The Wandering Inn_Volume 1

by Pirateaba

  But it was a good deal. A great deal, even. It brought new revenue into Erin’s inn, especially since Rags bought all the jars Erin had in the inn and filled them up with acid. It helped her get rid of something she didn’t want, and it might help Rags and her band of Goblins survive a bit longer.

  It was a good deal. It just wasn’t the deal Erin wanted.

  She stared at the jar of acid. She could make her own acid flasks if she wanted. It was a handy weapon, even if some things like the Rock Crabs and the Shield Spiders were mostly immune to the acid. She had her fists and that [Bar Fighting] skill, as well as [Unerring Throw]. It was enough for self-defense against most of the monsters she’d seen, and she could run away from the rest.

  But none of that helped protect her inn. Someone could walk in and steal as much as they wanted if Erin was gone, or they could hide and attack her when she got back. She had no defense against mobs of enemies, and she was sure a Rock Crab could level the inn if one got close. Seed cores wouldn’t scare away a swarm of the stupid crabs if something set them off.

  She needed protection. Without it, Erin was truly screwed. And—and she needed to clean up her trashed inn, buy replacements for all of her supplies, and hope that she had enough money left over for—something. And that the mysterious thief wouldn’t come back when Erin was out again.

  None of it was overwhelming, but for Erin it was too much to deal with at the moment. She rested her head on the table, exhausted.

  Knock. Knock.

  Erin didn’t raise her head off the table.

  “Come in.”

  Knock. Knock.

  “I said, come in.”

  No response. The knocking continued. Erin waited until it ended, but the person at the door was persistent. First one minute, then five, the knocking continued rhythmically, without stopping. At last, Erin stood up, growling.

  She stalked over to the door and yanked it open.

  “I said—”

  A skeleton stood in the doorway, tall as Erin—taller. Just a skeleton. Its yellow-white bones were devoid of any flesh, and yet it stood upright, denying biology and physics. Erin looked into twin burning blue-white flames that flickered in the skeletons’ eye sockets. The skeleton opened its jaw and clattered at her.

  Erin shut the door. Then she screamed. Then she turned to run for the kitchen knives.

  Only when she had turned did Erin realize she hadn’t locked the door. It opened and she turned to see the skeleton walk silently into her inn.

  Erin backed up. The skeleton advanced. It wasn’t attacking. It wasn’t attacking, but Erin was about to have a heart attack. It stepped towards her and Erin nearly tripped over the acid jar still sitting on the floor.

  Suddenly, the skeleton raised a hand. Erin flinched and raised her hands but the undead creature wasn’t attacking. It didn’t have…any weapon? And yes, it wasn’t striking at her. Instead, it held something in its hand.

  Erin blinked. The skeleton held the scrap of parchment out to her silently. She took a step back and it advanced. Not too close to her, but it wasn’t letting her get away either.

  She hesitated. The skeleton was just staring at her, although it had no real eyes, just the burning sockets in its skull. That was worse. It was waiting. She had to do something. So Erin took few deep breaths and then reached out.

  She took the piece of paper from the skeleton with a shaking hand. Erin edged away from the skeleton and swiftly glanced down at the paper, reading while keeping an eye on the undead monster. She blinked at the messy script, looked up at the skeleton, and then around. She glanced back at the skeleton, and then got mad.

  “Pisces!”

  He appeared in the room, wavering into focus as his invisibility spell ended. Perhaps he’d meant it to be a dramatic entrance, but Erin wasn’t impressed. It wasn’t nearly as cool as an invisibility cloak.

  Pisces opened his mouth and Erin stepped forwards and punched him in the face. Hard. He fell down, barely missing the acid jar. Quickly, Erin grabbed the jar and towed it into the kitchen before she or he knocked it over.

  The mage or rather – necromancer – looked up at Erin reproachfully as she walked back into the room. She didn’t give him a hand up so he reluctantly picked himself off, brushing the dirt on his robes onto the ground.

  “That was most unkind to a faithful patron, Good Mistress.”

  “Jerk. What the hell is that?”

