Gingerbread and Good Tidings

by Kris T. Bethke

  “There. That’s done.” I washed my hands, waited until Jason had done the same, then tilted my head toward the living room. “Ready to talk to me?”

  Jason breathed deeply, but he nodded and followed me to the couch. I got comfortable on one end, and he sat at the other. He held his body stiffly, as though he was afraid I was going to kick him out. I couldn’t imagine what he could say that would make me do that, and I knew I had to break the tension.

  “Do you need an emotional-support gingerbread?” I asked, holding out one of the stuffies and wiggling it at him. He laughed and shook his head, but he took the stuffed gingerbread man all the same and set it on his lap.

  “I’m just going to say this, and then if you want me to leave, I will.”

  “I’m not kicking you out before the cookies are baked. No matter what.”

  That reassured him like I wanted it to, and he finally relaxed his shoulders. It still took him several moments and deep breaths before he turned to fully face me.

  “I’ve wanted you since we first met. Do you remember? It was at Maddie’s birthday party two years ago.”

  “I remember,” I whispered. He’d come straight from work and he was wearing a suit that had made me drool. I was shocked he’d even noticed me that day. We’d barely even spoken, beyond quick introductions from Cooper.

  “But I was dating Molly at the time. So I pushed it down. And then when she and I fell apart, you’d started dating Simon. And you seemed really happy. Every time we met up after that, you were always talking about him or you brought him with you. I thought I’d missed my chance and resigned myself to that fact.”

  I had been happy with Simon, and if he hadn’t taken a job clear across the country, following his dreams, we’d probably still be together. But I hadn’t been ready to uproot my life to go with him, and that was how I knew he hadn’t been the long term forever-man. If he had been, I’d have wanted to go. Things ended great between us and we still kept in touch. But he was in my past.

  “Simon and I broke up almost a year ago.”

  “I know. So first I had to give you time to move on. I wanted you to be ready to start something new. Then the pandemic hit, and that changed everything. I’d been planning to get to know you better, slowly, over time. Make you see I’d be a good fit for you.”

  “Jason—”

  “I was worried, too,” he interrupted, not letting me speak. “Nervous and awkward, and you’re so beautiful and just such a good person. You’re out of my league, Cody.”

  “You want to talk about beautiful? You’re gorgeous. Have you looked in a mirror there, Mr. van Buren?”

  His cheeks reddened, and it was probably the sweetest thing I’d seen in a long time. He fussed with the stuffie on his lap and wouldn’t look at me.

  “Oh, I know I’m pretty enough,” he said, embarrassment clear in his tone. “But I want something deeper than that, you know? Attraction is important, but I want something that will last.”

  “Me, too,” I whispered, my voice barely there.

  He blew out a breath. “I was running out of time. You would find someone else, and I didn’t want that to happen. At least not until you gave us a chance, until we got to see if there could be something between us. So I came up with this plan. At the very least, you’d have a fun surprise to make this holiday bright and full of joy.” He gave me a mischievous side-eye with that, and I knew it was a call back to yesterday when I’d said “joy” twice. “And at best, it would give me an opening to tell you I want you and you’d say you want me back.”

  I waited a few seconds to make sure he was done, and when he didn’t say any more, I slid closer. Not quite touching, but almost. I swear he held his breath. Slowly, I reached out until I could lay a hand on his thigh. He jolted under my touch, but not in a bad way.

  “My turn?” I murmured, voice low. He swallowed hard and nodded. I leaned into his space just a little more. “I was attracted to you the first time I met you. And now? I want to get to know you. I’ve really enjoyed chatting with you the past few days, and I want more of that. I want to know everything about you. All your wants and fears and hopes and dreams. And also what your kisses taste like and how your body feels under my hands.”

  Jason trembled and I hummed a sound, lifting my other hand to touch his cheek and turn his face to me. He licked his lips, then parted them, and my gaze was drawn to them.

  “Jason, can I kiss you?”

  He whimpered. “Yes, please.”

