me before I walk through the door. I turn to see him answer the phone. “Give me one minute, Ashley.” He looks back up at me. “You’re making the right decision. You’re going to be a great addition to a lucky company.”

  “Right.”

  I hesitated in talking to him and now Luke has come to the conclusion my departure is a good thing. I can’t blame him for finally believing what I’ve been trying to convince him of even if he picked the absolute worst time to start listening to me.

  “Hi, Jessica.” Vince, the owner of ‘It’s a Grind’ greets me. I’ve been meeting Emily and Vivien here for years, enough for Vince to anticipate my order and pull out a large cup.

  “Hi, Vince. Let’s see, too late for a chai, so I’ll take a—”

  “Chamomile tea with room for milk.” Vince finishes my order and smiles.

  “I’m not sure if that’s a testament to your great customer service skills or my predictability.”

  “Maybe both? Are you meeting Miss Emily and Miss Vivien tonight?”

  “I am.” Vivien called after my meeting with Luke this afternoon and asked if I could meet for coffee tonight. I could’ve used something a little stronger, but Vivien said she wasn’t in the mood for alcohol tonight.

  “Hello, pretty lady.” Vivien looks more tired than normal. She gives me a quick hug.

  “Is everything okay?”

  Vivien yawns. “Yeah, I’m just really tired. Before I forget, I wanted you to know I talked to Luke today.” Vivien called me a couple of days ago and asked if it would be all right if she contacted Luke about making a donation to the private school where she works.

  “How did it go?”

  “Good. I hate to even ask, but he made it very easy and made a generous donation.”

  “I figured he would, he cares about kids.”

  “I know he’s busy, so I appreciated that he didn’t make me feel like I was bothering him.”

  “I’m sure he didn’t mind at all, probably made his day actually.” I think back to the phone call I overheard.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “He gave me a recommendation letter today.”

  “That must have been hard for both of you.” Vivien stares at me, reading my expression. “Wait, are you having second thoughts about leaving?”

  “Yeah. I’ve been trying to think of how to tell him, then he handed me that letter and I completely blanked on what to say.”

  “Hello, ladies, sorry I’m late.” Emily bursts though the coffee shop door.

  “You’re not, it’s a quarter past seven.” Vivien smiles.

  “Weren’t we supposed to meet at seven?” Emily calls over her shoulder from the counter.

  “Yes, but that’s seven fifteen on Emily time.”

  “Very funny.” Emily pays for her drink and joins us on the comfy, overstuffed chairs. “You better not have gotten into anything juicy without me.”

  “Nah, just work stuff.” Vivien waves her hand.

  “I sent my resume out this week to a couple of places, so fingers crossed I find something soon. If I have to spend too much more time fetching acai bowls for these hipsters, I may end up strangling one of them with their stupid bow tie.”

  “Emily
!” Vivien reprimands with a smile on her face and Emily takes genuine delight in seeing Vivien riled up. This is their friendship in a nutshell.

  “Good luck. I hope you find the perfect job this time.” I smile at her.

  “Thanks, love.” Emily winks at me then turns to Vivien. “Why the emergency meeting?”

  “So, I have news.” I suddenly notice Vivien is practically beaming. She’s wearing a wide grin as she sets her cup on the table. “I’m pregnant.”

  “Vivien! That’s amazing! How far along?” Emily asks as we both look at Vivien’s perfectly flat belly.

  “Almost three months.” Vivien can’t stop smiling.

  “Congratulations, Viv. I can’t believe you kept this from us for three months.” I think back over the last few months, trying to remember any signs I may have missed. When we had dinner together last month, Vivien passed on a glass of wine saying she had a headache.

  Vivien’s smile fades. “We didn’t want to say anything too soon…in case…”

  I stand up and walk over to her. I lean down and wrap my arms around her. “I’m so happy for you. And don’t worry, enjoy it. You and this baby are both going to be healthy and perfect.”

  We spend the next hour discussing Vivien’s pregnancy. At first, I can’t help but remember my loss, but within minutes I’m only thinking of Vivien’s happiness. I do admit I’m jealous of her lack of morning sickness. Emily says she’s jealous of her increased breast size.

  “How did Mama Fisher react to the news?” Emily asks about Ed’s mom after Vivien tells us they’re waiting to tell her family in person at Thanksgiving dinner in New York.

  “She’s been really weird.” Vivien shakes her head. “All of a sudden she’s acting like we’re best friends. She wants to take me shopping when we get back from our trip. Says I’ll need some stylish maternity clothes to show off my baby bump.”

  “That’s not weird, that’s nice,” I say, but I understand why Vivien gets a weird vibe from her mother-in-law’s sudden change of tune.

  “She also told me she thinks I’m going to be an excellent mother.” Vivien raises both eyebrows.