From over Lynx’s shoulder, I saw Dagger and Vice’s jaws positively hang. Without recovering, they looked at each other in complete amazement. Then they both started nodding and smiling. In unison, they both respectfully dipped their chin to me.
Vice spoke, as if so pleased. “Saint. Valiant road name, for sure.”
I wasn’t understanding the monumental moment that was happening—that I had just received a road name, with no vote by the club. Or that the man holding me had decided I was his. That his vouching for me was now concrete. The importance of whatever was happening crashed into my confused heart when Dagger proudly said, “Welcome to the Steel Stallions, Prospect.”
Tears, from emotions I had never experienced before, fell from my grateful eyes. I had been on my own for so painfully long, knowing I was now joining an army of men—and that if they were anything like the three that had been so kind to me—I was the luckiest bastard alive. And it was all because of the man who wouldn’t let me go, even as I stood there like a stiff board, confused about the fatherly embrace that I had never had as a young man.
My own father was never given the chance to hold me past the age of four. Maybe he found a way by sending me Lynx. Maybe he found a way to save his son after all.
That thought had my fists dissolving and willingly accepting the offered gift.
As my arms began to soften and reach up to hold the man, offering my devotion, Lynx nodded, tightening his hold. “You feel me.” He nodded. “He feels me.”
Dagger wiped under his eye. “Damn, Prez. You’re killing me with this shit.”
“Oh, thank God, it ain’t only me,” laughed Vice while wiping his face.
Lynx finally pulled back but didn’t release my shoulders. His face was beaming as he gave me a shake. “It’s done. You’re my boy.” He took a deep breath then exhaled, still holding my shoulders. “Now, let’s face the rest of this fucking road so I can meet my girl.”
On that very road, my life almost came to an end.
On that same very road, my life found a new beginning.
“My girl. You have Elle.”
My shoulders were tugged forward as Lynx playfully put me in a headlock and tousled my hair. “Ya spicy little bastard.” Then he gave me a shove, causing me to lightly stumble and stand on my own again. He faced the road—the path I ran, chasing a car, allowing his smile to fade. “Let’s face the rest of that night, together.”
The four of us walked as I started to recount the events that happened to Lace and me that night, and how witnessing what was happening to me sent her into a shock that took all night and the next day to recover from.
Vice shook his head. “Now your nightmares make total sense.”
I told them, “I can’t be sure whether it is the shock or her head injury that has caused her memory loss.”
Dagger stopped. “Wait. What head injury?”
“Oh, from when they dragged her behind the car.”
The silent shock that melted into fierce anger was intimidating to watch. These men were no fucking joke when their tempers were truly beginning to flair. No longer were they ‘moms’ in a kitchen. They were assassins, hungry for blood.
Lynx growled with a tight jaw. “They dragged that girl behind their fucking car?”
The memory making me ill, I held out my arms. “They were too weak.”
Vice grumbled, “The gun you’ll be getting will even those odds.”
The men followed me as I reenacted carrying Lace to the tree, where Damien insisted I go. The live sound of dragons was a haunting reminder, as the two bikes from the Colorado Stallions pulled up to the damaged rental. I guess the Head Cheese disappearing from sight wasn’t acceptable. The three men I was with didn’t react nor look back to where the bikes were now parking, so I kept explaining what had happened that night.
I stopped talking when Lynx reached out to the trunk of the tree. In disbelief, he whispered, “It’s gone.”
The wolf—his sign—was no longer there.
Dagger patted my back. “That sign is now a wolf in the making.”
Lynx glanced at me, a little distracted, but then those greys locked on. A deadly smile that I would recognize for years to come, when the occasion called for it, appeared. “Damn straight.”
Under the tree, the men asked lots of questions, looking for details I would have taken for granted. Already having an understanding of how these men ticked, I quickly realized I would someday see Damien, Crow, Jarod, and Jake again. My Stallion brothers weren’t going to let their horrendous acts go unanswered.
