by Scott, Ada
Hazel seemed hesitant. “I don’t know if I can get anybody on such short notice…”
“Ella? Your parents?”
“I’m not… in touch with Ella anymore. I don’t know… I’ll…” she gulped. “I’ll try, OK?”
I shrugged. “OK. I’ll be there. Hope you will be too. Goodbye. Bye, Sienna.”
“Bye,” the little girl chirped.
Hazel leaned against the door and watched me leave with her brow furrowed and her hands cupping her own elbows. She was still there when I glanced over as I drove away.
Chopper leaned forward from the back seat, his head hovering over my shoulder as he panted directly into my ear.
“Hazel’s coming over tonight,” I said, then added, “I hope.”
Chopper’s head wobbled from side to side a little, no doubt counter-balancing his wagging stump.
“What should we cook up for her?” I asked. “Dog food? Are you crazy?”
The big rotty may never be asked to set the menu for a fine restaurant, but I had to hand it to him, at least he knew what he liked. I reached up with my left hand and gave him a scratch behind the ear and he leaned into my hand. Next stop, the grocery store.
Two Lines Means Single Mother
Hazel - Before
The last few days waiting for Jeff to get back from his trip with his dad had been hell, and not helped any by the churning feeling in my stomach that came on at random times. At first, I thought something I ate at the restaurant with James must have disagreed with me, but this morning as I groggily flushed away the results of a sudden nausea that had dragged me out of a sound sleep, another thought crossed my mind.
Even as I drove the fifteen minutes to the next town over where nobody knew me, I tried to convince myself it was nothing more than a stomach bug. When I paid for the home testing kit, wearing big sunglasses as if I were still outside, I was still repeating the mantra.
Now the voice of my self-delusion was too quiet to be heard over the thundering pressure that seemed to be ripping me apart at the seams throughout my body. Who would have thought that peeing on a stick could make you feel so alone and helpless?
Maybe I should have waited for Jeff to get back before taking the test. Maybe those two lines on the stick were something we should have seen for the first time together. Maybe then, I wouldn’t feel like every dream I had about my future was dissolving into the unknown before my mind’s eye.
On the other hand, maybe Jeff would be angry with me too, as angry as Ella was. This was all my fault, as much as going on a date with James was.
I was the one who insisted on not having a condom that time. And for what? Because I had this idea in my head that I wanted our first time to be all-natural?
My fault.
The test-stick fell from my limp hand almost soundlessly onto the carpet beside my bed as I let the worst thoughts sink in. I covered my eyes with my hands and slumped over, my teeth clenched shut against sobs that were too big for this world.
What was Jeff going to do when I told him? I imagined a horrified look creeping across his face, the words he might use to break up with me, the fact that I wouldn’t have Ella’s shoulder to cry on and my parents continuing to push James on me.
The new future forming in my head forced a whimper past my tight lips to match the tears squeezing out of my eyelids. I almost exploded when my phone beeped and my limbs felt like lead as I fumbled to unlock the screen.
Jeff: ‘Just got home. Pick you up in 30?’
The answer was no. Thirty minutes was too long. I decided to walk down our driveway and meet at the Hatchers’ place rather than wait.
I picked up a pair of shoes without making eye contact with my reflection, because after a day of being sick, stressed out and crying, I probably looked like the lone survivor of a horror movie. Apparently I wasn’t quiet enough, because my dad came out of his office before I could make it to the stairs, my mom a few steps behind him.
“Hazel, we need to talk,” he said.
“Not now, I’ve got to go.” I didn’t break stride.
“Yes now, young lady, don’t you dare walk away from me.”
I stopped and turned as if he had me on a string, barely holding back a new batch of tears.
Not today, I can’t deal with anything else today.
“Your mother and I have been talking and we’ve decided we can’t sit on the sidelines anymore and watch you make these mistakes. I… we… have to put our foot down and nip this unhealthy fascination you have with the Hatcher boy in the bud.”
My lip trembled and my eyes tried to squeeze shut as tightly as my throat. Somehow I held together even though I felt like a Ming vase hit by a cannonball.
“What?”
“If you want to live under our roof, this has to end, Hazel. I can’t wait for you to learn from your own mistakes any longer. He’s bad news and he’s only going to hurt you. You can do so much better, I’ve tried to make you realize that.”
I wished I’d never said “fine” when my dad asked how my date with James went. I had at least said “no” when he asked if the evening had changed my mind.
I was a hair’s-breadth away from full-on ugly-crying. “You promised,” I choked out.
“I’m sorry. I thought I could make you see what’s good for you, but clearly I was wrong. If you think you’re going out with Jeff tonight, well, it’s your turn to be wrong. Call it off. Let him down as easy as you can, there’s no telling what a delinquent like him might do.”
“Dad…”
I walked over to him and put my arms around his waist, burying my face against his chest in a desperate bid to find the man who had picked me up when I was a little girl with a scraped knee and made me forget everything that hurt. After a surprised pause, he hugged me back.
“I love you, Dad,” I said.