  Erin pointed with a shaking finger to the skeleton. It had watched everything silently.

  Sulkily, Pisces pointed to the piece of paper on the ground.

  “I assumed my explanation would quell any questions you had.”

  Erin seized the mage by the robes and dragged him face to face.

  “What. Is. That?”

  He looked into her eyes and chose his words carefully.

  “It is a skeleton. An undead, animated skeleton to be precise.”

  “And why is it here?”

  “To protect you, of course. And to pay off my considerable tab.”

  Erin let Pisces go. She stared at the skeleton and pulled at her hair.

  “Why is—why did—”

  Her hands twitched as she tried to stop from strangling Pisces on the spot. He backed up and straightened his robes, looking huffy.

  “Is it not what you’ve been seeking?”

  “You’re lucky I don’t throw acid on your face.”

  “Please, Erin. I am only acting in your best interests—and mine. Consider this undead warrior.”

  Pisces indicated the silent skeleton.

  “Affordable, competent protection that needs neither sleep nor sustenance. I would say it is you who should be tendering your gratitude to me, Erin.”

  He smiled, self-satisfied. Erin didn’t smile. She eyed the skeleton.

  “It’s for me? What, does it obey orders?”

  Pisces looked mildly insulted.

  “Of course. I attuned it to you already. This skeleton will obey all commands and faithfully guard you and your possessions. Give it a command and see.”

  Erin really didn’t want to. But the skeleton was standing too close for comfort. So she pointed to a corner.

  “Go over there.”

  Immediately, the skeleton turned and walked to the corner, navigating around the tables and chairs. There it stopped and swiveled its head, watching for Erin’s next command.

  Somehow, having a staring skeleton standing in a dark corner staring at her was even worse than having it right next to her. Erin shuddered.

  “I don’t like it.”

  She ordered the skeleton to come back. It obediently walked closer and Erin walked around the skeleton. She had to order it to stand still first, and then the skeleton stood like the creepiest statue in place.

  “Why did you think this was a good idea, Pisces?”

  Pisces glanced at Erin, put out by the continued questioning.

  “I had heard your repeated complaints about inadequate protection. And when I noticed the ah, state your inn was in this morning—”

  “Oh, yeah! Did you do that?”

  He raised his hands and backed away.

  “Not I. The culprit had already departed when I arrived.”

  The mage’s eyes shifted. Erin wondered if he’d been the one to help himself to her coin – or more food. She growled and the skeleton moved. It jerked into a low, fighting stance and faced Pisces of all people. He looked as alarmed as Erin.

  “Call it off.”

  “You’re the necromancer, you do it.”

  “I made it so it would only obey you. Call it off or I’ll have to dismantle it.”

  “Hey, stop!”

  Erin smacked the skeleton in the back of the head. She immediately regretted it. The feel of smooth bone on her hand was—

  The skeleton swiveled around to stare at Erin as she wiped her hand on her shirt. She pointed at it shakily.

  “Don’t attack him. Unless I tell you to. Understand?”

  It nodd
ed. That was creepy. Erin shuddered.

  “It is a competent warrior that will fight for you. And I do believe that is what you need, unless I am completely in error.”

  He was right, but the way he was right was completely wrong. Erin just didn’t know how to explain that to Pisces. He clearly thought he’d done Erin a favor, and he was getting snippy in absence of her unconditional gratitude. But then she noticed something else that was wrong.

  “If it’s some kind of warrior, shouldn’t it at least have a sword?”

  “Swords are expensive Miss Solstice. And I am—regrettably—short on funding at the moment. Surely you could afford to equip your new bodyguard yourself?”

  And she’d just given the short sword and buckler to Rags. Erin ground her teeth.

  “Okay, fine. You’ve given me a pet skeleton. What does it do, exactly? Besides fight and scare me to death that is?”

  Pisces shrugged.

  “Whatever you wish. It will obey any command you give it, but ah, its capacity for thought is quite limited at the moment. That may improve with time. I have made several improvements over the traditional undead animation spells—”

  “So it’s a special undead skeleton monster. Wonderful. And what happens if it breaks or goes nuts?”