  So I did. Slowly at first, to get a taste of him, little pecking kisses that only fueled the need. He tasted like peppermint and warmth, and I needed more. Cupping his head, I deepened the kiss, flicked his tongue with mine, teasing a little but trying to show him just how much I wanted all of this.

  His fingers were clutching my hoodie when I softly broke the kiss, and I pressed my lips to his cheek before pulling back further. I didn’t put too much space between us but I wanted to see his face. His eyes were closed, but his features were relaxed, blissed out, and I found myself wanting to stroke a finger over one thick eyebrow just to see how it felt.

  “You know what we need to do now?” I murmured.

  He blinked his dark eyes open, the pupils dilated with desire. He sucked in a shaky breath. “What?”

  I waggled my eyebrows. “Bake cookies.”

  He groaned, then laughed and sagged back against the couch. I laughed, too, bending over to smack a kiss on his forehead before grabbing his hands and tugging him to his feet. I kept hold of his hand as I dragged him behind me toward the kitchen. Except it wasn’t really dragging, because he was right there with me, his fingers gripping mine as though he was afraid to let go. As though if he did, then this would all disappear. I gave his hand a squeeze to reassure him.

  “This whole thing was your idea. You can’t back out now.”

  “I’m not backing out.” And even though my statement had been playful, there was an edge to his, something in his tone, that held a lot more weight. He didn’t mean just the baking, and suddenly, neither did I.

  I lifted his hand to my mouth, kissed the back of it, and looked him straight in the eye when I said, “Good. Because I’m not either.”

  Chapter 6

  “You know what I love best about the holiday season?” I asked as I huddled by the oven for warmth. We’d cracked the window to help the cookies cool faster so we could get to decorating them. Two dozen, slightly imperfect gingerbread men lay in rows on paper towels on my small kitchen table.

  Jason sat at one end, watching some tutorial about how to turn regular zip-top bags into piping bags. He was very serious about it, though I wasn’t convinced it would make our decorating talents any better. I knew I was crap at it, and Jason had admitted the same. But the expression on his face as he glanced up at me made my heart melt.

  “I’m guessing it’s joy.” He gave me a wink, then turned back to his phone, propped up against one of the bowls he was going to use to mix different colored icings.

  “Ha ha,” I said drily, but internally, I was pleased he was comfortable enough to tease, and make a call back joke to our conversation before. “Yes, that’s part of it. But not all.”

  It took Jason a minute to focus on me, finishing whatever he was watching before he turned his attention, and body, toward me. I couldn’t resist the allure of that smiling face, the ease at which he held himself, and I abandoned my warm spot to join him at the table. I also couldn’t help the shiver that ran through my body, but only part of it was the cold. Jason immediately jumped up and closed the window.

  “The cookies are cool enough, I think,” he muttered.

  When he sat back down, I pushed into his space, hoping he would accept it but ready to pull back if he didn’t. Jason didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around me, and rub his hands up and down my back. It felt so good, I pressed tighter, shoving my face into his warm neck. He startled, then laughed.

  “Your face is cold,” he said, amusement still in his tone.r />
  “Mmm. You’re warm.”

  Jason kissed the side of my face, hugged me a little tighter, then pulled me down so I straddled his lap. He let out a content sigh. “Tell me what your favorite part is.”

  “Oh, right.” My voice sounded heavy and I let out a slow breath as the heat of him seeped into me. He wasn’t that much bigger than me, but he was like a furnace and I reveled in it while the kitchen was still chilly. I gave myself a mental shake and got my brain back on track. “It’s how happy everything is. The cheer. It makes me so happy, too. I need it this time of year.”

  For a long moment, Jason didn’t say anything. Then he ran his nose along my temple and whispered, “I think it’s amazing that you can find that kind of joy, and I’m glad you have it. Seeing you light up is breathtaking.” He inhaled. “Damn you smell good.”

  “I think that’s the cookie.”

  “No, it’s definitely you.”

  I pulled back, slowly and gently, to look in his eyes. There was warmth and affection there, but also desire and longing. I sucked in a breath. “You really do want me. Badly.”