It may seem pathetic to some, but the old Tate would probably have felt a little sorry for his fake brothers, knowing a fury of Hell was about to come down on them.
But I was Saint now.
And this Saint was soon going to grow into a hostile motherfucker.
CHAPTER NINE
Learning Truths
Misconceptions.
Lies told.
All things for me to hold.
I didn’t know why those words were echoing in my head as the four of us walked further into the woods, but I knew one thing; I was no longer holding on to the lies that I had been fed all my life. After telling my new brothers about what had happened to me, there was an unexpected weight lifted. Every step felt… lighter. Every breath felt… easier.
Letting your heart speak of pain can free your body of dragging around unneeded and unwanted regrets and sorrows. Now that I had a taste of it, I was beginning to understand what true freedom was.
More lies would be revealed. Not only did I know this—due to obvious reasons—but I sensed it. The thing about lies? They force other lies! To stop the madness of an abundance of slippery slopes, the truth had to come forward. I was on that journey of truth.
Questions. I had so many after learning I had a different mother, but I pushed them aside because, in those woods, I had an unscented trail to follow to find my girl. Not just her physical form but the mind that had lost its way. If her memories were lost for good, I was going to have to build a new path to her heart.
“It’s a bit of a hike,” warned Vice as he stepped over a fallen tree, not realizing his words were matching my thoughts.
“Shit,” teased Dagger. “This kid is in better shape than us with all that running.”
Again, words were matching my sentiments. Whatever it was going to take to get any part of my Lacey back, I was up for the challenge.
Vice rebutted, “Dagger, don’t act like we haven’t all taken a turn on that walkin’ machine.”
“It’s true.” VP winked at me. “Daddy Dagger can’t get winded with the ladies.”
“Jesus. H. Christ,” mumbled Lynx. “And I’m supposed to ‘take notes’ from this shit? My woman is in for some trouble as soon as I get my hands on her.”
At that moment, I realized Elle was quite brilliant. She had her man so fixated on a joke she knew would get under his skin, that she was always on his mind.
With a more serious tone, Vice told me, “We won’t take this route every time. We just needed answers. Plus, I thought it would help you to know her journey, for her memory loss.”
“Thanks, Vice. I think you’re right.”
As we stepped out from under a cluster of trees, my head leaned back to welcome the sun and I smiled. With complete honesty, I said, “Thank you for saving my life.”
After several quiet moments, Lynx’s voice replied with a humbling quality, “Do you understand your road name, Pup?”
Full of gratitude, I inhaled fresh air and the hope this man offered me. “No, but I’m okay with it. Feels too good not to like.”
His voice now sounded a little worn and scratchy with emotion. “I have seen so many things through my years. I’ve been a son, a brother, a boyfriend, a lover, a biker, and now a President of a huge organization. I’ve seen anger, rage, and hopeless situations, yet I have never seen such a very young man so full of passion and devotion as I see in you.”
Dagger s
nuck, “Then you haven’t looked in a mirror,” under his breath.
I don’t think Lynx heard him because he kept talking. “I saw it.” He stared at the ground as we kept traveling. “I saw you that night, as you laid on that bloodied ground, dying—a completely hopeless situation—yet so determined to stay alive… to save her.”
Dagger nodded adamantly. “Clear as motherfucking day, kid. That’s why I told you to think of her. She was key to keeping your dying-ass from walkin’ through them pearly gates.”
“But I thought Doc said all my organs were missed by blades.”
Dagger stumbled to a stop while eyeing Lynx. Then he snarled, “You tell him.”
My eyes raced to his, but those greys looked away and stared into the surrounding woods.
Dagger wasn’t angry as he spoke to me, but full of aggressive beliefs. “If our connections here in Colorado didn’t illegally get you bags of blood, Lacey wouldn’t be havin’ you walking toward her right now.”
I grabbed my chest and fell back four steps. “W-What do you mean?”
“Tell him!” suddenly yelled Dagger. “Tell him the biggest reason for his road name!”