  “The spell will not wear out. The body might in the course of normal combat though, it is true. I would be happy to repair any damage done for a nominal fee—”

  Erin shook her head.

  “Skeleton repairs. That’s how they get you every time.”

  Glumly, she stared at the skeleton. Was it because she’d gone nuts or just gotten used to this world? She wasn’t half as freaked out by the skeleton as she felt she should have been. And what was worse, she was even considering keeping the thing.

  “And this is supposed to pay off your tab? All the gold you owe me?”

  Pisces cleared his throat awkwardly

  “Well, the price of an advanced reanimation spell such as this is traditionally worth—”

  He cut off fast as Erin turned her head slightly.

  “I suppose a full repayment of my debts and some credit towards the future would not be too much to ask?”

  “It might.”

  Erin stared glumly at the skeleton. It stared back, waiting patiently for orders.

  “Okay, let’s say I accept this. Won’t the Watch get mad?”

  No response. Erin sighed.

  “And this wouldn’t happen to be a body belonging to anyone in Liscor, would it? But no—it’s a human skeleton. Except—”

  She frowned. Now that she looked, the skeleton didn’t look quite right. Sure, it had a human head, but its ribs looked a bit different than the books she’d read in biology class. Come to that, some of the bones around the pelvis looked subtly different.

  “Hey, you didn’t rob a bunch of graves for this, did you Pisces. Because if you did—hello?”

  Scowling, Erin looked around. She saw no unhelpful mage, just the skeleton. Just an open door and a very noticeable absence of mage. He was gone.

  Erin stared at the open door. Then she wondered if Pisces was still in the inn. Invisibility spells and all that. Quite deliberately, Erin walked around the room with her arms spread, trying to hit anything invisible and listening for sounds.

  Nothing. He was probably gone. Probably. But Erin would be changing under a towel from now on.

  She sighed, turned, nearly ran into the skeleton and bit back a scream. It stared at her, expectantly.

  “Go over there!”

  Obediently, the skeleton walked away, but it turned its head, waiting for orders. Erin tried not to freak out. She could not deal with this. Even if it did seem like an answer, it was the most back-handed slap-to-the-face answer she’d ever found.

  What to do? What to do? The first thing to do was get the skeleton out of the room, possibly out of her life. Erin stared grimly at the skeleton and realized she was going to lose any staring match.

  She had an idea. Erin pointed at the skeleton.

  “You. Skele-thing.”

  It stared at her expectantly.

  “Follow me.”

  Erin walked into the kitchen, grabbed a few items, and shoved them at the skeleton who had followed her.

  “Carry this. And follow me.”

  The skeleton walked behind Erin, silent as a ghost. Its bony feet clicked silently on the floorboards as she made her way upstairs. It was a part of the inn Erin seldom visited for one real reason:

  The dirt.

  It was everywhere. And while Erin could keep the bottom floor of her inn mostly clean thanks to her [Basic Cleaning] skill, she hadn’t even bothered to take on the upstairs.

  If cleaning the common room of the inn had been akin to a short jog in terms of effort, the upper floor would have been like summiting the Himalayas back-to-back. Even the skeleton seemed impressed by the layers of dirt in the room Erin lead it to.

  “Give me that.”

  Erin pulled the bucket and old rag out of the skeleton’s hands. The days-old water slopped onto the floor, instantly dissolving several years’ worth of accumulations in a moment. She dipped the rag into the water, squeezed it, and then handed it to the skeleton. It took the rag and looked at it blankly. Erin pointed to the room.

  “Clean this.”

  The skeleton stared at her. Erin waved at the dusty rooms and mildewed boards.

  “All of it. Clean it. Understand?”

  Slowly, the skeleton looked at the rag. It looked at the floor. It tossed the rag on the floor and began wiping weakly with its foot. Erin shook her head.

  “No! You take this—”

  She grabbed the cloth and scrubbed energetically at the floorboards, removing a layer of dirt, dust, and black stains which immediately turned the dustrag black.

  “—And clean up. See? Just like that.”