“I love you t-”
“But you can’t do this. I… I won’t let you do this. It’s not the dark ages, you can’t command me. Jeff is good. He’s good, Dad. I love him and I hope one day you’ll see what I see. I’m going now.”
When I pushed away, he held on. I pushed harder, and he held harder until my mom touched his arm.
“Stan…”
With one last borderline-painful grasp of my upper arms, my dad let go and I walked away. I walked quickly, so he wouldn’t see me cry and destroy any illusion of strength I might have conjured up.
When the front door closed behind me, I raced down the steps, curling an arm around my belly, which chose this very moment to start feeling upset again. The early-evening breeze, pleasantly warm all summer, a summer of pure heaven, had a cold edge to it today. Everything changes.
By the time I reached the end of our driveway, I was jogging. I scaled the fence and turned towards the garage when I heard a clang of metal coming from inside.
I leaned in the side door and saw Jeff kneeling just behind the open trunk of his dad’s car. He looked up in surprise and then I saw his face break into a smile.
With all the nausea, the terror about what I had to tell him, the confrontations with my dad and Ella, my shame about the date with James, and the pure joy I felt when I saw that smile, I had no idea what expression my face was being contorted into. Regardless, I ran to him and he stood just in time for me to catch a desperately-needed embrace at full speed with an “Oof.”
For the second time in a few minutes, I buried my face in a hug. This one felt so much more selfless and the man I wanted to find was right there at the surface.
“I missed you,” Jeff rocked me from side to side and then leaned back. His expression changed when he looked in my eyes. “What’s wrong?”
I took a shuddering breath through an open mouth, but then clamped my jaw shut and shook my head before pressing my face against his chest again. Before I could compose myself, I heard the grinding gears of my dad coming down our driveway.
“We need to get out of here.”
“What’s going on, Hazel?”
“Quick! Before
my dad comes. Can we go?”
Jeff studied my face for a half-second, then nodded in the direction of the passenger side. He kicked some spare part for his truck to the side and slammed the trunk shut as I ran around and hopped in.
A moment later, he was behind the wheel and I could only just see my dad’s car coming over the rise as we drove off. Jeff took a few aimless turns into town and, when it didn’t appear that my dad had managed to follow us, pulled into the nearly-empty parking lot of what used to be a doctor’s office, but had been vacant since they moved a few streets over.
“OK, what’s going on?” Jeff turned the car off.
There was nothing but concern in his eyes and fresh shame washed over me. How could I have been so stupid to justify going on a date behind his back? I didn’t deserve this empathy, I didn’t deserve for him to stick with me when I told him I was pregnant.
“I… I’ve…”
Jeff reached across and cupped my cheek with one hand, stroking away a tear with his thumb. “Hazel, you’re scaring me here. I love you… you can tell me.”
My jaw dropped and the whole world went still. He said he loved me. I’d heard the words before, but this wasn’t from a relative, this wasn’t an “I love you as a friend.” This was “I love you as a lover” and I’d never heard them like that before.
I wanted to stop time, strip away everything else that was going on and let myself dance with those words for a while. I wanted to feel how heavy they were, yet so light and playful, strong but soft and comforting. Unfortunately, the world refused to stop spinning for me.
“Maybe not for long,” I said, barely above a whisper, leaning into his hand as if it might be the last time.
“Don’t say that. I love you, Hazel. Please.”
“What if… I had to tell you something you wouldn’t like?”
“It wouldn’t change how I feel.” Jeff drew his hand back cautiously.
“But… what if things were… really different?”
Without his hand to wipe away the tears, they flowed freely down my cheeks again. I hoped the stress wasn’t hurting my baby. Oh my God… there was a baby inside of me right now.
Before I could get another word out, there was an almighty racket right behind me as somebody grabbed the door handle and gave it a big shake. I let out a little scream of surprise and a man’s voice cursed from the other side of my window and started banging on the door.
As I turned around, another bang and rattle of the handle caused the door to fly open and my father reached in, grabbed me roughly by the arm and dragged me forcibly from the car. I was barely able to get my feet under me, grasping at his vice-like grip as he started to pull me towards his car.
“Dad! Stop!”
“Enough!”
Like a dog in a fight, Jeff was suddenly there, all wordless snarls until he had a hold of my dad’s throat.
“Get your fuckin’ hands off her!”
My dad was forced to comply to deal with the fingers around his neck and Jeff shoved him back when he did so, sending him stumbling backwards with pinwheeling arms. When he regained his balance, he drew himself up and charged back at Jeff with a big looping right hand that Jeff dodged, sending his own fist pistonning into my dad’s stomach.
All the air came out of him in a whoosh and he crumpled to one knee in front of Jeff, who was already winding up for a low uppercut. I lurched forward and grabbed Jeff’s arm from behind.
“No! Stop!”
I pulled him backwards and after a second or so, my dad got to his feet and advanced again.
“She’s coming with me!” wheezed my dad.
“The fuck she is,” said Jeff.
Jeff stopped letting me drag him backwards and planted his feet, getting ready to swing again. I scampered around him, getting between the two of them and held my arms out at length, keeping them apart.
“Stay away from my daughter!”
“Go fuck yourself!”