Shoulders caving, as if to speak made something all too real, Lynx finally looked at me… “At the vet’s, you died… three times, Saint.”
Knowing how close I came to exiting this world and only seeing Lace from the sky, I suddenly had a whole new perception to latch onto. I may have just found out I’d died three times, but I had never felt more alive. Oxygen seeped into all my cells, reinvigorating my desire for my Pretty Girl. The guys were practically chasing me as I fast-walked toward her beautiful soul…
“Saint,” Lynx’s mind was still in the vet’s office, “at Doc’s, you told me ‘they wore condoms’ when I asked you if Pretty Girl could be pregnant.”
These men may have been ‘Stallions’, but there was also another animal tendency to them. Each reminded me of a bear, following and studying a human, before attacking. These bikers were treating knowledge gained as the woods a bear would stalk. They were learning all they could so their attack would be most effective and successful. They asked questions so that they could eventually feed.
They were correct to learn all they could, so I willingly answered all their questions, even as I was truly focused on the smile I envisioned in my mind.
With honesty but not shame, I replied, “Yes, I said that.”
I had sacrificed myself—my body—to spare Lacey’s, yet the sadists ended up taking her anyway. So unfair. But already done.
Agitated, Lynx asked, “How are you so calm?”
I suddenly stopped and faced him. “Calm?” In dismay, I shook my head. “Nah. That night, every time I dared to close my eyes while four devils raped my girl, I was stabbed. When my eyes started to shut because death was on my horizon, they started stabbing her to gain my obedience. Calm?” Now it was Saint who had the disturbing chuckle. “I will never be able to describe myself as calm when thinking of that night, but… I can either focus on how God will forgive me for killing them, or,” I faced the direction that was calling to me, “I can focus on my saving grace.”
Lynx came to my side. “That’s what I mean, right there.” His large hands gestured to me. “You’re, you’re a seventeen-year-old pip-squeak that is, almost always, willing to move forward. No matter what boot-to-the-gut you just received.”
I shrugged. “What other option is there?”
Gawking, he blinked. “For starters, you can get really pissed off about what you just described to us and… and—”
“And dwell in that horrible place my soul will never forget?”
As if I was suddenly getting on his nerves with my valid question, he sneered, “Yeah. Soak it in. Let that shit eat you alive. What the fuck you smilin’ at?”
Proudly, I said, “Besides my dad, you have been the best teacher I’ve ever had.” I dipped my chin. “It honors me to return the favor.”
His upper lip lifted. “Huh?”
I smacked his shoulder. “You ready?”
With a raised brow, he peered at the shoulder I just hit, then at me with very daring eyes.
I rolled mine. “See? You’re stuck in the past again! You’re more concerned about what I just did versus the good things that might be coming.”
His nostrils flared, then he pointed to behind me. “You’re just loving this shit, ain’t ya?”
I peered behind me to see a grinning Dagger with his hands in the air. “I ain’t doing shit.” He waved him off. “Get back to learning from Saint.”
Poking fun at Lynx, I wobbled my head as if saying, “See? He gets me.”
Lynx gave me a lecture finger. “I saved your life, punk.”
“We’ve been over this, and I already thanked you.”
Two guffaws of laughter howled behind me, causing Lynx’s whole body to tighten up, seizure-like, which stopped his breathing as he shook.
“Tsk. Tsk,” I warned. “If you kill me, you’ll really never know what I have to say.”
Vice whispered to Dagger, “Prez may blow a gasket.”
Dagger mumbled, “I got a hungry dick he can blow on.”
Lynx burst into laughter, ending his seizure and having him falling forward. “Asshole!”
Dagger laughed, too. “Dude! I need soft lips!”
“Well, they ain’t gonna be mine!” All stress had left his body as he told Vice, “Make a call later. You both head to the clubhouse.” He glared at me from the corner of his eye. “I’ll babysit Pup.”
Bouncing on my toes, I thumbed my nose like a boxer. “Then we’ll have a round two.”