  He averted his gaze, but I grabbed his face and made him look at me. After a moment, he did. “Yes. But not just for, you know, sex. I want so much more.”

  “I know.” I cupped his face, swept my thumb across his goatee, loving the softness. I wanted to feel that on my skin as he kissed me everywhere. A full-body shudder accompanied the thought and I pressed myself tighter against him.

  “Jesus, Cody.” It sounded like a “please” and an admonishment all wrapped up in one. “We’re not going to…I mean….it’s not just about—”

  “Kiss me,” I interrupted fiercely.

  Jason licked his lips. “The cookies can be—”

  “Screw the cookies. They’ll be here later. I just…I need kisses, Jason.”

  He groaned, a sound of surrender. He dove in and I opened immediately, letting him have his way. He was powerful and commanding, and I had a brief moment of thought that it was good to see after he’d been so hesitant and nervous earlier before I was swept up in the onslaught of his lips and teeth and tongue.

  When he pulled back, we were both breathing heavily, and I didn’t want to stop. I kissed his jaw, his neck, and when he tilted his head to give me easier access, I sucked up a mark. His groan was guttural, filled with lust. I wanted more. I wanted to make him make those noises all night.

  “Cody,” he said on a moan. Then his hands clamped onto my hips, his fingers digging in. “Wait.”

  I froze instantly, panting hard against his skin, and damned if his shiver didn’t want to make me dive back in and taste him. But I held firm because he’d told me to wait and I didn’t want to do anything he didn’t want.

  After a long moment, I had myself under better control. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to push.”

  “No. Don’t apologize. I love that you want me this much. But the thing is…” He sighed and hugged me, more affection than anything else, so I settled against him and just tried to breathe. “I’ve done the hook-up thing. I’ve rushed into the physical side of relationships and it’s never worked out. Not in the long term. I want it to be different with you. I want to take our time.”

  “Build the anticipation. Something solid and good before the physical.” I couldn’t quite help the pout in my voice, but it made Jason chuckle so it was worth it. I huffed a breath, then kissed his skin before pulling back and looking him in the eye. “I get it. That sounds good. A little bit like torture, but good.”

  “It’ll be worth it,” he promised.

  I nodded. Then squinted at him. “There can still be kisses, yeah?”

  Jason’s eyes went dark. “Oh, yes. Absolutely.”

  “Good.” I punctuated the statement with a kiss that was sure to get him heated, and when he moved to take it deeper, to pull me closer, I was the one who pulled away. He growled, and I laughed, adding an eyebrow waggle for good measure.

  “Dang it,” he grumbled, but it was good-natured and the smile that lit his face was reward enough. With another quick peck, I extricated myself from his embrace.

  “All right. Show me what you learned. We have cookies to decorate.”

  * * * *

  It took us far longer than it should have to decorate two dozen cookies, and I was certain we ended up with more icing on ourselves and the kitchen table than on the cookies, but it was fun and we’d laughed hard. We’d also talked, a stream of consciousness chatter that somehow included all the important details without it feeling forced or like we were info-dumping all over each other.

  Later, we cuddled on the couch with a plate of our decent-looking cookies and mugs of hot chocolate. I’d been ready for coffee, but Jason admitted he had to avoid caffeine this late, so I’d pulled out the cocoa powder, milk, and sugar and showed him how a real cup of hot chocolate should be made.

  All the overhead lights were off, so the only illumination came from the tree, the flickering battery-operated candles, and the TV, where I’d found a crackling fire to accompany us. Christmas carols filled the air, but I’d turned the volume low so it was just background noise. I was warm and cozy, snuggled into Jason’s side, with the gingerbread-printed fleece blanket spread over our laps.

  The silence stretched between us, comfortable and warm, until Jason let out a contented sigh. I nudged him gently, and he grinned and dropped a kiss on my cheek.

  “This is really nice. I’ve never really been into Christmas.” He chuckled at my horrified gasp, and tucked me in tighter against him. “Hey, now. I’ve liked it, just never got into it to this extent. But this is really great. It’s like I can feel the spirit of the season wrapped around me.”