“Stop! I’ll go. Dad, I’ll go.”
Jeff’s eyes darted to me, but then warily back to my dad. “You don’t have to go.”
“Yes she does!”
“I’ll go.”
My dad looked triumphantly at Jeff, but stopped trying to push forward at least, and after a few seconds of posturing, took a step back. I took a step in his direction and Jeff’s hand came to my arm, touching lightly.
“Don’t go, Hazel.”
“I’ll see you soon.”
I followed my dad, and Jeff’s fingers trailed down my arm, past my elbow, down to my hand, holding on to the very tips of my fingers desperately for a fraction of a second. With my head hung low, I walked with my dad to his car.
“How could you?” I asked.
He never answered.
Dinner Date With The Past
Jeff - After
It was a few minutes past seven o’clock when a knock on the door put an end to the debate about whether Hazel would show up tonight. Chopper already had his nose pressed against the crack between the door and the frame, his paws tapping the ground excitedly. I pulled it open and he pushed his head through as quickly as he could, nose first and then the rest of his face as the gap widened.
Hazel was wearing different clothes from earlier today. She’d changed into a knee-length sky-blue skirt, and a figure-hugging white top that gave a hint of the lacy pattern of her bra underneath.
“You look beautiful.”
I couldn’t stop myself from telling it like it was. Hazel brushed a stray strand of hair behind her ear and looked like she was about to smile, but then she sighed instead.
“Sienna is with my parents.”
“As in… next door?”
“Yeah. Is there room in the garage for my car? If my dad randomly needs to head out to the store tonight, for some reason, I don’t want him seeing my car parked outside.”
I nodded. “Sure, there’s space. Bring it in, I’ll open it up.”
Hazel turned on the spot and I followed until I reached the garage and went through the side door, while she continued towards the road. When she pulled up behind the truck, I saw her do a double-take before she switched her engine off and stepped out.
“Is this…?”
“The very same.” I ran my fingers lightly along the paintwork. “My dad finished her.”
“Oh… wow. Well… now I understand why you spent so much time on it.” She shrugged, then corrected herself. “Her.”
Hazel trailed her fingertips across the hood until her hand almost touched mine. She paused for a second and then stepped around me to view the truck from the side.
The scent of her wafted up at me in the movement of the air and I was instantly transported back to that summer. She smelled exactly the same as she did back then, back when she was my girl. Five years ago, if I wanted to grab her ass and hold her up against the wall while she wrapped her legs around me, I could. Fucking hell, no girl ever felt like Hazel.
Her voice brought me back to the present. “Looks like you’re packed to go.”
I turned and glanced at the various things I’d loaded into the bed of the truck. “Not quite. I’m still going through everything in the house. Finding the most important stuff.”
“You’re not staying then?”
“I don’t even know if I can. This isn’t home anymore.”
“What happened to doing the right thing by Sienna?”
“Have you decided you want me to stay?” I countered.
Hazel blushed. “Where is home now anyway?”
“I’ve been living out in Port Magnus.”
“That’s a long way away.”
“Yep, it had to be.” I closed the garage door so her car wasn’t visible from the road. “Let’s get inside before dinner burns.”
“Since when can you cook?”
“Since never, however, I have managed to train Chopper to perform CPR, and ever since then I’ve allowed myself the luxury of at least risking trying to cook things.”
&nbs
p; Hazel gave a wry smile and led the way out the side door. She hesitated before entering the house, letting me get ahead and invite her in.
She looked around tentatively. “Wow… it looks just like I remember. I can’t believe he’s not here.”
“I know what you mean. I keep expecting him to come out from his hiding place in the cupboard under the kitchen sink or something and say ‘gotcha’… but it hasn’t happened yet.” My shoulders slumped a little.
“I’m really sorry for your loss. I am.” Hazel reached out and touched my arm, leaving my skin tingling where her fingers brushed.
“Thanks. Hungry?”
“Yeah, sure.”
Hazel sat at the table and I served her up a plate of what I hoped was food. My own serving tasted good, and after a few suspicious bites, Hazel’s expression indicated she agreed.
It was intoxicating being around her. Especially now that she wasn’t yelling at me or curled up into a tight little ball of seething rage.
The sight of her and, holy fuck, the smell of her, brought back every emotion. Love and loss and everything in between drew us together like a pair of magnets. A huge part of me was stuck in the whirlwind of that summer, with her, and always would be if we didn’t figure this shit out.
“Did you hear anything about me, after that night?” I asked.
“How could I? Nobody knew anything. Your dad said he heard you decided to leave town, but he didn’t have any explanation. Nobody knew where you went. You didn’t answer calls from anybody. Why, Jeff?”
“That was the worst night of my life.”
“Why? Because of one fight with my dad? We could have worked it out.”
“You really never heard? Your dad didn’t mention the police or anything?”
“Police? What are you talking about?”
I sighed and stood, collecting the plates and cutlery and taking them over to the sink. Hazel remained in her seat, twisting a little to track my movement as she waited expectantly.
“You were… you are… the love of my life. I never would have left if I had thought there was any hope,” I said.