I tried to duck from his reach, but that large man moved surprisingly fast. I was yanked in another headlock. As he tussled my hair, he sneered, “You think you got what it takes?” Before I had a chance to smart off my answer, he shoved me.
Stumbling away, I laughed. “Hell yeah. I don’t have as many miles on me.”
I’d like to say I had the balls to stare Lynx down after that jab but…
Nah, I ran.
That sunny day in the woods, I was following a trail, but I had yet to begin the hunt that would change my life, once again.
Dagger’s mind had slipped back into high process mode. “Was your mom home during any of the assaults?”
Willing to offer any intel to help our cause, I answered, “Yes, but as I got older, she was barely ever home for any length of time. She was always going to see her boyfriend.”
“What does he look like?” Vice dug for intel.
“Don’t know. Never met him.”
Dagger’s brow bunched against his patch. “He never came over to meet her kids?”
“Uh, no. He didn’t. Is that weird?”
And there was that shocked look from my comrades, informing me I had just said another odd thing.
Vice’s burly way softened as he kindly answered, “If a man is getting into a serious relationship with a woman who has children, yeah, he eventually meets them.”
“Oh, well,” I exhaled, “there’s your answer. I’m not her child. She didn’t introduce me, but Damien and Crow knew him.” Walking past more trees, I shrugged. “He never came over. And I learned long ago not to ask questions.”
Lynx rubbed the back of his neck. “All your scars… There must have been so many signs… Kid, how did all this get past teachers?”
Learning my situation wasn’t of the norm, I wondered how many other kids suffered as I had. I thought of classrooms and how I behaved while in them. “The quiet students don’t draw much attention compared to the loud ones. Due to learning basic survival tactics at home, like never draw attention to yourself, I was a very quiet student. I tried to tell once,” I still remember that teacher’s expression, “but was too young to articulate my circumstance.” I felt a little weight creep toward my shoulders. “She told me not to watch so much TV, then was distracted by misbehaving students. The rejection. I never tried again. Then, after what happened with my dad…�
��
I was so incredibly young when he was murdered that I was clueless as to what I was witnessing. I had been lying on a lawn chair, where I was taking a nap, when all the splashing slowly woke me. By the time I rolled over, the four brothers were climbing out of the pool. My dad was floating, facedown, a pink raft next to him, but he never reached out to use it. He never reached for anything again.
Including me.
At least, not in the traditional sense, but I heard him none-the-less. Heavy boots made fallen leaves crackle as my formidable guardian angel walked by my side.
There were no trails, no hints of which direction to head in order to find Serenity, yet Lacey had found it. The further we went, the more I was amazed she had made it at all. Maybe her dad was here, too.
As if a confirmation was presenting itself, a tiny clump of blond hair laid in my path. “Oh my God.” I rushed to pick it up. “This is Lacey’s.”
No one questioned me. The dried blood was a telling sign I was correct.
As if she were still out there, waiting for me, I raced forward. I couldn’t fight the sudden lunacy to find her hiding somewhere as if she were in danger, all over again.
All of a sudden, a small pond appeared about ten feet in front of us. Again, with no rhyme or reason for my actions, I now ran toward the pond. I ran toward the water, almost believing she was drowning in it. It was like my mind had experienced so many shocking events, it was getting confused whether or not I was in the past or present.
Before I knew it, I was splashing in the pond… “Lace! Lace!”
When I noticed three men standing on the muddy shore, watching me with such empathy in their expressions, I stopped.
After a pause, Lynx told me, “You’re almost to her, Saint.”
“Yes, sir.”
As Lynx turned and walked away, he pointed to the ground at his side.
Soaking wet, I walked out of the water. When I peered down to where he had pointed… I fell to my knees. My shaking hand reached out to touch the earth that had been under her perfect little feet. “Lace.” Her petite toe marks showed she had, indeed, walked away safely.
Hostile Saint (Steel Stallions MC Book 1) Page 11