  Now it was my turn to let out a contented sigh. “It’s awesome, isn’t it?”

  Jason hummed an affirmative noise. We sat like that for another few minutes before I suddenly bolted upright.

  “Cody?”

  “Holy crap. I just realized!” I grabbed his hand and held it between mine. “I never said ‘thank you.’ For the deliveries. I didn’t say ‘thank you’ and tell you how amazing it was and how they brightened my week and gave me extra cheer.”

  Jason’s expression softened. “You did say all that. Well, maybe not explicitly ‘thank you,’ but you let me know the rest. Even if you didn’t know it was me who sent them at the time.”

  I thought back and realized he was right, but still. “Thank you, Jason. It meant so much to me to get these gifts, to see what you wrote. To know how much you meant it. You’ve made this a truly memorable holiday, and I’ll be forever grateful.”

  “You’re welcome.” He kissed me, slow and sweet, but pulled back before it turned into more. “That’s all I wanted.”

  I raised an eyebrow. “And also to get my attention.”

  His chuckle was sheepish. “Well, yes. That, too.”

  “You’ve got it. My attention. My affection. My holiday spirit.” I flopped down against him, and he didn’t hesitate to wrap an arm around me. He kissed the side of my head, then nuzzled his nose into my hair. I loved his casual affection, and I hoped it didn’t stop once the magic of the night wore off. “This is the best Christmas Eve I’ve ever had.”

  “Mission accomplished,” he murmured, his lips brushing my skin as he spoke. I shivered, and since his throat was right next to my ear, I heard him swallow. We might be waiting, but I had a feeling it wouldn’t be too long before things heated up even more. I managed not to let my smile out, though.

  Pippa joined us on the couch, sprawling beside me and resting her head on my lap. Jason’s hand joined mine as we pet her head, and her contented huff echoed my feelings exactly. It was perfect, the three of us on the couch with Christmas in the air.

  “I don’t want it to end,” I confided.

  “It won’t.” Jason’s voice was soft, almost reverent. It was fitting and I basked in it. Jason turned my head so we could look into each other’s eyes. Then he leaned his forehead against mine. “It’s j
ust the beginning.”

  And with the lights and the warm weight of my dog, the crackle of the fake fire, and his skin on mine, I took it for the promise it was.

  Epilogue

  One Year Later

  I double-checked everything, even though I was sure it was all in order. As per usual, I had the day off, though I’d logged into the system to make sure there was nothing pressing early this morning. Mr. Campbell had maintained a hybrid program throughout the past year, partially working from home and only sometimes in the office. But it was Christmas Eve, so that meant the entire office was closed for the next week and I’d gotten to sleep in.

  Jason had to work half a day, so he’d been up and out early as usual. We’d moved in together six months before. Though I loved his condo downtown, he insisted my tiny little bungalow was better. Plus it had a yard, which Pippa needed, so when we decided that we hated spending time apart, he’d moved into my place.

  He’d offered to take the day off so we could spend it wrapped up on the couch and watching movies, but I insisted I’d much rather him take the following week off instead. He’d given me a skeptical side-eye, but I’d perfected the innocent look in all my years on this earth, so in the end, he believed me. It helped that was the truth.

  But it wasn’t the only reason. I wanted the morning to get together my surprise. Jason didn’t know it yet, but he’d started a tradition last year when he showed up to bake cookies and began what was the beginning of a wonderful relationship,

  It hadn’t been all easy. My dad didn’t trust Jason at first, convinced Jason would cheat on me since he was bi. I’d had to have a long conversation with my dad to explain things and eventually he understood. Jason and I had silly arguments, too, considering it drove me crazy when he threw his socks at the hamper instead of in it, and I got on his nerves when I forgot to take out the trash, which was often.

  But we’d found quickly just how compatible we were. I couldn’t imagine my life without him in it, and Pippa loved him as much as I did. The past year had been a whole lot of awesome as we fit our lives together. And ever since he moved in, I was happier than I’d ever been. We started talking about marriage, but neither of us were in any rush. We’d know when the time was right.