  The skeleton paused, and then tried to copy Erin. She watched, correcting, pointing out errors.

  “Scrub harder there. No—don’t move the rag like that. A smooth, circular motion. Like this. See?”

  After a few minutes, Erin was begrudgingly impressed as the skeleton revealed a shiny patch of floorboards underneath the carpeting of detritus.

  “Good.”

  The skeleton paused and looked up at her. She waved her hand at it.

  “Don’t stop! Keep going!”

  It stared around the room, confused. Erin shook her head. She walked to the doorway and showed the skeleton the other rooms.

  “See this? This entire floor. Clean it. Clean the floor, the walls, and the windows. Don’t stop until you’re finished!”

  Erin stomped down the stairs, leaving the skeleton upstairs in the half-light. It stared down at the dustrag. Then the skeleton stared around the room. It was covered in residue left by moisture, open windows, dust, animal excrement, and rot. Even the ceiling was speckled or sometimes splashed with unfortunate stains. And this was one room of many.

  Skeletons couldn’t sigh. It was a lung thing, as in they didn’t have it. But the fire in its eyes dimmed ever so slightly. Then the skeleton bent down and got to work.

  It didn’t level that night. Skeletons couldn’t become innkeepers. But it did have something in its mind. Something unique to it. Words that had echoed when it was first created. Words that no undead had ever heard before.

  [Unnamed, Level 1 Skeleton Warrior]

  It wasn’t sure how it felt about that.

  1.33

  [Innkeeper Level 12!]

  Someday, Erin was going to hear that annoying message in her head and jump off a cliff. But at least she’d gotten eight solid hours of sleep afterwards.

  Blearily, Erin got up and wondered if she leveled because of the skeleton. Something to do with the skeleton? Did [Innkeepers] level up from getting bodyguards? Or…bouncers?

  “Skeletons bounce?”

  Erin blinked around at the room for several minutes. It was too early to think about complex things. She wanted a few things in no sh
ort order. Bathroom, food, and…that was about it.

  The bathroom issue was hard. There were no real toilets in her inn. Erin had no idea why, but some shattered pottery upstairs and a terrible staining around the general area in each room made her think chamber pots had been in style here.

  Erin wasn’t about to use a chamber pot. So she had gotten into the practice of digging (and then covering with bits of sawdust and dirt) a latrine around the back of her inn. It was messy, disgusting—and she really wasn’t happy about squatting in the open.

  Something had to be done. That was what Erin decided as she finished her mercifully quick business and grabbed the roll of toilet paper. At least this world had something like toilet paper, if not as fluffy and easy on the skin. But the bathroom issue was bad. Someday, someone was going to walk up and then Erin would die of shame or possibly stab them to death.

  But once the bathroom issue was finished with, Erin could then wash her hands with what water she still had in one of her buckets and get breakfast. She was running low on water, too. That meant another trip to the stream, possibly combined with dodging flying fish if they were in a bitey mood today.

  At this point the thought of ducking a several-hundred pound monster full of teeth barely even bothered Erin. It was just another chore. She mechanically opened the shelves in her kitchen, wishing again she had the preservation runes. But they were expensive and she ‘only’ had just under ten gold pieces. Another thing to worry about later. She’d put it on her list.

  Erin turned, jar of milk in one hand and nearly tripped over her sleeping area. She grabbed a counter to steady herself and added moving her sleeping area to the list. She really, really didn’t want to trip someday and splash boiling water all over herself.

  But it was such a nice sleeping area. And it would be so much…some work to move it.

  She had a lovely little blanket and pillows she’d used to make a semi-permanent bedspread in a corner of the kitchen. True, it would have been nice to have a mattress, but Erin had been counting her coins until recently. Now she could spring for one, Erin dreamed of a queen-sized bed with silk sheets. She’d never tried silk sheets, but maybe Krshia had them…? Probably not.

  Still half-asleep, Erin walked around her kitchen, assembling a breakfast of sorts. There was actually a quite acceptable cereal that went well with the rich cow’s milk Erin bought. Sprinkle a little sugar in there and it would be delicious.